Why Doesn’t He Want Me? We Slept Together And My Heart Is Broken

Please help – why doesn’t he want me? I met this new guy and we slept together. Now he’s gone! I”m feeling heart broken and so depressed.

why doesn't he want me Now He Doesn’t Want Me!

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I was reading  your blog post about romance junkies and it turns out I’m also a victim. It just happened to me a week ago. I met him online. He courted me and showed me his sweetness many times of the day through video calls.

Then we met and slept together.  It was wonderful. But, after that happened, he just left me! He said he didn’t like me anymore without any reasons at all. Why doesn’t he want me? I’m depressed and feeling heartbroken, so please advise me what to do Ronnie.”

When Your Heart Is Broken

Hi Marianne,

Sorry this happened to you and I know how much it hurts. Women go through this all the time, including me. It’s like a bad dream that starts out romantic and lovely, then BOOM, it’s over without warning. And your world has been shattered.

It’s difficult to let this go and move on from wondering “Why doesn’t he want me?” and feeling heartbroken. However, and this is EXTREMELY important, please don’t think of yourself as a victim.

Be Brave and Take Responsibility

why doesn't he want meEven though this might seem too hard, take a little bit of the responsibility. Yes, this man swept you off your feet. Yet, the difficult truth is…you let him. That might be hard to hear or deal with and you might push this idea away completely.

Trust me, I have deep compassion for your situation and I don’t want you to go through it ever again!

Now, you’ve learned something really important about men and dating. When something seems “too good to be true,” it probably is. For that reason, as you go forward looking for love, you’ll establish firm boundaries and take things slowly. I’ll talk more about that below.

Why Doesn’t He Want Me?

Here’s a valuable piece of advice that can turn everything around for you. Instead of wondering, “Why doesn’t he want me?”, ask yourself why you’re heartbroken over a man who tossed you aside that fast?

His behavior revealed his true character – of which he has very little. He’s a thoughtless user. In truth, he never liked you the way you want to be liked. His wanting was very short term. He did and said all those things just to get you into bed and satisfy his needs.

That’s NOT the kind of man you want! You want a man who has integrity, who values you as a woman, who seeks a lasting, loving relationship with a wonderful woman like you. He sure isn’t “The One” if you look at it this way.

Who cares if he doesn’t want you? You don’t want him!

Establishing Firm Boundaries

How do you establish boundaries and what does that even mean?

First, a confident woman who values herself is a woman with strong boundaries. She knows there’s no rush in getting to know a man and purposefully takes things slowly.

For example, a confident woman won’t make herself available to talk frequently to a man she hasn’t met yet. Her time is valuable and she doesn’t allow herself to be at his beck and call, responding any time of day or night.

Some men will talk to you as much as you’ll let them. They know this softens a woman because you start to think you know him. He’ll tell you private things to make you trust him, thinking he must like you to open up like that.

He may also crave the feminine emotional support you openly provide. Keep in mind that your emotional support is a privilege and he should earn that right with you. Never give it away to be nice, hoping a man will love you for it.

Naturally, sweet talk and flattery are seductive – what woman doesn’t want to hear nice things? While all men are not like this, it is time for you to spot the ones who are, so you aren’t left asking, “Why doesn’t he want me?”

Sit Back and Observe His Behavior

he doesn't want me A strong boundary with texting or calling means sometimes you get back to a man right away, but not always. A confident woman knows being a bit mysterious (not difficult) intrigues a man and gives him a challenge which he enjoys.

You can respond a few hours later or if late at night, the next day.  As the woman, it’s your responsibility to put the brakes on and take things slowly. Why? You need to observe what he does over TIME to win you.

This is how you separate the scum from those with true potential.

Slow the Pace

There are men who seems like they can’t get enough of you and want to see you every night and then all weekend, even though you just met. This is highly exciting and intoxicating! However, it can also be a massive red flag about a guy who is a “Romance Junkie” type.

This kind of guy LOVES falling in love, the heat, the passion and the fun. Then, rather quickly he feels you expect things of him and it feels like more of a relationship.

For example, you might think seeing him will continue at this pace and it means he’s really into you. Sorry to say that is not likely and super rare. The minute it gets comfortable or expected, he’ll ghost. And you’ll be left crying over why he doesn’t want you.

Make Him Wait

If you’re the kind of woman (like most of us) who feels hurt when a man sleeps with you once and disappears, make them wait! Do not jump into bed with anyone who is romantic or comes on strong because you’ll end up wondering, “Why doesn’t he want me?” and feeling heartbroken.

This goes back to firm boundaries and observing what a man does to get to know you. Wait to see if he calls you a couple of times every week, texts in between and schedules at least one date a week with you for three or four consecutive weeks.

THIS IS HOW a man shows genuine interest and a more serious intention week after week. Your firm boundaries with calls, dates and when to sleep with a man dramatically reduce the risk of “sleep and run”.

Nothing Wrong With Fooling Around

Don’t get me wrong, if you want to fool around right away, there’s little stigma today. Go ahead and enjoy yourself. As long as you won’t turn into a puddle of tears if the guy just wanted to sleep with you once. Some women aren’t as phased by this, giving them more freedom to enjoy.

He’s Not the Last Man

why doesn't he want meLast but not least, he’s not the only man out there. You can stop worry about “Why doesn’t he want me?” and know there are BETTER men waiting to meet you. When you are looking for love, but don’t meet enough men and a seemingly good one comes a long who does this, you feel like you’ll never find love. Not true!

Take a week or two off to get your head straight and stop thinking about how, “He doesn’t want me”. Then get back out there to meet more men. Date around to see who might be the best match. A confident woman doesn’t cling immediately to one guy who shows her a little attention. Nope, she keeps meeting new guys.

Why do that? First , you never know who will call or ask you out again! As in your case right now. You want to date a few guys at a time to see who is consistently attentive, kind and fun. Who is generous, has similar values and lifts your spirits when in his presence?

Avoid Serial Dating

The purpose of dating isn’t to meet a man and stick with him to find out if he’s the one. That is the very definition of Serial Dating – having short relationships that don’t workout every few months.

Instead, dating is the short period before exclusivity meant to qualify a man before you get your heart set and focus only on him. Today, you’ve got to date around if you want to find lasting love with the right man.

How to Win a Man Over

The true purpose of dating is to meet a bunch of men and try them out to see who is worthy of investing your precious time. The less you do to win a man over the better. That’s HIS JOB to win YOUR heart.

Your job is to discover who is the best match. You’ll present your best self – happy, fun, easy to be with and appreciative. And, maintain a slight air of mystery to keep him guessing a bit, so he doesn’t know everything about you.

That’s called “The Chase” and a quality men gets invested in you through this process.

Stop Asking Why Doesn’t He Want Me?

Now you have several new ways of looking at this situation that can help you stop thinking about how he doesn’t want you and why you don’t want him! Take your power back, know that you are an absolutely great catch and get back out there to meet a better man as soon as possible.

When you believe that love is your destiny, you can create that future.

Ready to learn how to raise your love vibe and feel really good about yourself? Listen to this Free audio program to find out today! 



Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

6 thoughts on “Why Doesn’t He Want Me? We Slept Together And My Heart Is Broken”

  1. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. If either makes the other wait too long, or makes them work too hard, they’ll ghost.

    It’s a busy world and everyone has a lot to do. Waiting around for the chance that maybe, possibly, potentially, the other person is worth sex/commitment is a waste of time, energy and effort that could be better used getting needs met elsewhere by someone else.

  2. Ronnie,
    I’m sorry. I just don’t agree. If a man just wants sex or an FWB, he should make that clear. Most men won’t be clear because they think it kills their chances of getting sex, but men with at least a shred of game are able to get what they want without confusing the woman by going on a string of dates. And, of course, if the woman is looking for more than sex, she should wait. She has responsibility in the situation, too, but, he with deliberately obscured motives has more responsibility.

    • No offense Brenda, but I’m sorry to say the vast majority of people on the planet don’t behave the way we think they “should”.

  3. Very few men will make it clear they just want sex by simply being at a party and, for example, propositioning a woman. They dispense with the idea of asking a woman on a date. A woman can actually have more respect for those guys than the ones who go through the b.s. of taking a woman on a date, acting as if they’re trying to get to know her. It’s manipulative if they know going in that all they want is sex. With the direct kind, you know where you stand and what they want and then you can make your decision accordingly. Going on a date and making conversation and relating to a man as a person takes energy. The direct guys don’t make you waste all that energy.

    • Hi Brenda, Some men and women are direct – others are not. But we are all trying to get our needs met so there’s no point in blame. I know it seems like everything is the man’s fault, but I don’t see it that way. From this love coach’s perspective, the men feel like they gotta do what they gotta do. And as women, its our job and responsibility to be selective, keep firm boundaries by waiting, and not fall for a line of bull.

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