If you are divorced, are in the process of getting divorced, or have had bad breakups or experiences with men, you may be prone to man-bashing. To define the term, Man-Bashing is the act of verbally berating men, complaining about men, and in general discussing men in a way that makes them out to be not as good as women.
Do you do this? Do you bash one particular man or bash men in general? Like the entire gender has very little real value?
I blame this behavior on the TV show Sex and the City. When that series became popular in the 90’s, they glorified man-bashing and made it a fun activity. Go out for drinks with the girls and talk trash about men. Now, being realistic, this show was picking up on a trend already started. Women have sat around the kitchen table for countless years, complaining about men. In fact, in some families, this might be a tradition among the women.
There are many reasons why women complain about men:
- We are simply very different people with vastly different ways of looking at life and the world
- The way we think and are brought up is different
- We certainly have different needs and desires
- We have different ways of handling situations and life’s challenges
- We process emotions differently
Yet, it seems to me that man-bashing and an overall intolerance of men, has risen dramatically over the years. One huge reason that has contributed to driving this wedge between the sexes is women’s liberation.
Today women are very independent. Which means that we have evolved past “needing” men. That’s right. We can take care of ourselves financially and in all ways. We can hire people to fix stuff and take care of our homes and cars. We can get the “baby batter” from a bank, so we can even have children without being involved with – a man.
Being in relationship with a man is now an option, not a requirement. If you want a relationship, you have to make the choice to do something to get into one.
So, the question remains, is man-bashing productive? Absolutely not if you are choosing to find a loving relationship. Men cannot be the object of your disdain and desire simultaneously IF, you expect to be successful in dating or relationship. Please take a minute to give this paradox some thought.
As a dating coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I ask you to consider how you work against yourself when you participate in man-bashing. Its very difficult to be open to meeting new men and the love of your life if you think all men stink, are cheaters, liars, lazy, uncaring, or selfish.
The truth is all men ARE NOT the same. Some are fabulous fathers, wonderful husbands, exceptional boyfriends. Some stink at all three. As a woman who wants to find a loving partnership, its your job to weed through the options.
As human beings, we always want to be right. If you believe all men are cads, you will seek evidence to confirm your belief is true.
However, if you can shift this, even a little bit, to believe that there are a few rare gems out there who could be perfect for you and meet 85% of your desires, your chances of encountering evidence to support that rise dramatically. And so do your chances of finding a loving, supportive, partner to share your life with.
As your dating coach, I ask you with heart-felt compassion to please think about it and reduce or eliminate man-bashing from your activities and discussions.
If you want to read more on this topic, here’s a post that inspired this post by Evan Marc Katz. His compassion for single women and logic on this topic are amazing.
photo credit: Respres