Why Did He Ask Me Out Then Cancel? I’m So Confused!

He keeps making plans then cancelling? If you find this kind of male behavior confusing, read on to get the insights you need.

why did he ask me out then cancelHe Asked Me Out Then Cancels Our Date

“Hi, Dating Coach Ronnie,

This guy who works down the street keeps telling me I look great whenever he walks by. Then we talk maybe 2-5 minutes.

Once he said he will cook me a meal at his place sometime and I said that would be lovely.

The other day he came over and asked me to have a few drinks later. I said sure.

At the end of my workday, he came by and said he’s heading home to shower and will call me. I went home to get ready and got all dolled up, feeling so excited.

Next thing you know, I get a text asking if I’d eaten dinner. He said he’s tired and felt like we should do a movie and takeaway at his place.

This is my ideal, perfect, comfy date but, because I don’t know him well, I said let’s just do a few drinks and see.

He asked where and I texted a place, then didn’t hear back so, I called. He sounded hesitant, said he was super tired and didn’t feel like having a big night.

I felt really disheartened but, calmly said not a problem, let’s cancel.

Two days later I saw him and he said he was really sorry about how the night went, but he was still feeling tired.

Really? I’m so confused. What do I make of it? Please can you let me know whats going on in his mind? Why did he ask me out then cancel?

Thanks, Ronnie

If A Guy Cancels Plans Last Minute

Hi Amilla,

Why did he ask me out then cancel is a question on the mind of many single women. I know this is confusing and disappointing. Especially after you got “all dolled up.”

The anticipation of a fun night out is sometimes more than half the fun!

The good news is you shared a couple of important clues that helped me gain insight into what he might have possibly been thinking.

Once you understand this sort of thing, you’ll be able to easily spot it yourself and won’t get confused. You’ll KNOW what is going on and will be able to walk away more easily with this knowledge.

This isn’t the reason why all men cancel at the last minute, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to reveal why THIS GUY canceled.

Clue #1 -He Was Flirting with You

Some people just enjoy flirting. He saw you as an attractive woman and told you so. This made you smile and pay attention to him, so everyone is happy.

The only problem is that sometimes people misunderstand flirting since it actually doesn’t mean anything. It is fun and feels good.

That doesn’t automatically mean someone who flirts with you wants to get serious or start dating you.

In the future, when a man flirts with you, go ahead and ENJOY IT! Just know while this exchange is fun and builds you up, it probably will NOT lead to anything more.

And be OK with that. In fact, I encourage my clients to flirt and enjoy it because it makes you more attractive to all men. Flirting is good practice and healthy fun.

The trouble comes when you start expecting a man to take that next step.

This does happen on occasion, yet more often, a man who flirts with you for weeks or months is simply enjoying the view.  He likes talking to pretty women but isn’t going to ask you out.

Clue #2 -Dinner at His House

When a man says he’d like to cook you dinner, that’s code or “man language.”  Here’s what he’s really saying, “I’d like to get you into my bed. Will you come to my house?”

This guy was testing the waters with you when he suggested this and you thought it sounded like a good idea. I get why – it’s nice when someone else cooks a meal!

I learned this lesson the hard way while I was dating.  When I was 40,  I was fixed up by a friend and met a man who was 52.

I thought older men would behave differently than the younger men of my youth. When he invited me to have dinner at his house for our second date, I thought that sounded great too!

He made a lovely meal and we had an enjoyable conversation. As soon as the food was gone, he suggested sitting on the couch.

I got a bit nervous so, I pulled the big coffee table book onto my lap and looked at each page really slowly.

Eventually, I was done and he put the book back on the coffee table. Then he literally said, “OK come on already!” and started kissing me passionately.

I went with it for about 10 minutes, then decided to cut the date short.

Standing up abruptly I said, “Thanks for dinner. I have to go now,” and walked out the door. No way was I going to be his “dessert.”

Cozy Dates at Home Lead to the Bedroom

Now you know when a man you’ve never been out with suggests take out and a movie, at his house or yours, he wants to get you into bed.

Nothing really wrong with that if you are the kind of woman who doesn’t bond after sex, have expectations or think it means something.

However, if you are looking for lasting love, avoid movies at home for at least 5-6 dates.

By then, you’ll have seen if he is pursuing you consistently (like weekly dates or more) to get to know you and show he is more serious than other men.

Stay outside the home until you are ready for intimacy because once you’re on the couch, saying no is much harder.

The smart strategy is to put off that cozy sixth date to discover if a man is genuinely interested or just wants a roll in the hay.  Even though it sounds like the perfect date, GO OUT instead.

Why He Keeps Making Plans then Cancelling?

Still, wondering why he canceled last minute like that? He was too tired to go out with you because he really just wanted a horizontal date, i.e., to sleep with you.

Since you suggested drinks instead, he wasn’t too motivated. And he might not ask again. If sleeping with you was going to be easy, he was up for it. But, he doesn’t want to DATE YOU in order to have sex.

Now You Know

He keeps making plans then cancelling? He wasn’t serious about you in the first place. Don’t expect anything from this guy.

He’s still too tired days later. Absurd right? Hope this helps you with understanding men a bit better.

If you want to find a loving relationship, go mingle and you’ll discover plenty of other men out there. Get on the Dating Sites or try Dating Apps like Bumble to meet men.

People fall in love every day and I’m quite sure that means you too.

Want more savvy insights into understanding men? Get my book Is He the  One? How to Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong or schedule time to talk about the insights you’ll get about men and dating with me as your dating coach.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

8 thoughts on “Why Did He Ask Me Out Then Cancel? I’m So Confused!”

  1. I’ve had a guy stays a distance away. Telling me he loves me he is serious makes dates and cancels. I’m over it and done with him but some men love bomb as well as cancelling, which is confusing. The last time he did it all I felt was relief and I told him I’m busy, can’t change and I’m booked up for the rest of the year. I don’t flake on folk I don’t want a flake as a husband/partner. I’d recommend getting rid of these men ASAP!

    • Hi Fiona, Good for you for not putting up with this sort of thing! I think if a man cancels more than once, that puts you on notice. If it happens three times in a short timeframe, say bye bye. Yes love bombing is similar. The vast majority of men would never say they love you before meeting – this can’t be love until they’ve met and spent a good chunk of time with you. Instead let’s call it “serious lust” – they are serious about getting you into bed. LOL Real love, healthy love, lasting love, – that all takes time to develop, even if you can tell right away.

  2. Hi, a guy I met asked me to go for a walk, and then cancelled about 2 hours before saying he had “covid symptoms.” I suggested we touch base in a few days and possibly meet the following week if he was feeling better by then. He agreed, then texted the next morning saying “I feel ok now.” I ignored the text and haven’t heard from him since. What’s your opinion?

    • Hi Mavis, Sometimes men pretend to be sick to avoid a date – read this post to learn more. I agree with you – move on. Why get started with an excuse maker?

  3. A guy asked me to go to see a movie then at the last minute he said he got a call he had to replace a guy at work so he cancelled..then out of the blue yesterday he asked me if i wanted to go out for lunch tomorrow but then today he cancelled and said sorry his boss called him to come into work..so he messaged me to cancel..so im confused why he keeps asking me to go do things with him but then cancels..im not sure what his intentions are .what do you think ?

    • Hey Kelly, Maybe he has no boundaries at work and so is at the beck and call of his boss. That won’t make him a good boyfriend if he’s always canceling on you. Or maybe he’s not really ready to find love so finds excuses not to go on dates. Either way cancelling twice in a row is not a good sign. He might be a decent guy but not relationship ready, focused or capable. I’d move on because of his track record. Even if he doesn’t cancel the 3rd try, your 4th and 5th he’ll likely cancel too.

    • Thank you Lee, I appreciate a pat on the back now and then. Good to hear the blog is helpful to you.

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