Dating After Divorce: Why Did He Contact Me on Facebook?

This is another one of those Facebook stories which are becoming more common these days. The truth is Facebook is just a communication tool and not a direct method to find love. If a man over 40 genuinely wants to connect with you, he has to take things to the next level beyond Facebook…

“Dear Dating Coach,

Three years ago I had a very brief affair with a married man named Ralph. I moved and ended it. To my surprise, two months ago, Ralph contacts me on Facebook! I was over him and wasn’t expecting anything. But Ralph told me to keep in touch through the inbox private email function. He didn’t want to be Facebook friends – probably because that would be seen by the world.

When I looked at his Facebook profile he stated he’s interested in “women for friendship.” He’s still married and his kids are Facebook friends. I thought this was odd, but, I kept in touch anyway. I suppose this way no one knows that he and I are communicating. Also, I don’t know how many other women he is keeping in touch with in this manner.

Now I find the more I stay in touch with friendly banter, the less and less he responds. So, I decided not to email-unless he emails me first. Maybe he never wanted to be friends at all? If this is the case, please, please tell me why he even bothered to look me up after three years? I just don’t get him! Do you?”

Irritated in Iowa

Dear Irritated,

Yes, I think I understand Ralph. He was probably pleasantly surprised to see you on Facebook and impulsively contacted you. He likely thought an occasional message would be light and fun, and wasn’t thinking about getting something started. That’s why the more frequent your message him, the less he responds.

My advice? Stop contacting him and looking at his Facebook page. Don’t waste another precious minute of your time on Ralph. Since you are over him, be done with it and move on to find single men who want to date you.

Here are a few ideas to get your stared.

  • Look for single men or old friends you know on Facebook and strike up conversations with them
  • Try or since both sites offer large pools of single men
  • Get out from behind your computer and try a singles dance or live event!

Sometimes we get tangled up in things and that make a it hard to see the situation clearly. When it comes to true romance and male interest, Facebook messaging, emails and texting are not real proof of a man’s interest or an actual plan of pursuit.  A man who wants to date you will call you and ask you out!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

1 thought on “Dating After Divorce: Why Did He Contact Me on Facebook?”

  1. Great advice, Ronnie. I decided not to friend my ex on Facebook. I don’t need to see an update on what he’s doing day-to-day and I certainly don’t want to see his relationship status changes, if there are any!


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