Why Is He Still Online Dating If He Really Likes You?

If he likes me why is he still online dating? Why would he do that when he says he’s into you? Find out six reasons why in this post and what you need to know to handle the situation.

why is he still online datingThe Guy You’re Dating Still Checks Match

You met a great guy and things seem to be going well. Most weeks you see him more than once and he stays in touch by texting and calling.

You get along well and enjoy each other’s company. As you get to know him, you learn more about what you like about this man.

But, here’s the thing that’s starting to bug you. He’s still going to dating apps or sites. You think, “If he likes me why is he still online dating?” Good question!

This is such a confusing problem because you can tell he really likes you, so why is he still looking online? It sure is disturbing.

Why would a man keep his profile active or why is his profile is still active if he’s falling for you?

6 Reasons He’s Still Looking

 

1. He Needs the Ego Boost

Some guys just can’t let go of the ego boost they get from connecting with women online. This is something only quantity can deliver.

They like interacting even if they have no intention of dating the other women. This is a self-serving date and shows a lack of emotional maturity which can be true for a man of any age.

Asking yourself. “If he likes me why is he still online dating?”  Then know he’s actually telling you something in a backhanded way.

If he’s still looking after two or three months, he’s not so subtly letting you know his ego comes first.

2. You Aren’t “The One” For Him

He might think of you as a “placeholder”. Both men and women are guilty of dating people who they enjoy spending time with even though you know they aren’t ideal or aren’t likely to fall in love.

So, he might like you and enjoy your company even though he is still actively looking for a better match.

3. He’s Not Ready

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If he recently divorced or just ended a relationship, chances are he’s not going to settle down right now.

He wants and actually needs to play the field and enjoy dating a variety of women. Men at this stage don’t want any restrictions or a woman to have expectations of him.

They say things like, “I’m not looking for a relationship, but I”m happy to get to know you and see what happens.” Walk away from any man who says this if you seek lasting love.

If you wonder, “If he likes me why is he still online dating?” this could be the reason.

4. He Doesn’t Want to Be Monogamous

There are plenty of men who have no intention of being monogamous. They like the player’s life and enjoy meeting lots of women and having their pick.

Hey, that’s his prerogative, but you don’t have to date a man like this. If you even think he’s a confirmed bachelor or a player, move on.

5. He’s Slow to Commit

There are men at any age who might be slower to commit. And until the point when he IS ready, he’s going to continue looking.

He’s keeping his options open just in case he sees someone else who might be better. This is often referred to as “candy store mentality” where men think there might be a better woman just around the corner.

In fairness, men are often naturally slower to commit than women. That doesn’t mean your guy won’t come around.

Decide for yourself how long you are willing to wait for exclusivity. You might want that right away or you might be OK with waiting for six weeks.

Stick to your time frame and move on if he doesn’t come around or you’ll find yourself in love with a man who is still seeing other women.

Stop asking yourself why “If he likes me why is he still online dating?” and instead move on to find a man who IS ready to commit.

6. You Don’t Have an Agreement

if he likes me why is he still online datingNever assume the man you’re dating isn’t seeing anyone else just because YOU AREN’T. Exclusivity needs to be discussed and agreed upon.

When to bring up exclusivity depends on the woman and your age. Over 40, there is no reason to hesitate on discussing this aspect of dating.

He’s not some 20 something guy you’re going to scare off. If a man over 40 runs when you ask about exclusivity, good! He wasn’t going to commit anyway.

Some women won’t sleep with a man until they know they are exclusive and he’s not going to be with any other women.

If that’s the case, then you might not wait 3 months. When he suggests sex, and he will, you can handle that in a couple of ways.

How to Get to Exclusivity

Don’t keep wondering, “If he likes me why is he still online dating?” Do something about it! How you go about this is extremely important.

Don’t make the mistake a lot of women make by attacking him or approaching this with harsh words.

All men have delicate egos and you wouldn’t want to be spoken to harshly either.  So, choose your words carefully. Here are three options to try.

Be Coy at First

If you say, “That does sound like fun, sometime soon,” that’s a playful and captivating way to put him off.

You’re letting him know you’ve thought about it, which he’ll find exciting. But, you are also saying you aren’t ready yet, without speaking the words. This keeps the chase alive.

Ask for His Advice

You can tell him (in an “innocent” way) that men are still asking you out on the dating sites and apps and you aren’t sure what to say. If you try this, you have to be willing NOT to say another word until he speaks first.

In negotiating (which s actually what you are doing) the person who speaks first loses the negotiation, so don’t utter a peep till he talks.

If he suggests you both take your online dating profile down at this point – great! If he is quiet for a long time or stumbles awkwardly, he is likely undecided.

And if he asks what you want to do or tells you to do whatever you feel is best – he’s not interested in exclusivity with you.

In this case, stay true to yourself and your desire for monogamy. Should you decide to just go for it, you’ll have nothing left to negotiate with.

Before you sleep with him is THE ONLY TIME you have power and it can be nearly impossible to move towards an exclusive relationship with a man like this, even if you’ve fallen in love.

Establish Your Boundaries

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When things heat up and you’d like to sleep with him, that’s the time to speak directly about exclusivity. Don’t keep wondering, If he likes me why is he still online dating – this is your time to find out.

You are clarifying an intimacy boundary for him. You can say, “I only sleep with a man once we become exclusive and pursuing a relationship to discover if we’re a good long-term match.”

However, avoid saying this on the first few dates because clients have told me some men say yes to exclusivity so they can sleep with you. But then disappear anyway.

This conversation only works after four or five dates, so the man has already shown consistent interest in you.

If He Likes Me Why Is He Still Online Dating?

Whatever you do, do not ignore this. It’s time for understanding men and if he’s still looking, he’s NOT loyal to you.

This won’t somehow magically change over time. If you talk about monogamy and he continues to look online, be honest with yourself.

The right man for you will not only accept exclusivity but will WANT you to be his one and only. And if the man you’re seeing doesn’t do this, admit he’s not the right man.

He might have many qualities you like, but if monogamy isn’t one of them, he’ll never be loyal. Do NOT settle here or you are sure to end up broken-hearted.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

13 thoughts on “Why Is He Still Online Dating If He Really Likes You?”

  1. Great article indeed! This sets me thinking as I am currently single and am interested in my close guy friend whom I thought was interested in me as well. He has just ended a relationship and is using a dating app and met someone new there too. Very confused now as I thought he likes spending time with me and sees me as a potential. Am feeling really sad too as im not sure what should be the next step to take

    Reply
    • Hi Cressilda, Think about this with logic instead of feelings. A man you’ve been friends with became single and available, showing interest in you. Yet, at the same time he starts dating online. This tells me he’s lonely and I’m sorry to say, not serious about you. Instead of healing from his broken relationship, he is looking for attention from more than one woman. My dating advice is to pull back and protect your heart. He needs time to regain his balance and you need to avoid being hurt by him during this process. I hope your friendship can be picked up again soon, depending on how hurt you feel and how considerate or thoughtless he is. Just know he’s already showed signs of not being “The One” for you because if he truly cared at the level you want, he’d never look at another woman. He’s just not ready.

  2. Hi Ronnie, I haven’t dated in 17 yrs but met a kind, man online who is serious about life. He is divorced 5 years with three girls. He is 50 and in Switzerland, I am 61 and in the UK. I am talking only to him for three weeks. He won’t give me his personal contact (Messenger or what’s app), preferring the dating site until we meet. Now he has invited me to visit him. I asked him if he’d get the dating site once we met? He wants to meet first to see if he has fallen in love as he falls hard. My question is am I moving too fast? I have found him on dating app in middle of the night when we’ve been talking but he was sleepy. Is he a player? Or am I being unreasonable? I haven’t told him that he is the only one yet. We agreed to meet when he has less work, the pandemic etc. So anxious but already have emotional connection he shares his personal feelings and hobbies!

    Reply
    • Hi Jayne, I’m sorry to tell you that your instincts are correct – he is a player! He is stringing you along because the fantasy is fun. He’s probably married since he won’t give out his contact info. There are so many dating mistakes in your story – I’ll do my best to address them all.

      1) Never narrow the field to one man you never met. You have to meet a series of men because you never know who will call again. This also keeps you from getting attached to a man who you haven’t properly vetted.

      2) Date locally so you can meet within 7 days. You aren’t looking for a pen pal right? Men with excuses are NOT serious.

      3) Pay attention to what a man DOES, NOT what he SAYS. Words are meaningless. This guy is keeping you at arms length (you can’t talk to him except through the site). How do you even know the photo is really him? You don’t! He’s not at all serious about you regardless of what he says.

      My dating advice to you Jayne is to learn more about dating today, how it works, and men. Then go out to meet men locally if you want to find love. Use the apps and sites, but don’t fall for the fantasy of some guy far away. That is sure to break your heart.

  3. I met a guy online about 2 month ago. We are having sex every Friday night when he comes to my house. I told him he needs to give me another day during the week so I wouldn’t feel like a Friday hook up. He agreed but hasn’t done anything about it yet. He doesn’t want to meet my daughter yet have I’ve never been to his house. I told him I wasn’t looking online any more because I would rather put my time and energy into him. He is still online looking but tells me he has no intentions to date other woman. I don’t know what to think or do next. Should I go back online?

    Reply
    • Hi Susanne, Once you have sex, you can’t go back to dating. Since he gets regular lovin’ every Friday night, he probably thinks taking you out isn’t needed. And you told him you aren’t looking elsewhere so he thinks he’s all set. In a way, you’ve given him permission to not step up his game with you. Unfortunately, he’s still online because he’s still looking, even if you aren’t. And he’ll never treat you right at this point. Time to dump this guy and go back online! This time, don’t sleep with anyone until someone consistently pursuing you. Read this post which will help you know signs to look for that a man is into you and signs a man just wants to sleep with you.

  4. Omg! I’m going thru the same thing as Chrissy. We’ve been seeing each other for 5 months. I found out he checks his online dating everyday. I asked him before the New Year about where is our relationship going because I was having feelings and I don’t want to get hurt. He said we should fall back, he doesn’t want to lead me on because at the moment a relationship was not on his list. He enjoys spending time with me and isn’t saying he never wants a relationship with the right person. That hurt so much. I am confused and threw back everything he told me because he still wants to see me. I don’t get it. Today, I blocked him because I think he’ll just string me along. Thanks to your article and response to the previous comment. Even though I feel horrible inside, disappointed in myself, and feel used, I know what to do next time when I start seeing someone. I know what I want and evidently he did to but he took advantage. Now it’s time for me to move on and learn from this mistake. New Year, New beginnings!

    Reply
    • Hi C, Congratulations on being strong and walking away once you discovered he didn’t want the relationship you did. I hope you won’t feel bad for too long. This is a reason to be proud of yourself! In the future, if a man doesn’t bring up exclusivity, you can. Some women bring it up once sleeping together is being considered. Others bring it up after 6-8 dates. Do what feels right to you. Exclusivity means you are only dating each other to discover relationship compatibility. Using that definition can help clarify what you are really asking about – the possibility of long-term, monogamous love should everything go well. You got this!

  5. Wow so accurate, it sent chills down my spine. I mistakenly slept with a man on our 3rd date without having the exclusivity talk. We didn’t see each other on holidays and only saw each other once a week and after 3.5 months, found out he was still on dating apps! I’m mad at myself for unwittingly becoming his fling! NEXT!

    Reply
    • Hi Chrissy, Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are the first one to go down that road. But now you know and are so much smarter. You won’t make that mistake again so feel good about that. Just so you know, some guys will say yes to exclusivity so they can sleep with you on the first few dates. (Clients have told me the stories!) It’s not the words that matter early on – its a man’s actions and behavior. So, wait it out to watch for consistency over several weeks of dating. This often weeds out the men who just want easy sex because they don’t want to wait. Then you can talk about exclusivity and feel more confident you are getting a REAL answer.

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