Are you having trouble understanding men and
why he texts you every day?
You are not alone wondering why “He texts me everyday so why doesn’t he ask me out?” This is such a constant problem for single women of any age. I just got this email from a woman who is confused by the mixed signals she’s getting from a guy she had one date with. Maybe this has happened to you?
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“Dear Ronnie,
I had a first date with a guy two weeks ago. It went really well and I texted him the next day. He said he would love to see me, but was busy. I am having trouble understanding men.
Since then he texted me every three days. First he said he hoped he had time to see me on the weekend, so I thought he would call. At the weekend he texted me after 6 pm on Saturday and said he was with a friend, but wished he knew I was free. Three days later he texted he would like to spend time with me this weekend. I replied I would be free. On Saturday, he texted me about 8:50 pm and asked me how my day was. I texted back it was fine and he replied he spent the day painting for a friend.
Is he playing with me? Why does he hint he wants to ask me out, then does not?? Please help me with understanding men.
Thanks so much,
Texted and Confused in Missouri”
Dear Texted,
When a man says he wants to see you but, doesn’t make the time, its called “Stringing you along.” He is seeing someone else or a few other women, but wants to keep his options open with you in case the others don’t work out. A lot of men do this. (Women do it too.) I’ve also heard it referred to as “chatting you up” when a man calls to talk, but doesn’t ask you out.
Really its the same thing. The men who contact you with no intention of setting up a date or making time to see you are a dime a dozen.
Dating is a lot like playing poker
In addition, this guy purposefully texts you on Saturday night to see if you are home or out. He’s doing some detective work on you. If you answered his texts right away, you communicated unwittingly that you have nothing else to do. Plus, you revealed that you are very interested and hopeful about him.
As I would tell any of my dating coaching clients, your responses have actually lowered his attraction to you. Had you been busy and responded a few hours later or the next day, that would have made him more curious about you. A woman who is busy and sought after, is always more attractive.
Dating is a lot like playing poker, you don’t want to show your hand because you give the game away. In this case, you don’t want a man to know you have nothing to do on a Saturday night or that you are more interested in him than he is in you.
Understanding Men: If He’s Truly Interested, He Will Ask You Out!
As a dating coach for over 14 years, one thing I know for sure – when a man is truly interested in you, he will ask you out. He’ll want to see you. No matter what that man has to do, he will fit you into his schedule. So, painting “for a friend” (probably his current girlfriend) on a Saturday night would not get in his way.
My advice is to ignore his meaningless texts and let him go. But, let me warn you, ignoring him may cause his interest in you to increase. That’s because you are invoking “the chase” which men still get hooked on. The chase is still alive and well. Men like to work towards a goal.
That’s why I advise my dating coaching clients not to text, email or call a man the day after a first date. Don’t invade his space by communicating. Instead, thank him on the date and tell him you had a good time. Then, in basketball terms, drop the ball in his court and leave it there. If he’s interested, he’ll pick up the ball to call and ask you out.
So, if Mr. Text suddenly starts showing you more interest or calls to ask you out, please remember this. After one date he decided not to see you again and started stringing you along. Is that really the kind of guy worth dating? Is that the kind of guy you want to open your heart to? I doubt it.
Wishing you love,
PS. If you want help understanding men and their mixed signals, get my newsletter and my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means here
Photo Credit: The Unquiet Librarian
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Hi Ronnie, I have been seeing a man a little over a month. We went on two great dates and by the third date he came to my house and I made him dinner. The last three times he has come to my house and it’s because I asked to see him. I’ve noticed a change and yes, we were intimate. He hasn’t asked to see me since and even broke plans on a Saturday night. I’m waiting to see if he asks to see me. When I ask about seeing him again he ignores me. Should I walk away now? He still texts me good morning every day and we still talk on the phone. I brought up plans for his birthday which is next month and he ignores that as well because I feel like it’s a man’s truly interested in a woman he would ask to see her correct? Why should I have to ask all the time?
He Marna, This might be hard, but he’s no longer interested in you. STOP calling and asking to see him. He wanted to sleep with you and that challenge is over, so he’s slowly ghosting with morning texting – so lazy and meaningless. Unfortunately, he’s just stringing you along for his own ego. Yes a man who is interested will call and set up dates which is how I know he’s no longer genuinely interested. Calls/texts mean nothing without real dates outside the house at the start of dating.
My advice for the future is do NOT offer to cook for quite a while – at least wait 6 dates. First see if a man shows consistent effort as you get to know him over a few weeks. There’s no hurry. Cooking for him is a privilege he needs to earn by showing consistent interest. I also recommend waiting longer before sleeping together to avoid heartbreak and disappointment. That’s why I suggest staying outside the home.
And last but not least, don’t call a man more than once without him calling you the next time. You have been chasing him and keeping this situation alive. Let a man pursue you. If he stops asking you out or only texts good morning/good night, then you know he’s not really into you. Read this post to learn more about calling men. You’ll meet better men if you keep dating to find love.