Tag Archives: flirting

How Are You Supposed To Flirt With A Man Without Turning Him Away

How are you supposed to flirt with a man? Is there a certain way to flirt that will draw him in vs. make him run away? What do you need to know about flirting to make it work for you? Read on for simple flirting tips that really WORK and are a lot of fun too!

how are you supposed to flirtWhy Do You Want To Flirt?

The ability to flirt is coded into your DNA. Why? For survival of the species. The original purpose of flirting was to attract a mate and bring more humans into the world. All animals do some sort of dance or preening to attract the opposite sex.  It’s completely natural and an innate skill built right into you from birth.

Today, flirting has a different purpose. Even if you want a family, first you want love. Being in relationship in the 21st century is now a choice. Men and women no longer NEED each other to survive, but we WANT companionship and support. We want romance and partnership in life.

Flirting is a method for getting male attention and making yourself approachable, so you can meet more men to find “The One” for you.

How to Flirt with a Man

Are you concerned that your flirting might backfire? That can’t happen if you understand the true underlying purpose of flirting. But first let me explain what flirting really is.

According to the Google dictionary, to flirt is to “behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.” While I was surprised to see this, it’s the perfect definition although I was surprised to see it on the web. It’s perfect because flirting is NOT serious.

The main reason to flirt is to engage with men in a fun, playful and spontaneous way. You are letting men know you are available and approachable. Your flirting might not even be verbal. (Related post Talking with Strangers). A lot of fabulous flirting is completely NONVERBAL.

Flirting Body Language

How are you supposed to flirt using body language? When male attention is your goal, this is the easiest part. It might not work to get a certain man’s interest but, you will get noticed by men.

Whether or not you are consciously aware of what you are doing, you are wired to send and receive body language messages. It’s an innate skill that everyone has. Just like you can tell when someone is super happy or there has been a big argument, just by looking at them. You KNOW because of your human ability to read body language.

That’s EXACTLY why flirting works so well! Here is a list of things that you may feel silly doing, but do not doubt for one minute the effect these little moves have on getting men to notice you.

1.Smile and Connect – When you catch a man eyeing you, SMILE back and briefly hold his gaze for just 2-3 seconds that’s it. Any longer and he’ll think you ARE serious so don’t go there. This is about light interactions, not seduction.

2. Touch Your Neck – Your neck is an erogenous zone, so when you put your fingers or hand on your neck, most men around you will notice. This is great in a room with plenty of people if you are networking or in a restaurant bar.

3. Play with Hair or Jewelry – Fiddling with your earrings or necklace is a great flirty move and let’s men know you are available. It’s a simple little move but it sends the right signals. Same thing is true for playing with your hair – whether you twist a little piece that hangs down or toss it and let it settle out naturally, men will get this message.

4.  Look Over Your Shoulder – If you look back at a man over your shoulder and up through your lashes, this is considered super flirty. Spot a man looking at you? Smile back before looking away, then turn back a few minute later to look again. Boom! That’s a signal of interest!

When Flirting Turns Men Off

Let me be really clear. There are a few things you DON’T want to do if you’re still wondering how are you supposed to flirt with a man. This is how flirting goes wrong and actually turns a man off. You want to be aware to make sure you don’t take things too far.

1.Staring Is Rude – Eye contact should not last longer than 2-3 seconds. If you aren’t sure what I mean, think about it the old-fashioned way – count to yourself, “One, one thousand, two one thousand.” This is how people used to measure time because saying the numbers this way takes about two seconds.

Even if you want to be a bit more seductive and actually look a man up and down the way men look at you, this is QUICK! Do NOT linger because you end up looking like you are STARING which is creepy and aggressive. Men will look away for good.

I’ve had clients tell me they looked at men and smiled and it didn’t work. I can’t promise this will work on any particular man – but will help you get the attention of men around you who find you attractive. But, it won’t make a man want you. Either he does or he doesn’t. Holding his eye contact longer will backfire.

2. Licking Your Lips – Some experts talk about licking your lips so, they are wet and get his attention. That’s also the purpose of lip gloss! However, the act of licking your lips too frequently could make you look like a drug addict so stick with more demure methods.

3. Too Many Flirty Moves – Sometimes a woman trying these flirting tips thinks they aren’t working, so she’ll do them all one after another. Unfortunately, this is a place where more is NOT better and you could end up looking like a hussy! That’s hot for a man looking for sex but, a HUGE turn off for a quality man seeking a woman for lasting love.

How Are You Supposed to Flirt?

Well, now you know a few easy flirting tricks that are sure to get you some male attention. And you also know how to avoid several flirting mistakes that turn men off.

Think of yourself being demur or coy – these are great words to put you in a flirty mindset. Flirting heightens your feminine energy which also increases a man’s masculine response. Exactly what you want to achieve when you’re out there looking for love.

When you rely on your feminine charms, you attract men to you. Draw them in with your allure. This is the opposite of man hunting when you seek them out and aggressively go after them.

You’ll discover it’s nearly impossible to capture the attention of quality masculine man with any aggressive moves. He may go along for the ride and be willing to sleep with you. He might be open to a casual relationship.

What a Quality Man Seeks in a Woman

On the other hand, a quality man seeks a woman who knows how to BE a woman and let him be the MAN. She lets the man lead, knowing her power is one of allure and warmth. She never tries to use her business skills to GET a man because she understands that is not of interest to a successful, decisive, masculine man.

So, how are you supposed to flirt with a man? With grace, ease and style. Relying on confidence and a playful attitude. Holding the knowledge that your allure is your feminine power to bring men to you. You’ve got this babe.

If you still want to learn more about flirting, check out Flirt School – it’s got all the fun, flirty lessons a single woman can want!

Where Can I Meet Men After 40?

meet men,find love, date coach, dating coach, dating after 40, midlife women, date onlineSingle over 40 and ready to meet men? But where  are they, you ask? Read on to discover my proven tactics that helped me find love and my dating coaching too.

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach

I’m a 40 year old woman and consider myself to be attractive and in-shape as I work out regularly and take care of myself. But I truly struggle, and have for years with getting dates. My social calendar has been dry since my mid-30’s.

I’m told by male friends that if I go out alone, I give the impression that I’m lonely, desperate and unpopular. As a result, I’m not desirable to the opposite sex. Most of my friends are married at this point and so going to events etc. solo is the only alternative to sitting home alone, which isn’t going to get me a date either.

Online dating at my age is simply frustrating and wasteful. I do meet people in places such as the train, gym etc., but even though I think a man might be interested, I never seem to get asked out. I’ve tried the approach of asking the man out, but that never seems to fare well for me.

Basically, I’ve attributed my lack of dates to the idea that I’m doing something wrong, but I simply don’t know what it is. Please help me understand what it is I need to do to attract a man who wants to go out with me because after all these years, I just don’t have a clue.

Thanks for your help in advance,”
Clueless in Colorado

Dear Clueless,

Thanks for your heart-felt letter. I’m glad you asked this question about where to meet men because you are not alone with this struggle. So many of my dating coaching clients have the same issue, believe me. From what you wrote, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you except you don’t meet enough men. You have to meet a lot to sift through and find “The One” for you.

Your Male Friends Are…Wrong
First thing I want to say is that your male friends are off base and well, wrong. Maybe if you go to a bar alone you might look desperate to some. But Patti Stanger, Bravo TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker and I both recommend going to an upscale bar/restaurant on a Thursday night at 6pm to meet men. Sit at the bar for an hour or so and be friendly! You look like you are waiting for a friend and you can say that if you feel you need to. Sometimes friends don’t show up – it’s happened to me so you look completely normal.

Go to Singles Events Alone
You can go to singles events and Meetup.com groups alone and there’s nothing strange about that – it’s expected. Often there are fewer men than women, but don’t let that stop you.  Plus, you can meet the women too and make friends, so you have some single gals to go out with. That really can help, but it’s not necessary.

Online Dating Is A Great Place to Find Single Men
Yes, I know online dating can be frustrating – so what? If you want to meet single men, that’s the place to look. Most won’t be right for you, but that’s how it is with all dating. Get your expectations in line with what really happens and you won’t be so frustrated. Don’t waste a lot of time texting and emailing. If a man doesn’t ask to meet you, move on or ask him. It’s not the same as asking for a first date because your first meeting is considered “date zero”.

You Aren’t as Likely to Meet Men in Daily Routine, But They Are There!
The truth is, men are every where you go. But frequently, single women just don’t notice the men who walk by. Nor do they have their single gal antennae up to see if men are noticing them. This takes practice but it is worthwhile. I know couples who met at WalMart, the dog park, Bed Bath & Beyond etc.

Do You Flirt and Are You Friendly, Open and Approachable?
Sometimes women forget how to be friendly and open. You have to push yourself to smile, have brief eye-contact and be friendly. You might want to check out my Flirt School program – I’m turning that class into a hme study course so you can learn at your own speed. Flirting is the feminine art of interacting with men in a playful, fun and spontaneous way. It takes some guts true, but it works!

You can’t set your sites on one particular man – that might not work. But if you learn to flirt and do this regularly, you will meet lots of men. My dating coaching clients who have worked with me and learned to flirt are shocked at how easy it is to meet lots of men!

Get Determined! I Did and You Can Too!
Keep in mind, I was single from 22 till 40, so you are right where I was, except I had been alone a lot longer. But I broke down my barriers to meeting men and did what it took to get out there. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find the man who became my husband – we’ve been married for 13 years!  This is what motivated me to become a dating coach. I figured, heck if I could figure this out, any woman could do it! And so many of my clients have.

Check out this email I got just today:

“Hi Ronnie,
I wanted to let you know that my romance with continues to be blissful and passionate…it’s almost 4 months. He is the most wonderful man and our relationship is so great. He is also wildly in love with me, which is so nice:) AND…really…I don’t think the story would have such happy chapters if I hadn’t done coaching and classes with you. What I learned was invaluable. Your influence, especially around femininity and letting the guy drive, is profound. It’s also really fun. Thank you, thank you, thank you” –Patti

Say, “What the Heck?” and Go for It!
The truth is, you simply need to “decide” that you want love enough that you will try new things. Say, “What the heck?” and get out there. You have to cross paths with men for them to ask you out. Smile at a few and see what happens.
Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

Dating Advice: Bring Your College Coed Flirty Self Back to the Future!

dating advice, dating coaching, meet men, find love

Dating Advice: Bring Your College Coed Self Back to the Future

Need some solid midlife dating advice? Recapture your flirty college coed self to have more fun dating today.

It’s back to school season and the kids are going back to college. Don’t you wish you knew then what you know now about so many things? I do.

While I was reminiscing, I started thinking about what that would be like to go back and do it all over again. Hindsight is 20/20 so I figure I’d be a lot smarter about my choices or at least see things more clearly.

Then I realized that I can also bring parts of my past into my present life. Those days of being a carefree college coed are still within my memory banks. And yours too. That means you still have whatever abilities you had back then, available to you right now, present day. Take a moment and think about that and all the possibilities that presents to you…

Perhaps in college you were free from:

  • Heartbreak
  • Bad breakups
  • Emotional baggage
  • Worrying about your kids
  • Concern about how to act around men
  • Heavy career responsibilities
  • Caring for elderly parents
  • Too much laundry!
  • Feeling self conscious about your body
  • Feeling like you need to be more serious
  • Limiting ideas about being an “adult”

Back then you just had a lot less to worry about. And so you were lighter and less restricted. You could flirt more freely or interact with the guys in your class or your dorm. It seemed cute guys were everywhere you looked. Whether you were eating meals or going to parties – everything you did provided an opportunity to connect.

That part of yourself, the carefree college coed, she’s still alive within you. She knows how to have fun at a party. She knows how to talk to a guy in a new class, even if you’ve never met him. And even if she was a shy gal, she had girlfriends who would step in or egg her on right?

My Dating Advice: Bring Her Back to the Future

So here’s my big idea about “Back to the Future”. Bring that part of you back to your present day dating life. You can do this so easily by closing your eyes and recalling a happy memory from those days. Choose a memory of a fun time with friends -girls and guys. When you get that picture, really feel what that fun time was like. Relive it for a few moments to get into the mindset. Then when you are ready open your eyes and realize that fun girl is still with you even now!

Now you may think this is just plain silly. But I’m asking you to trust me – this is REAL and will be incredibly helpful. Try this little exercise before you go on a first date or when you are searching online for men to email.

Let your flirty co-ed who was less inhibited, be with you now in your dating life. And don’t worry that you risk seeming flighty, childlike or foolish. That part of you will meld with the smart woman you are today.

But, and this is HUGE, here’s what your coed past will do for you:

She will lighten up your spirit and make you extremely appealing!

She will let those barriers that come with age and heartbreak fall away so you can be friendlier and more feminine. She’ll help you be the delightful, light-hearted woman you truly are, but forget sometimes.

Bring that youthful part of you back to the future. Unleash her fun-loving, adventurous spirit as you search for the right man and know that she is working her delightful charm on the men you meet. And don’t forget, she is YOU! Have fun!

 

Understand Men: Believe Him When He Says It’s Not the Right Time

understand men, find love, dating coach

How to Understand Men Better – Believe Him When He Says It’s Not the Right Time

This question comes up so often with my dating coaching clients. How do you know when to believe what a man says to you, and when to disregard the words and look for more accurate signals of truth in his behavior? I’ll explain a simple way to better understand this situation and understand men.

Please help me understand men!

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I work with this guy Jake and we flirt all the time. When I met him four months ago,  I was in a relationship with George. Small world. Any way, I ended up breaking up with George and moving out. I made it KNOWN to Jake that we weren’t together anymore. I wasn’t happy in that relationship with George and I had come to really like Jake.

Once I told him I was available, Jake ended up giving me his number. That’s a clear indication that he was into me too,right? We text all the time, everyday. But, last weekend I invited him out and he said he was broke and couldn’t come. Then I find out from a friend he didn’t want to intrude because I was out with a friend. That puzzled me.

When we text, he’s always making flirty comments to me like “we need to get together.” But, I asked him again when can we get together and he said,  “We will…it’s just not the right time right now.” What does all of this mean?? Does he think he’s just a rebound because I just got out of a relationship,, or what? He’s also in college but he has time for his friends on the weekends. I just don’t understand men! Please help me with this situation.

Thanks so much,
Confused in Colorado

Dear Confused,

First my heart goes out to you for the emotional pain this confusing situation is causing you. Trying to understand men can be difficult, but I am going to share two concepts that will make things so much easier in the future. One is below in this post . The other will be posted next week.

1. Believe men when they give a reason for not being in a relationship. So often my advice is not to believe what a man says, but to watch his actions instead. However, in this case, the opposite is true. When a man tells you he’s not ready, the time isn’t right, or he doesn’t want anything serious with you – BELIEVE HIM!

Most women tend to ignore these clear statements men make, thinking he’ll change his mind or it conflicts with his actions. I understand why this is difficult and confusing, but trust me – the very best thing is to take him at his word when he is pushing you away.

This is very different from a man telling you how perfect you are and spelling out his great plans for the future, yet he doesn’t follow through. In that case – I recommend to my dating coaching clients that they believe his ACTIONS, not his WORDS.

Let me make this very simple:

When a man pushes you away and gives a reason, believe him.
When a man draws you in with sweet talk, watch his actions instead
to know his true intentions.

Following this wisdom will keep your heart safe and help you read between the lines to understand men better.

2. Don’t Pursue Men.  I’ll talk more about this second point next week.

Photo Credit – North Charleston

 

 

 

Flirting Tips: How to Attract More Men with Flirty Body Language

 

Flirting Tips Any Woman Can Use with Instant Success

Do You Wonder What Is Flirting?

According to Mama Gena (from the School of Womanly Arts in NYC) flirting is a fun, playful spontaneous way to interact with men and have your way with them. I know its fun and very effective. Even though I am married, I still flirt because its terribly fun, lightens the spirit and doesn’t actually mean anything.

You see flirting does not automatically imply something sexual. Flirting holds no promise of something more or deeper. Its simply a way to capture a man’s attention or create a fun communication exchange.

First let me share a little flirting story from this past weekend and then I’ll share very simple flirting tips that any woman can use right away.

My Flirty Story

Saturday I had a booth at the CT Women’s Expo. I had to bring my own table, chair, table cloth, banner and stand, books audio cds, etc. It was a lot to carry as you can imagine. As I was unloading my stuff in the parking lot I wondered how I was going to manage to carry everything inside to my booth. As I took a breath to think about this, I looked around me. That’s when I noticed the two men three cars over who had a cart with wheels.

I didn’t spend several long minutes trying to come up with the right words to approach these men. I simply blurted out the very first thing that came to mind. “Wow, I wish I was your best friend.” Then I smiled at them. These gentlemen in their mid 50’s didn’t catch on at first and one asked me, “Why?” I was honest, “Because you have a cart with wheels.” They responded with a good laugh. Then they graciously offered to bring my table and chair to my booth for me.

What a relief! Thank you!

We had a few more exchanges as we entered the building and rolled to my spot in the arena. Flirting saved me! I honestly don’t know how I could have done that myself. Too much stuff and too heavy. I thanked my lucky stars my mom taught me how to flirt. She didn’t give me actual lessons, I just watched and remembered what she did. But, the good news is, I can teach you!

Flirting Tips

Non-Verbal Flirting Tips

1) Smile pretty. When you smile, you dramatically increase your attractiveness. And this separates you from most other women who have some how forgotten how to smile, especially at men. This is so simple, but the most important of all my flirting tips.

2) Enjoy 2-3 seconds of eye contact, before gracefully turning your head away. (This lets a man know you are safe to approach. Most men don’t like to be rejected and will avoid it at all costs.)

3) You may want to look up at him after this briefly to show him you are checking in – but be super brief about it!

4) Be friendly. Put on your friendly face and be open and willing to talk to new people. Yes, that means strangers too!

5) Be kind. For every man you notice looking at you, there are many more you didn’t notice. When you are kind to one man, other men will see that and be more willing to approach

If you feel nervous or are worried your actions will be misunderstood, keep in mind that flirting is just the next step beyond being friendly. Use your feminine charm and work it simply because you can. Its your birthright to flirt. this behavior is coded into your DNA. Flirting ensures survival of the species. Start to use this lost art and let me know how you do!

How Many Single Men Have You Met This Summer?

Meet More Men This Summer!

Do you know the simplest way to meet more single men?

I’m going to share my #1 strategy that is a proven way to meet guys. Not only that, it’s free, it’s available to you almost any where you live and you can start right now.

I started a new teleclass program on May 21st called “Operation Find Him Now”. The idea behind this course is to help women make the most of the summer months to meet as many men as possible. Obviously, I cover a lot of material in the 6 sessions. But the main point is to encourage these single women who are dating over 40 to get out of their comfort zone and take a social risk. A small one really. To simply notice the men around them and risk smiling and talking to them. All men, not just single men because you can’t always tell right? In other words,

Smile and Be Friendly to Men


Results for these women have been life changing. No kidding.

Trish
One widow of 51, told me this has been so life changing that she’s completely amazed. Her awareness of men has drastically shifted so she notices men around her where before she never did. Trish is literally enjoying her new awareness and the men she smiles at every day.

Beth
Divorced and 47, Beth is in sales so has no problem talking to new people. But somehow this didn’t translate into dates for her. Since she’s been in the program this summer, Beth has had more dates than she’s had all year. Why? She uses her feminine charm to engage with men, and makes it easy to approach her. Now Beth sees how simple this can be.

Susie
At 55, Susie had what I call a “narrowed sense of vision” regarding men. She believed there weren’t any men in her world until this program. At the beach one night, Susie decided to go for a swim. There was a guy near her who had just come out of the water, so they chatted about the ocean temperature and he offered to lend her his goggles so she could go for a real swim. Let me just say this had Susie smiling from ear to ear. She has become very optimistic and is having a ball interacting with men. I guarantee you that this change will get her plenty of dates.

Kelly
Kelly went on vacation and stopped counting after she met 12 men. She told fun stories about talking to men on the ferry ride, at the seafood hut, on the beach and golf course and out for drinks. Kelly is in her 60’s proving that age does not need to interfere with your results. It’s a mindset! She is certainly one of my stars who is making the most of the warm weather to meet as many men as possible.

What about you?

Are you meeting enough men this summer? Do you give yourself permission to smile at and talk to handsome strangers? There’s a perfect quote about this by the Nobel Prize winning poet William Butler Yeats that can help you:

“There are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet.”

There’s still a full month left to summer. What are you going to do to meet men? Will you:

  • Set an intention to notice that men are literally everywhere?
  • Give yourself permission to smile at them and talk to them?
  • Push yourself out of your comfort zone to find more opportunities to interact with men?
  • Attend some singles’ events so you can be sure to meet single men too?
  • Dress to enhance your desirability?
  • Put on lipstick before you leave the house?
  • Become a friendly woman instead of an isolated woman?

Did I hear you say “Yes”? That’s such good news for me, and most of all for you and your love life.

 

Photo Credit: Owlpacino

Dating Over 40: Do You Have Invisible Woman Syndrome?

Emerge from your chrysalis state of invisibility like the butterfly and spread your beautiful wings.

Do You Feel Like an Invisible Woman?

Sometimes when I talk to my dating coaching clients I discover how they feel about flirting. “It’s just wrong” Beverly told me with conviction. Really Beverly? Why is that?

Turns out Bev was brought up to never stand out. Under the “Children are better seen than heard” parenting philosophy, she found things worked out better growing up if she wasn’t even seen much. So she learned how to become practically invisible. This way her parents would pick on other kids from her large family.

Trouble is, this strategy that worked so well as a child has held Beverly back as an adult at work and in her romantic life. It’s hard to get noticed by men when you are invisible. Yes Beverly suffers from Invisible Woman Syndrome.

What is it?

Invisible Woman Syndrome is real. I did not make this up. This is a phenomenon that occurs as women age, as they reach 40, and even more at 50. The reasons are too numerous to mention here, but I’ve explained a few below that might contribute to invisibleness:

  • You stop getting “dolled” up
  • You choose a hairstyle based on easy maintenance vs. how it looks on you
  • You haven’t updated your wardrobe in the last few years
  • You tend to throw your hair in a ponytail and fly out the door
  • Lipstick is more optional than ever
  • You might not be in the same shape you were five years ago
  • You may have gained a few pounds
  • You wear baggy clothing that covers up changes in your shape

Here’s where you might encounter feeling invisible:

  • At the grocery store check out when the clerk doesn’t look you in the eye
  • Waiting in line when someone cuts right in front of you
  • When you have your hand up ti hail a cab and get passed by
  • At a singles dance when you don’t get asked to dance
  • With online dating sites where you hardly get contacted

As we age, we all go through changes, but that doesn’t mean you will automatically become invisible.

I’m not here to tell you to diet
Seriously, I’m not going to tell you to diet, go to the gym or spend a lot of money on clothes. Heck I’m overweight. What I do want to talk about is your self-esteem. Because it’s loss is truly what makes you invisible.

Low Self-Esteem = Invisiblilty
When you don’t feel good about yourself, and you don’t do much to combat this sinking feeling, the issue can strengthen and drag you down. You risk becoming numb to the excitement of life and all it has to offer.

So what’s a woman over 40 to do? FIGHT BACK!

Feminine Charm = Confidence
When you are connected to your feminine charm, you are in touch with your life force. When you make the most of who you are, you feel good about yourself. When you present your best self to the world, just as you are right now, you will be noticed for your confidence and have more allure and charisma.

Look Good/Feel Good Strategy
Men are highly attracted to confident women just as women are attracted to confident men. Confident women dress up, wear colors that bring out their features, stand straight and maintain good posture. You might wear last year’s pants and jacket, but dress it up with this year’s accessories. You are in touch with the look good/feel good strategy and follow it.

Put Some Pep in Your Step and Flirt!
Everything you ever were still resides within you. Bring back the qualities and feelings that got you noticed earlier in life and feel young and vibrant again. This is more about your attitude than anything else that happens with age. When you flirt with men, you interact in a playful, fun and engaging way. It will get you noticed!

Fuel the Fire of Your Desire and Get Noticed Again
Reawakening your feminine charm is not only possible, but within your grasp. Fuel your own desire by wearing sexy underwear. This is one of my best secret weapons. Those lacy, pretty underthings are meant to enliven your feelings about yourself. When you wear them, you will automatically feel sexier which means of course, that you will be sexier! This is true, even if no man sees them- its all for you baby and your state of mind.

Dump Your Cloak of Invisibility

As your dating coach, I’m asking you to make a decision right now – are you ready to dump your cloak of invisibility once and for all? I hope you said, “Yes!”. Put these suggestions to work so you can rebuild your self esteem. The better you feel about yourself, the more you will be noticed again. Noticed not just for your sunnier exterior, but for your energy, spirit, sense of self and charm. Confidence will make your light shine bright and that is the real you.

You deserve love and the first step is be noticed by men and interact with confidence. I am certain that with some kindness towards yourself – you can allow the lovely woman inside to blossom forth and share your feminine presence and light with the world.

Photo Credit: 150hp

He Flirts with Me, So Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Why doesn't he ask me out

Why doesn’t he ask me out

If you are wondering why, “He flirts with me but doesn’t ask me out?” read on to finally learn what that is really about.

Has this happened to you?

There’s a guy at work, church, or in your social circle. When you see him, he seems to light up. He seems very interested in what’s going on with you and catching up. He may flirt with his eyes, or verbally, or even touch you lightly. For some women, the man has actually taken things as far as kissing you once or twice.

Every time you see him, you experience the intense excitement of attraction. You feel prettier after talking with him. Your heart might be going pitter-patter. Its such a great feeling, exhilarating really. He must feel it too! How could you be the only one feeling this? There’s absolutely no way he doesn’t feel this same electricity. The same attraction. The same excitement.

But, and this is a huge but, you still don’t know –

Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Your relationship is stuck at flirting. And it drives you completely crazy. You simply cannot stop thinking about him.

Every time you run into him (which might be daily, once a week at church, or occasionally in your social circle), afterwards you spend days going over every detail of your interaction. What he said. His smile. The way he looked at you. How he lightly touched you on the arm or shoulder and the sensations that coursed through your body as a result.

Which leads you to wonder, “Why doesn’t ask me out?” This question creates a certain degree of frustration because you do not understand!  He’s ending mixed signals. How can this be? Why doesn’t he take it to the next obvious step?

I have had several dating coaching clients tell me about these interactions at church, the gym and at work. Other people have asked you about the situation, thinking you must be seeing each other. They’ve noticed how things are between you. How can they see it, but he doesn’t do one thing about it?

3 Reasons Why He’s Not Asking You Out:

1. Oh yeah, he’s attracted to you.  However, he is actually involved with someone else. And for whatever reason he doesn’t want to mention that because he enjoys flirting with you. It makes him feel good too. It’s really fun and good for his ego. Attraction isn’t enough when it comes to finding a compatible partner.

2. He isn’t ready or looking for a relationship. But flirting with you gives him his “feminine fix” and then he’s on his merry way. He definitely benefits from flirting with you. It makes him feel alive and wanted. He loves the attention you give him.  Yet, he has no intention of ever taking this one step further and he’s probably not emotionally available.

3. Something is keeping him from being active romantically. It could be financial trouble, health issues, emotional baggage, a horrible divorce, or any number of other concerns. It doesn’t really matter though because he’s not moving forward any time soon. A man who doesn’t have his life together has little room for love.

Why is this so confusing and agitating for you? Here’s the answer in a nutshell –

You mistake his flirtations and interactions as being in some sort of relationship.

A relationship with potential or promise. That’s a huge perception problem for you. The truth is, THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP! And sadly, 99.9% of the time, it never will be. This is a clear cut case of a man sending you mixed signals – he’s attracted and pays attention to you, but he’s unwilling to take things any further.

Does this mean flirting with this man is a waste of time? Not necessarily. There are some benefits as long as you are clear this is going no where. Flirting like this:

  • Builds your flirting and conversation skills
  • Improves your confidence and self-esteem
  • Makes you feel more attractive and desirable
  • Allows other men to see how great you are in action
  • Can be a great love life launching pad, if you allow yourself to not get lost in it

This is the biggest problem with Mr. Flirtypants:

He Is Not Mr. Right. If He Were Mr. Right, He’d Be Asking You Out.

He has some major flaw that keeps him from entering a relationship with you. Please don’t forget that essential piece of the puzzle to remind yourself he’s not the one. The right man would never leave you asking, “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” He’d ask you out and spend time with you!

If you find yourself in this situation, evaluate how long this has been going on and if there is any reason to believe, in reality, if he’ll ever ask you out. Remember, 99.9% of the time, nothing will ever happen and these are dead end situations that disappoint you and take you away from your mission – finding love.

PS – Get help with understanding men in my free book His Mixed Signals Are So ConfusingSave

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Reading Body Language: Do You Know What Your Body’s Saying?

Body Language & Flirting Attract More Men

He’s Reading Your Body Language, So Tell Him a Friendly Story about Yourself

Whether you know it or not, your body is sending signals before you utter a word. If you are single, working on your body language is a good use of your time, especially for women. Why? Because when you flirt, you are often relying on body language to convey your openness and approachability.

As humans, we naturally pick up more information and make judgements based on reading body language. So make sure yours is saying what you really want to say – telling a friendly story.

It’s really no secret that men don’t like to be rejected. Women don’t like it either! Who would? So, if you are a single woman looking for love with the right man, make it your main objective to look friendly and interested. It’s so much easier than you think!

Here are some tips from Tonya Reinman in her new book The Body Language of Dating as reported in this post by ABC news. I’ve embellished from my flirting arsenal and separated the actions into those done from a distance and those acted on close up.

From a Distance:

  • Become more self-aware so you can know what signals you are sending.
  • Smile more because is catching!
  • Playing with your hair and primping announce “Look at me” and sends the message you are ready for some attention.
  • Stand up straight and hold your head high – that’s the look of confidence.
  • Maintain brief eye contact with a man, then look down and up again before looking away.
  • Let your wrists and neck show- they are an erogenous zones.
  • Slightly tilt your head left because men find this attractive. It also implies interest, like you are thinking about him.

Close Up:

  • Nod when he talks so you seem engaged and show agreement
  • Touch him lightly on his arm or shoulder to make a point, breaking the personal space barrier. However, don’t linger unless you want some action the same night.
  • Wear natural scents like vanilla and lavender.
  • Whisper something to him – it could be anything, then pull away and smile.

What to Avoid – The Don’ts:

  • Crossing your arms in front of your body or standing you’re your legs crossed shows you are shut off
  • Poor posture and slouched shoulders relay poor self-esteem.
  • Darting your eyes around the room makes you look nervous or suspicious
  • Hands in your pockets I s a classic tip off that you might be hiding something
  • Touching your nose is the sign of a liar so don’t do it!
  • Getting too close before you know he is interested will make him feel crowded.

While my own social research isn’t scientific, 10 years working with thousands of women has provided fabulous anecdotal evidence these flirting behaviors work!  Let me share a story to prove the point.

Two of my clients, Beth and Connie, both 49 and divorced, took my flirting class and decided that night to go to a bar and try it out. These two women were both very “type a” career women who normally didn’t interact with men very much and to tell you the truth, just weren’t warm and friendly people.

They came back to class the next week exciting with girlish glee! Beth and Connie had stellar results to share. Beth has two men ask for her phone number which she claimed had never happened before in a bar or anywhere. And Connie was asked on a date for the following weekend much to her surprise.

These two were amazed, delighted and complete astonished by what a little flirting can do. But as their coach, let me share another potent secret with you…the biggest change in their behavior was that they paid attention to the men. They were friendly, open and interested. Normally Beth and Connie would have looked down their noses at any man who had the nerve to approach them while they had a glass of wine at a bar. But on this night, they looked for opportunities to connect with men. And voila – it worked.

So yes, body language is a highly effective means for meeting men. But, if you can open up to men and show some interest rather than disdain and suspicion, you’ll discover how easy it is to attract more bees with honey, so to speak.

7 Top Tips to Attract the Love You Want

Back in April, I spoke at a holistic expo in Portland, OR. My friend Lisa, recorded my program so that anyone can listen to these proven yet simple strategies to find the love you want.

Let me give you a sneak peak here so you can get an idea of what some of those powerful tips are. If you are a woman dating after divorce or dating over40, this fun and inspiring audio could turn your love life around quickly!

7 Top Tips to Attract the Love You Want

1. As a dating coach, my first tip is to  find a way to open your heart to love and men. I talk about why vulnerability is the key to connecting at the heart level. What assumptions might be creating the wrong ideas about men and dating. Why listening to your inner thoughts while walking down the street will tell you everything about where your openness is at.

2. The second tip is a discussion on building self confidence and how that impacts your appeal and ability to attract good men. You’ll hear several ways to start improving your confidence right away.

3. The third strategy is about the Yin and Yang of dating and the roles men and women play in this courtship dance. Once you get this simple idea under your belt, you will likely be freed up from hours of wondering what to do next or how to handle a situation. These clear-cut guidelines eliminate a lot of confusion and you’ll feel like finally, you have emerged from the dust cloud of dating to greater clarity about what to do.

4. Not surprisingly, the 4th strategy is flirting which, as a dating coach for women over 40, is one of my favorite subjects. I provide suggestions on how to invite men into your world and remind you that your feminine charm is a divine gift as well as a power and skill men cannot replicate. Anyone can flirt and do it well, including you.

 5. What makes the whole dating process a lot more fun? Taking the pressure off! You’ll learn why doing this can be the key to your dating success as it opens up so many more opportunities.

6. What would talk about meeting Mr. Right be without the MANifestng tips? This talk included my favorite methods to help you attract the love you want in the style of the book and movie the “Secret”.

7. Last but not least is a quick list of where to go to meet men. But before I launch into that, I share my ideas on why dating is like deep sea fishing – its a classic! You know several of these places to meet men already, but with new insights, your chances of meeting quality guys sky rocket.

So that’s it – a fabulous run down of my most fundamental dating strategies all on one MP3 audio download. Even if you’ve heard these ideas before, sometimes a new spin can help set you up for dating success. And you know what that success looks like?

That’s right – being in the fabulous, yummy relationship with an amazing man you’ve been longing for.

Good men are out there! Don’t wait another minute to discover these simple steps that offer practical and savvy ways to find the man of your dreams. The audio is 47 minutes and under $10.

Click here to listen to a clip of the audio and download your copy now. It’s like getting private dating coaching without the appointment!


Special thanks to Lisa, the Founder and Owner of Wetware Media


Do You Want Sex or Love? Dating After Divorce

Dating After Divorce - Sex or Love?

I had the most interesting conversation last week with a woman who knows the men like the back of her hand. I was very impressed by her viewpoints, in-depth knowledge and the savvy advice she shares with her friends. Phoebe, a strong, independent, presentable 45 year old woman, single by conscious choice,  told me a few juicy stories. One struck me so deeply, I want to share it with you today in this blog post.

Recently, Phoebe was out with two girlfriends who were lamenting their single status. There can be a lot to complain about if you are single. No romantic dinners. Feeling like the third or fifth wheel when you go out with couples. And no sex life.

Trish and Vera had the most to say about the last one on the list. As Phoebe tells it, her friends were both complaining bitterly about how long it had been. One hadn’t had sex in three months and the other for over six! Some of you may think that’s a long time while others may think that’s child’s play in terms of celibacy.

Phoebe is very straight forward and direct and has a very quick sense of humor. She looked Trish and Vera straight in the eyes and said, “Each of you pick out two men and I’ll help you make it happen.” Trish was most surprised by this statement as her draw dropped to visually accompany what she was thinking. And Vera wasn’t going for it either.

Phoebe was surprised by their rejection of this idea. (Remember she is straight forward and direct.)  She questioned them, asking, “What do you mean you don’t want to do that? You said you wanted to have sex?” Her friends said they wanted to have sex, but not like that. “Oh, now I see, you don’t really want sex, you want love,” Phoebe realized.

Sex is easy to come by. (Oh please forgive the pun ) Phoebe has some specialized flirting to land a partner fast if you’re interested in a quick roll in the hay. She asked her friends to pick two men because its not fail safe, but she does have an excellent track record for making this work. So if one guy doesn’t go for it, usually the other will.

But that’s now what Trish and Vera want. While they whine about sex, what they really want is a relationship. This requires a different set of skills then Phoebe isn’t as proficient at, mainly because she chooses to avoid emotional entanglements.

As your dating coach, I ask you to get very clear for yourself. While many of my clients err more on the side of not relying their feminine charm, I do get others who are awesome at getting the guy, but not the right guy. They reel him in with sex appeal and then often discover that’s all the men want. These women are devastated by their results, even though it happens repeatedly.

If you’re a woman dating over 40 or dating after divorce, it’s very important to know what you want. If you want sex, that’s fine – you’re a big girl who can make that decision. But if you want love, you may need to tone down the sex appeal a couple of notches.

Men will still think sex when they look at you believe me. This is a biological response. And truthfully, you want men to think of you that way or they don’t see you as attractive. On the other hand, if you dress femininely, but not trashy and flirt, but don’t act aggressively, they will know you are more than a roll in the hay. Men instinctively pick up on this information that is conveyed non-verbally.

When I work with clients, I help clear up mysteries and misconceptions.  Being an objective, knowledgeable professional, I ‘ll tell you straight, unlike your best friends who are prone to being nice instead of honest. If you aren’t satisfied with the results you’ve been getting on your own, ask a professional dating coach for help.


Photo Credit: ZenCupcake
Cupcakes by Sharon of Lots of Sprinkles

Dating Over 40: Why the Flirts Have It!

Do you flirt? What do you think of women who flirt? Do you have an attitude about women who use their feminine charm to gain male attention? I hope you said “No”, because flirting is essential to meeting good men today. Oh yes, it’s true.

Flirting is a fun and playful way to interact with men. The truth is, flirting simply acknowledges other people. When you see notice a man looking at you and you smile back at him, you are non-verbally communicating that you see him. You acknowledge his presence. Today, acknowledgement is a very rare commodity. Do you get enough acknowledgement?

When you make eye contact and smile briefly, you are allowing yourself to feel a man’s admiration and appreciation of you. That’s it. There’s no commitment, no promise, no teasing him. If a man reads into your smile, that’s his problem, not yours.

Become aware of the power of your smile. If you do this two to three times with the same man, he will take this as a signal that you would be willing to talk with him, should he approach you. As a woman, you WANT men to approach you. How else will you meet the men you don’t already know?

Now, you have to keep in mind the best flirting has no agenda. If you think you can flirt your way into something or capture a specific man’s attention, it might fail you. Instead, flirt as a way of life to share your delightful nature and don’t worry about your agenda. My dating coaching clients learn this is particularly important when you are somewhere (singles events, dances, the gym, etc.) men can notice you. As you demonstrate your friendly, fun attitude, more men will be willing to risk talking to you.

Men don’t like to be rejected, so flirting makes you approachable! There’s absolutely no way to lose, but the gains can be amazing. If you are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, start honing your flirting skills. Its easy to learn. Start by smiling and making brief eye contact. Dare to say hello. Strike up a conversation in a crowded bar or networking event. And don’t save it up for just the right guy because you won’t be practiced enough or seem natural.

Flirt with almost anyone, any time and you won’t believe the shift in your dating life. You’ll smile more because you’ll be making others feel good. Acknowledging others will lift your spirits and make you feel good about yourself. When you choose me as your dating coach, you’ll discover how this is a win-win situation.

So get busy. Try flirting with someone today and make it your new habit. This is your ticket to attracting more men than you ever dreamed possible.


Dating Over 40: Why Can I Network But Feel Intimidated by Singles Events

Leverage your feminine energy and flirt!

The next question  from the 90 Day Challenge is another excellent topic to explore.

3. Why Can I Network But Feel Intimidated by Singles Events?

Many women in business feel very comfortable networking at chamber events or various functions designed for mingling. Yet, when it comes to meeting people for social reasons and dating, they lose their confidence and ability to feel at ease.

Why does this happen?

For some reason, women who experience this feel comfortable in the business setting. They are confident about how they present themselves and how others will see them. Perhaps they have achieved a degree of success that helps them work a room with certainty. Perhaps they have enough friends at these events that help them to feel safe.

but on the dating scene, all bets are off. maybe they don’t have any single girlfriends to go with. They fear being rejected and are not on the same solid ground regarding how they’ll be perceived. It’s understandable.

The skills you use should be the same, but they are not. There’s one big exception: Feminine Charm

This can be a tough topic when I’m working with my women dating coaching clients. You’ll need to rely more on your feminine energy than your masculine energy. Traditionally business is all about using masculine energy to get things done and make things happen. In today’s world, women have adapted and adopted these skills. You mastered them so well, that you may have forgetten how to turn it off and turn on your feminine charm.

But oh, this is so intrinsically vital to your dating success.

Femininity isn’t about being a door mat, dumbing yourself down, or being less than a man. Instead its about being inviting, welcoming, warm and friendly. Women who are good at interacting with men, know how to make a man feel good – and this is crucial, because men choose women who make them feel good!

The Masculine Angle: Hand him a card with your phone number and get the meeting.
The Feminine Angle: Smile and hold his gaze briefly, so he’ll know you’re approachable.

Then he’ll come talk to you and if you like  him, you’ll laugh at his jokes, touch his arm lightly and quickly, compliment him about something and create a desire within him so he WANTS TO KNOW MORE. These actions demonstrate your warmth and are perceived as inviting and charming.

I’ve written loads of posts about feminine charm and feminine energy because this is what separates successful daters from those who stand against the wall and wonder. Here are a couple of my favorites:

Feminine Charm – Think Hospitality

Why Flirting Works with  the Way Men Think

Once you get some practice in, you’ll catch on and find that not only is it easier than you thought, but its fun too! Flirting is a spontaneous, creative, playful way to interact with people. There’s no agenda – you are just flirting and being friendly with feminine flair.  It’s truly using your divine feminine power and is something men cannot do (Well maybe Gay men can). Flirting, when done well, creates a magnet that men find hard to resist. Its the best way to improve your desirability.

Here’s what I share with my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce: To capture male attention, don’t go head to head, using your masculine energy. Men don’t want to compete with you. Instead, leverage your divine birth right and feminine charm and  flirt with them! It’s fun and it works – like a CHARM.  Try it and then watch how your dating results change over night.


Phot Credit:  Thai Yin

Millionaire Matchmaker: Last Episode – More Drama than Matchmaking

Millionaire Matchmaker - Patti Stanger

Last night was the season finale of the Millionaire Matchmaker. Maybe I should say this, but I was very disappointed with the episode. totally over the top in the Bravo drama department, very little matchmaking substance.

Let’s pick it apart shall we? First Stacy returns demanding an apology from Patti. Yeah, like that is going to ever happen. This is TV honey. Seems like the producers were just looking for ways to stir up drama.

Making Stacy take a lie-detector test to see if she really wants to find love. Come on. That was nothingbut showmanship and rather poor at that. Some show writers sitting around going, OK what would a crazy big finale look like? I know, let’s get ADD Stacy to come back and make her take a lie-detector test. This is stupid and proved nothing except the beginning of the end in my book for the Millionaire Matchmaker.

Stacy picked Eben for her date – OK seemed like a decent choice. But then she proceeds to show him her exercise videos at the beginning of her date. What was that about? Who would do that? Seems rather contrived if you ask me. She didn’t act like that the first time, so why now did she decide to be so incredibly vain? Next and not unexpected, the finish includes the ever present blow up during the debrief with Patti throwing her out of the office again. Haven’t we seen that enough yet?

Switching gears to our football player Freddie, who has a history of “gold diggers”.  During his date, he was dramatically accused of not paying his child support, as dug up on Google. More drama for the camera. This also had to be planned.

Overall, I did enjoy the season. There were some really fun episodes that, for the most part, were highly entertaining. Call me a romantic, but I wish the season closer could have ended on a more heart-warming, upbeat and love-filled note. Ahh, but that’s not Bravo TV’s modus operandi is it?

But it sure is mine! I like a happy ending and I am thrilled when people find love. When you work with me as your over 40 dating coach, I will instill a sense of hope, inspire you to get out there and meet new people, and provide the proven dating strategies that will bring them the love you want and deserve. 

My program The 90 Day Challenge starts on Monday night, January 24th. This incredibly powerful group coaching program via telephone will help you build confidence and mingling skills to attract more men that you ever thought possible! It’s quite a bargain too at just $99. This much private dating coaching would cost you over $900!

For just $99, you can participate in the program that has helped so many women. You’ll  learn to strike up conversations, hone your flirting skills and feel your feminine charm working. You’ll see more opportunities as you hear practical tips and proven strategies on how to capture a man’s attention. Read more and register here


Dating Over 40: 3 Top Dating Experts Today at the Dating for Keeps Expo

Free Teleconference for Women 9/20-24

Have you forgotten how to flirt? Do you realize how crucial this skill is to your dating success?

Do you think of your dating life as a fun adventure?

Are you divorced and thinking about getting out there to find love again or maybe already dating and need a few pointers?

Today, three fantastic experts will share their eye-opening insights starting with April Braswellat 2pm edt. who will share her flirty wisdom and body language expertise today at 2pm. April is a delight and will offer some simple, but very effective flirting techniques that anywoman can successfully put to work. Get your flirting mojo going with April.

We’ll be talking to the Dating Goddess at 5pm edt., an award-winning dating blogger who has now dated over 101 men in her delicious adventures in dating over 40.  DG, as she’s known, will give you some concrete advice about why dating over 40 is different then when you are younger and how to use this knowledge to find good men and date your way to fun and love.

Today’s wrap up at 8pm edt is with Dr. Amy Botwinick who will share her dating after divorce expertise. Amy, who is a chiropractor, divorce survivor and thriver and dating after divorce expert, runs groups to help women recover and become empowered to move on and trust again. You can find her at www.womenmovingon.com and watch episodes of her divorce rehab group at www.divorcerehab.com

It’s not too late to sign up for the Dating for Keeps Expo – a free teleconference that doesn’t require any special phone equipment.  There are still 7 programs to come all the way through Friday, so register right  now! You can also purchase the MP3 downloads, once you register to hear any of the programs you may have missed.

Dating Over 40: Why Flirting Works with the Way Men Think

Yesterday, the post was about how men think. They don’t think like women do. They don’t wonder why things are the way they are or search for deeper meaning. So, to capture a man’s attention, you can’t be too subtle. I recommended holding a man’s gaze for 3-5 seconds before gracefully turning away. Then check back f minute later to catch his eye again.

This is a great non-verbal way to let a man know you are interested.  And it’s called FLIRTING!

Over 90% of attraction is non-verbal
That’s why flirting is so powerful! You are sending non-verbal signals using body language. What do you want to communicate? That you are friendly, open, nice, inviting, and willing to talk with men.

The point of flirting is actually to help men get past the barriers to meet you. In other words, you are helping them see the risk is low for rejection. Normally, men fear and rather avoid rejection. So they might not take the chance to approach you. But,  if you start using these non-verbal signals, they will pick them up instinctively and be more willing to take that social risk to meet you.

Flirting is the Mechanism
Applying your feminine charm will draw men to you. Leveraging your allure magnetically attracts men. Flirting is the mechanism that lets a man know you are open to him.

Many of my over 40 dating coaching clients feel confused about this. So in an effort to be really clear, here’s what using your feminine energy does NOT include:

  • Being aggressive
  • Asking men out
  • Asking a guy for his phone number
  • Giving him your number
  • Being suggestive
  • Pursuit of any kind

Your feminine energy is inviting. You express your interest by looking at a guy, then looking away. And a few minute later, looking again. That is obvious enough, but it’s not AGGRESSIVE.

If you act aggressively, you’ll be doing his job by taking over pursuit. This is highly inadvisable for countless reasons and I’ll tell any of my dating coaching clients this. But the most important one is:

Men Want to Pursue You
He wants this pursuit to be his idea. If he’s really interested, he’ll get invested in trying to win you over. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO WANT! This is how you can understand his interest level.

– So, if you smile at man and he comes over to chat but, don’t ask for your number…
     He’s not that interested.

– If he talks to you for an hour and you laugh a lot, but he doesn’t get your email…
      He’s not that interested.

– If you seemed to click and had hot chemistry but he never calls…
     He’s not that interested.

Men who are interested will PURSUE YOU. Regardless of being shy, previously hurt, or any other crummy romantic history, if he likes you , he knows what he needs to do.

What Does Count as Flirting ?

  • Eye contact and smiling
  • Twirling or fixing your hair
  • Playing with your jewelry
  • Smoothing you clothing
  • Using a straw to drink your drink
  • Crossing and uncrossing your legs (but demurely please)

And once you are talking with him, these types of activities still work. Plus you can add a couple more:

  • Lean towards him when he talks to show interest
  • Touch his forearm or back lightly while making your point, then let go

All of these tips work to help a man get clear signals from you. But you don’t have to save this up for just the right guy. When you learn to flirt with men as your way of interacting, it will be more natural and your skills will improve. Don’t wait for the perfect man. 

Try this today and start letting men know that you are approachable and available. Whether or not you become one of my dating coaching clients now, nothing could be more worthwhile to improve your romantic opportunities.




Dating Over 40: 8 Tips to Amplify Allure & Attract More Men – Part 2

Yesterday, I shared the first four techniques to amplify your allure that I share with my over 40 dating coaching clients including:
1. Get out of the house
2. Be friendly
3. Dress for self-esteem
4. Hold your head up and smile

Don’t just resign yourself to being intimidating! Use your natural feminine charm to amplify your allure and draw men in. You may be equal to a man, but you are not the same. So use what the Lord gave you to ensure the survival of the species and have the spring-summer dating season you deserve!

Today’s post has the remaining four tips for an alluring arsenal of 8 methods to attract more men.

5. Approachable Body Languagesmiling woman
Studies show that attraction is 93% non-verbal.  So your body language is crucial to being approachable! Besides tip #4 above, keep these moves in mind. Tilt your head down slightly and look up through your eye lashes at a man. This is a brief exchange and very flirty! When you catch a man looking at you, smile first before turning your head away. Be sure not to cross your arms – that signals your boundaries are closed. Crossing your legs is OK and in fact if  the leg on top makes your foot point at him, that’s a non-verbal signal you are open to meet him.

6. Find a Conversation Piece
Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo TV says use a book as a prop. This can work at the beach, on a park bench or even at an upscale steak house bar where you can read and have a drink. This makes it so easy for men to approach and ask you, “What are you reading?” A funky pin or hat can also make it easy for a man to talk to you.

7.  Appeal to his Masculine Ego
If you see a man who catches your eye, you can make the first move by striking up  a conversation. This is not the same as asking him for his number or for a date – I don’t recommend that at all. But being friendly is ideal! Ask him for help,
– “Can you help me reach this?”
– “Do you know of a good place to go for happy hour?”
– “Can you help me get the bartender’s attention?”

Men like to help and be needed, so you’ll appeal to their macho nature.

You can also try a little flattery, but be genuine with compliments. Tell him you like his shirt or that the color looks great. I love a guy in a pink shirt and often remark how he must be very confident to look so good in that color. And if you go the compliment route, don’t over do it! Stick with no more than one or two or you risk appearing insincere or worse- desperate.

8. Relax and Enjoy the Day
When you relax and take time to enjoy some of the simple things life offers, you lighten your spirit and amplify your allure! Be happy for a sunny day, spring flowers, a summer breeze, the beauty of nature, or even a cafe latte from your favorite coffee shop. Take pleasure in the little things that are truly wonderful, yet you rarely even notice since you normally are too busy and hurried. Slow down and savor the richness of life that goes unnoticed and your appeal will sky rocket.

If you want men to approach and talk to you, you now have 8 potent tips to entice them.  Try one or do them all and discover how you can attract more men then you ever dreamed. It’s so amazingly easy!


photo credit: flickr

Dating Over 40: Advanced Flirting Tips – Part 2

Ready for more flirting tips? Four more suggestions to maximize your dating over 40 flirting efforts are coming your way in my second Youtube video.  Once you’ve got the basics down as I pointed in out the first video, add these tips to strengthen your feminine charm.

Included in the second video are some body language suggestions that have been proven to work through loads of social research. Silly as these things may sound, they are based on researched facts! Even Princess Diana was famous for one of these moves as you’ll hear about in the video. My dating coaching clients rave about these body language tips.

Surprisingly, we read body language and make judgments about people in this way all the time. Yet we rarely attribute our feelings back to body language. It’s such an innate skill, most people hardly ever recognize where the details originated from to make these judgments.

My favorite body language story example dates back to our own ancient history. Did you ever watch cowboy and Indian movies? Remember those classic films where the Native American chief would hold up a hand, palm forward and say “How”? What do you think was actually being communicated?

That hand motion dates back to the beginning of time for man and is meant to convey,  “I have no weapon.” Showing the open palm makes it clear that no weapon is being concealed and therefore the person is safe to approach. Today we have converted this archaic hand signal into a wave as a greeting – “hello.”

If you are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, try these body language moves and you’ll soon be enjoying great results. I have shared these tips with over 1,500 dating coaching clients to help them find the love they want and deserve. Those who have given flirting a try, do report positive experiences. A little practice will go along way so that you can  start to do these things naturally and feel more confident.

Don’t wait for the perfect guy. Start with any men where you feel safe. The guy behind the deli counter or in a toll booth.  Perhaps a waiter or the guy at the gas station. Maybe a bank teller or at the dry cleaners. Men are quite literally everywhere so you have countless opportunities to give this a try.  (And almost no excuses not to!)

If  make a comment or rate the video on youtube and send me an email to let me know, I’ll send you a link for a FREE ebook  entitled “Attract Your Next Great Mate” –  an informative compilation from many dating experts including me and The Dating Goddess.

Stay tuned for video three coming your way soon.

Over 40 Dating: Boost Your Appeal with Flirting to Attract More Men

smiling-womanThis is a great story. A couple of weeks ago I did a presentation to a group of woman on Your Feminine Charm – How to Tap  into Your Power as a Woman. Honestly, as a dating coach, this is one of my favorite talks. I had already covered what is feminine charm, why you need it,  and some of how to have more feminine charm. The last phase of this discussion is flirting!

As I explained and demonstrated basic flirting techniques, one woman asked if she could interrupt with a story. Nancy said she had the perfect illustration of how powerful my recommendations are and how well they work. “OK” I said to Nancy, “Give it a whirl.”

Here’s Nancy’s Story
She was meeting a guy at a restaurant/bar whom she had only met briefly once before . To be honest, she simply couldn’t quite remember what the fellow looked like. As the time they were supposed to meet drew near, Nancy decided the best thing to do, given the uncertainty of recognizing her date, was to smile at every man walking her way, who seemed like he might be the guy.

In reality, this meant Nancy was smiling at quite  a few men. She sees a guy walking towards her and would smile as a greeting, just in case. Now, it’s important to know that prior to this moment, Nancy was not in the habit of smiling at random men. Especially men she didn’t know in a bar!

That’s why Nancy was so surprised by the results. It seems her date was late, which meant she had that much more time to smile at guys. By the time her date arrived, Nancy literally had a swarm of men encircling her. She was smiling and laughing and exacted by all the attention. And her date must have wondered how he landed time with such a popular and magnetic woman.

Nancy finished up the story by sharing how this was the most amazing, fun thing that happened to her during the entire time she was single. No doubt huh? I’d remember a flirting adventure like that for years too!

The Morale of the Story
This is what I share with all my dating coaching clients. Smile at men! Flirt because you can. Leverage these inborn, attraction skills. It’s your birthright. Your feminine charm is yours down to the cellular level of your DNA.  Enjoy the power of being a woman. It’s something men can’t do! And it’s a way of being around men that will zoom your appeal by light years.

Don’t hestitate to try out simple flirting techniques like smiling and holding a man’s gaze briefly – just 2-3 seconds. Acknowledge a man who you see looking at you and make him feel good because you noticed. It’s really simple courtesy but works like a charm – feminine charm.

That’s exactly what attracts a man to you. It’s not your sheer beauty or your independence, or all the money you’ve made or the high power job you’ve landed, or the sales award you won. It’s more like animal attraction because attraction is a biological function and 93% non-verbal. So don’t worry about what to say or  waste it and wonder where the men are. Work it baby, work it!

Never underestimate the power of your feminine charm. It’s the number one thing you’ve got going for you. Today, smile at a man and you’ll make his day – and most likely yours too.

photo credit:     ndbutter  

Over 40 Dating: Men Are Swarming

bee-on-flower

It must be the flowers blooming because for some reason in the last 10 days, men have been drawn to me like bees to honey. (Or is that bees to pollen and flies to honey?)

This is not the usual state-of-affairs for me, nor has it ever been. Even at my flirtiest best, I got my share of attention. But not like this.

In the last 10 days, three men have tried to pick me up. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve got to tell you – it feels good. When I started on my path to find my husband, it finally occurredto me that when a man looks at me and whistles or starts talking to me, he finds me attractive. Recognizing this as flattery gave me a whole new take on my interactions with men.

For 9 years now, I’ve been a happily married woman  (May 5th was our anniversary) and while I still flirt (simply because I can and it’s fun) I don’t have my “love light” turned on. And I’m certainly not looking for any “action.”

What is  creating all this attention?
Let’s examine what might be the cause of this surge in magnetism or my “honey-like” qualities.

First, I am relatively friendly. I’m not too serious or intense. When someone looks at me I do tend to look back and smile. This does make me more approachable.

Second, I never go out without my makeup and do my best to look decent. The one time I said the heck with it and ran out to the store in sweat pants, with dirty hair and no makeup – sure enough I saw three people I knew. I was totally embarrassed! I can’t stand that feeling of knowing I look like crap.  I just don’t go out that way any more.

Third, I appreciate when a man appreciates me. And when they look at me or talk to me, that makes me feel good! So I enjoy most interactions, even though I do not lead them on.

Fourth, since I’m not looking for anything, I appear more confident.  It’s all in being friendly, nothing more.  A lack of agenda in itself can appear as confidence and increase attraction.

But, I’ve gotta tell you – I still think its something in the air. I honestly believe that spring time is making men more open, friendly and urging them on to meet women.  women like me – and women like YOU!

What can you accomplish if you put your mind to it?  Here’s another way to look at it. If this married woman and dating coach, who is just shy of 5 feet tall and several months past 50 can get hit on three times in 10 days – what can you accomplish?

Yes, this is a challenge I am putting out to you. Start smiling more. Put on some lipstick. Wear something pretty. Feel good about yourself. And be friendly! This could be the best spring-summer season of your life if you play your cards right. Now really, wouldn’t that be fun?

What would it be like to call your best friend and tell her about all the male attention you’ve been getting? Instead of  complaining about drivers on the freeway, or your boss being a jerk, or your kids driving you crazy, you could be giggling about the possibilities with the men you are meeting. Which conversation sounds more exciting?

Meeting men is actually one of the easiest and most natural things you can do once you simply decide that’s what you want. Do you want to meet men? Do you want to find love?  Take a chance! Have some fun! Unleash your allure and enjoy the power of being a woman.

Trust me. I can’t be the only woman in the USA, in New England, in Connecticut, in New Haven county who is experiencing this level of buzzing males. There’s some guy out there waiting to admire and approach you too.

What have you got to lose? Go for it!                                   photo credit