Understanding Men: Why Did He Disappear?

Struggling with Understanding Men?

It’s not always easy to understand men. You probably have been in the situation wondering, “Why did he disappear?” just like this woman who wrote to me. Find out what my dating advice is for her and how it might work for you too.

understanding men, dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I know a recently separated man for two months now and  only slept with him last week. He usually texts everyday morning but after an intimate and very special time together two days ago I feel him withdrawing.  It was one of those surreal happy moments where there’s lots of laughing, touching afterwards. It was probably one if the best times I’ve had in a very long time and I felt it was the same for him. He couldn’t stop smiling.

I now understand the reasons behind the withdrawing. Although in regards to his masculinity I saw he put himself back on Tinder. Is this to reclaim his masculinity? I am on tinder and continue until I feel this relationship is going somewhere. Your help would be appreciated.

Thanks from Australia”


Dear Friend from Down Under,

Dating a man who is separated is tricky. Some separated men will do whatever it takes for a night in the sack. If that means daily texts,  they do it, as well as seem truly interested, break down your resistance and get you into bed. That done, they feel complete, disappear and move on to the next.

When it comes to understanding men, the fact is a separated man is NOT a divorced man. So he is not healed from his marriage because it hasn’t ended yet. That’s what makes dating a man who is not yet divorced so dicey and uncertain.

They don’t all act the same way of course. Some are looking for a casual relationships or friends with benefits. Some want constant variety. Some don’t want a relationship at all.  And some have no idea what they want – but they know they miss female companionship.

None of these guys are the kind you want to date if you are looking for love. Not because they are “BAD,” but because they don’t have the same dating agenda as you do.

So yes, your buddy had a big smile on his face after sleeping with you and clearly had a good time. Sadly that has nothing to do with seeing you again or starting a relationship.

I’m not sure what you mean by “reclaiming his masculinity”. Unless you mean that he now knows he is attractive to women since you did sleep with him. I think he put himself back on Tinder to see who might be next.

You are wise to keep looking for other men to date until you see a man who shows real signs of wanting a relationship. Without exclusivity, you don’t want to take yourself off the market so to speak. Many women make this mistake and get stuck in situations that have no promise thinking it’s better than nothing or worse, dreaming it will somehow turn into love. That doesn’t happen.

With that said, it’s not so bad that you slept with this man. You had a good time and enjoyed the experience. It opened you up to desire and wanting intimacy with a man again. You can easily use this situation to boost your confidence. Feeling desirable is essential for finding love – it makes you far more attractive to men in general, knowing that you have appeal.

My dating advice for you about understanding men is this: A man’s texting attention means nothing regarding his intentions to be in relationship with you. The same goes for finding you attractive enough to sleep with. These are not signs of true love or even true interest.

If you are looking for love, you want a man to pursue you with consistency over time. So you should expect at least one-two face-to-face live dates a week and contact at least every few days. Then texting is icing on the cake of your budding romance rather than a poor substitute for the real thing. I hope that helps you with understanding men and knowing waht to look for when it comes to finding love.

To get my proven methods to meet men and find love after 40, contact me for a get acquainted session now. 203-877-3777. I”ll help you get on the right track to find the love you crave.

Wishing you love,

Dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

Leave a Comment