Understand Men: When a Man Gives Me His Card, Should I Call Him?

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Understand Men: Don’t Call Him When He Gives You His Card!

Dating Advice to Help You Understand Men

How do you respond when a man hands you his card and says, “Give me a call?”

Whatever your response is, I sure hope you don’t call him!

During my dating journey, I had several men offer their card to me. Usually I was smart and just smiled. But one fateful time, I got taken in by a very handsome guy who had moved here from Italy. Seriously hot and sexy with the accent and style you can imagine. Good sense escaped as I bravely decided to call him. The number he gave me was to his social club and I asked if he was there. What a great moment this must have been for him, each time a woman would call him in this public place. The bar tender announced, Joe, another woman for you!

Arggghhh! I felt so incredibly stupid. But I did smarten up and never called another guy.

Understand Men – 3 Reasons Why He’d Hand You His Card:

1) He’s lazy and rather have you do the work. He finds you attractive and if you want to do the initiating, he’ll go for the ride. But he is leaving the ball in your court. Like I said, he’s lazy.

2) He doesn’t understand dating roles today and is confused about what he should do to date women. This is a statement about his masculinity because he is demonstrating a degree of uncertainty and lack of confidence. As my husband says, “Any man worth his salt knows its the man’s job to ask a woman out and pay for the first few dates.”

Yet, we live in confusing times and there are a small percentage of men who feel timid about taking on the role of pursuer. He could still be a nice guy even if you have to be in charge of everything. It’s hard to say.

3) He’s not serious about you or any woman and is not looking for a relationship. He hands out cards like candy just to see who will call. And if not, some other woman will. It doesn’t really matter to him.

As you understand men better, you can see that none of these men are worthy of your time. Forget the popular, but he’s shy mentality. That is nonsense. Even a shy man knows exactly what needs to be done to date you.

So, how should you handle a man who asks you to call? The dating advice I give to my dating coaching clients is a simple script, “Oh thanks, but I’m old fashioned and I don’t call men.” Of course any variation on this will do.

Understand Men and What This Statement Conveys:

1) It sets a boundary and let’s a man know what he has to do to pursue you. If he is truly interested, he will ask for your number and call.

2) It tells him that you know you are the prize and if he wants you, he’ll have to invest his energy into winning you over. A little resistance does wonders for your desirability. This is so important rather than being too eager, available or handing yourself over on a silver platter.

Now some of my dating coaching clients insist they should call. maybe the woman is really into the guy like I was or she’s feeling that she doesn’t want to let a “good one” get away. If you absolutely must, then call him ONE TIME. But do not ask him out or suggest getting together or you are once again you are in the driver’s seat – not the seat you want to be in when just starting to date a new man.

Understand Men and Leave the Ball in His Court

Don’t fall for this card sharing trick! Since dating is a game, leave the ball in his court. Let him decide to pick up the ball and run with it to get your number, call and ask you out. let him pay too for at least the first and second date. That is the only way you will know how much a man is into you  – when you drop the ball and don’t lift a finger. If you do the initiating, you will be pulling your hair out wonder how much he is into you.


 Photo Credit: San Diego Shooter


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

5 thoughts on “Understand Men: When a Man Gives Me His Card, Should I Call Him?”

  1. I am “that guy” who just gave an intelligent and beautifully unique woman my business card. I’m shy. I was nervous. I look back and realize she was holding her phone the whole time I could have easily asked for her number. Yet I somehow mustered the courage to step outside my confusion to start a conversation with an intimidatingly attractive woman, even getting far enough to give her my business card.

    People like your husband (bullies) have preached at me my entire life. They say I’m lazy, lame, just some loser and I don’t have what it takes to be a real man. All this completely ignorant assessment based only on my brain working differently than his; referencing a fear of asking a woman for her number.

    A real man is someone who builds others up. I am not traditional. I feel the dating traditions our society has put in place are entirely based on insecurity and fear of change. A man worth his weight in salt listens and is courageous enough to be vulnerable despite knowing his own setbacks. Overcoming insecurity to pursue as best he can.

    • Hey Nicholi, All I’m saying is, biologically and historically, the man pursues the woman whether he is super confident or shy. So you are different – good for you. There are exceptions to every rule. Yet, you assume my husband is a bully – if you knew him you’d be laughing. He is the sweetest guy so you’re impression is all wrong. He is also shy but had no problem asking me for a second date on our first. Maybe it’s time to work on building your confidence and move on from being the guy who cannot overcome insecurities. You certainly had no problem expressing yourself here so I know you can do it! Stop resisting and learn to ask for her number.

  2. Hey Ronnie, this is good advice!!! I too am VERY leery of the “call me” card-carrying guys. :-/ I always find it better if the guy calls ME first, or at least likes me enough to want to ask for MY number. When you just get his, there is always a chance that you may NOT call. And I find that if a man is willing to take the chance that you may NOT call him, then he’s “just not that into me”. Usually people want the telephone number of someone they are really trying to reach, whether it is business-related, shopping, friends, need to ask for advice, etc. You don’t want to chance it that the person won’t get in touch w/you! So yeah…. I’ll be VERY cautious of a guy who asks me to call him or gives me his number w/out getting mine.

    WITH THAT SAID HOWEVER, I will say that one of my good friends met a guy through mutual friends, and he gave her his number and asked her to give him a call (for some silly reason I forget now), and they started dating, and are now MARRIED! See the thing is, he actually really WAS interested in my friend! He was just very shy. When she called him a week later after he gave her his number, he made it pretty clear from the first phone call that he was interested in her, so there definitely wasn’t eany guessing game going on. So, I just wanted to add that in because some men really are kind of shy. He had been hurt badly before from his previous fiance due to a failed engagement (she cheated on him), and so he was treading pretty lightly. I think he felt like my friend was too popular and too good for him, so I guess he was trying to save his ego. So in HER case he actually was genuinely interested.

    But I think she is the exception, not the rule lol. Usually in MOST cases, the guy isn’t just “shy”. Typically though, you can sometimes tell the difference. If a guy seems very charming and smooth, and he gives you his card, run the hillls! Usually a guy who is THAT charming will have enough guts to ask you out directly, or at the very least, ask for YOUR number. 🙂


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