Understand Men: Why Did He Stop Calling?

understand men, find love, meet men, why did he disappear
Understand Men: Why Did He Stop Calling?

You need to understand men to know why they sometimes disappear

If you have dated, you have probably wondered why the guy you were seeing suddenly stopped asking you out. I’m talking about the initial dating phase including the first four – six dates. There are countless possibilities why he bolts. In this post I’m going to discuss five reasons he chose to stop dating you that are all about him. Then, in the next post, I’ll share another five reasons that might be about you.

First, to understand men, let’s look into what’s going on with the man you were dating.

1. You remind him of someone else – Yes, your date sees some familiar qualities about you and maybe his ex or his mom or his high school girlfriend who broke his heart. Once he notices the connection, he just can’t take it and so decides to move on. There is nothing you can do about this. It’s just the way it is and shows you that you were not meant to be as a couple.

2. He doesn’t know what he wants – His lack of clarity about what he wants can extend to his life in general or be as specific as what he wants in a woman. He simply doesn’t know and that confusion makes it difficult for him to want to stay with anyone woman, not just you. This man often flits from woman to woman in an aimless wandering. It’s not you at all, this is completely about him. A man who doesn’t have clarity about what he wants in life or in a relationship is impossible to please or hold onto.

3. He’s not relationship ready – Let’s say you hit it off with a guy fast. He pursues you aggressively and seems to be downright crazy about you. And just when things are getting hot and filled with romance and fun…poof! He disappears. this can be so difficult to deal with – the disappointment can be painful.When emotions start to flow and intimacy kicks in, the man who is not relationship ready will retreat to keep himself safe.

Think about it this way, if he was the right man for you, he would never take off on you like that. When a man withdraws and does not  return, no amount of begging or pleading will help your case. The best thing you can possibly do is withdraw as well and accept that he is not relationship ready.

4. He’s on the rebound and recovering – Beware the rebound man who needs attention and admiration and will seek it out anywhere he can. He is not thinking straight or even considering who will be compatible with for the long run. His needs are more immediate. When you hook up with Mr. Rebound, you will soothe his spirit and bolster his ego. Your time together might be fun and it feel good. But once he feels rejuvenated, he swiftly moves on.

To understand men is to realize that his rebounding meant he wasn’t really ready and not the right man for you. As a dating coach, this is why I recommend that a woman never nurse a man back to relationship health from a breakup or divorce – when you do, you invest and often lose.

5. He found someone else – It happens sometimes, your guy meets another woman who seems so right. No matter how good what you currently have feels, that next moment he is captivated by another. The truth is, it could happen to anyone and there’s not much you can do, particularly if you weren’t exclusive yet. Luckily, this isn’t an every day occurrence. So if it comes up, to understand men, recognize that the right man for you would not be tempted.

Watch for the next post on Why he stopped calling? – 5 things about you


CT Dating Coach Photo Credit:


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.

6 thoughts on “Understand Men: Why Did He Stop Calling?”

  1. I meet a 28yr old man I’m 35 we dated for 2 months it was awesome omg but he became depressed and stopped speaking to me. He was married before and just got divorced last February. He just lost his job now he does not return my phone calls or text messages. I know I should move on but its so hard.

    • Hi Jennifer – I know it’s sad. But a man who doesn’t have his own life in order will have trouble dating. In addition being depressed explains a lot about his lack of communication. He’s just not in a place to be in a relationship with you. The best thing you can do is move on and look for love with a man who is relationship ready and in a good place where he can share his life with you.

  2. Hy I’m 29 I met a man he was 55 years old. We got to meet for a while and had sex multiple times. He went to Canada to see his sons . And after he went to Canada he hasn’t replied. He also has my ID that fell out of my purse. He also slept with a 20 year old before me. He doesn’t call I don’t know what to expect?

    • Hi Erika,
      Sounds to me like he’s just out for sex with young women. When a man disappears it’s not likely you can expect anything from him in the future. Same thing is true for his lack of reply – it doesn’t indicate he has serious intentions. What do you want with a man who is so much older than you? It’s time to let go and move on if you want to find lasting love.

  3. I’m 39 and just re-entered the dating world after a 17 yr marriage that ended 2.5yrs ago.

    I ended up meeting a 27 yr old man at a singles mixer. I did not know he was that much younger until 1 hour into our conversation – when he told me I was shocked and suggested gently he go talk to the other women in his age group. When he refused to go I left to order a drink and start talking with some of the other men there.

    He continued to pursue – sweetly but aggressively. As we had had such an engaging conversation and as he was so earnest and yes HOT — I figured seize the day and agreed to a date. I planned it and ensured it lasted less than 2 hours. I had a wonderful time and he must have too because he asked to walk me home and I lived over a mile away from where we ate.

    I was charmed … and seriously turned on.

    But I knew better than give in so I had him stop to say goodbye to me some distance from my house and we exchanged a very awkward but endearing first kiss.

    After that we texted , made phone calls, had a few more dates – always I let him be the one to contact me first.

    After a month we had sex. It was ridiculously spectacular and so was every time after that. WOW! Lucky me to get to experience something like that.

    Now we had agreed from the outset that we would take it one day at a time and not immediately looking for LTR > We were monagamous though the whole time.

    Throughout the 3 months we were together he was attentive, courteous, affectionate and such fun .

    We also talked about how he needed to
    establish his career and that might mean he had to move to get the job he wanted — so in other words we knew it wasn’t going to last forever but we decided to enjoy what we could about each other.

    Fast forward he got a terrific job offer in Portland. (I live in another state). We both agreed not to pursue a long distance relationship. He did say he wanted to remain friends though. There was no ill will and it seemed no regrets.

    After he didnt text for 4 days (the longest break since this whole thing started)

    So I broke my own rule and drafted one final email that put some of my feelings into how I viewed our experience together – all positive (I was not asking for any response nor was I trying to rekindle the relationship. More or less it was tidying up loose ends )

    Then I said as you have avoided me for 4 days – I will respect that and not contact you again. It has been 1 week since that email. I haven’t heard from him. What exactly did I do wrong?

    Was he a player? Did he honestly care about me? I wish I knew. How do I avoid this same situation? Swear off younger men?

    • Hi Kristen, this is a great question and I wrote about it on my blog for Wednesday June 4th. Look for it there. Until then, the quick answer is to realize this young guy was a great transition man for you. Think about what you learned, how much fun you had and how good he was for your ego (until the end)> You knew it wasn’t going to last. So let go with grace and move on to find the lasting love you are ready for now.

Leave a Comment