Tag Archives: friends with benefits

The Trouble With Dating A Younger Man

 

Thought about dating a younger man?

dating a younger man, dating coach, finding loveThat has it’s pros and cons like everything else. Discover the best way to move forward when dating younger.

 

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach for Women,

I’m 39 and just re-entered the dating world after a 17 yr marriage that ended 2.5yrs ago.

I ended up meeting a 27 yr old man at a singles mixer. I did not know he was that much younger until 1 hour into our conversation – when he told me I was shocked and suggested gently he go talk to the other women in his age group.

He continued to pursue – sweetly but aggressively. As we had had such an engaging conversation and as he was so earnest and yes HOT — I figured seize the day and agreed to a date. I planned it and ensured it lasted less than 2 hours. I had a wonderful time and he did too.

After that we texted , made phone calls, had a few more dates – always I let him be the one to contact me first. After a month we had sex. It was ridiculously spectacular. WOW! Lucky me to get to experience something like that.

We agreed from the outset to take it one day at a time and not immediately looking for LTR, but we were monogamous the whole time. Throughout the 3 months we were together he was attentive, courteous, affectionate and such fun .

We knew it wasn’t going to last forever because he needed to move for his career at some point soon. So we decided to enjoy what we could about each other. Fast forward he got a terrific job offer in another state. We agreed not to pursue a long distance relationship. He did say he wanted to remain friends . There was no ill will and it seemed no regrets.

After that, he didn’t text for 4 days (the longest break since this whole thing started. So I broke my own rule and drafted one final email that put some of my feelings into how I viewed our experience together – all positive. I was not asking for any response nor was I trying to rekindle the relationship- just tidying up loose ends.

Then I said as you have avoided me for 4 days – I will respect that and not contact you again. It has been 1 week since that email. I haven’t heard from him. What exactly did I do wrong? Was he a player? Did he honestly care about me? I wish I knew. How do I avoid this same situation? Swear off younger men? I need your help to understand this.

Woeful in Wisconsin”

 

Dear Woeful,

First of all, congratulations on having a great time! Good for you for seizing the day.

Now, who says you did anything wrong? In your email you said you didn’t expect a response – but now it seems that you did? You agreed to a relationship with no long-term ties. You knew it wouldn’t last. He said he wants to be friends, but you know – people say stuff they know we want to hear.

This had more meaning than you say

Your reaction tells me this relationship had more meaning than you intended. That is the biggest reason why casual relationships and friends with benefits are such difficult emotional territory. It’s hard not to get attached for the vast majority of women, no matter how much they think they can handle it.

I’ll give you a second perspective. What if he will miss you too, but knows cold turkey is the best way to move on? That’s just as possible as him having no feelings at all for you.

Men are good at enjoying the moment

The trouble with dating younger men is the same as dating older men. Some want a relationship and some don’t. In addition, men tend to be very good at enjoying the moment with the women they date. That’s why so many women have a great first date and swear the guy did too, yet never hear from him again.

Don’t cut off all younger men because of this one situation. While his actions seem a little cold, he didn’t really do anything wrong . He followed through on your agreement as it was stated.

There’s nothing wrong with a little fling

It was good for your spirit, a great ego boost and got your engines revving again. You discovered how desirable you are as a woman. This is all good stuff. He was the ideal transitional guy for you. Loads of fun, positive for your self esteem and low risk. If you look at this situation from this perspective, it will make a lot more sense and ease a lot of  the pain.

Gain strength from what you learned

Don’t let yourself suffer over something you knew had no lasting power and was a wonderful experience until the very end. Dating comes with disappointments and rejection. But that’s not even what happened here. You learned how to be vulnerable again. And now you’ll see that you have strength, resolve and can bounce back. The truth about dating is that it is a journey of self discovery. think about everything you learned!

My dating coach advice

As your dating coach, here’s my advice: Take a little time to heal. Now that you now seem to want more, go for it. Keep your new dating agenda of lasting love in mind when you get back out there to meet men. Be honest with yourself and avoid the “no string thing” again. Let men pursue you just as you did with this fellow. Then see who stays in the running for your love.

Good men are out there who want what you want. When you feel ready, make yourself available and hold your head high. You are one hot 39 year old woman. Be proud and know love will be yours.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is He Playing Me? Dating Advice for Women

If you wonder, “Is he playing me?” chances are he is.

is he playing me

“Hello Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women,

I actually experienced nearly every woman’s dream come true. I was approached by a hot male celebrity at an event. He came up to me and said ‘haven’t you seen the way I’ve been looking at you all night’ and I will be completely honest with you, we hit it off straight away.

We both were not interested in getting serious – it was just a friends with benefits relationship. After a month of us hangin’ together I never heard from him again so I messaged him to take care of himself and told him it was fun. I didn’t receive a reply and I never texted or called him again.

It’s a year later , and to my surprise I received an email from him asking for my new number saying that he hasn’t been able to get me out of his mind and how much he wants to see me again and make me his! I messaged him back my number without saying anything else.

He apologized for how he ditched me last year, I told him that as far as I was concerned we were not in a relationship so no hard feelings from my side and that I just got on with my life. He said wow! You are such a great girl. He said that he was very busy out of the country and he would take me out soon. He messaged everyday for three days, then I sent him two messages which he’s ignored for eleven days. I have not messaged or called him since.

What is going on? Do you think he has gone off me? Is he trying to use reverse psychology to make me want him more? I get the feeling I may have made him feel he is more into me than I am into him.

This guy could have any woman he wanted. Is he playing me? I still do not wish to be in a relationship with anyone, I have not been sexually active in 7 months out of choice which he also knows, could that possibly be off putting?

I was fine before he got back in touch with me, now he’s all up in my head! I am ignoring him back but starting to feel frustrated.. Am I doing the right thing?

I’d appreciate your advice,

Star Struck”

 

Dear Star Struck,

I want to say that any man who contacts you to make you “his,” then ignores your texts and disappears is full of poop. He probably doesn’t have one drop of relationship integrity. When you find yourself wondering “is he playing me?” he probably is. It doesn’t really matter if he’s trying reverse psychology or what he’s up to, you don’t need a game player. That’s sure to bring you heartache.

If he does contact you again, don’t respond unless you want more of the same.  My dating advice is to drop him like a hot potato.

Let’s talk about how you seem conflicted about relationships. You say you don’t want to be in a relationship, yet you are all upset this guy is ignoring you. That’s a conflict right there. You can’t be both, so I suspect that you do want some kind of relationship. Be honest with yourself about what you really want from a man. Getting clear can help you avoid heartache.

Friends With Benefits by definition, is a no strings attached, casual relationship. That can work if you don’t want something serious. Trouble is, it seems like you like him more than you say and DO want more. You are excited at the idea of being “his”. Again, be honest with yourself about what you want. This celebrity isn’t the right man, but there is one out there for you.

If you want more dating advice about hanging out and hooking up, check out this post.

It’s possible that he got in touch with you because he remembered something nice about you and wanted to feel your adoration. Some stars are insecure like anyone else. Truthfully, that has nothing to do with him really wanting a relationship with you. If he did, he knows exactly what to do. The fact that’s he’s not in touch shows you he’s not serious.

I wouldn’t worry if you didn’t seem into him enough or if he’s playing games with you. He’s proved twice now that he is unreliable. Let him go. You had your time with a celebrity. Enjoy that fun and fond memory. Move on to look for a man who wants what you want – A RELATIONSHIP.

Wishing You Love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

Friends with Benefits Doesn’t Benefit You

friends with benefits, dating advice, dating coach for womenAre you in a friends with benefits relationship?
Read on to learn what to do.

Dear Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women,

I need dating advice badly. My ex of 2 years ago started hanging out with me again. At first we were both in relationships and just walked at the same park for 8 months now. We have always hugged and flirted, but recently we were both single and he invited me over one day. We became friends with benefits. It’s been 5 times this past month.

We don’t just have sex – we watch TV, cuddle and he made me breakfast. After we spend a night together, he gets distant for days or we just see each other at the park and act like friends. A few weeks ago I told him that I am in love with him and have been for the past 4 years since we dated. He said it was a lot to take in, he didn’t no what to say and he’d reply later. But he never did. He never brings it up either.

Sometimes I ask him to hang out and we shoot pool, but a lot of times when i ask him, he has some reason why he can’t. He never invites me when he goes out somewhere. but will invite me to hangout sometimes. I feel like i am just never good enough for him. If I was he would make me is girlfriend right? I still love him but he’s not my boyfriend and I don’t know how he feels about me because he never said.

Another guy asked me out tonight to see a band. Should I go out with this other guy? What should i do about the man I love? Should I tell him I have a date tonight if he asks me to go walking or should i just say I am going out? I love him, it hurts. I’m so happy when I’m with him and still get butterflies after 4 years.

Please help me with your dating advice,
Patsy

 

Hi Patsy,

My heart goes out to you because I know this is hard but I’m going to give you my dating advice straight. He is not in love with you and he doesn’t have to say it. Read between the lines – he said he didn’t know what to say when you told him he loves you. That IS an answer because he didn’t say he loved you too. He doesn’t ask you out, only to come over for sex, even though other activities are included.

He cares, but not enough to consider you his girlfriend. Hanging out and friends with benefits are both signs of casual-only relationships and nothing more. He doesn’t love you which makes him the wrong man for you, regardless of how you feel about him. Love takes two. Please let go and move on because your ex is the only one getting benefits – you are getting your heart broken and allowing him to do it.

Another man asked you out? GO! Don’t bother trying to make your ex jealous-that’s a game you won’t win. Go out with the new guy and look for other men to date until you find the right one for you.

 Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men