Seriously, why do guys cheat instead of breaking up? That’s a million dollar question, but these 10 devastating reasons are simpler than you might think.
10 Heartbreaking Reasons Men Stray
You’ve been dating your dream guy for months now, maybe longer. It’s been smooth sailing and you are so happy to have found one of the “good guys.” You have long-term plans with a real future. You’ve met each others’ families. And you couldn’t be happier…
Until the fateful day you find out he’s cheating and your entire world comes crashing down.
How could he do this to you? What could he be thinking?
You wonder what you might have done wrong and look back at everything in great detail, scouring your memory for anything that helps you possibly understand. How this could happen to you?
Trouble is some people just cheat. Men and women are guilty of this. Here are 10 reasons that can help you start to understand why on earth your man decided to cheat on you.
1. He Says, “It Just Happened”
On a rare occasion, forces of the Universe conspire, bringing two people together when one of them might not be single.
In this particular case, your man was not intending to cheat. Perhaps the woman was aggressive. They met, one thing lead to another and bam! He crossed the line.
True, he didn’t use great judgement, and if he had a bit of restraint the whole nasty situation could have been avoided. Especially, if he were the kind of man who had a strong intention to keep his promise to you.
Which means, this is a WEAK EXCUSE at best for why men cheat.
2. He Can’t Face a Fight
Your man might have a lot on his plate and prefers to avoid some horrible, massive fight and the tear-filled emotional fall out.
Nevertheless, he’s getting itchy and thinking about his options. The idea of leaving you is far too big a decision to face at this time. Rather than deal with the situation maturely, he goes for something on the side.
3. He Thinks Rules Don’t Apply to Him
Narcissistic men think the normal rules of life and law do not apply to them. In other words, cheating is a guilty pleasure that’s okay for him and he thinks he won’t get caught. And if he does get caught, so what?
This is a simple to why do men cheat. Because they think they can. Crazy right?
He sees a pretty woman and he’s off to conquer her because he loves the attention and adoration a new woman provides. Also, there are other personality disorders that could apply here too.
4. He’s in Close Proximity
The most likely place for a straying heart crops up at work. Of people who admit to infidelity, 36% say they had sex with a co-worker.
It’s easy to see how this could happen if they are working hard late into the night. Especially on a business trip. That shared mission and closeness can definitely be seductive.
Yet, you would hope a man (or woman) would take their vows or commitment to exclusivity seriously. Sadly, when the pressure is on, sex does offer a big release and people are human.
However, that doesn’t make it right by any stretch of the imagination.
5. He’s a Status Quo Guy
Maybe he feels more comfortable with the status quo. He likes being with you because you offer grounding, emotional support, or balance. Perhaps you are a great partner and make his life much easier.
Still, he misses the excitement of being with a new woman who adores him and boosts his ego. Sometimes understanding why he’d do this is totally mind-boggling.
So, why do men cheat? He likes things the way the are and he wants variety, spice, and excitement too.
6. He’s a Coward
Simply put, he just can’t face you like a grown man, be honest, and tell you it’s over. Instead, he cheats and knows you will NOT tolerate that, which means you’ll do the breaking up for him. It’s a sure thing and one clear answer about why men cheat.
This is why some men mess up and get found out so easily because they WANT YOU TO KNOW.
Katherine was visiting her daughter in another state when her cell died. She called Rick, her man of 10 years, and he gallantly offered her his old phone and shipped it that same day. What a nice guy!
When Katherine got the phone, she noticed text messages from…another woman. This was mighty disturbing, but she decided to be brave and broach the subject.
Rick replied, “Hey, I can’t be with a woman who doesn’t trust me and it didn’t mean anything,” Sure it didn’t. He could have cleared the phone, right? But he didn’t because he wanted to push her buttons. They broke up the next day.
Still asking why do guys cheat instead of breaking up? Here are five more gut-wrenching reasons.
7. He’s a Sex Addict
This is the new celebrity addiction rapidly trickling to the masses. Sexual addiction is a real problem and shows up in many ways. One way is a need for sex with lots of women all the time. Bingo – the perfect recipe for cheating.
How long are you willing to hang around to find out if he’ll heal from his addiction?
Sexual addiction is like any other addiction including drugs, alcohol, or gambling. Yes, people do get past it, but it can be at a huge cost to your self-esteem and enjoyment of life.
Only you know if staying with him is the smart move or will leave you damaged.
8. He’s Getting Even
Only 9% of men admit they cheated to get back at a spouse (as opposed to 14% of women). But this infidelity statistic sure proves it happens and is a reason why men cheat.
I’m not going to say it’s your fault since I have no idea why he’s mad. And really, there are more productive ways to settle an issue!
I don’t see how evening the score ever fixed anything. Therapy? Yes. Better communication? For sure. But cheating? No way. It might make him feel better being in the arms of another woman, but it sure won’t strengthen your relationship.
9. He’s into Being a Bad Boy
There is a certain excitement to having an affair, which is undeniable. Being naughty can be a thrill and add to the sexual pleasure. The idea of risk and the possibility of getting caught for some people are totally tantalizing.
Fantasy can also play a role, being with someone new. Trying different things out that he knows you won’t go for. Some people find themselves craving a variety of partners.
Let’s face it, shows on TV or the movies do make cheating look like fun! However, that’s still no excuse for why men cheat.
10. He’s Cheated Before
If a man cheated on you once, the chances are 350% higher he will do it again. So, if you catch him with another woman a second time, think long and hard about giving him that third shot. [Infidelity Statistics 2017]
Yes, it is possible that people can change. But it’s rare, especially in this situation. It requires inner strength, focus and a serious and true commitment. If your man has cheated on you more than once, you can count on that happening again.
Think about it this way – what was the consequence of his cheating the first time? A fight and unpleasantness? Then you calmed down and took him back. The second time the fighting might have been more intense. But still, you took him back.
At this point, he knows you’ll forgive him for anything. I’m just saying…he doesn’t need to change when you make it easy for him to disrespect you.
Why Do Guys Cheat Instead of Breaking Up?
The bottom line is this: Some men are honest, committed, and loyal. These men will NEVER cheat because for them it’s not an option. That’s who I hope you are in love with – a man who adores you and is completely committed.
And some men are born cheaters and just can’t stop, regardless of the consequences. If you’re with a man like this, it could be time to face the truth.
As far as what to do when you catch him cheating, there are people who manage to work through this crisis, forgive the partner, and stay together happily.
I personally know survivors of infidelity who are glad they stayed together. They listened to each other, went to therapy or couples counseling, worked on the relationship, and recommitted to being loyal to each other.
You are the only person who can make that decision after discovering you’ve been cheated on. You are in charge of taking care of yourself and choosing the course of action that suits you best.
I wish you a clear mind and inner strength for your decision making, and lots of love because you deserve it.
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Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
I’m 33 dating a man who is 63; older men aren’t my thing but I hadn’t dated in 5 years after my parents passed and I didn’t have the energy for the games. He walked into my life and helped me out of a dark place, offered stability and a sense of security. I knew if life turned upside down (and it did) I’d have him to keep me from drowning (and he did for the most part). Many severe ups and downs, it’s been 5-1/2 years and everything is telling me he is cheating again, though I don’t have solid evidence and can’t find anything in his phone. I worry I’m being paranoid and don’t want to push him away if he he is finally being loyal? What’s more confusing is that his actions send me mixed messages. He asked me to marry him couple months ago. I give him the cold shoulder, he makes an effort to be sweet. But, when I embrace the love, he withdraws. I hadn’t considered why he doesn’t call it off if he wants to do whatever he wants regardless of what it does to me. Could he care that little about me?! But thank you for ur insights, you have a great way of discussing hard topics!
Hi Chelsea, Sorry you are going through this. What I find most interesting is that you were open to such an older man because you couldn’t handle the game playing. And what is he doing but playing games! If he’s cheated in you and you can’t trust him, why are you still with him? Time to walk away. He is not giving you what you need. He’s withholding, playing games, possibly cheating, and can’t be counted on. What’s the benefit of staying? Honor and respect yourself (because without doing that no one else will) and DITCH him today! It’s time you date a more age-appropriate guy who wants a committed relationship, treasures you, is trustworthy, and ready for supportive, fun, and lasting love.
I really like this article. So well explained! I recently met a man in a restaurant who almost pounced on me with excitement about meeting me. I took his number (I don’t give mine out) and called him a few days later. We met for a drink. He was swooning all over me and complimenting me so much it almost made me nervous. He definitely wanted to get in close with me. I asked him if he was single. He said “You’re asking a lot of personal questions” – I looked him in the eye and asked if he was married – cut to the chase – yes he is and was still eager to hook up. Although he was charming and quite attractive and I’m ready in my life for intimacy, I clearly stated I’ve got far more important things to do with my life than to sleep with a married man and cause another woman pain. He did not like my answer one bit. Men. Ghosting, Cheating, Sigh.
Hi Ready, Well the good news is you saw through him FAST! Good for you for not falling for his nonsense. There are plenty of other men out there. Just remember when they are overly excited and too complimentary – you have to think what’s up with that? And now you know.
This is by far the best article I have read about this topic. Everything you said is spot on. This has helped me categorize my man who is cheating on me but doesn’t know I’m aware of it. I’m trying to decide how to handle it and this has helped me figure out what kind of person he is and decide. The bottom line is, no one wants to be with a cheater no matter why they are doing it, but no one is perfect either. It is the ultimate betrayal, puts everyone at risk for safety (diseases) and it’s very traumatic. I will never be the same because my trust has been severely violated. I received your prayer for a clear mind and hope that I can find a loyal committed relationship someday if I ever get to a place of being willing to trust again. Thank you for your gift of writing that you give to the world. It is helping me get to the paths of healing. XOXO
Hi Lisa, So sorry this is happening to you. I hope you take care of yourself and know there is a better man out there for you when you are ready.