You ask me, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not interested?” So many women suffer as a result of men who continue to text them without spending any time together.
Here’s what you need to know to better understand men, texting and what is truly going on.
The Bond Feels REAL, But Is It?
The Bond Feels REAL, But Is It?Single women write to me often, feeling the pain of too much texting and communication without actually going on dates.
Sadly, they get attached to the men over time. As weeks turn into months, which happens more frequently than you think, the feelings grow and deepen. This is how a bond forms and where heartbreak comes to visit.
It’s easy to see how this can happen. Staying in touch with a man regularly to share bits of your day, cute pics, funny events, etc., allows you to feel close to him.
Maybe you start to have pet names for each other, private jokes, or routines that feel comfortable and satisfying.
His texts might be sweet, thoughtful, funny or romantic. And when you get a message from him, your heart flutters.
He just knows exactly what you want to hear – how is that possible? So you ask yourself, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested?”
Your confusion stems from his inability to carve time out for a date and not cancel.
Sadly, and I hate to tell you this, but this interaction with him is pure fantasy.
Is He Like His Texting Persona?
Yes, there is a connection, but it is NOT LOVE. It’s the fantasy of love because how can you be in love with a man you never see?
You don’t really know him. You only know his texting persona and what he chooses to show off VIRTUALLY. The same is true for phone conversations and even video chats.
The only way you really get to know someone is to SPEND TIME TOGETHER.
Texting, phone calls, social media, and video are all SUPPLEMENTS for a time in person if you are seeking a genuine, loving relationship.
But Why Does He Keep Texting Me If He’s Not Interested
I know the question is still nagging at you. Even if you completely get this is not true love, there’s a part of you that needs to understand what the heck this is all about.
Why would a man knowingly continue to text if he’s not interested? It makes no sense.
5 Reasons Why He Continues to Text
1. He’s Lonely
Even men get lonely, so having someone to text with makes him feel less alone.
Sometimes that might be just enough to satisfy this guy because he doesn’t want or isn’t capable of the full relationship you want. So he continues to text.
2. He’s Bored
He’s not living a rich, full life and perhaps doesn’t get out much. Or maybe he’s socially awkward. Another option is he has a lot of time on his hands.
Maybe his job doesn’t occupy his full attention, so texting you is perfect to spice things up! We’ve all been bored from time to time and this is his way of killing time – by WASTING YOURS.
3. He Craves Attention
Some men simply crave attention, especially from an attractive, compassionate woman like you. Someone to listen to his woes or details of his day.
When you respond, he feels right with the world, knowing someone out there cares about him. Every time you respond, he feels bolstered knowing a great gal like you is paying attention to him.
4. He Needs an Ego Boost
Anyone can feel down or low and what better pick me up than texting with several women throughout the day. Or even just one woman he feels comfortable with.
Maybe you boost his ego because you think he’s funny, fun to talk to, creative or really interesting. He may reveal what seems like private details of his life to draw you in closer. Too bad it won’t get deeper than that.
5. He Enjoys it
Texting with you is F-U-N! Are you quick-witted or have a good sense of humor? Do you share funny thoughts, pics, jokes or stuff from the media?
You have to admit that texting with you is uber entertaining. So he keeps texting to get more, but AT A DISTANCE. If he wanted to enjoy your wit in person, he’d ask you out! But, he’s not asking!
There may be more reasons as to, “Why is he texting me if he’s not interested?” But, these cover the biggest ones for sure.
What Are You Looking for in a Man?
Here’s the big question for you. Are you ready? It all boils down to this shockingly simple inquiry. What you are looking for in a man?
- Do you want a texting buddy?
- Do you just want to entertain men instead of dating them?
- Are you looking to help men overcome boredom and to fill their time?
- Do you want to help a man improve his low self-esteem?
- Are you chatting with men so they can stop feeling so darn lonely?
OF COURSE NOT! You want LOVE – the real thing.
So, this is what I want you to do. STOP IT. This might seem harsh and you might be thinking, “No Ronnie, tell me I haven’t been wasting my time! Tell me this isn’t true!”
I know, I hear you, but I’m going to stand strong on your behalf and say with great compassion – please stop texting this man.
Stop following him on social media. Stop Facetiming, talking to him nightly and hoping at some point that he’ll want to go on a real date to see you live and in person.
HOPE is a 4-Letter Word
When it comes to your health and healing the sick, hope is essential. Studies show how important a hopeful, positive attitude is for recovery.
But, when you spend months hoping some guy will finally ask you out or see you a second time to get to know you in person – THAT IS A MASSIVE WASTE OF YOUR TIME.
This is one place where HOPE becomes a 4-letter word because you will curse the fact that you foolishly hung in there hoping some guy would finally come through for you.
Your best strategy when you get into a situation like this is to GET OUT NOW.
Set Higher Standards For Yourself
It’s time to set higher standards for yourself in terms of what you’ll accept and how you want to be treated. In other words, stop texting him, block this guy on your phone and unfriend all his social media. Then go on a super strict abstinence diet from this guy and avoid him like the plague he really is.
He might be an OK person, but he’s not OK for your love life or your self-esteem. After all, he is only interested in getting his own needs met.
However, he is a complete drain on attracting the right man for the love life you’ve been dreaming of for so long.
If you are serious about finding love, stop asking why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested?
Drop this fantasy man and his virtual relationship and free yourself up to find REAL LOVE with a REAL MAN who takes you into his arms and kisses you passionately like there’s no tomorrow.
Seriously, stop wasting your time with the wrong men. Get my Free audio program on 5 ways to connect with a quality guy
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Reading comments of women here makes me feel sad. Ronnie has been very kind to you ladies but let me say it differently. Where is your pride? Why are you chasing after a man who does not want you? Does your libido towards him blind your sense of reality? Please work on your self-worth and self-esteem. A quality woman won’t let a man mess with her like that. No date after one week of texting? GOOD BYE. You had your chance with me. THAT’S the attitude that works with men.
Thanks to you “The Queen” for some additional great advice.
Been talking daily for 8 weeks from a match on dating site, have progressed to video calls and voice messages. He stood me up when I travelled to his area for a work. He apologized profusely and said if I’d allow a second chance at meeting he would have to come to me. He was ill and couldn’t come and now I’ve said I need to meet this week or move on as I feel I’m investing and not progressing into actual dates. I love our chat and connection and would hate to lose it but how can I make him meet?
Hi Jane, Do you really want a man who won’t make time to meet you? My advice is to recognize the wrong man when you encounter one. You aren’t losing anything without him – he’s just a virtual fantasy guy. He’s great at messaging but he doesn’t want a relationship or he wouldn’t have stood you up! I bet anything he has a woman in his life. Some men think it’s not cheating if you don’t meet physically.
Check out this post about men saying they are sick as an excuse and another on signs a guy doesn’t want a relationship.
Lastly, I recommend not wasting your time on messaging men more than one week without meeting. As you said, this creates an emotional investment, but nothing may come of it. Why allow yourself to get sucked in? Fun texting or even conversation is not enough to create lasting love. Time to up your standards for the kind of guy you want.
Hi Ronnie, I have been talking to guy in my apartment building every day for several months. It started out mostly through text, but lately he has also been stopping by and hanging out. We talk on the phone at times as well. He always initiates all texts and hang outs and we have gone for walks in the neighborhood often. But he won’t ask me out on an actual date. He’s always thoughtful and attentive and goes above and beyond to help me out even without me asking, so I am super confused about why he would do this if he isn’t interested. I finally asked him to go to dinner and he initially said yes. When I tried to get specifics he flaked and said he was going out of town, but said that he still wanted to go out sometime (very vague). He had been engaged over a year and a half ago and broke it off, so I initially thought that he was maybe just being cautious. Now I’m not so sure now. What are your thoughts?
Hey Becky, I know this will sound crazy but he likes things the way they are. Friends. If he wanted to ask you out and start a new romantic relationship, he would do that. If you’ve been intimate, then he wants friends with benefits, but that’s it. He’s not interested in a relationship, but enjoys your company without you having any expectations of much more.
If you don’t mind things how things are, keep going. But if you want more, you need to cut him off, and get on the dating apps to find a man who DOES want a relationship. Please don’t hang in there being patient and hoping. Women waste so much time this way. Get what you want. Do that by letting go of what you don’t want.
Here’s what to say, “I really enjoy our time together but I want a real relationship. It seems that’s not what you want, so I’m going to move on.” If you want to keep his friendship, you could say that, but then limit your availability, so you can also date to find the love you want.
Hey Ronnie!! I’m 30 and want to marry so I uploaded my profile in a finding match group. A guy of 35 contacted me – liked my profile and we shared basic details then we started chatting. We met once so that we can see each other and after that he said I like you and your personality and I like him too. In 2.5 months I fall in love with him and I expressed my feelings for him. He responded that he doesn’t have feelings for me and is not interested.
I don’t want to lose him so I connected with him via texts reaching out to him first. He mostly ignores my text for days sometimes he responds. One day I asked if can we go out for lunch? He responded yes we will. He asked if he kiss me and what will be my reaction be? I replied I’ll slap you in a laughing style. After that he avoided me continuously, but I feel void what should I do??
Hi Bushra, Seems like you only met once? If that’s true, you are not dating this man – you are having a “Virtual Relationship” which is not real or true love. Even if you have feelings, its a form of fantasy. Regarding telling him about your feelings, what works best is not to be the first to express your feelings for a man. This mistake will often push a man away.
He tells you he doesn’t have feelings for you which was honest. Yet, you continue after him, asking him for a lunch date. He figures you are desperate since you are still chasing him after he told you he doesn’t have the same feelings, so he tested the waters to see if you’d be open to his sexual advances. And you are not.
So my question is – why are you bothering with this guy? He’s not interested and often doesn’t respond. That’s your first clue he’s not into you. Also you say you don’t want to lose him, but in truth, you don’t have him. There is nothing here for you to lose. The smartest thing you can do is stop communicating with him and start to meet other men who will spend time with you so you can find real love.
Hi Ronnie, I’ve been Snapchatting with this guy for a year. I asked to meet at the start and he said maybe so i didn’t mention it again. I considered this a friendship until about a few months ago he changed. He mentioned my lips and kissing but not fully sexual. I finally said, we’ve been talking for so long let’s meet. So we did and had a nice time. He said we’ll get together soon. He continues to snap every day. It’s been almost two months. We had plans twice, but he cancelled both. He was helping a friend but ran late so couldn’t meet. So we planned another and he couldn’t because he was stressed about getting a new job. I told him “I’ll be honest I’m a little upset with you, this is the 2nd time you cancelled and it’s confusing. I don’t know what you want. We snap all the time, but are you scared to meet me again? Just tell me.” He said “:( I’m sorry I’ve just been busy lately and stressing over the new job.” We send cute sexy pictures to each other. I’m just at my breaking point. I like him but feel like this is going nowhere. Honesty is what I need!!!
Dear Honesty, Sadly, this man is he leading you on and I say this with compassion, but YOU are allowing him to treat you this way. If you want honesty, then I will say he probably has a woman in his life already. The truth is you are too patient and understanding. One month of snapchat and nothing more would have been too much, never mind a year. When a man says one thing but does another – its up to you to figure out he’s not serious. A man making excuses is SHOWING YOU that he doesn’t WANT more. That is HIS version of honesty.
You must decide how you want to be treated. Are you the kind of woman who puts up with this nonsense? Or do you have enough self-worth to break it off and block him so he cannot waste another minute of your time? I encourage you to value yourself more so this never happens again. A man truly interested will make time to see you rather than make excuses. You might find this other post about when it’s time to let him go helpful.