This is Part 3 of a 3-part series on dating blunders that often push or scare men away. Here’s the last Turnoff for guys post in this series about Online Dating Mistakes.
You’ve gotten past email and the telephone hurdles. Now you are ready to meet him! You agreed to meet at a nice restaurant with a great bar for a drink after work. It’s a Thursday night at 7pm. You had to work late. The kids are all set and you’ve decided to make a night of it. What the heck, you’re already out right?
Wow, you are hungry. Might as well grab some dinner too right? Kill two birds with one stone. Convenient, efficient and fills your evening nicely. You hope he’s nice enough so you can get through the evening and you assume that he’ll be up for it without giving it a second thought.
There it is – the problem – you didn’t give your scenario a second thought. Its good with you. Its convenient. So what’s’ the problem?
1. You don’t know this guy at all
You might not like him and he might not like you. But you are creating an entire evening including dinner and a quick drink to see if there is enough chemistry for a real first real date. Because this meeting is not really a date – its called “date zero” because its really just a get to know you date. If you pass the chemistry test for each other, then maybe he’ll ask you out on a first date.
Strategy: Don’t assume your decisions will be OK with the guy you are meeting. You do not know him at all and cannot make any assumptions about what he thinks or what will be OK with him. Talk about turnoffs for guys! You’ll have to see how things go, so stop making plans beyond the one you have.
2. You might be hungry but that is your problem, not his
If you are hungry, get something to eat before you arrive. Or plan to get something on your own or with a friend after. But do not assume you can turn a coffee or drink date into dinner. This creates unnecessary pressure and can be counted as one of the turnoffs for guys for a number of reasons:
– He might not have enough money for dinner or appetizers
– He hasn’t decided if he likes you enough to buy you a meal and he wants it to be his decision
– He’s the kind of guy who expects to pay, but now this is awkward -you’ve put him in a tough spot
– If you offer to pay for yourself – that can turn him off too
– You are making your date about taking care of your bodily needs, not getting to know him
– You’re letting him know “its all about you” even if its not really true
Strategy: Everything you do sends a message about you. Don’t assume he’ll be hungry or that its not a big deal. It is a big deal because your assumption puts him on the spot and makes him uncomfortable. Since men choose women who make them feel good, you just flunked your first test and probably wont’ get another try.
3. You want to make a night of it
The best first meeting is a short one. Do not try to make a night of it just because you have a babysitter. This is a mistake that women make often and while it can work out, its much better to keep it short. After all, you might not even like each other.Or worse he might be boring, have bad manners, be a player etc. Refer back to #1 – you don’t know him so don’t plan to make a night of it because it fits into YOUR calendar and needs.
Strategy: Have some conversation, get to know him a bit, then excuse yourself and leave. The perfect date is 60-90-minutes long. Leave him wanting more! You want him to be thinking about you, wondering what makes you tick. And that won’t happen if you have a long first date leaving little to the imagination. Don’t do it even if he wants more.
Recommendation: If you are hungry, please eat before you go. Even if you have to grab a protein bar or eat fast food, do it. Do not put your new guy in the position of having to pick up the check for your meal or split it because its more convenient for you. And don’t make him wish the night would end because you want to drag things out
Think about your actions from a man’s perspective to know if something really won’t be a big deal. Put yourself in his shoes for a minute. A gentleman will want to pick up the check. Even for a man of means, if every woman turned every first date into dinner, that would rack up a hefty Visa bill wouldn’t it?
Your first date is not about what’s convenient for you – its about getting to know a man to see if you want to see him again and visa versa.
As your dating coach, I hope you can now see how seemingly little decisions on your part can cause you to push a man away. If these scenarios apply to you, please heed the advice so you can start getting better results with online dating.
Photo Credit: Great Beyond