Tag Archives: online dating

Why Is He Still On The Dating Website?

why is he still on the dating websiteIf He Likes Me, Why Is He Still Online Dating? Good Question.

Having trouble understanding men and wondering why is he still on the dating website? Here’s how I answered this reader’s question about how men think and why they do this.

Help With Understanding Men and Dating

“Dear Love & Dating Coach Ronnie,

You give great advice and I’m hoping you can help. I met online and have been dating him for about a month. Things were great and I really like him – he has everything that’s on my list.

He is on the dating site frequently – multiple times a day. Sometimes, he’d be online after our dates or even while I was on my way to our date. Why is he still on the dating website?

When we were together, he was very sweet and totally into me. He listened, paid attention and was very affectionate to me. This is a perfect example of why I have trouble understanding men – I couldn’t figure out why, if he likes me, is he still online dating?

I Flat Out Asked Him

He got defensive and gave excuses,  saying it was way too early for this conversation. He told me we should head our separate ways and I haven’t heard from him since. I apologized and told him I wasn’t trying to force him into a relationship, just wanting to know what was going on.

It’s hard to stop thinking about him and only three days have passed since we’ve spoken. Maybe I ruined everything and I don’t know what to do? Please – I need help understanding men. Some of your great dating advice for women would be so helpful right now.

Thanks so much,
Bummed in Brooklyn”

Talk about Exclusivity

Dear Bummed,

While it seems like asking why is he still on the dating website is a reasonable question, to him it felt like you were asking about exclusivity. A month is a bit early for that. I recommend not talking about exclusivity until you’re ready to sleep with a man – I’m not sure if you had already done that.

This is a tough one because according to experts like Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker from Bravo TV, she says never sleep with a guy until you’re exclusive. But, not every woman wants to wait or follow that rule.

via GIPHY

I get why you just wanted to understand. You think,.”If he likes me, why is he still on the dating sites?” It’s a reasonable question to pop into your mind. This behavior would make any woman curious.

The Secret to Understanding Men

Knowing that he’s constantly trolling for women tells you something about him. It tells you he’s into variety and checking out all his options. There’s nothing wrong with that. But it demonstrates he’s not thinking about settling down any time soon. Observing a man’s behavior is the secret to understanding men.

You can’t just look at what a man says or how he acts while he’s with you. You have to consider him as a total package. When his words and actions don’t match or  his behaviors don’t seem consistent, pay attention. That’s an important piece information about who he really is.

He’s Not Ready

As a love and dating coach,  I can be more objective in understanding men because my heart is not invested. So I know he’s not ready for exclusivity. He doesn’t want to settle down or doesn’t want a girlfriend.

As a woman, your task is to observe a man’s behavior to learn about him. You don’t even need to ask a direct question to learn about him. Can you see what I mean?

You wonder if you ruined things with this man by asking. Nope, not this guy. He was too quick to cut things off. Maybe with another man, asking about exclusivity too soon could scare him.  That’s why it’s best to wait – you may need 8-12 dates and up to 2 months.

Or you could bring this up before having sex, so you know for sure he’s not seeing others. When it comes to understanding men, they don’t want to be rushed about exclusivity. I’ve had clients tell me a man agreed to exclusivity just to could have sex once and then never called again.

Expect Men to Be Dating Others

Most men want to keep their options open until they are ready to focus on one woman. This is absolutely normal. Just expect that men are dating other women no matter how much fun they are having with you. Until they talk about exclusivity, assume they are not only dating you.

Honestly, I recommend women do the same, since you don’t know which man will want to get serious. Or who your best match will be – that takes time to figure out.

How to Bring Up Exclusivity

If you want to ask if he’s dating others, wait till before you sleep with a guy. You don’t have to ask him directly. That’s one thing about understanding men that can change how this type of serious conversation goes.

Instead, say how things are for you, “I don’t sleep with a man until we are in an exclusive relationship.”  This is not a question, but a statement of fact. Some men won’t like this and won’t go for it. That’s OK because you found out you two didn’t want the same thing.

via GIPHY

Another way to bring up exclusivity is to say, “So many guys are still contacting me online and I don’t know what to do about that.” You’re not asking a question, just stating a fact. See how he reacts to this problem you  presented and keep quiet until he says something. This also helps with understanding men since now you won’t have to wonder why is he still on the dating website.

His Reaction Tells You Everything

It will be pretty obvious if he’s not into taking the next step toward taking down profiles and becoming exclusive, because he’ll look away , stammer, or be evasive.

The advantage of both of these methods is that you let the man come to his own decision without pressure or requiring a direct answer (which feels highly pressurized to a man.)

Why Did You Closely Monitor Him?

There’s another way to look at this situation. As a dating coach I wonder why you were checking on him so closely? Why were you watching his every move online?

When you just start dating a new man,  you don’t know if he’s “The One”. That takes  time. He may seem like a great guy, but you have to get to know him. And while doing that, you might as well date other men because you never know if a guy will ask you out again.

Date Multiple Men

Since you are working on understanding men, dating more than one man at a time is a great way to hedge your bets. This way you get to know a few men to help you find a good match. Plenty of men won’t be right for you or ghost quickly – that’s a normal part of dating.

Focusing on one man from the first date is a surefire way to end up heart broken and then have to recover from each disappointment. That’s not fun!

The next time you date a new guy, don’t stalk him online. Stop worrying why is he still on the dating website. Instead, think about who else YOU might date. Then when you decide to narrow the field and focus on one guy who seems worthy, you can bring up exclusivity.

There’s No Shortage of Men

Dating multiple men allows you to meet enough guys to know you are making a smart choice. The last thing you want is to stick with the first guy who asked you out because you think there might not be anyone better. There is no shortage of men, so don’t short change yourself by settling too quickly.

Wishing you love,

understanding men

 

 

Ready to attract a quality man? Listen to my program 5 Surefire Ways to attract a Quality Man

 

 

I Want to Meet Him In Person But We Only Talk Or Text

You think, “I want to meet him in person,” but it doesn’t happen. What’s going on with men who hold off and how can you change this?

You Want Him To Meet You In Person

Are you texting and talking to a man for weeks or months, but can’t seem to get him to meet you in person?

This is such a common problem, many women have been in this frustrating, no-win situation. My clients always want to understand why this occurs and feel attached to the men they’ve gotten to know by phone and text. Often, the only think they can think about is, “I want to meet him in person!”

Below, I share my dating advice with a woman who wrote about this very issue. She knows this situation is good for her but wants some help disengaging.

Should I End This Relationship?

“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I met this man through an online site. We have been texting and talking on the phone for six months.  Several dates were planned, but canceled (due to his work and mine).

I feel comfortable talking with him and he always initiates the calls. I can tell he is a smart guy. We can talk for hours from one topic to another including sex and he even shares his fantasy of being with me.

When I am confused or upset, he supports me through calls or texts. I want to meet him in person and he says, “I want to meet you in person too”. But he also says he prefers knowing me bit by bit, talking for hours on the phone. One day, he says, we will meet up.

I Want to Meet Him in Person

All in all, he is a nice person. But, I know that this will not be healthy in the long run. How should I tell him that this “fantasy” relationship between him and should stop? I feel that ignoring his calls and texts is not the proper way, since we have good relationship and respect on each other.

I kindly need your advice and input, Ronnie.

Thank you so much.
Hoping to Meet Him”

Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Dear Hoping,

Let me help you with understanding men.

I want to meet him in personThe first thing is that you have to realize you are NOT in a real relationship. This virtual connection does offer you some emotional support, but will never get beyond fantasy.

The difficult truth is he is wasting your time. Don’t think for one moment this smart guy doesn’t know this. You stay because you keep thinking, “I want to meet him in person” and hope it happens someday.

Don’t you wonder why he continues to talk to you when he knows he’ll never meet you? And,  “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” I bet it would help to know his true intention.

What Are His Intentions?

If you decide to talk to him about this, I guarantee he’ll say he HAS good intentions. He’ll promise to meet you in person soon. But that will just be more meaningless words to keep you in the game. He knows you want more, but he’s stringing you along, getting his needs met by phone.

On the other hand, you are not getting your needs met, because YOU want MORE. And he knows this too, so is he being honest or respectful? Not really.

Think about it logically for a moment and put your heart aside. That’s the best way to understand men. Why would a man want to talk on the phone and text for more than six months and not meet you?

Reasons Why He Keeps This Going

  • He’s married or in a relationship but doesn’t want to cheat physically
  • He doesn’t want the responsibility of a genuine relationship
  • He prefers to avoid any expectations on your part
  • He’s not emotionally available beyond phone chats
  • He doesn’t look like his photo and knows you wouldn’t go for him if you saw him
  • He prefers a fantasy life vs. real life because he’s maladjusted in some way

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the idea, right?

If this man wanted to date you or meet you in person, he would done so by now. He is using you and taking advantage of your good nature for emotional support and sexual fantasy.

Think about Yourself First, Not Him

Look at how much time you have already invested and wasted with this man, hoping he’ll meet you in person. More than six months! You’ve given your heart away to a man who will NEVER meet you or kiss you.

Unfortunately, it’s time to acknowledge this NOW and STOP texting and talking to him.

You owe him NOTHING because you’ve given him everything. You’ve spent enough time dreaming about how, “I want to meet him in person”. But it’s not going to happen with this man, ever.

Date Men Who Want to Meet

Once you start meeting men in person and going on dates, this guy will fade into the background.

And if you encounter another guy who avoids dates and you start thinking, “I want to meet him in person” that’s your signal to ditch the guy FAST and move on. If you want to find the real thing, you can’t waste time waiting around for some man to “get ready”.

Rule of Thumb

A good rule of thumb for how long to give a guy to meet you in person is 7-10 days. That’s it! Any man who needs more time is not actually available. it might be he’s not available emotionally or geographically or his life is too full for love to be a priority. Each of these situations are red flags that he’s the wrong guy if you want lasting love.

You Deserve Real Love

I know it’s not easy to let go, but thankfully you’ve already figured out this is unhealthy. You deserve the whole enchilada. A man who wants to spend time with you, hug and kiss you, laugh and hold hands, spend time with friends, go to dinner and make love.

If you can’t shut him off cold turkey, then text him and say, you want more so you’ve decided to move on. But then you have to be BRAVE and block him. Because I guarantee he will keep after you as long as you let him. He’ll never let go of the good thing you are in his life. You have to shut it down.

Wishing you love,

why does he come and go

 

 

Ready to meet the right man? Watch my free masterclass 5 Astonishingly Simple Ways to Find “The One” 

How Do I Know If He’s Playing Games?

 A reader asked me, “How do I know if he’s playing games?” If you are wondering the same thing, I’m going to make it easy for you to know in this post.

how do i know if he's playing gamesIs He Playing Games with Me?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a man on a dating site who seemed interested to get to know me. We both”liked” each others profiles and exchanged a couple of messages about twice a week.

Surprisingly, in all this messaging, he doesn’t ask much about me. To keep the conversation going, I always ended with a question giving him something to respond to. Lately, I noticed that he checks my profile, sees my message and then…waits a week to respond!

Recently, he said maybe we can connect one day when I am free, I told him the days I am free and he waited another week to respond, but gave me his cell asking me to talk by phone.

So, I texted him my number saying that I am looking forward to hearing from him and I told him when I was free. But, he never texted or called! But guess what- he checked my profile again! What is that about?

What should I do? ( I researched him and he is very reputable person and does not play games.)

Thanks for your help,
Dangling in Delaware”

Dear Dangling,

I’m sorry to contradict you but this guy is a TOTAL GAME PLAYER! Are you kidding? This is a huge game played by many men (and yes women too) called “Stringing You Along”.

What You Need to Know about Men and Dating

The next time you meet a new guy and wonder, “How do I know if he’s playing games?” the fact that you even have to ASK let’s you know the answer. YES!

Interested vs. Serious

There’s a big difference between a man texting you, calling or emailing and a man who asks you out. Within the first seven days, most communication is virtual. But a man who is genuinely interested will ask you out almost always within 7 days, 10 at the most and two weeks at the very outside.

Some men have no intention of meeting you even though they show interest by constantly texting or long phone calls. These can be fun for sure, but please understand – this is NOT an indication of true interest. Only live dates demonstrate real interest and a serious intent to see if you are girlfriend material.

How Do I Know If He’s Play Games?

Here are four things this man did that prove he’s not serious:

1.No man with genuine interest would LEAVE YOU HANGING or BE SO VAGUE about getting together. He would want to meet you and watch you laugh, see you smile, and get to know you.

2. A man who really wants to get to know you would NEVER TAKE A WEEK TO RESPOND! That’s terrible! It shouldn’t take more than 24 hours, maybe 48 but that’s already showing a weakness. (That goes for the women responding to men as well.)

3. Men who are genuinely interested would never let you do all the work of holding up the entire conversation. GUYS WHO ARE SERIOUS about getting to know you, want to learn about you so they ASK YOU QUESTIONS. His not asking about you shows a total LACK of interest.

4. I hate to say this but, he’s not really interested in you. He’s USING you to BOOST his EGO. That’s what all the texting and calling is about – him,

Say NO to Game Playing Heart Breakers

I encourage you to let go of the idea that he’s into you. He’s NOT. He’s playing games and boosting his ego. He might be a reputable person as you say but, he’s a cruel dater.

You’d be so much better off moving on now, because he’ll drag this out until you quit and you’ll risk heartbreak over an egotistical bum.

My dating advice to you is to increase your self-worth and know your true value as a woman and a person. No decent, self-respecting woman deserves this kind of treatment.

Perhaps you haven’t dated much so you don’t know about the games men play? This is something I specialize in as a dating coach for women over 40. My bestselling book Is He the One? Find Mr. Right by Spotting Mr. Wrong reveals over 40 games men play and how to spot them quickly.

 (Some women play them too and men get hurt as well.)

Time to Move On

In the future, when a man takes longer than seven days to ask you out, stop texting or talking on the phone and move on. Two weeks at the very most! Otherwise, the guy is most likely another game player who will leave you dangling and wondering.

In addition, if it takes a man several days to return a text – block him! There are no excuses for this kind of behavior except laziness or a lack of genuine interest. If a man has either quality, he’s not worthy of your precious time and good company.

You might also want to read these two posts which talk about texting and vague plans.

Wishing you love,

how do I know if he's playing games

 

 

P.S. Ready to smarten up about dating over 40? Get my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means and subscribe to my newsletter to get empowering dating insights right in your inbox.

 

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Why Do Guys Make Vague Plans? Understanding Men

The big question – why do guys make vague plans? Read on as I explain what it means when a man exhibits this confusing behavior.

why do guys make vague plansShould I Set Up the Date?

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

I met a guy online and we messaged a few times. There was some witty banter and it was okay but he didn’t ask me anything about myself or the things I wrote on my profile (big pet peeve). The conversation was okay. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He texted me “hi, how are you?” and I replied and got one word answers like, “Great, awesome or okay”. No real conversation.

Then he said we should pick a day to meet. I said “Okay, call me to set something up after July 4th”. He called me on the 6th. Conversation was okay, mostly me asking questions or talking again. We don’t seem to have much in common.

We Should Set a Date

At the end of the call he said we should set a date. I said let me know when is good for you and where we’ll go (I like a guy to ask me out). He replied, “I’m free whenever” then we ended the call. I felt bad about not having a date set up so I texted him, “I’m free every weekend but this one so let me know”. He texted back, “I will”.

Ronnie, I’m confused! Am I being difficult? Is there a difference between a guy who talks about setting a date and a guy who actually sets one?

Thanks for your help!
Still Waiting”

Dear Still Waiting,

No you are not being difficult. And yes, there is a difference between a guy who talks about a date and a guy who schedules one! It’s either passiveness or laziness but neither one is attractive or a good sign about his potential.

Why Do Guys Make Vague Plans?

Here are four of the most common reasons guys leave plans fuzzy:

1. Insecure – Yes, he might be insecure. But if he says something lame like, “Let’s set a date” to see how you’ll respond and you say yes, there’s no excuse for not setting a date right then. Your positive response should be all the ego boost he needs to take the next step.

Who wants to be with a man who can’t take this step? Most importantly, don’t make it easy for him by initiating or scheduling. You could end up dragging him every decision and be in charge of everything as time moves forward. That’s exhausting!

2. Hedging His Bets – He might be talking to several women at the same time. That’s not a problem – if you’re dating online or by dating apps, you know everyone is meeting lots of people. However, in this case, a “hedger” doesn’t want to commit until he decides who his top option is. That’s annoying and tells you his interest in you is not so strong. (Women also do this.)

3. Doesn’t Want to Date – There are men (and women) online who email and text but have no intention of meeting you. They are entertaining themselves, cheating without cheating or getting their ego stroked. So they talk about meeting but, never set anything up. And if you try to solidify plans, they are evasive or unresponsive.

4. Just Not that into You – He might think you’re an option, but he’s just not that into (thanks Greg Behrandt from his book He’s Just Not that into You). This is not a good sign for his Mr. Right potential. Your best option is to date men who WANT to get to know you which is the reason they pursue you, call, ask you out, pay etc. They do this to WIN YOU OVER.

[Read another post about guys who make vague plans]

How to Clear Up Dating Confusion

In addition, feeling confused by a man’s mixed signals often happens when you date men who leave plans vague or text a lot but are inconsistent with calls and dates. Remember, the way to know a man is genuinely interested is that HE WANTS to SPEND TIME with YOU.

In other words, if you’re don’t understand his behavior early in dating because he talks a good game but doesn’t go on many dates (at least weekly), he’s not interested enough to be the right man. The right man will not leave you hanging or feeling confused. That how you end dating confusion. Simply don’t put up with men who aren’t clear you could be the one.

Back to your question and this particular guy. You’re bored by the conversation and can already see he’s not making much effort. Those are lame, no effort texts he’s sending. That’s why it’s time to move on to meet a man who knows how to take charge. And who is engaging, fun and asks questions because he wants to get to know you!

Don’t bother with substandard men who
don’t meet your most basic needs.

Save yourself the time and aggravation and connect with some new guys who know how to date, have confidence, are curious about you and schedule dates! You deserve to be treated well, so start by treating yourself well and guarding against men like this.

Wishing you love,

why does he make vague plans

 

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5 Profile Writing Tips to Get a Man’s Attention

online dating profile, dating coach, how to find true loveWondering what to write in your online dating profile to get quality men to contact you? I’m happy to share my friend Joshua Pompey’s guest post with tips to help you get the attention you deserve.

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Its no secret that guys are visual creatures. When we see a pretty face online, most of us can’t help but gravitate right towards that profile.

But just because men are largely visual, doesn’t mean you should be ignoring the written portion of your profile. In fact, the written portion of your profile is arguably the most important determinant of your online dating success if you hope to land a quality man online.

This is because quality men actually do care what you write once they have determined whether or not they are attracted to you. In most cases, only the men who are desperate or are after nothing more than physical conquests won’t care what you write. So if you want to find success, it all starts with the perfect profile. Let’s take a look at these profile writing tips that make the foundation of a great online dating profile.

1. Don’t write a novel.

Men have short attention spans. The goal is to be as interesting as you can while staying economical with your words. A great profile will have the same entertaining elements as a novel without having the word count of a novel. It should hook its audience from the start, and leaving the reader wanting more at the end.

2. Don’t speak in clichés.

The online dating universe these days is one giant cliché. Everyone is just a clone of everyone else. I get it, you like to travel. But so does everyone else on the planet.

Instead of saying you love to travel, make a statement that is specific to your passion for traveling. “Whether I’m exploring the wonders of The Dead Sea in Israel, or laying on the beautiful beaches of Mexico with a cold Corona in my hand and just enjoying life, I am always up for that next big vacation. Any suggestions?!”

3. Use profile bait.

In the above example I go out of my way to say “any suggestions?” This is known as profile bait. Its goal is simple. You are setting the other person up with an easy opportunity to ask you a question if he wants to initiate a conversation. The simpler you make it for people to email you without thinking too hard, the more likely they will.

4. Turn that frown, upside down.

I don’t care if you’ve been hurt in the past, are a jaded dater, or feel as if online dating is the biggest waste of time in the world (which it isn’t!). Don’t send out any negative vibes in a profile. Focus on what you do want in a partner, not what you don’t want. Negative lists will attract nothing but negative attention.

5. Be the fun and adventurous woman that every guy wants to be around.

It’s every man’s dream to date a woman who is open to a lifetime of new and fun experiences. A man’s biggest fear is a lifetime of boredom and monotony.

So show in your profile that a life with you will be amazing. Word it in ways that show excitement and optimism for the future. Reveal or hint at future ambitions and goals. Discuss fun activities you have planned. The more you show you are just plain awesome, the more every guy will be fighting for the chance to date you.

For more profile writing tips from Joshua Pompey, read this free article on how to write an online dating profile, or check out Joshua Pompey’s custom-made profiles, where he has been successfully writing profiles since 2009.

 

Tips for Online Dating: I Don’t Have Time to Meet Him Now

 

Timing Tips for Online Dating

tips for online datingThis post is about your window of opportunity when it comes to meeting the men you connect with online. Timing is not as flexible as you might expect.

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Do you have time to connect with the men who email  you from online dating sites? You are probably crazy-busy with your life considering work exercising, child rearing, cooking, laundry, friends, family, etc. Making time to check your inbox, view profiles of the men who send email, and then responding is not always easy. You have to make it a priority. You’ll need to carve time out of your busy day to make sure you take care of these necessities. Yes NECESSITIES because you can’t dawdle when it comes to men online.

Is this news to you? This is the age of technology and that means people expect a response FAST. That’s right – there is an expiration date on your window of opportunity when it comes to online dating.

Responding to Emails

You have 24 hours to respond to an email before it goes stale. If you can’t get to the computer or your smart phone to answer a guy for 48, it’s still worth a shot. But not as likely to be well received.

When you email a guy you find interesting, how do you feel when he takes days to respond? It’s not eh best feeling and he feels the same way. Plus, he could be on to the next woman or several. A prompt response is the smartest thing.

Returning Phone Calls

This same sense of timing applies to returning phone calls. No one likes to be kept waiting. Your slow response lets him know he’s not your priority. If that’s not the message you want to send, get back to him in one day. Now on the flip side, you don’t have to call back in minutes. Looking like you are waiting for his call won’t serve you either. There is a careful balance with online dating. But don’t neglect the men who show interest in you.

Meeting Him for Date Zero

I’ve had a number of clients who tend to put off the first meeting. This is a HUGE mistake. Remember there are countless women online. If your schedule is too busy to fit in a quick glass of wine, a beer tasting or a cup of coffee for 60-90- minutes, that will be your loss. Why should he wait around to meet you?

One of my clients is committed to exercise daily. That’s is excellent self care, but if you want to meet men, consider getting up early and exercising before work. If every night is booked with something already, whether it’s exercise, yoga, book club, drinks with the girls, or washing your hair, you send a clear message whether you realize it or not. That message is “I don’t have time for you in my busy life.”

The other day, another client, Melanie, told me she is in the middle of moving. She couldn’t possibly meet this new guy until two weeks from now. She’s just too overwhelmed with the move and work. I pointed out that she does have one hour or 90-minutes and if she is truly interested in this guy, she better make that a priority too. Melanie doesn’t need to devote an entire evening to him, just make it quick. It’s a first meeting which is basically a chemistry check anyway.

Still, Melanie resisted. Talking to her at greater length, I explained that a man’s interest can be fleeting. Again there is an optimal window of opportunity before he simply moves on to meet others. If the job of a life time became available, would she find a way to get to the interview? You bet she would. Why isn’t love as important? This isn’t some guy – its a man who “on paper” meets much of Melanie’s criteria.

Later, Melanie admitted she wanted to put if off because she simply didn’t feel ready. She wasn’t expecting anyone to connect with her and yet here it was, a moment with potential kismet and she wanted to put it off. Finally she relented and agreed to find a time to meet him.

One of My Best Tips for Online Dating

If you don’t make finding love a priority, don’t count on connecting anytime soon. No matter what your goal is, from job hunting, to weight loss, to dating, the only way to achieve it is by putting in some time and effort. Otherwise you are just dabbling and likely to be wasting your time.

Don’t miss out on finding the one because you couldn’t find the time. All that really means is you don’t believe you’ll find him so why put in the time? Act like you are certain love is real for you and then take the needed actions to manifest your desire for love. You can do it!

Your Cheerleader for Love.

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

 

 

 

Should I Text Him? 5 Reasons Why Texting Is a Dead End

Wondering if you should text him? Here’s the skinny on texting; the good, the bad and the ugly truth.

understand men, should I text him, texting relationship

Understand Men and Why They Text

If you are looking for love with online dating, you can easily find yourself in this situation. You want to get past emailing through the site with a guy who looks good “one paper”. So you suggest talking on the phone. Or maybe the guy suggests moving to the phone. You share your number and boom! he starts texting.

At first this is a lot of fun. The back and forth and excitement of not knowing what the next text will say or when he’ll send it. Some people are very clever with their texts. Some share deeply. Some men ply you with compliments and early morning and late evening check-ins. It can be very nice and lure you into feeling like this is going somewhere.

Too bad that’s just not true! Most texting is completely meaningless in terms of a real loving relationship. Worse than that, it is a waste of your time and can keep you hopelessly single, especially if you are in a texting relationship where you don’t get together for dates.

Many women will let a man get away with lame excuses for not going on dates because you keep hoping he’ll come around. After all, it seems he likes you. Why else would  he be texting you for so long, right? Let me share five reasons why texting is a big fat dead end.

1. Some men need emotional support.

Let’s say a man doesn’t have anyone to talk to, but knows he’s missing out on getting the emotional support he needs. Texting is perfect for this. He can share what’s going on with him without looking you in eye. He can build a virtual friendship without spending a dime on you. He knows women love to be helpful and get sucked in thinking these deep conversations are creating a loving bond.

Too bad he’ll never step up to the plate to take you out on a real date. Or if you have been on dates, they are few and far between. Don’t trade your emotional support, which is really a privilege, in the hopes that he’ll come around to love you. In this case all the soul-baring he does is meaningless in terms of ever having a real relationship.

2. Some men can only handle a relationship at a distance.

There are men who want to feel connected to a woman. They want to feel your love and adoration, but can only handle those emotions from a distance. Texting allows them to open up to you, but keep you at a distance. The texting keeps him in contact with you but it’s all hands off. You may ask to see him, but he can work around that.

These men can’t handle anything more and don’t have much to give which is why texting is so perfect. Sharing through typing is actually very limited when you think about it. Don’t fall for this poor excuse of a relationship. You deserve the whole shebang, not just typing out a few tender sentences several times a day.

3. Some men crave female attention (ego boost)

Yes it’s true. Some men have weak egos that need constant stroking. What better way to feel good about himself and the power he has over women then by texting a whole bevvy of beauties? There are men who are in texting relationships with many women at the same time. How hard is it to write something simple twice a day like, “Hi beautiful. Thinking about you this morning. Hope you have a great day.” Then he can follow up at night with something like, “Sweet dreams honey. Thinking about you makes me smile.”

Or the weekend check in which goes something like, “What have you got planned this weekend?” Forget about it though – he’s not asking because he hopes you can fit him into your schedule. He’s just acting interested to keep you on a string. When a man asks this, but doesn’t follow up by asking you out, this is highly manipulative.

4. Some men don’t want any commitment.

Not only does this guy want to avoid a relationship, he doesn’t want any expectations either. And what kind of expectations can you have for a man who doesn’t have time to see you? Not much which is why, once again, texting is ideal. He can fantasize about you and with you. Talk about life and enjoy your  continued interest and attention without giving you a single moment of his time face-to-face.

5. Some men want to cheat without cheating.

This guy wants to avoid feeling guilty about his need for variety. He’s in a relationship or married and feeling the need to roam.  He connects with single women who he knows are lonely and have a deep desire for male attention. He’ll act so very interested in everything about you.

You may even see him once so he can get you really hooked on him. Then a million things happen that keep the two of you apart. He knows that keeping things going makes you want to hang in there so you can see him again some day. But you most likely won’t. Why? Because he’s already in a relationship! He doesn’t want to actually cheat on his woman sexually, so instead he is texting with you. Or maybe se.xting with you. The truth is, he is still cheating even if there is no sex involved, since he’s cheating with you emotionally.

What All Texting  Relationships Have in Common

Over time, your feelings grow for the man you are texting. You think you are building a strong foundation for your relationship. You value his ability to open up and tell you intimate details about his life. You assign meaning to all of this texting, thinking he must really be into you.

Regardless of what is behind a man’s texting, it’s a DEAD END. He’ll never come around, never spend time with you and never have a real relationship with you. Yet, you are allowing him to take up space in your heart. You may feel fulfilled in some way that keeps you from seeking true love. You might feel satisfied or hopeful enough that you don’t bother looking for other men.

Don’t let this happen to you. If you are in a long-term texting relationship, from two weeks to a full year, dumb his sorry ass right now. If you are wondering, “should I text him?” stop right there. Call a girlfriend instead. Read a book. Watch a movie. Exercise or do yoga. Anything but text him one more time!

Stop thinking about what you are going to be losing. You are not losing love because you never had him. You only had the illusion. You have a virtual relationship and are up in your head.

True Love Involves Spending Time Together

A real relationship, one that enriches your life and adds value, is  face-to-face, live and in person. You go on dates. He makes time for you. You share experiences while getting to know each other. You kiss and touch and more. This is a loving relationship and there is no romantic substitute. Please don’t be fooled for another minute.

Texting certainly does not hold a candle to kissing the man of your dreams.

Dating a Divorced Man and What You Need to Know

understanding men, dating coach, finding loveUnderstanding Men Can Be Challenging. So Can Dating a Divorced Man.

Having a hard time understanding men? You are not alone. In this post I’m going to explain what I call, “Newly Divorced Man Syndrome – I hope you haven’t run into this but if you have, this will help you figure out what happened.

“Hi Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women Over 40

I met this guy online from a dating site. He took the initiative and we started chatting/texting immediately. I feel like we connected and have the same beliefs and common interests. We both right off the bat explained to each other our likes and dislikes and had mutual feelings..

We became close. After a week of talking he begged me everyday to meet him but because our work schedules clash and the distance, we had a hard time planning a date. He is recently divorced has children every other weekend. We FaceTimed just to get to know each other a little better before we met up and afterwards he asked me if I was still interested? I said yes and so did he.

The next day he asked if I wanted to come meet him when he got home from work. He did have the kids, but they would be asleep by the time I got there. So I did go ahead and meet him. We had a great time and watched a movie. He was very caring made sure I got there OK made sure I was comfortable while I was there. We hit it off and we did fool around.

We both felt that connection really strongly. He held me all night basically treated me as a girlfriend. Before I even met him he would include me in all his future ideas and speak to me as if he was already going to date me.. He told me he already liked me. But if for some reason after a few dates if we didn’t hit it off or feel the same about each other, he would still remain friends with me. This was before we met.

The next day after meeting I didn’t hear from him which I didn’t expect too because he had the kids and it was Father’s Day. I sent him a nice message for Father’s Day and he thanked me and told me he was sorry for not texting. He was getting the kids ready and has a full day ahead of him but told me to have a great day. I asked him if he was still interested and he said yes are u?

I didn’t hear back from him so I sent him another message asking how his day was. He said it was all good until he went to drop off his kids and their mother showed up late and with her boyfriend.. I said I’m sorry 🙁 and he replied with how he wasn’t happy. He said he would never take her back because he lost of trust in her and that she made her bed and can lie in It. I told him if he ever needed to vent I would be here for him and he replied with thank you. than he stayed quiet and I asked him if he was OK? He hasn’t talked to me since, but I’ve seen him post a few things on Facebook.

What are your thoughts Ronnie? He seemed so into me. Please help me with understanding men and dating a divorced man.

Missing the Connection in Michigan”

 

Dear Missing,

I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it sounds like you fell into the “newly divorced man trap.” Of course dating a divorced men is not always like this. But this guy sure fits the pattern. Here are some of the clues that indicate you fell into trap to help you with understanding men:

1. Opening Up – Texting, emailing, talking on the phone, and sharing deeply before you meet sadly mean nothing. This “open communication” when dating a divorced man (or single) creates an emotional connection so you let your guard down and start to trust the the guy. It’s a strategy that works all the time with countless unsuspecting women.

Deep sharing before meeting is a trap itself. Think of this like a spider in a web – “Come closer,” the spider says, ” I won’t hurt you, I can really open up and share my feelings with you and we’ll be friends no matter what.”

2. Movie Watching – When a man you haven’t met in person yet (or any time early on in dating)  asks you to come over and watch a movie, this is “ManSpeake” for “let’s get naked.” You’re better off meeting in public places until he pursues you consistently enough that you feel his intentions are to keep seeing you. This is a safeguard to help avoid the men who just want to get you into bed.

3. No Follow Up – After sleeping with this type of newly divorce guy, his communication and interest slows or disappears. “Have a great day” is not a personal comment for someone you are really connected to. Plus, you had to initiate contact by texting several times to hear from him. He clearly fails here on Mr. Right potential. For help with understanding men, if they slow down with contact or date requests or disappear, that’s your sign he’s not the one.

4. No Commitment – Recently divorced men aren’t known for wanting commitment, but ARE known for wanting sex with a variety of partners. Conquest and getting a woman to trust them to sleep together is often the focus and somehow they are very skilled at it. They KNOW what a woman needs to hear to gain that trust. Then they take advantage of your vulnerability. Not all divorced men are like this – but many fit the pattern.

5. Complains about the Ex – When a divorced man complains about his ex a lot upfront, that means he’s not over her. He’s not ready for a relationship. Walk away! There’s nothing more to understanding men who do this.

Promise me you’ll NEVER offer to nurse a man back to emotional health over his ex or let him vent to you about her. You will feel your connection getting stronger as he leans on your for healing. But, you will be his TRANSITION woman and the minute he feels better, he’ll move on. It happens all the time.

Compassionate women exchange emotional support hoping of love. This will not serve you. Next time you meet a divorced man who talks about his ex frequently, move on immediately to find a better man who is ready and available for love and a relationship.

The Truth about Dating A Divorced Man

So that’s the unfortunate truth about the “Newly Divorced Man Trap” and dating divorced men. I know firsthand all about this because it happened to me too. But, now that you know, you won’t fall for that trap again! Keep meeting new men because GOOD men are out there I promise.

Wishing you love,

dating a divorced man

 

Want to avoid this kind of dating mistake and get more savvy advice? Call me at 203-877-3777 to talk about dating coaching

 

Online Dating Profile: If I Don’t Want Kids, Can I Say That?

My advice for your online dating profile is NOT to Focus on What You Don’t Want

online dating profile, online dating, dating coaching profile writing

Dating over 40, people have life history. Sometimes that means, marriage, divorce and children. Children are a blessing – there is no question. However, not every woman wants children…or wants to be a step mom either.

What do you say about this when writing your online dating profile? NOTHING! Yes, that’s right. Neither should you mention any of the following. You don’t want:

  • A coach potato
  • A player
  • Men who aren’t honest
  • Men who make less than $100,000
  • An unemployed man
  • Men who have never been married
  • A poor speller
  • A liberal
  • A conservative
  • A man without college education

Let me explain the reasoning here.  Think about it this way, your a man looking through profiles to meet women. You stumble on a woman’s profile who takes up a good amount of space explaining what she doesn’t want. In other words, who should not apply for the position of her date and lover.

How do men view these requirements, especially the negative type? They hear it as criticism. Even if they do not have those negative characteristics you clearly spelled, it doesn’t matter to the male reader. He hears criticism and you just lost out on a potentially great guy.

If you don’t want to date a man with kids, look at his profile to see if he has kids. Don’t waste space in your profile saying that.

There is another aspect to writing your profile to portray yourself as as positively as possible. Avoid sounding demanding, What do I mean? Here’s a sampling:

  • You must be a dog lover
  • You must like children
  • You must be spritiual
  • You must be financial stable
  • You must like to travel
  • You must be honest

When you use the word “must” you send a clear message: “I’m hard to please.” Even if that’s not true, a man will get that impression about you. Avoid using words like this at all costs. Demanding, rigid, hard to please, picky, difficult – everything but relaxed, easy going or easy to get along with. That’s what men like. You might not be this way, but let him get to know you first.

Just like you, men are looking for red flags in your online dating profile. If you stop using these phrases and describing the man you want in this fashion, more men might be willing to contact you. And after all, that’s exactly what your profile is for! You Wan to encourage men to contact you. So including on off-putting language.

What should you write in your online dating profile?

Tell him who you are. Describe your personality. Tell him the type of person you are. Explain how much fun a day with you could be. Give him an idea of how you’d like to spend a rainy Sunday with him. Remember to include activities he’ll like too, not just culture and yoga.

Online dating is here to stay and more and more people will rely on this method to find people to date. Get in the game and give it a shot. And if you are already online, tweak your profile to be more positive to improve your results!

By the way, I can write online dating profile for you and am an expert. If you don’t know what to write or want better results and think it’s time to ask for help, that’s what I’m here. Call me at 203-877-3777 or email me now.

He Has No Time For Me – Should I Wait Around?

he has no time for me, dating coach, dating tips for womenIf “he has no time for me” is your complaint about the man you are seeing, here’s my best dating tip for women who find themselves in this situation…

“Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

For a little over a month, I’ve been dating an older man who recently started a new business venture (he also has a full-time job that he works at night). We’ve been on four dates and we talk/text everyday. When he speaks of the future, my son and I are part of it.

My dilemma is that his new business takes up a lot of his time. We haven’t seen each other in over two weeks. He has no time for me. While I am naturally a loner and I’m quite comfortable with being by myself, I do get lonely (which is why I joined the dating site where he and I met). With his current work schedule and the business he is building, I feel that we don’t have enough time to spend with each other. I’ve spoken to him about my concerns to which he replied that he understood and asked me to be patient with him.

I feel that we should be able to meet/go on a date at least once a week. Am I being a brat by thinking this way? Or do I have a legitimate concern here?

Thanks for your time!”
Waiting Around

Dear Waiting Around,

You are not a brat! Your complaint about how “he has no time for me” is understandable and your desire to see him is completely reasonable. It’s not like you want to see him every night or even four times a week.

Here’s the problem: A new business can be a huge time drain or… a perfect excuse not to get close. I can’t say for sure which is true with this particular guy.

He Might Not Be the Right Guy for You
What I can tell you is that he might not be the right guy because dating and love are not high on his priority list. Any man who is serious about love makes it a priority. Not only that, but if he is building a business, when will he have time? A business start up can take years to solidify. He is showing you that you will never be his priority or certainly not in the near future.

How long does he think you should be patient with him? Ridiculous. It’s not like you’ve been in a committed relationship for years and he’s asking you to be patient. That would be quite a different story.

Keep Your Options Open
A month is not a long time to know someone and I’m assuming he hasn’t asked you to be exclusive. So, don’t hide yourself away! Keep your options open and date other men too. Until you are in an exclusive relationship, there is no reason not to see others. This way, you won’t put too much pressure on him and you might meet other men who hold finding love as a higher priority.

Don’t Limit Yourself
Why limit yourself to a man who doesn’t offer what you want in a loving partner? Here’s one of my biggest dating tips for women over 40 looking for love:

If a man is not what you want in the first month, he never will be.

Don’t wait for him! On the other hand, you don’t have to dump him either. However, my dating advice is to find other men to date. Then see what happens. I’m a big fan of meeting lots of men and dating as many as you like during that initial get-to-know-you-phase. You can see the real value of playing the field in this video. (after you click, scroll to see video – its a good one)

Keep this important fact in mind:

The purpose of dating is to discover who you want to get to know better and invest your time and emotion in.

When a man shows you he has no time for you, think twice about what he’s really saying. Remember, actions speak louder than words when it comes to men. Too often, single women make excuses for the guys they date. Don’t do it. If you want to be a man’s priority, you need to experience that from the very start. No dating situation gets better than the first few weeks together.

Since you are still free and single, make the most of dating to find the right man for you and the love you deserve.

Dating Questions: Why Didn’t He Call for a Second Date?

dating questions, why didn't he call, dating coach, find loveCurious why he didn’t call for a second date?

This is dating question plagues women of all ages. Read on to discover the best way to handle this and what you can do about it.

 

Hi Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women,

I recently exchanged emails with this guy I met through an online dating site. Then we talked on the phone and last Wednesday and met for coffee. Things went great and we talked for 2 hours. He walked me to my car, hugged me twice and said he had a good time. He mentioned wanting to see me again and to text him when I got home.

I did text him that I got home and told him I had a great time and look forward to seeing him again. He texted me back, “Glad you are home and I had a great time too!”

Friday night I  called and texted him. I kept it simple, saying, “Hi how are you? I had a great time the other night. Any chance we could get together again sometime this weekend? Give me a call & let me know.”

I bummed because I still haven’t heard from him and now it’s Sunday afternoon.  What should I do? Why didn’t he call for a second date?

Thanks for your help!
Norma in New Hampshire

Dear Norma,

This is a frequent problem for women. You have a first date, things go well, then you never heard from the guy again. Every single woman has experienced this situation, sometimes many times. Trust me, as a dating coach for women, I know how confusing and frustrating this can be. I went through it myself!

I don’t recommend this
However, I don’t recommend women follow up with guys, check in or ask them out. What works best is to wait to see what a guy will do on his own to pursue you, without your prompting. That’s the best way to gauge a man’s interest. The sooner he calls, the more likely he’s genuinely interested. That’s just one clue to add to others you gather while letting the man pursue you.

If you ask, and he says yes…
When you ask a man out, he may be flattered or think he’s going to get lucky. But his “Yes” response doesn’t always mean he’s interested in you or that he’ll ask you out again. The savvy dater knows to let a man call her instead. Let him lead the pursuit for the first 4-6 dates.

In this case, since you already did reach out and he didn’t respond, you now know that he’s not really interested. Why didn’t he call for a second date is a perplexing issue. Keep in mind, it doesn’t mean he didn’t have a good time with you on the first date. Unfortunately, it isn’t always enough to get that second date.

Why didn’t he ask for a second date?
There are literally thousands of reasons why he didn’t call for a second date. He might have met another woman. Maybe he’s just going on first dates to see how many women are interested. He might not know what he wants, isn’t ready to date yet, etc.

The reasons for not getting a second date are endless and could even include that he went away for the weekend. I’m sorry to say you will never know what happened or why. Asking a man directly wont’ result in getting a straight answer either. This is part of dating and there’s simply no way around it.

You can ask one time
I always tell my clients, “You can ask a man out one time if you feel like you have to. But if he does go out with you, don’t ask him again.” You want him to get invested in winning you over. No one, not men or women, want what is too easy. It’s a fact of life.

Mystery builds attraction
You know how women complain about a man who is too nice? We like a little tension too. A bit of mystery which adds to the excitement. That’s why so many women are intrigued by bad boys. Well, the vast majority of men want that mystery too which is why they don’t like women to pursue them. Too easy equals no fun.

I realize this may be hard to understand. After all it, you might be thinking,”What’s the big deal? What do you mean I shouldn’t ask him out? Why aren’t things equal in dating?” Let me explain the disconnect here. Dating is an ancient, archaic mating ritual rooted in biology. Men still have hunter instincts and want to pursue. So you can’t take the DNA out of dating.

Let men pursue you
Regardless of the equality achieved in the workplace, for the first few dates, let the men pursue you and ask you out. It just works best this way.

Not to worry. There are plenty more men out there. Keep connecting online and you’ll be in a relationship sooner than you think.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

Best Dating Advice to Find Love After 50

 

dating after 50, dating over 50, online dating best dating adviceHoping to find love after 50? These ideas will help!

Recently NPR did a piece on how online dating sites were helping older singles. Ina Jaffee interviewed Sam Yagan, the CEO of Match Group (Match.com, OurTime.com, OkCupid.com, BlackPeopleMeet.com). The company owns 30% of the $2 billion dollar online dating industry and he points out the fastest growing segment is people over 50. Currently, 40% of people aged 50+  are single which is why the subject of dating after 50 is frequently covered in the media.

Get a First Date
I love what Sam had to say – it makes so much sense to me. Basically, online dating provides a way to set up your first date. Yup, that’s it exactly. Online dating is a tool to meet singles and one of the best ways to connect with prospects.  Just like Meetup.com, singles dances, Parents Without Partners, and other singles groups.

Try the Deep Sea Fishing Approach
As a dating coach for women over 40, I talk a lot about where to find men and refer to it as “Deep Sea Fishing”. When you  fish on the open waters, the captain takes you to where the fish are. He uses sonar, bait in the water, watches where the seagulls circling and talks to other captains so you can have the fun experience of reeling in a boat load of fish all in one afternoon.

If you like to fish, you might also set up a few poles along the shoreline, and then wait, praying the fish will swim by and take the bait on your hook. When it comes to dating, especially after 50, you want to focus your efforts to meet the most people. It’s just more efficient and a lot more fun. Which is why you want to use the deep sea fishing approach which is online dating. No where are there more singles who are 50+, gathered in any one place than on the web.

Single Men Don’t Attend Social Gatherings Like Women Do
Things are different when you are younger and the vast majority of people your age are still single. But in midlife, its not as easy to tell who is single or in a relationship. For some reason, single men over 50 just don’t go to singles-related events in the same numbers as women. So, it looks like there are a heck of a lot more single women then there are men. But not that’s the truth. The men do not attend social outings, and instead prefer to seek partners ONLINE.

Digital Dating Is Efficient
That’s why I talk about online dating so much and why I feel it’s such a smart option. Digital dating is efficient and a good use of your time. You can meet a lot of men for not much money (especially compared to matchmaker fees usually in the thousands of dollars).

When you attend dances, the male/female rations are probably not too bad. But in many MeetUp.com groups, the women outnumber the men significantly. And in matchmaking services, depending on the location and age bracket, my educated guess is a 60/40 or even 70/30 balance of women to men because men prefer the Internet. Those are not great odds when you are hoping to find love after 50.

Kissing Frogs
Will you meet men who aren’t right for you? Of course you will! The same is true for any method of meeting singles. So what? If you don’t take the chance, you won’t meet anyone. Like professional hockey champion, Wayne Gretzky says, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” Dating requires meeting a lot of prospects so you can find a good match. Kissing lots of frogs as they say.

The Best Dating Advice Ever
To me, the best dating advice to find love after 50 was offered by the sister-in-law of the woman interviewed by NPR. She wisely suggested that Vicki, “have a thick skin, a sense of humor and try to have fun.” Beautifully said and superb advice. If you can follow those words of wisdom, you’ll do well in your search for love.

8 Big Advantages for Meeting Lots of Men
The more you can simply relax and get used to meeting new people, the better your chances for finding the one.

  1. You’ll look more confident which heightens your appeal
  2. You’ll learn how to get in and out of situations with ease and grace
  3. You’ll feel more at ease which helps your date feel more at ease too (remember, men choose women who make them feel good about themselves )
  4. You’ll build or improve your conversation skills
  5. You’ll  practice your flirting and learn to rely on your feminine charm
  6. You’ll discover the abundance of single men out there
  7. You’ll stop hyper-focusing on each date, fretting over if he is the right one for you
  8. You’ll recover from disappointment and rejection more easily as you realize there’s always another man to meet

Online dating is the biggest boon to singles over 50. You may have decided those sites are a curse, but they are actually a blessing when you learn how to use them more effectively. Keep in mind 20% of all relationships now start online. If you  could use some expert help and dating advice, check out my home study course How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online.

Are You Making These 3 Online Dating Mistakes?

 

online dating, date online, online dating advice, meet men, dating coaching for womenThree online dating mistakes most women make

When dating coaching clients come to me, they often start by complaining about online dating. Until we peel back the layers to see what they are doing wrong, they feel frustrated with the men who email them. This can happen for a number of reasons:

  1. They don’t like the men who email
  2. They don’t get enough men emailing them
  3. They wait for men to email them

There are probably more, but those are the top three problems women share with me.

Now you might think the only way to get a man to email you is to email him first. Not true! That is one way of course but I’m going to share how to email men to get a better response rate.

See, most women think the way to use online dating to meet men is so obvious. Trouble is, that’s not really true. There are a number of easy tricks to the process that can make things go so much more smoothly for you when you know what they are.

Those are the things I want to share! I want online dating to be easy, fun and highly productive so you can meet men and find love.

You might have figured some things out on your own already. But I’m going to share three secrets about how to get men to email you. This is just the tip of the iceberg on the great tips you’ll get from this program.

1. Browse men’s profiles.
As you know, you get messages from the site about who has viewed your profile. This is like online flirting – you get to see who has been admiring you. Flirting behavior can perk up a man’s interest in you and might get him to email to learn more and connect.

 2. See a guy you like? Mark him as a “favorite”.
When a guy sees that you have favorited him, he gets naturally curious to know more and often will write to you. This is another online dating flirting trick to nudge a man into action about you.

3. Choose a few men to contact.
Yes, there is nothing wrong with emailing men. You don’t need to wait for men to contact you. This again is a lot like flirting at a cocktail party. You are just being friendly. This is not an aggressive step at all. But, keep it short and ask just one question to get him thinking about you.

Now you may have already tried these tips, especially writing to men and without much to show for it. Ahhh, but what did you say? Did you make these three fatal mistakes?

  1. Did you tell all about yourself?
  2. Did you tell him how much you have in common?
  3. Did you write a long email hoping to capture his attention?

All three of these mistakes will likely not get the guy to write to you! I know, online dating is not so obvious when it comes to what works. While it seems like those methods should work, often they simply don’t. And that’s what gets SO AGGRAVATING about online dating.

But, your frustration arises from the core problem:

Not really knowing how online dating works

 Now, that lack of knowledge can be a thing of the past! All you need to do is get a copy of my home study program, How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online  You’re efforts online will be so much more productive once you gain access to all the tips and tricks I share.

I’m am all about efficiency. I know you are busy. I know you just want to meet someone. I know you don’t have a lot of time to waste. So stop wasting time! Check out How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online for more tips to make finding love online a reality for you now.

Date Online: Do I Have to Wait for Men to Contact Me?

date online, online dating profile, dating advice,

Tips to Date Online  -Be Friendly!

If you want to date online, this post offers some great tips on how to reach out to men and make the first contact.

Last night I was delivering my latest dating seminar Online Dating Kick Start and a great question came up.  One participant wanted to know if she needs to wait for men to contact her online. She is concerned about being aggressive or pushy.

A Big Virtual Cocktail Party
As one of my colleagues, Laurie Davis, founder of eFlirtExpert.com says, think of online dating as a big cocktail party. I love this analogy!

Think about it, if you were at a cocktail party, face-to-face with handsome men, would you stand around against the wall hoping one of them would talk to you? I sure hope not! Being friendly is one of the four basics of flirting that I share in Flirt School. (The others are brief eye contact coupled with a smile and acting like you are having a great time.)

Being Friendly Breaks the Ice When You Date Online
When you strike up a conversation with a man, you are breaking the ice which is often much appreciated.  There’s nothing wrong with being friendly at all. It’s not pushy. It’s not aggressive. It’s not forward. It’s just friendly! When you are friendly, you make yourself appear far more approachable which is exactly what you want to make it easy for men to meet you.

So to date online, men appreciate that friendliness as well. Trust me, men contact so many women with little or no response. They often have a much harder time connecting online. When you reach out to start a conversation, the guys will be flattered and likely grateful.

When You Date Online, Don’t Get Hung Up on Rejection
Keep in mind, that some won’t answer you. So what! Continue being friendly to new guys and you will find some who definitely want to know more about you. Don’t let a lack of response get to you or drag you down. I want to encourage you not to read into it as rejection. After all, who knows what that guy is up to or looking for. He might be traveling, dating someone else, or not sure what he even wants.

Try hard not to spend a lot of time worrying why someone didn’t respond. Instead, find someone new to contact – that’s so much more productive. The more time you spend in a positive mindset about online dating, the less stress and disappointment you’ll experience.

Back to contacting men. So, what should you say? Choose something from the profile that you have a question about. Then say hi and ask one question. Keep it simple. Or make a comment about something and then ask a question about it. That’s it. If you are comfortable and good at being funny – write something clever. Humor is a great ice breaker.

Here’s What You Don’t Want to Do

  • Don’t get into how much you have in common – let him be the judge of that.
  • Don’t describe yourself – he can look at your profile. Let him get curious to know more about you. 
  • Don’t write a long email – boring!
  • Don’t ask several questions making it difficult to respond. Make it easy and keep it simple.

Now, being friendly is not the same as asking a man out when you date online. I’m really not a fan of women doing the initiating to that extent. Some women feel they have earned the right to pursue, but in my 12 years experience as a dating coach for women and in my own dating experience, I discovered that things work better when men pursue. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly and flirty.

So, if you want to date online and aren’t getting enough contacts in your inbox, stop waiting around. Reach out and say hi to a few men. Just act like you are at a huge virtual cocktail party and see who you can clock with. keep it light, fun, spontaneous and you’ll get results.

Online Dating: How Can I Handle All the Rejection?

online dating profile, dating advice,

Tips for Online Dating and Rejection

Coping with Online Dating and Rejection

Is online dating too stressful for you? Do you feel you can’t handle the rejection that comes with meeting new people? Read my advice to this woman who feels the same way and how she can turn things around to lighten up and enjoy the process more.

“Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach,

My question is about online dating. I don’t know how not to get upset, stressed out, and anxious over all the rejection on the Internet dating sites. Can you  please help me find a way to feel calmer about the process? It’s just way too worrisome for me the way I’m currently going about it. Thanks so much!”

Worrying in Worcester

 

Dear Worrying,

Regardless of what kind of dating you do, rejection is a part of it. I know this is really hard for you, but if you are going to look for love, there is no way around the possibility of being turned down, dropped, ignored, or broken up with. So somehow, you’ve got to learn to toughen up a bit.

When you think about it, people online aren’t really rejecting you because they don’t even know you yet.  Prospects are making snap judgments and drawing conclusions quickly without having the full story. This is how it is and you do this as well. It’s natural and everybody does it.

Reframing Rejection from People You Haven’t Met Yet
So my biggest piece of online dating advice is to reframe the word “rejection” as it relates to the people you haven’t met yet. Instead, simply think of them as opting out of your dating pool. In truth, these people are doing you a favor because they are not wasting your time or leading you on. And if they were “the one” for you, they wouldn’t disappear so quickly. They were attracted to others and you exhibit the very same behavior, so find a way to let this go and not take it as a “true rejection”.

That said, perhaps I can help you with some additional strategies to lighten up about the process.

 1. Take the Pressure Off
Every time you meet someone new, my bet is you think he might be “the one”. That is a heck of a lot of pressure on him and you. Instead, take it down a few notches and think about it this way – you are simply meeting new people. That’s it. Then you can relax and be yourself and not worry about the outcome. Heck, he’s just one more guy on your journey to find love.

2. Get Comfortable Meeting New People
I did this when I was dating and met 30 men in 15 months to meet the man who became my husband. What I discovered is that doing this helped me became very comfortable meeting new guys. And if a guy didn’t work out or never called, I took it in stride because I started to realize that he was just one man. And there were plenty more.

3. Every Man Is an Opportunity to Practice
When you have a first meeting with a new guy from an online dating site, this is your chance to fine tune your conversation skills. The more practice you have, the better you get until you can make conversation with just about anyone. This is another confidence builder that is not only a good for your dating life, but will serve you in life overall. You can’t go wrong learning how to be a great conversationalist!

4. Learn to Flirt and Make Dating Fun
Whether you meet men through online dating, at singles dances or a bar, knowing how to flirt is the key to having fun. Flirting is nothing more than a spontaneous, creative way to interact with people. From a distance, flirting is all about body language and some of that comes into play close up as well. The point is to send non-verbal messages that you are open and friendly and LOOKING for a man.

There is nothing sleazy or inappropriate about flirting. It leverages your feminine energy and charm, both are innate to your very being as a woman. Learn to unleash you inner Goddess and let her shine and be seen! This part of you is playful and alluring and will attract men like bees to flowers bursting with pollen.

5. Date More Than One Guy
I was very busy meeting lots of men on my journey to find love. That was truly a blessing which kept me from over focusing on any one particular guy. You never know which man will ask you out again and stick around and who will disappear and never be heard from a again. This is the reason I encourage dating around and dating more than one guy at a time. This is especially true for online dating because the men are meeting lots of women too.

 6. Online Dating Response Rates
This might surprise you, but it’s the reality of digital dating. If you get a 10-20% response to the emails you send – you are doing super fantastic. Everybody has a low response rate and it’s so much worse for the men. Once you reset your expectations about how men will respond to you and start to expect that some men will act all interested and then disappear, you won’t feel so devastated. You’ll know this happens to everyone and it’s par for the course.

Once you realign your thinking about the reality of online dating, you might realize you are actually doing better than you think! 🙂

So many of my clients have found these tips very comforting and helpful. I hope you will as well. Don’t give up! Every man you meet brings you one man closer to the right man for you.

Wishing you love

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

 

 

Dating Coaching: My Clients Find Love or Get Married and Thank Me!

dating coaching, find love, meet men, online dating, getting married

My Client Is Getting Married!

Ever Considered Dating Coaching?

I am so excited! This has been a week of happy clients which warms my heart and makes everything I do so worthwhile. After all, this is why I work as a dating coaching – to help single midlife women find love!

So let me share the two emails I got this week with you below so you can see for yourself that my advice does work! And it works well!

Love Story #1

 

“Hi Ronnie, I took your How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online workshop last year and found the class to be very practical with a ton of useful advice. I followed your advice (well not to the letter, but close enough). Above all, you gave me the courage to “get out there”. Why am I telling you this? I’m getting married next weekend! Thanks for that little push!”  –Tina

Like most women dating after 40, Tina had some reservations about online dating. She was not sure what to say in her profile, what site to try or what to expect. But, she did the smart thing and decided to learn what works with dating today and how to avoid the common pitfalls that cause frustration, disappointment and heartbreak too.

Apparently Tina was a very good student! With some help and encouragement, she pushed past her concerns to try my expert dating advice and put her own spin on it. Now she’ll be walking down the aisle as she marries her new love next weekend. I’m so happy for her!

Love Story #2

The next email I got was from Patti who is in a new romance. She keeps me posted on how things are going and I love to hear from her. Patti has a level of sophistication, but lives in a rural area which makes it a bit harder to find what she wants. Dating was sometimes challenging to meet enough men, never mind with the intelligence and life experience she was seeking.

A widow, Patti had been in a long and loving marriage. But she had been single for some time and was very ready to find love again. We talked about how to stay positive and especially how to use her feminine charm with men. She always made an effort to implement the strategies we discussed. Even though there were dry spots along the way, her perseverance produced a wonderful man who appears to be simply crazy about her. What woman doesn’t want that?

Here’s the email Patti sent me this week:

“Hi Ronnie, I wanted to let you know that my romance continues to be blissful and passionate…it’s almost 4 months. He is the most wonderful man and our relationship is so great. He is also wildly in love with me, which is so nice:)

AND…really…I don’t think the story would have such happy chapters if I hadn’t done coaching and classes with you. What I learned was invaluable. Your influence, especially around femininity and letting the guy drive, is profound. It’s also really fun. Thank you thank you thank you” –Patti

So, I’m in my office this afternoon wondering, who will be next to find love? Will it be you?

Dating coaching can open your eyes to ways of looking at dating and conducting yourself that you would never come upon on your own. Why do things the hard way so that it could take so much longer? Why expose yourself to potential heartache that you could easily sidestep with some expert advice?

The good news is, I’m here for you whenever you are ready. What about this weekend? If you feel like this is really speaking to YOU, then why not give me a call? 203-877-3777 (east coast time). Let’s have a 15-minute conversation and see what you want help with and if I’m the one who can offer what you need.

 

As always, wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

Where Can I Meet Men After 40?

meet men,find love, date coach, dating coach, dating after 40, midlife women, date onlineSingle over 40 and ready to meet men? But where  are they, you ask? Read on to discover my proven tactics that helped me find love and my dating coaching too.

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach

I’m a 40 year old woman and consider myself to be attractive and in-shape as I work out regularly and take care of myself. But I truly struggle, and have for years with getting dates. My social calendar has been dry since my mid-30’s.

I’m told by male friends that if I go out alone, I give the impression that I’m lonely, desperate and unpopular. As a result, I’m not desirable to the opposite sex. Most of my friends are married at this point and so going to events etc. solo is the only alternative to sitting home alone, which isn’t going to get me a date either.

Online dating at my age is simply frustrating and wasteful. I do meet people in places such as the train, gym etc., but even though I think a man might be interested, I never seem to get asked out. I’ve tried the approach of asking the man out, but that never seems to fare well for me.

Basically, I’ve attributed my lack of dates to the idea that I’m doing something wrong, but I simply don’t know what it is. Please help me understand what it is I need to do to attract a man who wants to go out with me because after all these years, I just don’t have a clue.

Thanks for your help in advance,”
Clueless in Colorado

Dear Clueless,

Thanks for your heart-felt letter. I’m glad you asked this question about where to meet men because you are not alone with this struggle. So many of my dating coaching clients have the same issue, believe me. From what you wrote, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you except you don’t meet enough men. You have to meet a lot to sift through and find “The One” for you.

Your Male Friends Are…Wrong
First thing I want to say is that your male friends are off base and well, wrong. Maybe if you go to a bar alone you might look desperate to some. But Patti Stanger, Bravo TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker and I both recommend going to an upscale bar/restaurant on a Thursday night at 6pm to meet men. Sit at the bar for an hour or so and be friendly! You look like you are waiting for a friend and you can say that if you feel you need to. Sometimes friends don’t show up – it’s happened to me so you look completely normal.

Go to Singles Events Alone
You can go to singles events and Meetup.com groups alone and there’s nothing strange about that – it’s expected. Often there are fewer men than women, but don’t let that stop you.  Plus, you can meet the women too and make friends, so you have some single gals to go out with. That really can help, but it’s not necessary.

Online Dating Is A Great Place to Find Single Men
Yes, I know online dating can be frustrating – so what? If you want to meet single men, that’s the place to look. Most won’t be right for you, but that’s how it is with all dating. Get your expectations in line with what really happens and you won’t be so frustrated. Don’t waste a lot of time texting and emailing. If a man doesn’t ask to meet you, move on or ask him. It’s not the same as asking for a first date because your first meeting is considered “date zero”.

You Aren’t as Likely to Meet Men in Daily Routine, But They Are There!
The truth is, men are every where you go. But frequently, single women just don’t notice the men who walk by. Nor do they have their single gal antennae up to see if men are noticing them. This takes practice but it is worthwhile. I know couples who met at WalMart, the dog park, Bed Bath & Beyond etc.

Do You Flirt and Are You Friendly, Open and Approachable?
Sometimes women forget how to be friendly and open. You have to push yourself to smile, have brief eye-contact and be friendly. You might want to check out my Flirt School program – I’m turning that class into a hme study course so you can learn at your own speed. Flirting is the feminine art of interacting with men in a playful, fun and spontaneous way. It takes some guts true, but it works!

You can’t set your sites on one particular man – that might not work. But if you learn to flirt and do this regularly, you will meet lots of men. My dating coaching clients who have worked with me and learned to flirt are shocked at how easy it is to meet lots of men!

Get Determined! I Did and You Can Too!
Keep in mind, I was single from 22 till 40, so you are right where I was, except I had been alone a lot longer. But I broke down my barriers to meeting men and did what it took to get out there. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find the man who became my husband – we’ve been married for 13 years!  This is what motivated me to become a dating coach. I figured, heck if I could figure this out, any woman could do it! And so many of my clients have.

Check out this email I got just today:

“Hi Ronnie,
I wanted to let you know that my romance with continues to be blissful and passionate…it’s almost 4 months. He is the most wonderful man and our relationship is so great. He is also wildly in love with me, which is so nice:) AND…really…I don’t think the story would have such happy chapters if I hadn’t done coaching and classes with you. What I learned was invaluable. Your influence, especially around femininity and letting the guy drive, is profound. It’s also really fun. Thank you, thank you, thank you” –Patti

Say, “What the Heck?” and Go for It!
The truth is, you simply need to “decide” that you want love enough that you will try new things. Say, “What the heck?” and get out there. You have to cross paths with men for them to ask you out. Smile at a few and see what happens.
Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

Online Dating: 10 Ways to Know If Your Date Is Lying

find love, online dating, dating coaching, dating coach

10 Ways to Catch an Online Dating Liar

How to Spot a Liar Online

I’m normally upbeat about online dating and encourage my dating coaching clients to meet men this way. However, I’ve been getting some questions that made me want to share these tools  to weed out potential liars. While I don’t mean to launch your inner Sherlock Holmes (or should I saw “Sheryl Holmes?), if you do start to smell something “catfishy”, now you’ll have ways to do that detective work.

If you are dating online, there is a tendency to “fudge” some facts like age, height, weight and for men – hair. Using old photos is extremely common as well. But, not surprising some people lie about their marital status, saying they are divorced when they are still separated or have never even filed.

De-Fib Your Own Online Dating Profile First

If you are worried about meeting men online who are liars, take a good look first at your own profile. Where did you feel OK to fib a little? Clean up your own profile first before judging others. According to the Law of Attraction, “like attracts like” which means whatever you think about or focus on is often what you attract. And in this case, if you lie, you may attract a liar.

Now I’m not blaming you! It’s just something to think about right? I’ve had many clients who tell me their age is on the cusp of a decade and want to shave a few years off. I get it. My dating coaching advice is to use the age you want in the age statistic area. Then fess up in your profile that you are really 51, but wanted to be sure you made it into the search.

How Do You Draw a Line Between a Fib or an Outright Lie?

Interesting question yes? Here’s the problem – people have different tolerances for lying. To some a matter of 3-4 years is nothing. To others, one lie is a sign of more lies to come. I can’t make that decision for you – it’s up to you how much lying and about what is okay with you. This happened to me when I was dating 30 men in 15 months to meet my husband. Number 29 was a really nice guy. He had so many of the  qualities I wanted in a partner and we were very compatible.

One night he showed me his driver’s license – I can’t remember why. When I looked closely, I saw that he was four years younger than me. I asked him why he lied and he said it was because he didn’t think I’d go out with someone younger. But that did make my wonder about him and cut into my level of trust which had been good up until then.

Common Sense Ways to Uncover a Liar

1. Virtual relationship, but no face-to-face dates. Before you fall in love with a profile, know that the man is only dating material if he asks you out. Don’t get sucked into one of these virtual texting, emailing or phone relationships that will never come to fruition. Most experts agree that you only need a few exchanges before you meet. Don’t believe that “I’m busy at work” excuse  or “I’m traveling for business”. That’s bull! If he was real and available, he’d want to see you.

2. Long, poorly written profile. I’m all for giving a guy with typos a chance, but that’s a lot different than poorly written profile by a non-English speaking person. They make language usage, grammar and spelling errors mistakes that no one who lives here would do.

3. Just one photo. This isn’t always a sign, but if you can add it to other things that make you think something is up, pay attention and move on to other men.

4. Rush to get you texting, emailing off the site or see you. Love at first sight is rare. Love at first profile read is highly suspicious. Don’t fall for that, “Where have you been all my life?” nonsense or how he’s been waiting to meet a woman like you. Honest, quality men just don’t say that stuff. If they are in a super hurry to see you, they usually just want to get you into bed.

5. He asks lots of questions but doesn’t share much. Sometimes scammers will asks tons of questions about your life showing interest in you, but will share very little about themselves. If you stumble upon a man who is tight-lipped, think twice. don’t fall for one of those silent types thinking you’ll help him out of his shell.

6. Request for money. Seriously, if you want to give to charity, by all means do so. But don’t shell out a dime to anyone asking you for help online. I’m sure most of my readers are smart enough to know this, yet it amazes me how many women get taken in by a sob story.

Detective Methods to Uncover an Online Dating Liar

As you can imagine, there has been a lot written on this topic, so I gathered up the best recommendations to share with you . My hope is that you won’t go overboard and reserve the tools for a guy you like, rather than with every single date. Hyper vigilance might work against you, causing you to distrust every guy you meet.

Back to the Law of Attraction – if you expect to meet liars, chances are you will meet more than your share – because you are looking for them! So, just do detective work when you smell something fishy or before you fall in love with a man if you feel you need to be sure.

1. Sites like U.S. Search and Spokeo. These sites can help you check for a person’s age and where they live. I took myself off Spokeo for privacy, but others might not even be aware these details about you are posted. Here’s the link to take yourself off the site. You can also discover where he lives and the value of his home. Knowing the surname and town can help you identify between people with the same name.

 2. Photo Test by Google. There’s an app for your phone called Google Goggles that let’s you put in a photo and search the web for others like it. This tests to see if that photo is really someone else versus the person from the dating site. You can also do a Google Image search with the person’s dating photo.

3. Google His Email Address. You might be surprised what you get when you do this. I just Googled my gmail address and it connected me to my name which doesn’t show in the email. So, this could be a good way to find out if the person’s name matches their email address and possibly more.

4. Google His Name. Once you know his name, you can google the guy to see what comes up about business, divorce, criminal record etc. You just enter the name and “criminal record” and see what comes  up. If it’s in the public records, it will show up. Oh goodie right?

Overall, I’m not trusting of everyone and not mistrusting either. I aim to strike a balance and call it “Positive Neutrality”. You can be open and happy to meet people. You can be excited about a guy. But if you keep a “we’ll see how things go” attitude, you’ll remain more objective as you gather the date you normally can by dating and getting to know people.

Most people don’t like about more than their height, weight and age, so don’t feel too worried about what you’ll encounter. However, if you are afraid or been lied to once too often, now you are armed with tools to know and that knowledge will  help keep you safe.

Online Dating Infographic – Fun Statistics about Finding Love Online

 

Check out this infographic by DatingWebsites.org

It’s filled with all sort os fun statistics and graphics about dating today including niche sites like MeetACowboy  and even Dating for Muggles if you are a Harry Potter fanatic.

 

Niche Dating Sites

 

If you want help with your online dating profile, check out my home study course How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online

Understanding Men: What Am I Doing Wrong on Dates?

Understand Men - Why Doesn't He Ask Me Out?

Understand Men – What Am I Doing Wrong?

If you need help understanding men because you aren’t getting more than three dates with anyone, this post gives you the insights to put you on the right track for love.

Hello Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women,

First of all I would like to say thank you for all your advice and most of all that it is honest and straight forward.

I have a bit of a predicament. I have done online dating now for over a year and had a lot of interest and dates. Some guys I have felt a connection with but my problem is that I have not gone beyond three dates (with two of the guys) and most of them go quiet for no reason. I’m left wondering what I have done wrong. That is really hard for me as I want to know so I can improve in the future.

For instance, I met a guy online in August and we were texting and were in touch all the time, met up in September (he came to me, a plus for effort) had a lovely afternoon date in a champagne bar, his treat.

About a week later he asked me when he could see me again and we agreed on that Saturday. On the Friday evening I sent a message to ask how he was doing, no reply and no date on the Saturday. I consciously avoid being in touch all the time as I don’t want to be pushy. I did send him a message after complete silence for a day, saying that if he wants to stop what we have started, it’s fine by me. He replied to that “I never said that” and then silence again.

I have now given up contacting him, but here is the odd bit, he still goes to look at my profile on the dating website and this is confusing to me, is he interested or simply curious?

I would be very grateful for any help as this whole failing at dating is really affecting my confidence, and I am normally a very confident person. Thank you for shedding any kind of light on my dating issues as I am about to give up on trying to find a man.

Thanks Kindly,
Kat

Dear Kat,

Having been in your shoes, I do feel your pain and empathize. The dating process is confusing and so unclear when you are in the middle of things. That’s why I offer my dating  advice, from over here and having been down the road, I see things more objectively.

Understanding Men: It Might Not Be You
First, I want to reassure you that you are probably not doing anything wrong. Women tend to blame themselves thinking it must be them. You take on the blame easily but there is often no need. I dated 30 men in 15 months and all but three disappeared without a word after 1 – 3 dates. This is COMPLETELY NORMAL, to be expected and happens to most women.

Why does this happen? There are truly countless reasons, so it’s hard to know for sure, but here are some options for what might have happened with other guys:

  • You reminded him of his ex
  • He doesn’t know what he wants
  • He lost your number
  • He waited too long to call and then felt dumb
  • He liked you, but not enough
  • He thought you weren’t right for him
  • He didn’t feel the chemistry
  • He could tell you wanted something serious and he wanted casual
  • He met someone new, etc.

None of these reasons have much to do with you or anything you could or should change.

These Men Did You a Favor
I tell my dating coaching clients that there is another, more positive way to think about this. When a man opts out of your “dating pool” he is doing you a favor by not wasting your time. He could have changed his mind after 3 or 6 months, but he figured out quickly that things weren’t going to work out for him. So he moved on. I recommend you do the same. I know how it seems that some of these guys should have worked out, but they didn’t. Let them go.

One Man Closer to the Right One for You
Since dating is a numbers game, meaning you have to date a lot of men often to find a good match, every man you date brings you one step closer to the right guy for you. This is another positive way to look at this situation because you just have no control over it.

Since you’ll never KNOW what  happened, make the best of it by realizing you are getting more experience and learning about what you do and don’t like. You are also getting to hone your dating skills and this CAN BUILD CONFIDENCE even if these men don’t continue to see you. Just keep reminding yourself that you are one man closer to your dream of love.

About Mr. Champagne
Why does he not cut you lose when you asked him a direct question? From everything I have learned it could be:

1) Men don’t like to hurt a woman’s feelings.
That’s why they disappear instead of saying, “I’m not going to call again.” Honestly, can you imagine a man saying that? Worse still is if he told you why, “I’m not going to call again because even though I find you attractive, your laugh is too annoying.”

Women often think they can simply be direct or ask a direct question. But the chances of you getting an honest answer are just about zero. They rather run or disappear than bear the brunt of a possible emotional outburst.

2) He doesn’t know what he wants. That’s why he’d rather have you hang around as a possibility, until he can decide if you fit his image of the perfect woman

3) He needs the ego boost. Some men have highly bruised egos or a sadistic streak trying to get even with women and need lots of women “on the line” who text or call and hope he’ll pick them.

I’m sure there are other potential reasons and I could go on. That’s the thing about understanding men in these situations – it can’t be done. The same goes for women from a man’s perspective, trust me. We think differently and are wired differently.

Don’t Waste Time on Figuring Out “Why?” Instead of wasting time trying to understand and wondering what you did wrong, think about what you learned and move on. Toss these dead end dates in the pile behind you. Hold your head high and move on knowing none of these men have been the right man for you. If any of them had been “The One” they’d never let you go. The right man for you will pursue you and stick around.

What If It Is You?
Okay, now what if it is something you did? Here are some things to think about, just in case there is room for improvement:

  • Did you talk about yourself negatively or put yourself down?
  • Did you complain about dating, men, your ex or past relationships?
  • Did you reveal any life challenges such as work, finances, health?
  • Were you upbeat and light-hearted or low energy and dull?
  • Were you fun to be with?
  • Did you have a checklist in you mind and interview the men to see if they “qualified” to date you?
  • Did you talk only about yourself or show interest in him?
  • Did you tell him how busy you are? (Men can be very sensitive about women who don’t have time for them.)
  • Did you talk about your important job?
  • Did you use your business skills (a no-no) or rely on your feminine charm?
  • Did you spill your guts about past relationships as if he was a therapist?

Think back to your most recent dates and honestly assess if you have done any of the above or maybe quite a few. If you have been making these innocent mistakes, now you can start to correct them. The listed behavioral errors can make you a lot less attractive. Some men are sensitive and gun shy. They may have been with women who were tough on them emotionally and now they are skittish. Or they know right away what will and won’t work for them.

I’ve given you a lot to think about towards better understanding men. But if you’d like a bit more, check out my audio program, It’s Not You, It’s Him

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men