Have trouble understanding men and want to learn how to weed out the wrong guys? Follow these tips before you sleep with a guy to guard your heart.
How to Qualify the Men You Date
Can you determine if a man is date-worthy before you meet or before you sleep together? Yes! There are certain things you want to watch for to figure out if a guy is seeking a long-term relationship or a fling.
This method is not fool proof, but helps you weed out the vast majority of players, men who want to be causal, or aren’t sure what they want. I want to be sure you have the insights you need for understanding men.
1. No Virtual Dating
I recommend avoiding any long-distance, “virtual relationship” with a man you’ve never met. Constant texting or phone calls without face-to-face dates won’t turn into the romance you hope for.
Well, 99.9% of the time that’s true and no matter how much you want to be that exception, you won’t be. A weekend together here and there won’t fulfill the close connection you dream of sharing.
The truth is dating long distance is a recipe for disappointment and heartbreak. If you meet online and the guy can’t set up date within 10 days, forget him and move on.
Common red flags include not being able to communicate from a “military base,” being in another country temporarily, and getting ready to move to your area. If he’s really moving near you, let him connect when he gets there.
2. Date Local
All sorts of men will contact you online. They will be young and old, educated and unemployed, single and separated, local and long distance. You have to make your selection from all these choices.
From my perspective about finding love and understanding men, dating local men makes things vastly easier. You don’t have to drive 300 miles or buy a plane ticket. You don’t have to worry about where to stay overnight or driving home after a few drinks.
Sometimes men use long distance as a way to keep you at a distance. If you don’t want distance to be an issue or a great excuse to never spend time together, the only solution is to date local men.
3. When to Believe What a Man Says
Listen carefully to what men say because most often they will tell you the truth upfront. If a man says anything that could push you away, pay attention and believe him!
A lot of men tell you on the first date (or before) what they do and don’t want. Sadly, most single gals think, “That doesn’t apply to me” and they ignore the honesty.
For example, when a man says he’s not looking for anything serious or a relationship, but is willing to get to know you to see what happens, this is a big fat RED FLAG. This is key to understanding men.
It’s his way of softening the truth https://youtu.be/gtO-qY9DEuw– he doesn’t want to get involved and prefers something casual. No expectations or strings attached.
4. Don’t Believe Sweet Talk
When a man pours on the flattery like, “Where have you been all my life?” this is meant to draw you in. If a man comes on strong from the start or on the first date, be very suspicious. He doesn’t even know you! When it comes to understanding men, this is a tried and true seduction technique, so be careful.
Some men share deep, personal information to make you think they’re opening up and trust you. Women internalize this sneaky trick as, “He must really like and trust me.”
This is NOT true. Like sweet talk and flattery, telling you about his wounds is another seduction technique to pull at your heart strings.
5. Vet a Man Before You Sleep with Him
Hold off on intimacy for at least 5-6 dates to discover if he’s genuinely interested or wants to sleep with you. This gives you time to get to know a lot more about the guy.
Some experts suggest you wait until you have agreed to exclusivity. This is smart if you get attached quickly after sex. Waiting allows you to stay more objective and helps to weed out players who won’t stick around until you’re ready.
There’s nothing wrong with having a fling. However, if you’ll feel deeply hurt or heartbroken when a date doesn’t call again, wait longer than three dates before you sleep with him. That’s a big piece of the puzzle for understanding men, even though it’s really about you.
5 Signs of True Interest
- Consistent Communication – Talk by phone at least once or twice a week. Texting does not count!
- Weekly Dates – Don’t fall for the guy who is spontaneous and inconsistent. If he can’t fit you into his schedule when things are new and exciting, it won’t get better and you won’t be a top priority.
- Planning – Does he plan your dates or call you last minute for the same day? A man who wants to win you over will plan ahead to make sure you are available.
- Actions Match His Words – Does he say one thing and disappoint you by doing another? Does he cancel often or forget to call? You want a man you can count on and trust and that is a man who follows through and keeps his word. His actions and words must be in alignment.
- No Excuses – Some men talk a good game, but then have a huge fight with his ex, the kids need him, he has to work late, or his headaches are back. All of these things may be true – but how often does he use excuses to get out of seeing you or making a call? This is a pattern to watch. If he cancels twice in a row, move on.
If a new guy doesn’t do just one of the above signs, he’s not totally doomed. However, when more red flags show up, they do add up, letting you know he’s not the right man for you!
The Benefit of the Doubt & Understanding Men
Some women give the guy the “benefit of the doubt” when situations arise. That is admirable. However, if too many of things crop up, trying to be nice or understanding doesn’t serve you.
Instead, it means you are accepting poor treatment and what I call “Dating Crumbs”. These behaviors and slights DO NOT improve over time.
During the first 3- 6 dates, you will see the BEST A MAN HAS TO OFFER. This is a classic sign for understanding men. So, if you spot problems and poor treatment in the early stages, get out before you get attached. Love yourself enough to walk away and avoid heartache.
Many women have told me they endured Dating Crumbs because they thought they should be patient and a guy would treat them better once he fell in love. That is NOT how dating works.
Men never treat you better later. The best you’ll ever see is at the beginning when he is trying to win you over. He may continue being wonderful, but a crummy boyfriend doesn’t suddenly turn around and become wonderful.
You Can Still Qualify Him
If you have made any of these dating mistakes, didn’t see the warnings, or qualify the man you slept with, please don’t worry. You can still do this now. And even if he disappears, you probably had a nice time and felt like a desirable woman.
You can learn what you need to know about understanding men and it will help you be more selective and choose a better man who has more long-term potential.
Reconnecting and rekindling your desirability is a wonderful thing! It wakes you up to your passion and longing for connection and intimacy. Don’t let this bring you down. Instead, let that fuel your dating journey.
Move on to seek a local guy who stays in touch, is consistent, makes time to see you and treats you really well. Observe what he does to win you over and hold off sleeping with him until he proves he is worthy of your affection and heart.
If you want more on understanding men and their mixed signals, download my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing today.