Wondering “Why do I attract married men and other emotionally unavailable types?” This question causes painful angst and confusion among single women. Read on to find out why this happens.
Why Do Married Men Want to Date Me?
There are so many reasons why this might be happening to you as a single woman looking for love. It can start with the most basic reason. You fear getting involved with married men, so you focus on this often.
If you know anything about the Law of Attraction, then you know what you focus on is what you attract. That’s why experts always tell you to concentrate on what you DO WANT vs. what you don’t want.
When you expend energy about what hope to avoid, you actually are putting energy out into the Universe calling it in to you. If you realized this, you would never have done it right?
I know this is counter intuitive, but that’s how energy works. Years ago, I learned this from a Hawaiian Shaman who explained that, “Energy flows where your attention goes”. This is one of the foundational principles of Huna.
Fear of Commitment or Intimacy
Surprisingly, many single women harbor their own subconscious fears about intimacy and commitment. It might be that you don’t want anyone to control you. Or you truly enjoy your freedom and don’t want to give that up even though you want love.
It’s worth taking a look within to see if this might be creating a stumbling block on your journey to find love with the right man.
Old Wounds Make You Unavailable
When you ask yourself why do I attract married men, the fear of commitment certainly plays a role. Not only that but being emotionally wounded can be at the root of this fear – not wanting to be hurt again. Women w ho have been alone for a long time often attract married men.
Think about it – when you attract married or emotionally unavailable men, you can effectively keep yourself safe. You won’t be interested in him which is appropriate. Or you’ll spend a lot of time wishing and talking about if only he were single or different. But he’s not.
While married men who ask you out aggravate your conscious mind, this situation helps you avoid commitment or rejection . Can you see how that might work?
What Is Unavailable Is More Desirable
Now we’re talking about the chase. Yes, some women do get hooked on trying to “land” that amazing guy, even if he’s already taken. Or they cling to the hope the confirmed bachelor/player type will somehow change and open up to love and commitment. Not likely!
This is another trap keeping you safe, uncommitted .and free. And you can blame it all on him and his unwillingness. Otherwise he’s really perfect so you just can’t help it! Sound familiar?
Feeling Unworthy of Love Can Be the Culprit
Do you deserve to be loved by a man who is free to return your love? If you feel unworthy or don’t value yourself as a great catch, you may accept lowly crumbs from a married or unavailable man.
Thinking something is better than nothing or that this is all you can get dramatically limits your love possibilities. So no matter how much it hurts you to be treated without much thought or left out of his bigger life, you put up with it.
The problem is this chips away at what self-esteem you do have which further entrenches this circular pattern.
The Shortage of Quality Men
I’m always surprised at how many women believe with all their heart that all the good men are taken. So when you wonder why are married men attract to me, the fact that they are PROVES this idea is accurate. It becomes a sad self-fulfilling prophecy.
While it maybe true that a quality man isn’t standing on every street corner, you only need ONE. When you are open to the possibility and ready for love, you will start seeing the good men around you.
What’s a Single Gal to Do?
If you desire a healthy, loving relationship, you need to figure out what is getting in the way. My colleague Terry Hernon who is a skilled EFT practitioner and dating expert offers this revealing exercise.
Take out a piece of paper and write the word marriage at the top. Next, without editing, write down all words that come to mind related to marriage. You may find a mix of positive and negative thoughts, such as love, loss of freedom, cooking, children, cheating, divorce, etc.
Addressing these negative thoughts can help you let them go and start feeling attracted to available men. Plus, you can begin attracting them into your life as well!
The Big Shift for My Clients
With my dating coaching clients, the negative mindset that “all the good men are taken” can be one of the hardest and most rewarding issues to deal with. For women who are willing to challenge themselves in this area, the shift is completely AMAZING!
I have seen women turn this around in literally four weeks. No kidding. Going from a staunch insistence that the good men are all gone, to suddenly having to choose between a few quality men.
Here’s What Happened for Hannah
It happened to Hannah (not her real name), a redhead who had been living in dating misery for years. She struggled to meet decent men online or anywhere. During one particularly revealing love mindset session, Hannah realized how she held herself back by thinking there are no good men.
She vowed to change her thinking, focusing on the reality she preferred – one where there were many potentially great guys to choose from. Within four weeks, she had a completely new problem-one most women dream of. She had met a bunch of good guys and had to choose which guy she to focus on!
Love Mindset sessions can dramatically change your dating results. Learn how working with me could help you too.
If you want a healthy loving relationship with an amazing man in your life, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Change your results by taking responsibility for your mindset. Stop wondering why do I attract married men and break the cycle! The one for you, that right guy you’ve only and maybe hesitantly dreamed of is out there.
But, you’ve to be open, ready and free to meet him. Apply to have a complimentary conversation about your Love Mindset today.
2 thoughts on “Why Do I Attract Married Men And Emotionally Unavailable Men?”
Ronnie, couldn’t agree more about the whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing. I have some friends who think that all men are liars and cheaters and they have the ‘pleasure’ of proving themselves right time and again. It can be hard to get someone to consider a different point of view, but I guess when they get fed up enough they’ll try something new!
Great post, Ronnie! I’ve struggled with attracting unavailable men for years… not necessarily the married kind, but the work-aholics, those living across the country, etc. I’ve had to take a good, hard look at why I was attracting these guys. Still no Mr. Wonderful in my life yet, but I’m attracting better quality men with each day that goes by.