This question comes up so often with my dating coaching clients. How do you know when to believe what a man says to you, and when to disregard the words and look for more accurate signals of truth in his behavior? I’ll explain a simple way to better understand this situation and understand men.
Please help me understand men!
Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,
I work with this guy Jake and we flirt all the time. When I met him four months ago, I was in a relationship with George. Small world. Any way, I ended up breaking up with George and moving out. I made it KNOWN to Jake that we weren’t together anymore. I wasn’t happy in that relationship with George and I had come to really like Jake.
Once I told him I was available, Jake ended up giving me his number. That’s a clear indication that he was into me too, right? We text all the time, everyday. But, last weekend I invited him out and he said he was broke and couldn’t come. Then I find out from a friend he didn’t want to intrude because I was out with a friend. That puzzled me.
When we text, he’s always making flirty comments to me like “we need to get together.” But, I asked him again when can we get together and he said, “We will…it’s just not the right time right now.” What does all of this mean?? Does he think he’s just a rebound because I just got out of a relationship, or what? He’s also in college but he has time for his friends on the weekends. I just don’t understand men! Please help me with this situation.
Thanks so much,
Confused in Colorado
First my heart goes out to you for the emotional pain this confusing situation is causing you. Trying to understand men can be difficult, but I am going to share two concepts that will make things so much easier in the future. One is below in this post . The other will be posted next week.
1. Believe men when they give a reason for not being in a relationship. So often my advice is not to believe what a man says, but to watch his actions instead. However, in this case, the opposite is true. When a man tells you he’s not ready, the time isn’t right, or he doesn’t want anything serious with you – BELIEVE HIM!
Most women tend to ignore these clear statements men make, thinking he’ll change his mind or it conflicts with his actions. I understand why this is difficult and confusing, but trust me – the very best thing is to take him at his word when he is pushing you away.
This is very different from a man telling you how perfect you are and spelling out his great plans for the future, yet he doesn’t follow through. In that case – I recommend to my dating coaching clients that they believe his ACTIONS, not his WORDS.
Let me make this very simple:
When a man pushes you away and gives a reason, believe him.
When a man draws you in with sweet talk, watch his actions instead
to know his true intentions.
Following this wisdom will keep your heart safe and help you read between the lines to understand men better.
2. Don’t Pursue Men. I’ll talk more about this second point next week.
Photo Credit – North Charleston