You ask me, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not interested?” So many women suffer as a result of men who continue to text them without spending any time together.
Here’s what you need to know to better understand men, texting and what is truly going on.
The Bond Feels REAL, But Is It?
The Bond Feels REAL, But Is It?Single women write to me often, feeling the pain of too much texting and communication without actually going on dates.
Sadly, they get attached to the men over time. As weeks turn into months, which happens more frequently than you think, the feelings grow and deepen. This is how a bond forms and where heartbreak comes to visit.
It’s easy to see how this can happen. Staying in touch with a man regularly to share bits of your day, cute pics, funny events, etc., allows you to feel close to him.
Maybe you start to have pet names for each other, private jokes, or routines that feel comfortable and satisfying.
His texts might be sweet, thoughtful, funny or romantic. And when you get a message from him, your heart flutters.
He just knows exactly what you want to hear – how is that possible? So you ask yourself, “Why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested?”
Your confusion stems from his inability to carve time out for a date and not cancel.
Sadly, and I hate to tell you this, but this interaction with him is pure fantasy.
Is He Like His Texting Persona?
Yes, there is a connection, but it is NOT LOVE. It’s the fantasy of love because how can you be in love with a man you never see?
You don’t really know him. You only know his texting persona and what he chooses to show off VIRTUALLY. The same is true for phone conversations and even video chats.
The only way you really get to know someone is to SPEND TIME TOGETHER.
Texting, phone calls, social media, and video are all SUPPLEMENTS for a time in person if you are seeking a genuine, loving relationship.
But Why Does He Keep Texting Me If He’s Not Interested
I know the question is still nagging at you. Even if you completely get this is not true love, there’s a part of you that needs to understand what the heck this is all about.
Why would a man knowingly continue to text if he’s not interested? It makes no sense.
5 Reasons Why He Continues to Text
1. He’s Lonely
Even men get lonely, so having someone to text with makes him feel less alone.
Sometimes that might be just enough to satisfy this guy because he doesn’t want or isn’t capable of the full relationship you want. So he continues to text.
2. He’s Bored
He’s not living a rich, full life and perhaps doesn’t get out much. Or maybe he’s socially awkward. Another option is he has a lot of time on his hands.
Maybe his job doesn’t occupy his full attention, so texting you is perfect to spice things up! We’ve all been bored from time to time and this is his way of killing time – by WASTING YOURS.
3. He Craves Attention
Some men simply crave attention, especially from an attractive, compassionate woman like you. Someone to listen to his woes or details of his day.
When you respond, he feels right with the world, knowing someone out there cares about him. Every time you respond, he feels bolstered knowing a great gal like you is paying attention to him.
4. He Needs an Ego Boost
Anyone can feel down or low and what better pick me up than texting with several women throughout the day. Or even just one woman he feels comfortable with.
Maybe you boost his ego because you think he’s funny, fun to talk to, creative or really interesting. He may reveal what seems like private details of his life to draw you in closer. Too bad it won’t get deeper than that.
5. He Enjoys it
Texting with you is F-U-N! Are you quick-witted or have a good sense of humor? Do you share funny thoughts, pics, jokes or stuff from the media?
You have to admit that texting with you is uber entertaining. So he keeps texting to get more, but AT A DISTANCE. If he wanted to enjoy your wit in person, he’d ask you out! But, he’s not asking!
There may be more reasons as to, “Why is he texting me if he’s not interested?” But, these cover the biggest ones for sure.
What Are You Looking for in a Man?
Here’s the big question for you. Are you ready? It all boils down to this shockingly simple inquiry. What you are looking for in a man?
- Do you want a texting buddy?
- Do you just want to entertain men instead of dating them?
- Are you looking to help men overcome boredom and to fill their time?
- Do you want to help a man improve his low self-esteem?
- Are you chatting with men so they can stop feeling so darn lonely?
OF COURSE NOT! You want LOVE – the real thing.
So, this is what I want you to do. STOP IT. This might seem harsh and you might be thinking, “No Ronnie, tell me I haven’t been wasting my time! Tell me this isn’t true!”
I know, I hear you, but I’m going to stand strong on your behalf and say with great compassion – please stop texting this man.
Stop following him on social media. Stop Facetiming, talking to him nightly and hoping at some point that he’ll want to go on a real date to see you live and in person.
HOPE is a 4-Letter Word
When it comes to your health and healing the sick, hope is essential. Studies show how important a hopeful, positive attitude is for recovery.
But, when you spend months hoping some guy will finally ask you out or see you a second time to get to know you in person – THAT IS A MASSIVE WASTE OF YOUR TIME.
This is one place where HOPE becomes a 4-letter word because you will curse the fact that you foolishly hung in there hoping some guy would finally come through for you.
Your best strategy when you get into a situation like this is to GET OUT NOW.
Set Higher Standards For Yourself
It’s time to set higher standards for yourself in terms of what you’ll accept and how you want to be treated. In other words, stop texting him, block this guy on your phone and unfriend all his social media. Then go on a super strict abstinence diet from this guy and avoid him like the plague he really is.
He might be an OK person, but he’s not OK for your love life or your self-esteem. After all, he is only interested in getting his own needs met.
However, he is a complete drain on attracting the right man for the love life you’ve been dreaming of for so long.
If you are serious about finding love, stop asking why is he still texting me if he’s not Interested?
Drop this fantasy man and his virtual relationship and free yourself up to find REAL LOVE with a REAL MAN who takes you into his arms and kisses you passionately like there’s no tomorrow.
Seriously, stop wasting your time with the wrong men. Get my Free audio program on 5 ways to connect with a quality guy
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Thanks for that. I’ve been txting a man for over two months, a lot of long calls too, and last night I texted to say we’re not on the same page in relation to meeting up and I enjoyed talking but let’s leave it… this was after he flaked twice without even explaining it the second time. He hasn’t even had the decency to get back to me. Sad part is I wish he’d come say sorry, as I miss him
Hi Aidy, that’s why it’s best not to enter into these sorts of relationships. Of course you miss him, but he was a friend, not a real love interest. Even if you felt love, you didn’t really know him. In the future, I encourage you to not let the texting and calls build without meeting. All of that type of communication should be supplemental to REAL dates.
Hello Ronnie, I’m really confused now because I thought he liked me, we chat frequently and he compliments me nicely, but after he noticed I liked him he withdrew from me and started chatting less, he always wants to see me in person but he hardly texts, when I confronted him he said he wants to keep me around, is he unsure of his feelings or he just doesn’t like me?
Hi K, I guess I’m confused about your question. If he wants to see you in person, that is a good thing. I don’t know why he doesn’t text. However, he says he wants to keep you around. I don’t know what that means. I’m not sure he is serious about you, but it’s hard to say with so little info. Sorry
Oh Ronnie! We’ve been messaging for the last 9 months… I would stop and then he would just pop up in my inbox randomly… we have never not communicated for more than 4 days…at first I thought I was the one putting in the effort but then he started always messaging when I “slip up” from not responding… Yes we went to the gym once (butterflies) and met up about 3 times for some work hand off but that’s like 3 minute meet ups… and of course I asked what’s his intentions, but like most men he changed the topic… he only ever wanted to meet in the gym (even up to now) but, ugh, the gym is not my fav place… Yes I try to distance myself but its so sad ? don’t want to stop? I do I just don’t?
Hey Sunshine, Okay, sit back for the hard truth girlfriend. I bet he’s in a relationship now – that’s why he can meet at the gym occasionally. He’s not interested in you romantically or he’d make time to see you. Please don’t kid yourself. However, he’s happy to play with your mind and heart. Is that really all you want and need? You can’t stop because you’re holding onto hope he’ll turn into a real boyfriend and a real relationship. It’s already been 9 months, so please WAKE UP. The longer you’re attached to this man, the longer you’ll stay single. There’s nothing wrong with being single, but clearly you WANT a relationship. HE’S NOT THE ONE. Time to let go of this imaginary boyfriend and open up to finding a REAL boyfriend. One who wants to meet within 7 days of your first message. One you can kiss, hug and sleep with. One who will snuggle up next to you, laugh with you and have dinner with friends. A REAL man, not a virtual texter who is most likely emotionally cheating on his woman.
I was in a relationship with a man for seven years (lived together for 6) and he broke it off six months ago suddenly, refusing to explain the why. I was depressed because my Grandmother had passed. He is a man who gets great women, is a commitment phobe and eventually it ends. He moved to seek treatment for military PTSD, but remains a good friend to me and I to him. When I asked if he thought we would try a second time in the future, he is vague and says he’s working on himself. He texts EVERY day but I’ve noticed at night and sometimes weekends he won’t answer anything I send. He’s starting to date. Should we keep texting or cut it out? We had a really good relationship until my depression set in. I’m finally out of my funk and feeling more like myself. He’s a horrible communicator but I’ve learned how to communicate with him on a good level over the years. His family is amazing and love me to pieces as my family does him. I’m open for ANY suggestions! Thank you for your time!
Dear Feeling, Glad to hear you are feeling better. I know this is hard, but it’s time to let him go. If he wanted to date you he would. Men often avoid responding with a clear answer when they don’t want to hurt your feelings – like when you asked him about the future. Sometimes things don’t work out and he has his own stuff to deal with. Even though you love him and things were good for quite a while, life might be easier with a new man who communicates openly and doesn’t have PTSD. When you feel healed, look for a new guy – that is your best option because sadly, there’s nothing you can do to turn this thing around.
Hi Ronnie.
I’ve been texting a guy regularly. We have met a few times and gone out together. Out of the blue he asked to end things because he needs to focus on himself. I respected that and allowed it. In the interim I stopped communicating with him but in turn he started acting up. Blocking and unblocking me. He recently unblocked me and called twice. He seems unable to discuss the ending but still keen on us having one another in each other’s lives. I’m soo tired of the mind games & as much as I like him, I feel he needs to grow up.
Not sure how to play this anymore so I’m simply treating him as a friend and ignoring any signals he sends because if he wants me, he ought to want all of me.
Please assist?
Hi Claire, This man has already shown you who he really is. he’s a game player. You may hope he grows up, but not a chance. People don’t suddenly change. So figuring out how to play this is a waste of your time and sure to lead to heart ache. You can’t “make things work” which is what so many women try to do. You have to accept who he is and then decide if that is what you want. Seems like the answer to that is NO since you are already tired of games. Get real with yourself – he is immature and doesn’t know what he wants. But he’ll drag you through the drama that goes with that if you let him. Your best bet is to forget friendship and love. Who needs a friend who is on and off, blocks and unblocks you? RUN if you are tired of games. That’s all he knows.
Hi Ronnie! I’ve been chatting with this Russian guy. We haven’t met personally. I told him if he’s getting annoyed he can tell me and i would stop chatting with him but he said that i should stop thinking about it because he wants to talk to me. Then he said that if we have talked sooner while he was here we could’ve met. Now he’s on the other side of the continent. We still chat but I think it’s only out of courtesy. I don’t know what to do.Does he like me? Is he bored? Please help
Hi Karen, I don’t mean to sound harsh, but what difference does it make? Take a step back and think about this logically (not emotionally). He’s on the other side of the continent. You can’t date him, so why bother? Not sure if this applies to you but sometimes women choose geographically unavailable men because it’s safe. The chances of meeting are slim. So they get a little romance, fantasy and a connection without much risk of heartbreak while maintaining complete independence. If that sounds like you and you’d still find this LDR appealing, continue. Or find another penpal. But what I will advise is not to sound insecure by asking if he wants to stop talking to you. If he wants to stop, he will. Follow his suggestion – go with it until it stops but don’t looks so nervous.
Hello Ronnie,
The thing with my texting buddy is both of us are interested in the physical aspect of it, both of us are kinda attracted to each other and both of us don’t want to date. We are good friends and I have told him that I’m attracted to him physically but he just isn’t taking the step. I am confused now as to where should I stand with him because throwing myself at him is hitting my self respect. It is draining. SHould I just act as a friend or should I stop talking. I am so confused
Hi Ash, You are confused because you want something consistent but casual and he wants something casual. So he doesn’t behave in a way you expect. Casual means no expectations. So if you want him as a friend – be his friend. But if you want to sleep with him and he doesn’t ask, find someone else.
Hi Ronnie,
Thank you very much for the article. We met each other on the dating app, and before the first date, he told me that he wants a short date. But when we have met we were out for 4-5 hrs. The date was really nice, he talked a lot and ask me questions. When I asked him to go home, he told me he doesn’t want to go yet and he proposed to go somewhere else. He kissed me twice. The next morning he messaged me and we chat everyday for a week. He enjoyed the date and asked to see me again. We met Thursday and he left to for the weekend. When back, he said he’s like to go somewhere together. After texting for a week, I asked if we will meet or not and he told me yes, he prefers face to face connection. But he isn’t writing me for 2 days and I do not know what I did wrong. Everything was OK, he was interested, talking about dates. Do I need to move on?
Hi Briggite, Some guys talk big. They just say stuff in the moment that feels right or that they think a woman wants to hear. Just because you haven’t gone out again doesn’t mean YOU did anything wrong. He might not want a relationship and just wants to date around. One time a man dated me while his girlfriend was on vacation! I didn’t know he had a girlfriend until he told me after four dates. Or maybe that was just his out to stop dating me. Just know some men like to talk and it doesn’t mean much, unless they follow up with dates to spend time with you. So yes, I would move on. See if you can date more than one guy at a time until one of them wants to be exclusive. That way you don’t get too attached to a guy who isn’t consistent or seriously interested.
Hi Ronnie,
Do you have any advice for letting go, emotionally, of a toxic, narcissistic ex who was a liar and cheater? Unfortunately, I cannot really date because I was diagnosed with cancer a year after dumping him. Divorced for 20 years, I feel that I will never find love again at age 60 and now in poor health.
I can’t really move forward. I have not seen the ex boyfriend in over 2 years, despite his insincere attempts to reconcile. I finally blocked him. I feel truly helpless. I didn’t date for 15 years after divorcing my ex husband, because I don’t attach easily to men. When I finally did feel secure with the cheater boyfriend, after he asked for exclusivity, he slept with a friend of mine! I later was called by a dozen women, all of whom were his “exclusive” girlfriends! Help!
Hi Grace, I’m sorry to hear of your illness and toxic relationship. Since this man is such a scoundrel, it might be more than love you are feeling. Sometimes love turns into almost an addiction, so the help of a good therapist could make the difference for you. In the meantime, read the book Women Who Love Too Much which addresses this kind of difficulty.
Hi Ronnie. My ex and I have been dating on and off for 4 years. For about the last 8 months, he texts as if we were still together. I asked him where I stood in his life (we have not been intimate for months) His answer was that he is not interested in a relationship or dating anyone either. He is close to my family and we’ve known each other for years. He is 51 years old and I am 49. When we first started dating he treated me like I hung the moon but he would do or say or say that I’m doing something he doesn’t approve of. Our relationship is a go away, come back. Please help me. I can’t even date anyone else and I have one who truly likes me.
Hi Lori, No one needs to break up more than you do. You call him your ex but you are still waiting around for a man you don’t see and don’t sleep with? He TOLD you he doesn’t want a relationship. What more do you need to know? I know you are hurting, but I tell you this with compassion – this is YOUR problem, not his. WAKE UP AND MOVE ON.