As a dating coach for women over 40, I believe in having fun! But, I also believe in using your head and applying sound strategies to your dating activities. That’s what will help you get the best results – finding the right man for you for a lasting loving relationship. so please understand I am not a spoil sport or trying to dampen your fun. I have only the best intentions for you with my advice.
Here are five key reasons why you want your first date to be short and sweet:
1. A short first date like coffee or a glass of wine makes it easy for you to escape should he not measure up. That’s why, if yo meet a guy online and he asks you to dinner for a first date, redirect him to something quicker. What’s worse than eating a meal with a man who is boring, insulting, uninteresting or inappropriate? Don’t do it! Keep it short.
2. A long first date can create a false sense of intimacy and sometimes leads to first-date sex. Well its not the end of the world, but it does cloud your ability to remain objective as you collect more information and learn about the man you are dating.
In addition, you never know if the guy will get an attitude about you sleeping with him so quickly – some men do still think this way. Others won’t care at all – but how you can tell after just one date which kind of guy he’ll be? That’s why its best to hold out for a while before you sleep with a guy. Never mind your emotional reaction if he never calls again or the health risks.
3. On a long first date you may “over share”. You could start telling stories about yourself best left until he gets to know and like you better. Once a man has formed an opinion of you, it’s safer to share the more private details of your life. The stories where you don’t always look your best such breakups, work stories or other things that have happened that could cast a shadow if told too soon.
Remember, people need to earn your trust before you let it “all hang out.”
4. Shorter dates cost less. This is a service to men who feel they should be the one paying for the date (hip hip hooray for these guys!) So when you have one cup of coffee or one glass of wine, the bill doesn’t add up to very much. And you don’t need to have any feelings of obligation because he spent a lot of money (which you shouldn’t have anyway, but sometimes do).
It also takes the pressure off that awkward point where he may feel pressured to ask if you are hungry. Avoid the whole thing and let him know it was fun, but you have to get going.
5. A short first date let’s you leave him wanting MORE. You want to have a little bit of mystery about you if you share everything up front – what will you talk about next time? But if you haven’t covered everything, he’ll get curious about what makes you tick and want to see you again.
This worked like a charm on my husband during our first date. It prompted him to ask when he could see me again!
Keep that first date short and hopefully it will lead to more dates. But at the very least you’ll waste less time on men who don’t ask you out again or that you’d never want to see again.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
I was introduced to a friend of a friend at their home. We hit it off immediately. He took my number and gave me his. I explained after he suggested I call that maybe he could call me because I’m a little old school at 50. He text me later with a sweet gesture and said he would call to arrange getting together. Well he did on Monday and by Friday, he picked me up and we were out. I wished I stuck to the short date rule but we had fun and good conversation ( wish my memory was better too) at the end of the date we said good night. He text me the next day. Said he had a great time. He remembered I’d mentioned an outdoor public concert on Sunday and asked to join me and the friends who’s house we met at. Took a swim in the pool after the concert and ate. Strange thing he said when he brought me to my home, stay in touch. Ugh. He text me goodnight. Today he calls to see what I’m doing tonight, I had plans (shhh… He doesn’t know that) We talked quickly, said good bye and he said maybe we’ll get together this week. While I’m hopefully optimistic, I get the fizzling feeling.
HI Deb,
Not sure what the question, but not much you can do about this situation. Either he follows through to date you …or he doesn’t. I recommend you look for other men to date to take your mind off him. He may be dating others and this way you keep your options open rather than just hoping this turns into something. it very well might, but you have to wait and see. Sorry
But what if he picks you up from your house?…Do you still make him to hurry up and take u to your house or what???
Well, if you met this guy on the Internet, I would hope you wouldn’t tell him where you live yet. You drive to meet him to keep yourself safe and your full identity private. This man needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy. That’s what date zero is all about – making sure you want to get to know the person further. And if you met the guy at a bar or singles dance, even though its a real first date – he still has to prove himself to be trustworthy.
Now, if he’s a blind date a friend set up – totally different story. Then your first date can be longer because its a real first date – not date zero. And because someone you know has recommended the person. I still suggest a phone call first to see if there is anything in common and how easy he is to talk to.
Last but not least, stay away from home as long as possible. When you decide to stay home, get a pizza and watch a movie, sex is likely also on his activity list. So until you are ready for that – stay out of the house!
Ronnie!
Great, GREAT tips on the first date – you hit all the reasons. Escape option, brief connection,and leaving room for intrigue.
Kelly Ann