What Emotion Is the Biggest Turn Off for Men on a First Date?

The Biggest Turn Off is an Angry Woman

On a first date, do you know the single emotion men dread most? It might not be what you think.

You might think they hate to deal with sadness from a past relationship or a woman who appears needy. Granted, those are two impressions that probably won’t bode well for a second date either. But they aren’t the worst. Oh no.

The most feared and disliked emotion that a woman can display is ANGER. Yes, anger. An angry woman is very unpleasant for a man to deal with. She’s got a lot of energy about her anger and often will share it freely. And that is a major turnoff and a very big problem.

As a dating coach, I have access to and frequently talk with single men. They come to me as clients – which creates the best research opportunity for my women clients! One thing I can tell you without hesitation is that the men I speak to have all talked about  the “angry woman” and how unpleasant she is.

One of my clients explained how he had met a woman at a singles group who took his number. Laura called Paul over the weekend and he invited her to a group event. They decided to take mass transit together to get to the event. Big mistake Paul said. Since he hadn’t spent much time with her the first time he met her, he had no idea what she was about beyond seeming to be “nice”.

What happened on the subway ride? Laura proceeded to rant about the guy she just broke up with. She was angry and over-shared because Paul was kind. She told him she felt comfortable and continued to rail against her ex for 30-minutes straight.

Paul deeply regretted taking the train with Laura.

Here’s another story. Angelo is 61 and a widower. He is an even-tempered guy who is actively dating, looking for love. I was talking with him about what turns him off most. His immediate answer was “women who are angry!” Angelo told me when he meets a woman like this, he does his best to keep the date short, so he doesn’t have be dragged down by her poor emotional state. Do you blame him?

Take a moment right now and think about your last first date. Or maybe even some of the emails you have shared with men on sites like Match.com. Have you expressed anger about the men you’ve met, frustration about the dating process, or your bad experience with online dating? If you can think of times when this has happened, it’s time to shift gears and become more aware of how you present yourself to men.

From your profile, first email and first date – you are being sized up – just as you are sizing up the men too. My advice as a dating coach is to PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD. In other words,

Do not share stories about your ex, your job or dating, if they are negative and you are angry.

Its time to do something about your anger. Naturally, you are completely entitled to your emotions. I’m not here to negate them at all. However, if you want to attract a good man, you‘ll need to dissipate some of that anger first so you aren’t a turn off. Here are a few ways to do this:

  • Exercise
  • Meditate
  • Talk to your friends
  • Take a hot bath
  • Try therapy

There are plenty of ways to release anger. Look into what you can do, but above all, become more aware of how you present yourself to men so that you can keep from showing up as “that angry woman.”


Photo Credit: Chris Yarzab

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “What Emotion Is the Biggest Turn Off for Men on a First Date?”

  1. Norma, sounds like you are emoting that anger I just talked about above. Yes, some men are obsessed about sex. So are some women. There are all kinds of men. Every time you generalize you limit yourself. You don’t have to stick around when a man talks about sex or expects sex right away. But I hope you don’t hold that over every man’s head either, because they are NOT all the same. Let go of the anger – you’ll feel so much better. And you’ll be a lot more attractive to better quality men too.

  2. What about sex ? The ones (man) who only think about having sex even on the first date (nice try maybe) lol…. some of them are ridiculuos, can’t talk about anything else… are they sick? I did not stick around enough to find out….. lol … have to laugh!!!!!!


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