Dating Over 40: Three Bits of “Bad Dating Advice”

I hunt around for good dating articles and advice on lots of different web sites. With all the experts out there, I can always use a new tidbit to share or spark my thinking.  But when I run across what I consider "Bad Daing Advice"  or BDA for short, it just infuriates me!

So I thought – today I’m going to refute some of the BDA I’ve run into lately.

1) You’ll Find Your Mate When You Stop Looking 
Honestly nothing can be further from the truth.  I didn’t look for more than 12 years ansd guess what? I didn’t find a soul.  This is what I’d call Super BDA. Well-meaning people might try to reassure you that if you just stop looking for love, magic will happen.  Haven’t heard lately about many Prince Charmings knocking on single women’s doors.  This is very unlikely.

Now, if you have been looking frantically, if you appear desperate, OK slowing down, relaxing, taking the pressure off – these are good pieces of advice.  But that’s a whole lot different that stopping.

2) Stop Looking and Start Attracting
Now you might say, "Well, what about the Law of Attraction?  If you are always "looking," you are not in "finding" mode. Semantics, but OK.  Shift gears to be your most attractive and know that you are attracting the right man. But still, you can only attract him when you put yourself in a position to meet him!  Case closed. I call this "The Secret BDA" if you get my drift.

3) Get Involved in Activities You Like to Meet Prospects with Similar Interests
Have you taken any continuing education classes lately? If you said "yes," then you know the room was filled with at least 80-99% W-O-M-E-N. The older men get, the less they join things.  That’s why this advice is what I term Major BDA.

Should you have a rich life filled with activities you enjoy doing? Of course! Why not have fun and learn new things and meet more women friends while you’re in "hunting" mode.  When you are happy and interesting, you are that much more attractive. But don’t leave your chances for meeting men to this fate because you will not meet many, if any. Sorry but it’s the truth.

There is just about a ton, maybe two tons of dating advice out there.  Some will suit you, some will be BDA.  It’s up to you to sift through the pile to select and then follow the advice that makes sense to you. I sure hope I’ve helped you avoid at least these three pieces of BDA and erroneous strategies to find the love you want.


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

3 thoughts on “Dating Over 40: Three Bits of “Bad Dating Advice””

  1. Yes, that is true. Thanks for your input. Grieving and healing after a long-term relationship are very important for future dating success. But how long does that take? Personally I let years fly by. I wish someone had encouraged me to get back in the swing.

    Also, many clients stop dating after being disappointed by a three date loss. (I did this too.) While I can understand that kind of thing, I would say unrealistic expectations and projecting into the future are the culprit here. Stay in the moment about any particular prospect to avoid this emotional pitfall.

    My point is – stagnation will not bring you the love you want. Healing and grieving are not stagnation – they are an active process that has it’s time and place.


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