Dating Over 40: Whip Appeal or Icing without the Cake?

Ever hear of "Whip Appeal?" Apparently it’s a good thing for a woman to have. I learned about this new phrase when I visited the Dating Goddess – her blog is full of great insights about dating over 40.

A man recently told  the Dating Goddess that she had "Whip Appeal" and so she did research to discover if this was a good thing. Turns out whip appeal is BIG among the male 20-something crowd. Her friends’ sons confirmed that having "Whip Appeal" means you have a guy wrapped around your little finger and that he just can’t stop thinking about you and how to please you. ( Is this in a movie, a novel or real life?)

At first our heroine was excited to think of herself having such strong appeal. But then she started to wonder…do I really have Whip Appeal or did my date just say that to get in good with me?


She went on to talk about how important it is to observe a man’s behavior and actions, rather than take his word for something. Good point.

High School Chemistry
That’s why in my workshops I always talk about how dating is really like high school chemistry. You put the ingredients into the beaker, you stir if called for and then the most important part of the experiment is to OBSERVE. No additional ingredients. No further stirring. You simple sit back, wait and watch to see what happens.

Now apply this chemistry lesson to dating.

Your date calls you and sets up a date. Let him pick the restaurant or destination rather than piping in with your ideas. You’ll have plenty of time to play party director later once you become "an item.".

The advantage of letting him pick out the place is that you learn what he likes and what he will do to impress you . Then if you are unimpressed or shocked or thrilled, you have collected crucial data about this man to help you decide if you want to continue dating him. 

Missed Opportunity
On the other hand, if you go where YOU suggest, you haven’t learned a thing about his taste, his likes, or what he will do to impress you. And that is a huge missed opportunity.

The Point of Dating
The whole point of dating is to find out if the man who asked you with worthy of your time. And when you enter into the chemistry experiment with your ideas, or calling him, or offering to pay, you will not know if he is generous, of how interested, or what his sense of timing is regarding how often he wants to see you.

The point of dating is to collect data to see what a man will do on his own to win you over. His behavior and interest will never be greater than the first three dates. My advice? Do whatever you have to, including taping your mouth shut to let him lead.,  That way you ‘ll get to know if he is all talk but no action or follow through – which is the same as icing without the cake. It’s sweet, but has no real substance.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

1 thought on “Dating Over 40: Whip Appeal or Icing without the Cake?”

  1. Hi Ronnie:

    Thanks for once again mentioning my blog. Cool!

    It turned out the man in my blog entry and I had that chemistry we all say we want. But with all that alchemy, he still didn’t make a point to call regularly or give me what I said I needed in a relationship. So whip appeal was purely sexual with him. And while the term implies he wants to please you, it turned out he only wanted to please me in one dimension of relationship. Thus my comment about watching what he does more than what he says.

    I like your analogy to chem class. You can put a bunch of ingredients in a beaker and they can sit there or they can boil over. Or they can subtly mix together and turn into a different substance. But if you aren’t watching closely, you may miss some important changes. Thus it is with a relationship. You have to pay attention to observe what’s happening. It’s hard to do when you’re in the beaker!

    Keep up your great work helping daters everywhere!

    Dating Goddess


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