Dating Over 40: The First eMail – What Do I Say?

You finally posted a profile online.  Congratulations!  You look around for people to contact.  But what should you say?  Here are a few tips that will get you started.

1) Less is better.  Don’t go on and on. Don’t ask too many questions. Don’t write more then 2-4 sentences.  Remember – short and sweet.  There’s a whole lot of email going on and no one wants to be overwhelmed or barraged.

2) Write something engaging!  Ask a question about something in the profile – that proves you read it. (or parts of it.)  Get a conversation started. Pretend you are sitting across from the person – what would you ask? The more conversational, the more fun and engaging.

3) Keep it light and easy.  don’t get all heavy or deep.  Don’t grill or interrogate the person.  This isn’t the interview yet – it’s the audition to make the first cut.  See if you can just have a few fun emails before you get all data- oriented looking for key compatibility traits.  There’s plenty of time for that.

Here’s an example.  One client had a guy email her who wanted to go right to a phone conversation.  She wasn’t sure about that – wanting to do a few emails first.  And she didn’t know how to deflect the phone invitation in favor of email first.

I asked what his profile said – we went and looked together. Turns out he mentions a broken wrist making typing hard.  Well yeah, that explains a lot.  Still she wanted to get a few emails going even if they were short ones.

Here are a few of my suggestions:
-Ask him how his wrist is doing
-Ask if anyone famous has signed his cast yet?
-Ask if he’s ambidextrous
-Ask if his personal assistant does his email for him?

It doesn’t take much to be a little funny, entertaining or engaging.
When you make it fun to read and answer, you are much more likely to get a response!



Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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