Why did he lose interest so fast? This is a common and painful question women ask as they date and look for love. Here are some answers to help you with understanding men.
How Did He Lose Interest After the First Date?
“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie!
I met a guy online through a dating app. We hit it off immediately and before we had even met he was making plans with me to go out and do things. We would video chat, talk on the phone, and text constantly. We had our first date a week ago (Thursday) which I feel went pretty well.
Like I said, we had so many plans and throughout our date he was talking about them constantly. It has now been a week since our date and he contacts me almost daily, but its nothing like what it used to be.
We don’t talk on the phone anymore and we hardly ever text. When we do, he will simply stop replying after a while.
I haven’t really initiated contact with him, maybe once or twice, but just to say hi. I am just wondering if you think he has lost interest in me, seeing he doesn’t talk to me nearly as much as he used to.
What is your opinion? I’m trying not to worry about it, but I really enjoyed my time with him and was looking forward to the plans we had made.
Why Do Guys Lose Interest After the Chase?
Dating can be confusing and disappointing. That’s why I help my clients spot the signs of a man who is likely to waste your time. Learning about the red flags will keep you from putting your hopes on the wrong guys and keep you free to find the right man for you.
There are many possible answers to your question, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” I’ve provided 7 reasons below, but please don’t be put off by any of them. I will explain why in the next section.
His Own Reasons for One Date
- He wasn’t looking for more than one date
- He had a good time, but wants to see who else is out there
- He’s just playing the field
- He wants female attention, but doesn’t want a relationship
- He needed an ego boost
- He doesn’t know what he wants
- He was bored and wanted to do something fun
Men and women have many reasons to meet new people and date. Often it has nothing to do with getting into a serious relationship.
Some singles go on many first dates because they are looking for a certain type of person. Or they just want an ego boost to build confidence.
Sometimes people aren’t ready for anything serious, but enjoy meeting new people. You get the idea – it isn’t always about finding “The One” or lasting love.
Reasons He Lost Interest in You
- You reminded him of a past lover, so he moved on
- He didn’t find you as attractive in person
- You just weren’t the woman he’s looking for
- He didn’t have as much fun as you did
- You tipped off one of his red flags
As a single woman, you know you aren’t going to please every man, just like every man won’t work for you either. Yes, you are looking for that special someone which automatically means most people will not be a match. That’s a part of dating and to be expected.
So, even though it seemed like you both had a good time, maybe he was looking for something else. Truth is, anyone can have a good time, but still not want a second date.
Try not to take it personally when you get rejected after just one date. I’ve listed 12 possible reasons he may have lost interest, but you can imagine how many more there are.
When you ask, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” what you really want to rethink is how interested he was in the first place. And this might be a good time to ask yourself if you rush into relationships. Even though you may be excited about a new man, your best attitude until he proves himself over time is, “We’ll see.”
Read more about rushing into relationships here.
Texting & Talking Are Not Signs of Interest
This is why I recommend not communicating a lot prior to meeting. Because many singles confuse texting or talking on the phone as genuine interest. But it might be he had nothing better to do. Or you were fun to text or talk to. Sadly, that doesn’t mean he wants a relationship, even if he says he does.
I tell clients to avoid long phone calls, constant texting and video chats before you meet. Why? Because that lulls you into thinking there is something really good happening.
Find out why you should stop texting him.
Women assign meaning to all the conversation and assume the man MUST really like them. This is especially true if a guy opens up and shares things about his life. Sadly, it actually means nothing.
Talking to You Boosts His Ego
Some men love to talk about themselves. They like to flirt or feel lonely and want female attention. All that communication is fabulous for the ego.
After a conversation with you he probably felt exhilarated and manly. Like he could hit on any woman and have success. It makes a man feel desired and vital. And for some men already in a relationship, it’s a great way to interact with multiple women without physically cheating.
My dating advice is to text only a few times a day and never talk on the phone every night.
You are a desirable woman who has places to go and people to see. You don’t want to let on you’re free every night waiting for his call. That doesn’t provide any mystery or chase and men like both. They want to feel like they are winning you over.
When you do meet, you wait to see how long it takes for him to want more, call and schedule another date. When a week or more goes by, that can be a sign he’s really not that interested after all.
Since you had lots of communication, you thought he was seriously interested which is why you wondered, “Why did he lose interest so fast?” His still being in touch tells me he is connecting with a bunch of women to feed his ego.
It’s Not What a Man Says, But What He Does
Making plans for the future before a man meets you is a classic seduction technique. You are bound to like a guy who is already planning your future before he even meets you, right? It’s a way to guarantee you’re interest in him. Future plans only matter when a man consistently asks you out over time.
How to Handle Communication Before You Meet
The next time you meet a guy, text a few times a day, but don’t respond immediately every time. Have one 20-minute phone conversation and then set up a date to meet. Avoid over communicating and stop texting all the time.
I also recommend going out with other men while you wait to see if the first guy asks for a second or third date or ends up disappearing.
This is how to keep yourself from getting so disappointed and feeling deflated. Now you know better than to think a man is seriously interested just because he paid attention to you.
After interacting with a few more guys, you’ll get better at spotting this red flag. The man who loves to text, talk and makes plans, but evaporates after a first date. Or worse, the man who texts and talks for months without having any intention to meet you.
Just in case you made any mistakes on your first date that may have turned him off, I recommend you listen to my free audio program 12 First Date Mistakes That Ruin Your Chances for Love.