Mixed Signals – He Loves My Son But What about Me?

Does the man you’re seeing say one thing and do another? Mixed signals make it so hard when it comes to understanding men. This is my dating advice for getting to the bottom of what a man is really all about.

mixed signalsUnderstanding Men is Hard When They Send Mixed Signals

“Dear  Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women,

I have a huge problem. I have a child who is 4. His father is not in our lives and he misses a father figure. I have a business partner who adores my son. He talks about the future all the time, flirts like crazy, talks about sex, tells me I am beautiful, that I am dangerous for men. He says he wants to go on vacation in September with me and my son, and that his mum will take care of my son one day so we can have a day alone. He comes to see me every day, and stays until 3 am, but we don’t “do” anything. People think that we are a couple. He hugs me when we walk along the street. He tells me “if we for instance were together” ALL THE TIME. He even sent his mom to meet me.

Yet, he would talk about other girls, stare at them, and tell me he would sleep with my neighbor because she is so hot all jokingly, but enough to make me uncomfortable. In the beginning, I did not want to risk our business together, but I started falling in love after all these things. Now, he is pulling back, not taking the next step, and he is not talking about the future anymore. It’s exhausting and devastating. I was deeply hurt by my ex, and he feels unstable to fall for, but is so very sweet, and loves my son so much.

However, I do not want a guy who stares at girls wherever we go. People actually think we are dating, and it looks horrible when he is turning head after every girl. I do not want to lose him as a business partner, but I don’t know what the hell he is doing.. And why? He has not tried anything at all.. I have not given him a chance either, but we were so flirty. When we are out he always puts his arm around me. I am going so so crazy…Any ideas?

Crazed in Cambridge”

Dear Crazed,

You are confused because he is playing a head game with you. But to be honest, you are allowing this. Hope that he’ll become a good man, fall in love with you and treat you well is the root cause of accepting such poor treatment.

Since you asked me, I’m going to share my view of what’s happening here, and please know I say these things with compassion to wake you up to what is going  on.

You say he’s so sweet. Is talking about sleeping with other women “sweet?” You are worried that other people see him looking at women when he’s with you because they think you are a couple? That is worrying about the wrong thing.

He is using your son to manipulate you and have some kind of power over you. He has no intention of dating you, or he would have done so. I don’t know what his game is, but he is up to no good.

He’s your business partner? I’d check the books to make sure he’s not running this romance to keep you from noticing something is not right.

You cannot make him fall in love with you, no matter how long you wait. And he is NOT good for your son because he is not an honest man. Of course this is exhausting. After being so hurt by your ex, how can you allow yourself to remain in this situation that is eating away at your heart and self esteem?

What can you do? Shut down this game!

Do not let him hang out until 3am. Do not socialize with him. Do not let him put his arm around you or talk about other women. Stop all this nonsense. Move on because there is absolutely nothing for you with this manipulative man. Talk to him about business, be cordial, then draw the line.

If you truly want to find love, look for a man who wants a real relationship, someone who takes you on dates and doesn’t fill your head with sweet, meaningless lies.

It’s time to rebuild your self-esteem and self confidence. Love yourself enough to walk away with your head up high and don’t allow another man to treat you in this manner.

To deal with men and their mixed signals, I recommend a great book called Women Who Love Too Much and I hope you find the inner strength to do what is best for you and your son, rather than hoping this man will turn around.

Wishing you love,

mixed signals




Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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