Dating After Divorce: What to Do When You’re Spiraling into Negativity and Discouraged


Dating is not always easy. Maybe you’ve hit a bad streak and nothing is clicking. Maybe you’ve had some disasters or disappointments. This is all part of the "looking for love" process and is to expected. but that doesn’t mean it’s easy or fun and sometimes it’s down right depressing. I know, I’ve been there too.

Just this weekend, one of my clients called me for some dating coaching. Victoria is 44, 5’5" tall, slim and sensible. She knows what she wants in a man and has been making a valiant attempt to find prospects. After about 4 months on, Victoria feels like she’s exhausted every man in a 100 mile radius and is now officially down in the dumps. That’s why she called me.

"I’m so discouraged with this process," said Victoria. "How can I turn this around?"

Here are the suggestions I gave Victoria on how to change her energy and shake things up.

1. Use Affirmations and Check Belief Systems
Focus on affirmational techniques and assess any resistance to your belief that the right man for you is out there and you will find him. My audio program I Believe is perfect to strengthen and uplift your belief system and out look for finding love. Your faith is crucial for success and will bring you through the rough spots to achieve your goal.

2. Try a different method of meeting new prospects.
Since the Internet has been a source of frustrations, further efforts along this vein are not the best at this time. She can always try online dating again, but set this aside for now. Looking for love with the energy of aggravation and discouragement will not send out the best vibe for attracting men. We talked about checking into the groups in her area or even singles dances. Something new is most definitely called for.

3. Sometimes a brief hiatus can be helpful.
That’s up to the individual and i don’t recommend taking off a lot of time. But, if you are miserable about the situation, then go out with your girlfriends and do things that are guaranteed fun to regain your energy and composure. Lighten up to be your most attractive. Desperation is not a big draw, where as confidence that "it will happen" is highly magnetic.

4. Consider a Feng Shui Space Clearing.
You’ll need a professional to help with this option. A trained practitioner will come into your home to determine if there are any blocks, to clear the energy and to improve the harmony for a more fortuitous outcome.

If you can’t afford a professional, you can do your own clearing by using the Native American tradition of smudging with sage. (You can find a smudge stick in almost any new age/spiritual store or center.) In addition, you can lightly sprinkle salt water on your door thresholds and window sills. Once this is complete, then focus on filling the cleared space with positive energy and vibes for health, harmony, happiness, prosperity and LOVE of course.

Change your focus, change your experience.
It doesn’t matter if these suggestions "really work" or not. The outcome will be the same – which is to focus on what you do want rather than on what’s not working. Regroup to connect with your positive outlook and strong belief in love. Shift your energy and lighten up to turn things around and start meeting better quality men.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

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