Understanding Men: 7 Signs You Are in a Virtual Vs. Real Relationship

understanding men, find love, online dating, online dating tips, online dating advice
Are you in a virtual or real relationship?

Need help understanding men?

Women ask me about their relationships and I have to break it to them they are not in a real relationship but a virtual one. Keep reading to find out why.

Does this situation sound familiar? You connected with a guy online, shared numbers and are now texting. Maybe he texts you daily or several times per day. Maybe his texting or calls have been more sporadic, but have been going on for weeks or months. One woman wrote to me about a guy she had two dates with, but had been texting for seven months after with no third date.

There are many ways this situation could look, but it all adds up to the same sad result. You are in a virtual relationship, not a real one!

For a relationship to be real, you  have to SEE each other. You need to have face-to-face dates. On a rare occasion, the distance keeps you from seeing each other, yet a true relationship is unfolding. But this is extremely rare. So, if the guy lives in a 100 mile radius, but just keeps texting, that is not a good sign.

Understanding Men Is Easy

When it comes to understanding men, it’s much easier than most women make it. Don’t interpret what they say. Don’t look for deeper meaning. Just take their actions (vs. words) at face value. What you see is what you get with most men. It’s all about paying attention to what they do, not what they say. If he doesn’t have time to see you, he is simply not the right man for you. No matter what the excuse!

Seven signs you are in a virtual relationship vs. a real one:

  1. He’s texts, emails or calls you rather than seeing you in person
  2. He’s so busy at work, with kids, with adult parents, etc. that he doesn’t have time to see you
  3. He cancels dates and takes his time rescheduling them
  4. He stays in touch but doesn’t ask you out
  5. He calls to tell you about his life and get advice making you feel really close, but time for dates
  6. He’s traveling for business or doesn’t live in your area
  7. His work, health or financial situation keep him from meeting you

In each situation, there is contact, often it’s consistent and sometimes very intense. But without those dates where you gaze into each others eyes, you are not in a real relationship.

The problem with virtual relationships, is that they FEEL REAL. So it takes up space in your heart. You might not even bother meeting other men who do have time to date you, thinking you’ve got this guy already. Trouble is, he has you, but you don’t have him. You just have his texts or calls.

Technology has made this a true problem for singles today. And this doesn’t only happen to women. I know men who have been sucked in by these virtual relationships and fall in love with a voice, clever texting and a photo.. But they never meet the woman or only have a few dates. This can happen to anyone who longs for a loving connection.

What is the Answer to the Virtual Relationship?

Don’t fall in love via technology! Nothing can replace those in-person dates. That’s how you know the chemistry is good. That’s how you can learn if you are compatible. Because dates take commitment and follow through, where texting requires merely seconds!

What should you do if you find yourself in a virtual relationship? I know this isn’t easy, but you get out from under the illusion so you can move on to find real love. Follow these steps to set yourself free and make yourself available for love with man who wants to spend time with you:

  1. Get real with yourself. Don’t allow yourself to believe the illusion. You are not in a valid relationship. See the reality and truth of this situation.
  2. Ask your closest friends or family members to be honest with you and tell you what they think of this relationship. this confirmation can help you see the truth more clearly
  3. Once you have realize the truth, make yourself let go! You need to completely cut him out of your life or you won’t really move on.  Remove his number from your cell phone. Block his email address. Promise yourself you won’t respond to his virtual communication or calls. He will try to argue with you that this is REAL , but it’s absolutely NOT.
  4. Don’t try to be honest or ask him to stop contacting you if he is not serious. He will not listen to your pleas. You must make this decision yourself and take the steps to cut off contact. I have seen this happen time and time again. Let me encourage you to take responsibility for the situation and do what is right for you – which is to not let this waste your time.
  5. If needed, give yourself time to heal. Treat yourself well, get some pampering. Talk to a therapist, go to an energetic healer, or get a massage.
  6. Rebuild your confidence. This could be getting a few new outfits, trying a new hairstyle or getting a makeover. Or you might work with a trainer, start a new project, or take a class in something.
  7. When you feel ready, go meet new men! But this time, don’t allow yourself more than 7-10 days of virtual communication. If there are no dates, drop the guy like a hot potato and move on! If you meet the guy once or twice, but dates don’t continue, again drop the guy.

You Deserve Real Love

Your time is precious! Don’t waste your love and energy on a virtual relationship that will never blossom into the real thing. You don’t need to know why a man is doing this to you to know you deserve more. Allow understanding men to be simpler by paying attention to what they do, not say. You deserve the real thing and a true relati0nship with all the kisses and joy it brings!



Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

7 thoughts on “Understanding Men: 7 Signs You Are in a Virtual Vs. Real Relationship”

    • Hey Jason – Both men and women do this trust me. There are PLENTY of men who just want to text with lots of women. And I”m sure there are women who just text as well for fun, entertainment, because they are lonely and to boost egos.

  1. Thanks Ronnie, you are saviour in my life…i cut all kind of contacts with him…I vow to myself i will never chat guy online..this was my first expereince in my life…I visited your website early befote i had strong feelings…thanks so much…hope u will help more women who has been stuck in this virtual relationship

  2. Hello,
    I met guy online , frm past 2 months, he was behind me like anything and i started texting and calling him. He stays very far from me. If i tell that relationship doesnt work, he tells we wil make it work and never dated till now..Now he is going to other country for higher studies..i am emotionally connected to him but he is always busy and i am getting frustated day by fay..after seeing your post,i cut contact with him…thanks

    • Hi Swe, I’m not 100% sure I understand but if you weren’t actually dating, that’s not a good sign. Texting and calling is not a real relationship, especially when you are the one initiating. And he’s resistant too. I’m sure you don’t want to face this but it’s time to move on.

  3. Hi, I met a guy at a restaurant On Friday, we connected. At the end of the night he asked for my number. I initiated the first call by texting that next Monday, and we exchanged several texts. He asked me if I was free Friday and date and type of food. We agreed on the date and type of food. Since then he hasn’t contacted me and I haven’t as well. Do you think the date is still on, and why hasn’t he tried to reach out before our date? Should I text him a day before the date and confirm, or wait see if he will? Help please.

    • If you met him last Friday and he asked you for this Friday, now it’s Thursday and you don’t have details. Not a good sign. Who knows why a man drops things – maybe he didn’t want to go on a date but was being nice. It happens. I don’t believe in confirming with men – they should do that if truly interested. So I would assume there is no date and just make other plans for yourself. If he does contact you – you can say, “Oh sorry I didn’t hear from you so I made other plans. I’m available on (name a day) if you’d like to meet.” Then see what he says. You might want to read this post on vague dates like the one this guy set up with you.

Leave a Comment