Why Won’t He Tell Me The Truth?

If you’re asking, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” and feeling frustrated with the man you’re dating, this post will help clear that up for you and more.

why won't he tell me the truthFeel Like He’s Not Being Honest?

So you are seeing this man and he’s gotten a bit distant. You feel like something is wrong, in fact, you KNOW something isn’t right, but you can’t put your finger on what is going on. So you get up the nerve to ask him. Something like this comes out of your mouth:

“Why are you being distant?”
“Is something wrong between us?”
“Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Of course he says it’s nothing. He denies that anything is wrong at all. If you push further, he might blow up or worse, get even more distant. Why won’t he tell you the truth?

Sometimes you’ll tell a man you need to talk and that can be the kiss of death in terms of having a conversation. He seems to be totally avoiding you at this point. Ouch!

Women tell me they come right out and ask the man they’re seeing if he wants to break up or stop seeing each other. Again, this kind of question is often met with denial So, you feel worse and know you’re not getting any where. How are you supposed to fix this if he won’t talk to you?

Seriously, Why Won’t He Tell Me the Truth?

This painful question just keeps floating through your mind. Your curiosity gets the best of you and you end up thinking about this all day eventually. It seems so simple if he’d just ANSWER YOUR QUESTION.

Actually by the time you get to this point, his honest response, “Yes I want to break up,” would almost be a huge relief. Or if he’d admit he was cheating. At least you wouldn’t be in limbo-land any more. You’d know the truth and you could move on. It would hurt for sure but you can’t take it any more.

But, why won’t he tell me the truth?

How Men Think

Most men hate to admit they’re about to cause you pain. They don’t want any big emotional scene. Nor do they want to be the mean guy, even if they are pursuing another woman.

So here’s what they do – they AVOID YOU. They stay clear of the topic, become scarce, and change the subject. Whatever will get you off track works for a man like this because the LAST THING HE WANTS IS TO DISCUSS IT.

This is also why some men behave so poorly right before a break up – they act out hoping YOU’LL BREAK UP WITH THEM. Sorry to say, this is standard procedure for countless men at any age.

What Can You Do?

Please, stop trying to make things work. If you are prepared (and I hope you are) when things get this bad, your best move is to pull back too. It’s time for you to become scarce as well. Focus on yourself. Think about what will make you happy and do it.

For example, take really good care of  yourself. Get a massage or a mani-pedi. Go out with the girls. Watch chick flicks and eat ice cream. Read a new book or those magazines you never get to. Tackle one of those projects on your list. Do something creative. You have plenty of choices when you focus on YOU.

What does this do for you? It takes the focus off him and what you cannot fix. And it gives him a chance to step forward because if he was ever going to do it, this is his opportunity and he knows it. So if he’s not cheating on you or hoping you’ll leave him, he’ll sure know something is up when you go silent.

Breaking from your normal pattern of desperately trying to get him to talk will be a shock and send him a clear message. You won’t put up with his nonsense. And this gets communicated without saying one word. The silent treatment is as old as the hills, but still can produce results.

I’m not saying your man will definitely come back to you and try to work things out. But he might. And truly this is the only shot you have. Continuing to force the issue will not deliver any results. None that you actually want anyway.

His Reason Why Doesn’t Matter

Most women really want to UNDERSTAND WHY.  Why is he acting this way? Why won’t he tell me the truth? How come he is avoiding me? Why won’t he talk about it? But these questions will never be answered. You need to focus on why do you put up with such treatment? Who is he to behave this way around you?

It’s All About You

When you start to realize you cannot change men or make them do anything, you start to see the wisdom on focusing on you. What makes you happy? It sure isn’t him if he’s acting this way, avoiding you and not telling you the truth.

To keep your dignity, it’s time to realize the power to change your situation lies totally within you. That means you might need to leave him. Because you DESERVE BETTER. Why would you put up with a man who won’t be honest, won’t talk about things and treats you poorly?

The one thing you can change is YOURSELF. Walking away is the  most empowering thing when a man will not tell you the truth. This allows you to free yourself up so that when you are ready, you can go out to find love again with a better man.

Identify a Good Match

How do you know you found a good match? You’re with a man who WILL talk things over. He’ll stick around to work things out. A good man shows that he cares by apologizing if needed. He values you and doesn’t want to risk losing you.

The right man for you treats you like gold and his word is like gold too. He keeps his promises and you trust him. Thankfully, he follows through and means what he says to you and others. A man who is consistent and shows you respect as you do for him. He lets you know he cares through his actions, not just his words.

My dating advice is to stop worrying about, “Why won’t he tell me the truth?” Turn this around if he’s acting this way, because that means he’s already half way out the door. Then pull back yourself and take care of #1 – that’s you babe.

This is the way to react to a situation with dignity. You’ll not only keep your self-respect, but build it in relationships. Hold your head high and know you are destined for a better man who will treat you in a loving manner because that’s his nature.

Be true to yourself and let a man go who won’t tell you the truth or talk about things. He’s not the only man on the planet. I promise.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

9 thoughts on “Why Won’t He Tell Me The Truth?”

  1. Hi – a guy here who has never cheated. I had a girlfriend who loved drama and wasn’t happy unless there was some “issue we have to talk about”. She would constantly ask me “what’s wrong” when there was honestly nothing wrong from my perspective. So she did what this article suggested (gave me space) which I appreciated, because I was tired of her nonsense. When I didn’t come crawling back, she lost it and came to me desperate to know “what is wrong”. This time I told her I was sick of her looking for drama, her insecurity, always needing to be reassured that I like her and that we were done, I would not be contacting her again, and to leave my house immediately. She didn’t believe me at first, and didn’t until I repeated “leave now!” about a dozen times. I’ve never been so glad to be rid of a woman. So before you go accusing men of always being dishonest when they say nothing’s wrong, you might want to check your need for drama. It gets old fast, and the man will be very relieved when he finally gets rid of you.

    • Hey John, thanks for sharing your point of view. You make a good point – that would be might tiresome. So to my readers, if you are constantly needing reassurance, that’s a surefire reason why a man might pull away.

  2. Hey Ronnie
    I was seeing this guy who told me he’d leave his gf for me cuz he was no longer interested in a relationship with her but after some time of this not happening I kept asking what’s the hold up? His constant response is that he can’t do it right now but he’s never said why. Just that he’ll tell me one day. Can you offer any advice?

    • Hi Kim, Whether a man is married, engaged, living with a woman or in a relationship, if he says “I’ll leave her for you” he is a cheater and a liar. This is one of saddest and oldest con games of the heart. “He can’t do it right now” means he’s never going to leave her. And from what I’ve seen, the man who does leave his woman for another, ends up leaving her too for another, etc. “He’ll tell you one day” is his way of stringing you along. He likes “extracurricular activity” which you provide. That’s the kind of man he is. My dating advice? Move on and look for a man who is single and relationship ready and wants to focus on just you.

  3. Thanks so much Ronnie. I did what you suggested and asked if we could have more contact during the week so I felt more connected. He agreed and made a time to see me this week when we’re both free and said he would try and call me when he’s working. He thought I wanted space, I said I didn’t want space from him. He also said he didn’t want to jeopardize our relationship and would make contact more if this was what I needed which is nice. I suppose now it’s just a matter of waiting to see if he follows through. But thank you so much for you’re valuable advice.

  4. Hi Ronnie, how do we know if the guy is serious. The guy I’m seeing texts me every other day and we get together every wkd since we started dating (6 wks ago). We got intimate a cpl weeks after we started dating and he is very affectionate when we do spend time together. He talks about making plans to do stuff together. The problem is I don’t feel connected to him during the week. He says he’s busy at his job and gets tired (he works nights, I work days) so we rarely see each other during this time. However he always makes time to see me on a Saturday night and we sometimes spend Sunday day and evening together. He doesn’t stay over when I have my daughter which is most of the time. He says he wants to take it slow but is that just an excuse for keeping it casual? He says he’s not seeing anyone else.

    • Hi R, This is one of those times when only time will tell. He could have a woman he sees during the week. Or he could be telling the truth and not have time for more. A 3rd option is that he only wants weekends and to keep things loose and casual so he doesn’t feel crowded. There is no way to know without more info. And that’s what takes time. He will drop clues as you spend more time together.

      However, another way to handle this is to ask yourself, “Is this the kind of relationship I want? Weekends only and a man who won’t make an effort to stay in touch during the week?” Sounds to me like you aren’t crazy about this arrangement. That is more important than his potential truthfulness. At 6 weeks, it’s fair to ask a man if he’s willing to talk to you a couple of times a week so you can feel more connected. How he responds will tell you everything about if he’s the right man for you. Does he say yes and then still not call? Does he get quiet or say he can’t do that? Nice words mean nothing if he agrees but doesn’t follow through.

      Never hesitate to ask for what you want after 6 weeks (not a marriage proposal of course – it needs to be in reason and in stages). Make a gentle request by saying something like, “I really enjoy our time together. I would love to stay in touch during the week. Maybe we could talk on the phone once or twice a week.” Then be quiet and wait to see how he responds. Say nothing until he talks. That’s how you’ll know if he’s serious or not. A man who is will WANT to please you, know you better and stay in touch. No excuses from him make sense here – this is how to get the answer you seek.

  5. Dear Ronnie, I met a guy a couple of weeks ago, we went on the first date for dinner in a nice restaurant. Then he sent me a text saying he felt good vibes and wants to see me again so we went on a second date for lunch. After 5 hours his 10 years old daughter called him to pick her up. We texted every day and I asked him to dinner at my place. I made a simple dinner and he brought wine. We had such a good night and he said, “I want to kiss you” so we had our first short kiss. After 4 hours his daughter called again, so he had to leave. I said, “I thought you had the kids every other weekend?” Maybe that killed his attraction for me? He texted saying dinner was delicious and he enjoyed being with me and I replied saying I also enjoyed his company. That was Saturday. He never texted or called me again and today is Monday. He vanished without a trace and I haven’t heard from him. What should I do? I am very confused because he seems like a mature guy with good feelings.

    • Hi Gianna, Look at it this way, if asking one question about when he has his kids made him run from you, he wasn’t around for the long run any way. That can’t be it. Are you sure his daughter called him and not another woman? Or maybe he’s not ready to date. Or maybe it’s just been a few days? When people dated before texting was around, three days between contact was NOTHING. So if he really is gone – count yourself lucky he didn’t waste your time since he wasn’t serious about you. And know that you did nothing wrong. My dating advice is not to think three dates with the same guy means something. Sadly, it is not evidence that you are entering a relationship – that takes a more time and dates – like 6-8 weeks.

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