Why Doesn’t He Want to See Me Again? I Don’t Understand

Asking why doesn’t he want to see me? That’s a painful question leaveing you confused, hurt and frustrated. Read on to see why this is happening with your man.

why doesnt he want to see meHe Texts Daily, But Doesn’t See Me

Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,

I fell for a guy I met online who lives 11 hours away by car and 2 hours away by plane. We emailed for several months and eventually began texting, communicating almost everyday.

Finally, we met 7.5 months later. He flew to me and we spent 4 days together that were great. I have never felt so connected to anyone before. While he was here, he mentioned several times he wanted to meet again and even offered to buy me a plane ticket so I could visit him!

After he left he acted very into it. He initiated texting all the time and we often discussed meeting again. Eventually, when it came time to make plans to actually meet, he started avoiding the topic.

It’s Been a Year Since I’ve Seen Him

Sadly, It has been an entire year now since we met in person. (Almost 2 years since we first met online). We still text almost every day and talk on the phone once in awhile. I recently asked him if we could meet, his answer was “I don’t know!”

I asked why doesn’t he want to see me and told him how much this hurts. He avoided answering and  even said, “I don’t have anything to explain.”

What happened? Why does he not want to see me anymore, yet continues texting me? I feel like there is something very wrong with me!

Yes, I know I need to end it and that we were never in a relationship. But it almost hurts worse than ending a relationship because I have all of the feelings of a relationship ending. Yet, my feelings aren’t validated because it wasn’t real.

I just feel so incredibly stupid for falling for him and for allowing it to continue for so long! Yet, I still find myself stuck and scared to move on. I will say it really helped reading all your posts and comments,  knowing I am not alone!

Thanks for your help,

So, Why Doesn’t He Want to See Me?

Dear Fooled,

I’m sorry to hear of the pain you feel and how hurt you are by this situation. Realizing you have not been in a genuine relationship is not an easy place to be. It shakes your sense of reality and makes you question your own judgment.

You are right! You are not alone! Many women fall into this long-distance and texting trap. There’s something that feels so romantic and special when you connect with some guy far away. It has a magical quality to it that is intensely engaging. Perhaps it’s close to the same appeal of a juicy romance novel.

What women doesn’t want a man to pay compliments, shower her with attention and talk about a fabulous future plans? If feels delicious and fulfilling and long overdo. Your heart opens and you want even more from him and so unfortunately single women allow this to happen.

5 Clues You Are in a Virtual Relationship

However, as an adult woman looking for love, it’s your responsibility to separate fantasy from reality. You cannot let your deeply felt desire for love or long-time overwhelming loneliness to take over and lead you astray. Remaining vigilant to stay in reality and recognizing a game player is up to you.

Here are some clues that should tip you off about entering a fantasy or virtual relationship:

1)Texting or Talking – He texts often which has been going on for weeks, months or longer. He might also call or FaceTime, Snapchat, or use other social media as his only methods of connecting with you.

2) No Dates – You have not met yet or gone on a date even though weeks or months have gone by. Or you met once or twice, but still mostly you text or talk on the phone for months.

3) Excuses for Not Meeting He has a lot of excuses, like his visa (if out of the country), work, health, kids, etc. as to why now is not a good time. Excuses pile up or stay the same over months

4) Long Distance – Almost all long distance relationships that start online or even on vacation NEVER turn into lasting love. When you think about it logically, the odds are super stacked against you. Yet, women end up in these situations all too often.

If you have a fun fling on vacation – great! But, do not waste precious time thinking it will blossom into moving in together or marriage. Enjoy the fact that you had a great time, relish the memories and move on to look for love locally which is SO much easier and far more realistic.

5) You Hope Things Will Change – Even though months have gone by, the man you are texting or talking to hasn’t made much effort to see you. Still you hold out hoping things will change. Sadly, they won’t. You cannot reclaim what once was – it doesn’t happen.

If you recognize these signs, then you are in a virtual relationship and I hate to be the one to tell you this – it is going nowhere. Get out before you lose more time to this guy who is leading you on and wasting your time.

Virtual Love Is Not Real Love

Free yourself up to find REAL LOVE. Let go of that texter/talker man because he is NOT working out! He doesn’t want what you want. Stop listening to all the sweet things he says and pay attention to what he is DOING to spend time with you. NOTHING.

That means he’s not really the right man for you. His talk of love is not enough for true love. It’s romantic, I’ll give you that, but it can’t fulfill or satisfy you.

Then, go meet a bunch of new men to find the right man for you. Someone who makes an effort to see you at least once a week, texts and calls you. A man who seeks you out and wants to spend quality time with you. This is how you find lasting love for real versus virtual love that’s unfulfilling and heartbreaking.

If you are still asking yourself why doesn’t he want to see me, you now have all the answers you need. The truth is – why he doesn’t want to see you is not the point. It doesn’t even matter. The only thing that matters if you are seeking lasting love and a life partner, is that THIS MAN FALLS SHORT. Way short. He does not deliver on the most important element – spending time together.

Don’t put up with a lack of quality time, excuses or your hopes that he’ll change. This virtual relationship is all you will have if you continue on this path. If it IS working for you, that’s fine. But if you long for more, wish he’ll go back to the way things were, hope something magical will happen to make your dreams with him come true, you are allowing him to string you along.

To learn more about possible mistakes you are making on your search for love, get a copy of my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes that Keep You from Love



Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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