Why Men Mistake Your Ambivalence for Rejection

Men Mistake Ambivalence for Rejection


I Want Love, But First I Have to Build My Business, Paint My House, Clean My Closets…

This has been an interesting week. There has been a big surge in phone calls coming into “dating central” – my office on the second floor with a gorgeous view of flowering trees. With spring in the air, women are starting to think about love. For many, I don’t think its going to get much further than that.

Why am I so glum?

Well, for one reason I know what it takes to find the love of an amazing man. A decent guy – one of the few rare gems who can meet your standards and be the loving partner you dream of.  I’ve been single and dating over 40 and have been a dating coach for 10 years working with thousands of women.  That’s why I know if you want to find love, dating needs to be a priority.

Finding love, just like any other goal, takes consistent effort. It doesn’t require ALL  your time, but enough to ensure you meet a good number of men. Dating is still a numbers game. In order to find a good match, a man who is relationship ready and compatible for lasting love, you need to mingle, meet and date a quite a bit

The hard cold truth is this: DATING TAKES TIME.

Yesterday I met a woman who told me her number one priority right now is to paint her home. No problem, I understand things need to get done. However, she then asked me how long she can push a guy off for, while she’s trying to paint as much of her home as possible. I watched her body language as she literally pushed her arms away from her body in front of her, to keep a guy she actually wants to meet at bay while she paints.

The time for connecting with a man is a magical, delicate moment that can disappear in a flash.

It’s a persnickety, mystical moment that is limited. And when you push it away, you totally risk the potential of losing a love connection!

Here’s why the moment is fragile
You don’t like rejection and men don’t either. In fact, most men do whatever they can to avoid rejection. So if a good man senses any ambivalence, reluctance or hesitation regardless of your reason, he may get turned off and disappear – just like that!

Another aspect of rejection for men is that many women actually are not very nice. They may make men feel small or foolish with how they turn the guys away. For these reasons and many more, men are very sensitive about being rejected. So if a man gets any hint that you are resistant rather than happy to meet him, he would often rather move on to the next woman than go through a harsh turn down.

What can you do?
If you aren’t ready to date, that’s OK and your decision. Hold off as long as needed. But if you are ready to date, then make time to date. If you don’t, you are the only one who will suffer. And you will risk losing a man who might be “The One” because you had to paint your house, build your business or clean your closets. These are real reasons why women have told me they can’t look for love right now.

Don’t get me wrong. I totally understand. Looking for love and dating are very emotional endeavors. You do need to feel ready and be in the right mind set.  There’s no question about it.

However, keep this important truth in mind:

You will always need to work on your business. Your closet or something will always need cleaning. And your home will never cease to need maintenance. That’s all I”m saying. Life will be there for you to take care of. And part of your life is your love life. Don’t put off looking for love. And please don’t push away an interested man and risk turning him off unless you are certain you don’t want to be with him.


Photo Credit: SunFrog1

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Why Men Mistake Your Ambivalence for Rejection”

  1. Hello, Ronnie. Great advice! I’ve read some of the articles and replies you’ve posted but now I’m more confused than ever. How do i show him i’m interested without running after or chasing him? There seems to be a balance im missing…help!

    • Hi Bea, you let a man know you are interested by smiling at him and thanking him or letting him know you appreciate him and the date.. Giving him one compliment at the end of the date like, “You are so easy to talk to” or ” I had so much fun” or “you picked the best restaurant”. These are positive statements that let a man know you appreciated what he did or who he is. You don’t want to overdo the compliments because too many will lose the sound of sincerity. Hope that clears things up.

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