Tag Archives: feminine charm

How Are You Supposed To Flirt With A Man Without Turning Him Away

How are you supposed to flirt with a man? Is there a certain way to flirt that will draw him in vs. make him run away? What do you need to know about flirting to make it work for you? Read on for simple flirting tips that really WORK and are a lot of fun too!

how are you supposed to flirtWhy Do You Want To Flirt?

The ability to flirt is coded into your DNA. Why? For survival of the species. The original purpose of flirting was to attract a mate and bring more humans into the world. All animals do some sort of dance or preening to attract the opposite sex.  It’s completely natural and an innate skill built right into you from birth.

Today, flirting has a different purpose. Even if you want a family, first you want love. Being in relationship in the 21st century is now a choice. Men and women no longer NEED each other to survive, but we WANT companionship and support. We want romance and partnership in life.

Flirting is a method for getting male attention and making yourself approachable, so you can meet more men to find “The One” for you.

How to Flirt with a Man

Are you concerned that your flirting might backfire? That can’t happen if you understand the true underlying purpose of flirting. But first let me explain what flirting really is.

According to the Google dictionary, to flirt is to “behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.” While I was surprised to see this, it’s the perfect definition although I was surprised to see it on the web. It’s perfect because flirting is NOT serious.

The main reason to flirt is to engage with men in a fun, playful and spontaneous way. You are letting men know you are available and approachable. Your flirting might not even be verbal. (Related post Talking with Strangers). A lot of fabulous flirting is completely NONVERBAL.

Flirting Body Language

How are you supposed to flirt using body language? When male attention is your goal, this is the easiest part. It might not work to get a certain man’s interest but, you will get noticed by men.

Whether or not you are consciously aware of what you are doing, you are wired to send and receive body language messages. It’s an innate skill that everyone has. Just like you can tell when someone is super happy or there has been a big argument, just by looking at them. You KNOW because of your human ability to read body language.

That’s EXACTLY why flirting works so well! Here is a list of things that you may feel silly doing, but do not doubt for one minute the effect these little moves have on getting men to notice you.

1.Smile and Connect – When you catch a man eyeing you, SMILE back and briefly hold his gaze for just 2-3 seconds that’s it. Any longer and he’ll think you ARE serious so don’t go there. This is about light interactions, not seduction.

2. Touch Your Neck – Your neck is an erogenous zone, so when you put your fingers or hand on your neck, most men around you will notice. This is great in a room with plenty of people if you are networking or in a restaurant bar.

3. Play with Hair or Jewelry – Fiddling with your earrings or necklace is a great flirty move and let’s men know you are available. It’s a simple little move but it sends the right signals. Same thing is true for playing with your hair – whether you twist a little piece that hangs down or toss it and let it settle out naturally, men will get this message.

4.  Look Over Your Shoulder – If you look back at a man over your shoulder and up through your lashes, this is considered super flirty. Spot a man looking at you? Smile back before looking away, then turn back a few minute later to look again. Boom! That’s a signal of interest!

When Flirting Turns Men Off

Let me be really clear. There are a few things you DON’T want to do if you’re still wondering how are you supposed to flirt with a man. This is how flirting goes wrong and actually turns a man off. You want to be aware to make sure you don’t take things too far.

1.Staring Is Rude – Eye contact should not last longer than 2-3 seconds. If you aren’t sure what I mean, think about it the old-fashioned way – count to yourself, “One, one thousand, two one thousand.” This is how people used to measure time because saying the numbers this way takes about two seconds.

Even if you want to be a bit more seductive and actually look a man up and down the way men look at you, this is QUICK! Do NOT linger because you end up looking like you are STARING which is creepy and aggressive. Men will look away for good.

I’ve had clients tell me they looked at men and smiled and it didn’t work. I can’t promise this will work on any particular man – but will help you get the attention of men around you who find you attractive. But, it won’t make a man want you. Either he does or he doesn’t. Holding his eye contact longer will backfire.

2. Licking Your Lips – Some experts talk about licking your lips so, they are wet and get his attention. That’s also the purpose of lip gloss! However, the act of licking your lips too frequently could make you look like a drug addict so stick with more demure methods.

3. Too Many Flirty Moves – Sometimes a woman trying these flirting tips thinks they aren’t working, so she’ll do them all one after another. Unfortunately, this is a place where more is NOT better and you could end up looking like a hussy! That’s hot for a man looking for sex but, a HUGE turn off for a quality man seeking a woman for lasting love.

How Are You Supposed to Flirt?

Well, now you know a few easy flirting tricks that are sure to get you some male attention. And you also know how to avoid several flirting mistakes that turn men off.

Think of yourself being demur or coy – these are great words to put you in a flirty mindset. Flirting heightens your feminine energy which also increases a man’s masculine response. Exactly what you want to achieve when you’re out there looking for love.

When you rely on your feminine charms, you attract men to you. Draw them in with your allure. This is the opposite of man hunting when you seek them out and aggressively go after them.

You’ll discover it’s nearly impossible to capture the attention of quality masculine man with any aggressive moves. He may go along for the ride and be willing to sleep with you. He might be open to a casual relationship.

What a Quality Man Seeks in a Woman

On the other hand, a quality man seeks a woman who knows how to BE a woman and let him be the MAN. She lets the man lead, knowing her power is one of allure and warmth. She never tries to use her business skills to GET a man because she understands that is not of interest to a successful, decisive, masculine man.

So, how are you supposed to flirt with a man? With grace, ease and style. Relying on confidence and a playful attitude. Holding the knowledge that your allure is your feminine power to bring men to you. You’ve got this babe.

If you still want to learn more about flirting, check out Flirt School – it’s got all the fun, flirty lessons a single woman can want!

How Can I Get Him Interested in Me?

Women ask, “How can I get him interested in me?” I’ve discovered four basic strategies most women rely on, but in truth, only one works well to grab a man’s attention and get him interestedhow can I get him interested in me.

How to Keep a Guy Wanting More

Single women take a variety of approaches to meeting a new man for the first time. In my 16 years as a dating and love coach for women, four basic strategies stand out. I’m sure there are more but, these will cover how the majority of women think about that important first encounter.

Let me explain each strategy, so you can figure out which one seems closest to what you do. And then, discover which one works if you are serious about finding love with the right man.

The Nice Girl

If you’re just nice, you’ll listen intently and add a little of yourself here and there. You’ll smile, nod, and laugh when appropriate. You tend to be a people pleaser and this is your strategy for meeting new men too. You figure you can’t lose when you are nice. But, is nice irresistible?

Nice might get you a passing grade, (Well, she was nice…) but it will not capture his attention, nor keep it. Unfortunately, there is no challenge to nice, no spice, and NO MYSTERY. This is not how to get him thinking about you or curious what makes you tick. Showing more of your real personality – the good stuff, is important to get and keep a man’s attention.

The Tough Investigator

You don’t simply meet a new man, you INVESTIGATE HIM. Your girlfriends think you should have been a private eye. That’s because every man must pass your test. It starts with Googling him, maybe the Stud or Dud App or TinEye to see if he is who he says he is and if he’s married, has a record etc. No man is going to pull the wool over your eyes.

After this first round which he knows nothing about, you have a series of questions you need answers to before you’ll consider dating him. He’s got to pass muster and it’s a vigorous process. You take pride in your own brand of interrogation to see how he handles the pressure.

Even if you’re tactics might be more subtle, you still want to know up front:

  • Why he got divorced
  • How long it’s been since his divorce was final
  • Does he want to marry again
  • Will he have more children
  • Is he looking for a committed relationship

You don’t want to waste any time with the wrong man and feel completely justified to qualify men in this manner.

Unfortunately, this strategy won’t make you irresistible. More likely, it will keep you single because there’s no mystery here. He’ll get defensive and know at least one man has done you wrong and that you do not trust men. Your underlying anger reveals all he needs to know and eliminates his desire for more.

When you start from a place that every man needs a good grilling before he is deemed worthy, you send vibes of massive distrust. Not so attractive and definitely not a fun date.

The “I’m Going to Be Myself” Woman

Your strategy is a bit different. You show up relaxed and ready to be yourself. That sounds like it should work really well. What could possibly go wrong when you are yourself? Let’s dig a little deeper.

You might show up for a date right after work without changing your clothes or more importantly, your mindset. You are friendly and talk to people all the time so, this new guy is just one more person to meet. No biggie right? Trouble is warm and friendly are good, but not irresistible.

When I was single and looking I talked to every body. I still do. But I was using my friendly approach without any feminine charisma. I didn’t dates this way.

If you’re wondering how can I get him interested in me, being friendly is only a start. Friendly is sort of like nice.

And that leads me to the fourth and winning approach…

The Feminine Charmer

Comfortable around men, you know how to talk to them and you feel desirable around them. You’re curious if the guy will meet your basic criteria. Yet, you want to enjoy that coffee or glass of wine with him just see if you click.

You are flirty friendly with a new man, tapping into your feminine charm which triggers his masculine nature. This subtle difference to simple friendliness creates the needed mystery and draws him in to want to know MORE.

If he asks tough questions like, “Why are you still single?, you respond first with a smile or little laugh. Then you give him one of your typical feminine charmer answers. “Well, most men aren’t like you.” Or, “I’ve only dreamt about men like you.” This turns the tables on him, derails his own interrogation, and puts you in the dating driver’s seat.

You know these little quips are disarming to a man and you flash him your best flirty, mischievous grin with a twinkle in your eye. You can do that because you rely on your feminine charm for all it’s worth, which is actually quite a lot.

Once disarmed or thrown off course, he’s super curious. He’s drawn in and wants to know what makes you tick. You are a mystery he finds more irresistible than the average nice, friendly woman. You know you don’t need to answer every question fully so he is left wondering about you.

Show Off Your Flirty Confidence

When you relax and learn to enjoy meeting men, you will come across as confident and comfortable in your own skin. This puts a man at ease which makes you far more irresistible. You’ll make him curious about you and have an air of intrigue.

This is the female version of the “Bad Boy”. A confident woman doesn’t get all flustered by a man. She knows how to deflect hard questions, ask him questions that bring out his passion vs. defenses, and turn the conversation around to her advantage.

This approach comes from a place of feminine confidence, not a masculine “don’t mess with me” place. Can you see the difference? You don’t need to challenge a man when you can play with him. That’s what flirting is – creative, spontaneous and playful!

This is the ONE THING that will make all the difference when you are out meeting men or on a first date. Flirty, confident and feminine charm are the keys to enjoying men.

Can you imagine the benefits of relaxing into your femininity and becoming more playful? It would change dating forever and help you find the love of a good man faster!

How Can I Get Him Interested in Me?

Give this a shot, but know you might not get it right the first time. That’s OK – its can take a bit of practice. The point is not to care so much about any one man or date. Take the pressure off, just meet men and learn to enjoy it.

This way, there’s nothing to mess up or ruin. When you are playful and relaxed, you’ll automatically be more confident. You’ll be more mysterious and desirable too, drawing him in and making him curious. This is how you separate yourself from MOST OTHER WOMEN. Give yourself this chance.

The more fun you have, the more likely you are to get out and meet men. Why not try it tonight?

Become the irresistible woman who lurks beneath the surface of your own skin. She’s in there – unleash the ties that bind her and let her lose on the world. You’ll have the best time you’ve ever had!

Want more proven strategies about “how can I get him interested in me?” Check out Flirt School with practical, easy tips any woman can use to improve your flirty ways and become practically irresistible to men.


Should I Start the Conversation with Him? Understanding Men

Should I start the conversation with him? Absolutely! Here’s the best way to get things started with a guy you want to meet.

should-I-start-the-conversationIt’s Time for You to Start the Conversation!

I’m not a fan of women taking over a man’s role to pursue. for the most part, quality men don’t like to be chased by women. Instead most decent guys prefer to do the chasing themselves and take the lead to get a relationship started.

However, something has changed for a good chunk of quality men today. Like many single women, they’ve been beaten down by more than their fair share of rejection on the dating sites. Not all women are nice like you are.

Surprisingly, as a result, some quality men are now a little gun shy about dating and want to feel more certain you’ll be open to them before they approach.

Is that confusing? Don’t chase men but they aren’t as brave as they used to be at getting the ball rolling.  Don’t worry if that sounds like a contradiction because I’ll explain how to work around this new breed of men.

1. Be Warm and Friendly

Single women who have the best results on any singles scene are warm and friendly. They don’t hang back waiting for men to approach them. These women know the answer is definitely “YES” to the question, “Should I start the conversation with him?”

Take charge of meeting men so you can improve your chances of finding the right one. This is not about being aggressive. Instead, this strategy encourages you to make it easy for men to get to know you by letting them see you are open to them. When you start the conversation, you remove the dread of immediate rejection.

Single men can be a lot more sensitive than you’d expect today. Feelings of isolation and rejection are not something just women deal with any more. Both genders get their fair share of these unpleasant emotional states. And this is the biggest reason why being warm and friendly works today when your goal is to find love.

2. Pour on the Feminine Charm

When you rely on your feminine charm, either online, the dating apps or in person, you are more likely to connect with men. Why?

Here’s some insight into understanding men. When you come from your feminine power, you are sure to perk up a man’s masculinity. That makes him feel good, virile, and attractive. It sparks desire and his innate ability to take action.

Remember, men are people too – so he’s probably sitting over there thinking, “Should I start the conversation?” wishing you’d make it easy for him. Today that is often how a man begins the chase – after getting a little positive feedback from you.

Men choose women who make them feel good and are fun and easy to be with. Your feminine charm easily puts you into that category versus other women who are too busy qualifying men as potential partners. Your best bet is to relax and enjoy men – it’s very enticing!

3. Hospitality Is the Key

Let me make this really simple. When was the last time you hosted a party? When guests arrived, did you take their coats and ask what they wanted to drink? Did you make the drink or hand them the beer or wine? Did you introduce them to others so they could feel comfortable and talk to others?

These are the mainstays of hospitality. To welcome your guests warmly into your home. To take care of their needs by putting the coat away and getting them a beverage. And be ensuring a good time by introducing them to someone else to start a conversation easily.

All of these actions help your guest feel super comfortable, wanted and appreciated. They’ll feel special and cared for and at home. Pretty nice when well done. This is how you want single men to feel around you!

Welcome Men into Your Life

Are you catching on to what this dating strategy is all about? You want to welcome men into your life and you’ll be a hit with quality men. Now I realize you might not want to date lots of men, you just want to find the one right guy. However, the only way to find that one guy is to date plenty of men!

Dating is a numbers game and there is just no way around that fact. Which is even more reason to be hospitable and welcoming to quality men. The warmer you are and easy to appraoch, the more quality men will engage with you. That’s how you’ll find the right one for you!

Which Man Would You Rather Get to Know?

Man A wants to know why you are still single, what caused your divorce or if your debt/asset ratio will add to his own wealth.

Man B makes you laugh, pays you a compliment, feels comfortable in his own skin and is great at conversation.

My bet is you chose Man B – who wouldn’t? Well the same thing applies to you honey. The more relaxed, confident and fun you are to be with, the more attractive you become. Yes, it really is this simple.

Can you give it a shot? Are you willing to drop your usual investigative techniques designed to assess him as quickly as possible and replace it with feminine charm? Can you see yourself being friendly and starting a conversation to make a man feel welcome in your world? If you do these things, you will be well rewarded by meeting more quality men and improve your chances of finding one you click with.

Should I Start the Conversation with Him? Hell Yeah!

So if you’re still wondering, “Should I start the conversation with him?” the answer is a resounding, “YES!” Do NOT hesitate when you see a man you’d like to meet. GO FOR IT GIRLFRIEND!

Quick Openers in Person

  1. Have a sense of humor? Use it!
  2. Ask a man for help with something simple – get the bartenders attention, help you reach something, get directions, etc.
  3. Ask how his day or evening is going
  4. Share one compliment – That tie brings out your eyes; I love a man in a pink shirt; What a great watch!
  5. Comment on the weather if you’re outside – “What a beautiful day!”
  6. Talk about the music playing, “This band is on fire – what do you think?”
  7. Chime in about the sports game on TV in the bar
  8. Ask how he knows the host of the party
  9. Flirty moves will also work, so make sure you smile and have eye contact too!

Any of these simple, no brainer ice breakers will get the conversation started and you engaging with quality men everywhere you go. Go for it with gusto and have fun out there!

For more conversation tips check out this post. And if you want more about understanding men, get y free book about His Mixed Signals are So Confusing!



Understanding Men: Learn How to Attract a Man


Need Help Understanding Men?

understanding men, how to attract a manYou are not alone! Read on to discover how to attract a man when you are dating after 40 or dating over 50. These methods may surprise you.

1. Become Aware of the Men Around You

Do you notice men around you? Many of the women who come to me for dating coaching insist there are no single men where they live. They simply don’t SEE them. Okay single gals, it’s time to WAKE UP to all the men around you. Yes, MEN ARE EVERYWHERE even if you don’t notice them.

How can you build your awareness? Set an intention to notice men every morning. If you get very task focused, and realize it – remember part of your awareness today is set for seeing men. They pass by on he sidewalk, stand with you in the elevator, stand in line at the bank, etc.

2. Smile at the Men You See!

I know I say this all the time, but apparently I need to keep saying it. Most women just won’t smile at a man. You are worried that if you acknowledge that a man has spotted you (or you have spotted him) you’ll be starting something you can’t get out of. But that is NOT TRUE. A simple smile is so delightful, but it comes with no promise for anything more.

When you smile at men you can make their day! And, when he feels good and you see that transformation, you’ll feel good too. Your smile is basically nothing more than a bit of friendliness in a rather unfriendly world. Plus, it is a basic form of acknowledgement that most people today don’t get nearly enough of.

3. Shell Out a Few Compliments

When was the last time you gave a man a compliment? Come on now, admit it -it’s been years! If you enjoy a good compliment, how do you think a man will feel after you let him know you approve of something about him? He’ll be beaming And trust me, that WILL REFLECT WELL ON YOU.

Tell him that color looks good on him, notice his watch or his tie. It’s not very personal, but if you want to catch a man’s attention PRAISE WORKS WONDERS.

4. Quit Hiding the Hot Woman You Are

As Austin Powers would say, “Yeah Baby!” Quit throwing on anything old thing to run to the store or do errands. Think about your presentation because remember, men are everywhere. Since that’s true, put some thought into what you look like. This isn’t about plastic surgery or exercising with P90X. The idea is to make the most of who you already are. Do you do that on a regular basis? I doubt it.

Put on something that makes you feel FABULOUS. Chose colors that suit your skin tone and clothing that leverages your assets. If you don’t know what to wear,  ask a friend who has style or loves fashion. This is easy so no excuses.

5. Put Some Effort into Your Man Hunt!

Some how women have gotten sort of, well…lazy about looking for a romantic partner. I know that might offend some of you, but it’s completely true. I am amazed when I ask my clients, “What did you do this month to meet men and find love?”, how little they have to say for themselves.

Nothing in life is easy – haven’t you noticed that? So why should finding love be like a Disney movie? Love is magical, but you’ll need to make an effort, carve time out of your calendar and raise your romantic consciousness. Education is key because as a dating coach for women over 40 I’ve discovered most single gals know very little about how dating works today. Most don’t know much about understanding men either. That’s OK, just start learning what you can. Reading my blog is a great start.

To see where you stand, take the The Love Mindset Quiz. Answer the questions honestly, get your score, then follow the instructions and you’ll be on your way to meeting more men and finding love.


Where Can I Meet Men After 40?

meet men,find love, date coach, dating coach, dating after 40, midlife women, date onlineSingle over 40 and ready to meet men? But where  are they, you ask? Read on to discover my proven tactics that helped me find love and my dating coaching too.

“Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach

I’m a 40 year old woman and consider myself to be attractive and in-shape as I work out regularly and take care of myself. But I truly struggle, and have for years with getting dates. My social calendar has been dry since my mid-30’s.

I’m told by male friends that if I go out alone, I give the impression that I’m lonely, desperate and unpopular. As a result, I’m not desirable to the opposite sex. Most of my friends are married at this point and so going to events etc. solo is the only alternative to sitting home alone, which isn’t going to get me a date either.

Online dating at my age is simply frustrating and wasteful. I do meet people in places such as the train, gym etc., but even though I think a man might be interested, I never seem to get asked out. I’ve tried the approach of asking the man out, but that never seems to fare well for me.

Basically, I’ve attributed my lack of dates to the idea that I’m doing something wrong, but I simply don’t know what it is. Please help me understand what it is I need to do to attract a man who wants to go out with me because after all these years, I just don’t have a clue.

Thanks for your help in advance,”
Clueless in Colorado

Dear Clueless,

Thanks for your heart-felt letter. I’m glad you asked this question about where to meet men because you are not alone with this struggle. So many of my dating coaching clients have the same issue, believe me. From what you wrote, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you except you don’t meet enough men. You have to meet a lot to sift through and find “The One” for you.

Your Male Friends Are…Wrong
First thing I want to say is that your male friends are off base and well, wrong. Maybe if you go to a bar alone you might look desperate to some. But Patti Stanger, Bravo TV’s Millionaire Matchmaker and I both recommend going to an upscale bar/restaurant on a Thursday night at 6pm to meet men. Sit at the bar for an hour or so and be friendly! You look like you are waiting for a friend and you can say that if you feel you need to. Sometimes friends don’t show up – it’s happened to me so you look completely normal.

Go to Singles Events Alone
You can go to singles events and Meetup.com groups alone and there’s nothing strange about that – it’s expected. Often there are fewer men than women, but don’t let that stop you.  Plus, you can meet the women too and make friends, so you have some single gals to go out with. That really can help, but it’s not necessary.

Online Dating Is A Great Place to Find Single Men
Yes, I know online dating can be frustrating – so what? If you want to meet single men, that’s the place to look. Most won’t be right for you, but that’s how it is with all dating. Get your expectations in line with what really happens and you won’t be so frustrated. Don’t waste a lot of time texting and emailing. If a man doesn’t ask to meet you, move on or ask him. It’s not the same as asking for a first date because your first meeting is considered “date zero”.

You Aren’t as Likely to Meet Men in Daily Routine, But They Are There!
The truth is, men are every where you go. But frequently, single women just don’t notice the men who walk by. Nor do they have their single gal antennae up to see if men are noticing them. This takes practice but it is worthwhile. I know couples who met at WalMart, the dog park, Bed Bath & Beyond etc.

Do You Flirt and Are You Friendly, Open and Approachable?
Sometimes women forget how to be friendly and open. You have to push yourself to smile, have brief eye-contact and be friendly. You might want to check out my Flirt School program – I’m turning that class into a hme study course so you can learn at your own speed. Flirting is the feminine art of interacting with men in a playful, fun and spontaneous way. It takes some guts true, but it works!

You can’t set your sites on one particular man – that might not work. But if you learn to flirt and do this regularly, you will meet lots of men. My dating coaching clients who have worked with me and learned to flirt are shocked at how easy it is to meet lots of men!

Get Determined! I Did and You Can Too!
Keep in mind, I was single from 22 till 40, so you are right where I was, except I had been alone a lot longer. But I broke down my barriers to meeting men and did what it took to get out there. I dated 30 men in 15 months to find the man who became my husband – we’ve been married for 13 years!  This is what motivated me to become a dating coach. I figured, heck if I could figure this out, any woman could do it! And so many of my clients have.

Check out this email I got just today:

“Hi Ronnie,
I wanted to let you know that my romance with continues to be blissful and passionate…it’s almost 4 months. He is the most wonderful man and our relationship is so great. He is also wildly in love with me, which is so nice:) AND…really…I don’t think the story would have such happy chapters if I hadn’t done coaching and classes with you. What I learned was invaluable. Your influence, especially around femininity and letting the guy drive, is profound. It’s also really fun. Thank you, thank you, thank you” –Patti

Say, “What the Heck?” and Go for It!
The truth is, you simply need to “decide” that you want love enough that you will try new things. Say, “What the heck?” and get out there. You have to cross paths with men for them to ask you out. Smile at a few and see what happens.
Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men



Dating After 40: Do You Respect Men as Equals or Feel Superior?

dating after 40, find love, meet men, date online, dating coaching

Dating after 40: Do you respect men as equals or feel superior?

Are you dating after 40 and struggling with managing your masculine/feminine energy?

Back in 2009, I wrote a post about emasculating the male ego with a personal story about my husband. The short version is that we went to Home Depot to buy a water filter. Being a chick-in-charge, I did my usual – walked up to a guy, asked about water filters. My husband was furious because he felt like   a bump on a log and said I should have let him handle this. I understood his point and the post discussed how I was working on balancing the masculine and feminine energies so as not to bruise my husband’s ego in the future.

This is a big concern, not just for me, but for all the successful, high achieving women who tend to be “chicks-in-charge”. As independent women who can take care of ourselves, we have much to be proud of. However, if we want to have a solid, lasting and respectful romantic relationships, we need to have a better understanding of how to balance male/female energy.

One guy, Clint,  left a comment, feeling outrage at my word usage. I said I had to “allow” my husband to be in charge and he took issue with that language. I explained how Clint had missed my point entirely.

Here’s my response:

“Women who are chicks in charge find it hard to let go. It’s not that we think men are stupid – you are so wrong. But we are used to doing everything our selves, independently. So the idea of “allowing” is to make room for a man to step into his normal role – something we are not always familiar with especially if a woman has lived alone for a long time – like myself.

To allow is NOT about control – OH NO! Its to make way, to create space for men who are not only bright and capable, but wonderful additions to our lives. If independent women can stop being in charge and doing everything ourselves for one minute – we can let down our defenses and allow our men to step up and be exactly who they are – fabulous masculine partners.”


Today, another man wrote, again chiding me for the use of “allow” and asking why shouldn’t it be about the water filter rather than the masculine ego.  Eric didn’t understand why people would spend time on who bests who. He also pointed out that my husband knew I was a chick-in-charge before we married, so he knew what he was getting into.

He made me think further on this topic and here’s my response. If you are dating after 40 and a chick-in-charge, I hope you will give this some serious thought and see how it applies to your relationship. Or tuck it away to apply in your future. 

“Why should anyone worry about who bests who? The task was to find the filter which is a fact. But the bigger picture is my marriage and respect for my partner. Women in my age bracket were not taught to respect men – we were taught to compete with then. It’s a great skill to get ahead at work. But it’s detrimental behavior for romantic relationships. I’m not suggesting that women need to respect men as superiors as in days gone by, but as equals.” [Today many women feel superior, never mind equal.]

His comment included the word “should’ which for me nullified the point because things “should” be a certain way, but they are not. What is that simple? Certainly not male/female communication in romantic situations.

I explained how my husband is very traditional, so he in no way wants to be out-manned by me. Yes, he knows who I am, but I know who he is too – this works both ways. When ego is involved, it’s not so easy to shrug things off.

For me, this is a matter of RESPECT. I can take charge and shout orders, but not if I want a happy marriage. I want to better understand the balance of masculine and feminine energy. The line, “You can catch more flies with honey” seems to apply.

I want a happy romantic life which is why I strive to  allow room for my husband and his masculine ego. In truth, I am not “allowing” him to do anything as Eric and Clint pointed out. It’s simply my way of talking about the Universe and “allowing” or “making way” rather than bulldozing an aggressive path. “Allowing” in this case is to be like the willow tree, flexible and yielding as the wind blows vs. rigid and firm like an oak.

Feminine Charm: Are Men Intimidated by My Independence and Success?

find love, dating advice, meet men, feminine charm

Matchmaker and Dating Coach April Beyer

Your Feminine Charm is the Key to Attracting Men

I saw this post on the blog of Matchmaker and Dating Coach April Beyer and thought it was well worth sharing with my readers. April gave me permission to repost it  below! In her post, April talks about if your independence and success intimidates men – so its a continuation on the same theme from my last blog post about feminine charm. See why the problem is NOT intimidation as much as it is connecting romantically with men. That’s where your feminine charm becomes essential. Happy Reading!


This week’s One-to-One question [for April Beyer] is from Diane, who seems to have everything going for her except a relationship:

“I’m a confident, successful, educated, fit and well-rounded woman. My life is great. I have incredible friends, a career I love and freedom to travel. The only thing that’s missing is the love of a good man. I don’t need anyone to take care of me and I’m extremely independent. My friends tell me that I intimidate men and I feel invisible (or at least to the men I want to meet). How can I correct this? I’m starting to lose hope that men are actually attracted to smart and accomplished women. Should I dumb it down and pretend not to know so much? Your help is much appreciated…”

What I find interesting about your question, Diane, is that you only mentioned what you do and what you have. Basically, you’ve listed your resume. Clearly, you’re a smart woman. But my guess is that you aren’t dating smart. Dating smart requires you to have an honest and deep understanding of who you are, and what you have to offer a man romantically.

I’ve spent 15 years interviewing and working with some of the country’s most eligible, successful, marriage-minded men. It’s rare that a man will list the traits you mention as his “wish list” for his ideal woman.? (And by the way, this is GOOD news. Don’t you want to be loved for you? Instead of for your education, career, money or the shape of your body? Trust me. All of these are great but they’re just icing on the cake.) What about the way you love, forgive, communicate, and your ability to make a man feel strong and inspired? What about how affectionate, warm and feminine you are? I could go on and on!

Here’s the reality:

Men aren’t intimidated by women who are smart, successful and educated. That’s a lie women tell themselves when they aren’t willing or ready to look at themselves and consider how they might be behaving in the world. The fact is, men appreciate a woman who has pursued her goals. A man can benefit greatly from marrying a woman who’s intelligent, capable, successful and rational — but not at the exclusion of warmth, care, chemistry and romance. My dating advice is to become aware of the signals you’re putting out to men.

It’s great that you are independent. But there has to be room for two in a relationship — each person needs to be able to give, and have their gifts received. A man will need to know he can (and will have the opportunity to) be there for you, make you happy, protect and love you. Take those things away from him and you’ve taken away his desire and need to be with you.


Feminine Charm is Likely the Root Problem

I am so pleased to have been able to share this vital insight with you. Wow – April has superbly and accurately summed up what I have found to be a HUGE PROBLEM so many women are NOT EVEN AWARE THEY  HAVE! If you feel this might be going on in your love life, or ask yourself the question “Why can’t I find love?’ this imbalance between your business/masculine energy and feminine charm is most likely the root problem.

Real Housewives: Kenya’s Pitch For Marriage Pushes Walter Away

Real Housewives of Atlanta, Find Love, Dating Coach

Kenya – Real Housewives of Atlanta

Do you watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta on Bravo TV? This season has been something else! From this dating coach’s perspective, watching Real Housewife Kenya angle for a marriage a proposal from her boyfriend Walter has been chilling to say the least.

Here’s the low down on the Real Housewives of Atlanta romantic mishap.

All the wives planned a romantic trip to Anguilla with their partners. (Not all the “wives” are actually married!) They were discussing the trip at a lunch in front of Kenya, so she asked if she was invited.

Not wanting to be left out, Kenya decided to go with everyone and bring Walter. Once on the island the debacle began. Kenya started making her pitch to Walter about how romantic the trip was and how nice it would be to elope and get married while they were there. She tried to make it easy, letting him know a fancy ring wasn’t needed right away. It would just be so much easier than planning a whole big wedding. Keep in mind the couple was not even engaged.

How did Walter respond?  He smiled nervously and sort of giggled/snickered. No real answer. He might have said something like “Oh that would be nice huh?” just repeating what she had said in a non-committal, holy sh-t sort of way. And he never said much more.

Later, when Kenya and other women were getting messages, NeNe (star of Real Housewives, Glee and now The New Normal) asked her about Walter, remarking that they didn’t seem like a couple in her eyes. Naturally Kenya was put off by NeNe’s comment. She said she knew how to get a ring out of Walter. But, does she really? I think not. NeNe could see the truth for sure.

If Kenya knew anything about men, she would know that pushing Walter to get married, without even being engaged, while on TV was not going to work! The woman has no game, no finesse and absolutely no feminine charm.

You cannot push a man into anything. Well, maybe you can push some men, some of the time. But ultimately, this type of thing doesn’t work out well. If a man feels backed into a corner for commitment, he will do anything to squirm out of it. But let’s go deeper. Why would you want to marry a man you had to pressure or beg to marry you?

Let’s give Kenya the benefit of the doubt. maybe she just didn’t know any better and thought to herself, “What the hell, I’m going for it!” Well, you didn’t need to be a body language expert to see how uncomfortable Walter was with the idea of getting married. Yet, that did not stop Kenya. In several more scenes, she tried again and again to sweetly coerce her beau into getting hitched on the island. She was outrageously relentless to no avail.

Walter wasn’t having it. Finally, he plainly and loudly told her he was not going to be pressured into getting married. Kenya questioned why he was yelling at her and Walter explained that he was not yelling, but he did want her to “hear” him. He’s not getting married. End of story.

This is one of the sad story . In the most recent episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, the couple went fishing and she started questioning what they were doing together. She wanted to know if he even found her attractive and how thing had been strained since their return to Atlanta. He agreed things were strained. She exclaimed she dint’ like the way he was treating her. Off screen, she told the camera that she was done with Walter.

Now, would Walter have ever married her? Maybe not. Maybe he wanted to be on TV. Maybe he liked her but wasn’t that into her. Maybe he never wants to marry anyone. Unfortunately, we will never know the truth from Walter’s lips. You might say, “She’s better off without him! He wasn’t going to marry her anyway and now she knows.” OK that’s possible.

However, what if he wanted marrying her to be his idea? What if she had broached the subject to get them talking about this, but didn’t push for tying the knot while on vacation on TV?

As a dating coach and a woman, here’s what I know about men. Yes, you often have to ask for what you want from a man. But badgering, pressuring, and demanding will never work for you in the long run. And it doesn’t bode well for your relationship. Even with ultimatums, you better be serious that he needs to commit or you’ll leave. Because if you pull that act, and then back down when he doesn’t deliver, oh honey you’ll never have a minute of leverage in that relationship again.

Kenya – I hope you learn something from this situation. You can bring a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink. Instead, try your feminine charm so your man wants to drink the water and the two of you will be much happier together.


Photo Credit

Dating After 40: Tips for Speed Dating

Tips for Speed Dating Not Speed Skating!

Hello Ronnie,

I could use some tips for speed dating.

I’m 45, divorced, and attending my first speed dating evening next week. Other than the obvious (be open, friendly, charming, smile, dress femininely, etc.) do you have any specific advice on how I can make myself stand out from what I assume will be a room full of women behaving exactly the same as I?

I’ve been on a few date so far and they’ve all lead to the man asking for a second and third date, so your class and blog advice has worked well!  I’m a happy, outgoing person by nature which is why I don’t understand why I’m nervous?

Thanks for any insight and suggestions,
–Anxious Speed Dater


Dear Anxious SP,

First, let me say a big THANK YOU for your comments about my class and blog. I’m so glad to hear you have found it helpful!

Feeling Nervous Is Normal
As a dating coach for women over 40, I can tell you that feeling a little nervous is completely normal. Part of you might be thinking and feeling is, “pick me, pick me!” right? Who wouldn’t think this way? So don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone goes through this.

Tips for Speed Dating

Regarding how to stand out – here’s the sure fire way to do that. Do not “interview” the men. They hate this and most women just can’t seem to help themselves. So, women who would otherwise be friendly and fun to talk to, shift gears and fire questions at the guy about why he’s single, why his last relationship broke up, why he got divorced, etc. Trust me – that does not make for a fun conversation!

While there is a need to know answers to these important questions, a speed dating event is not the place for this detective work. neither is a first date! When women or men do this at an initial meeting, they come off as too serious, unfriendly and sometimes just plain rude. But not fun, light-hearted, easy going or confident.

At a speed dating event, I recommend just having fun in the moment and trying to enjoy the conversation. See if you can connect and get each other’s sense of humor. If you can master this, you will get second and third dates.

By the way, if you do show up at the event as “open, friendly, charming, smile, femininely dressed”, you will not be like “all the other women” by any means. These things put you head and shoulders above many of the women who will be there.

How can I say such a thing? Well it’s been my sad experience that countless women don’t think they need to do anything differently. They aren’t conscious of what it takes to interact with men and show up a good romantic partner for men. So they fail and don’t get asked out for this reason.

So even if you are just “open, friendly, charming, smile, femininely dressed” as you put it, this gives you plenty of advantage! Add that to actually giving the men half a chance and your have just sky-rocketed your chances of making a connection.

Have fun!

Ronnie Ann Ryan
The Dating Coach


Photo Credit: 613NN


Flirting Tips: It’s So Easy to Strike up a Flirty Conversation

Flirting Tips to Appeal to His Masculine Ego

The Best Verbal Flirting Tips

Today, I’ll reveal my secrets for flirty conversation. This is so simple any woman can pull it off with success the first time you try it. Yesterday I shared my body language flirting tips and you can read that here if you like.

Verbal Flirting Is Not Rocket Science

Just be brave enough to ask him a question or give him a compliment. Most men are totally grateful you broke the ice. Don’t know what to ask or say? Try anything from this list:

  • What a beautiful day don’t you think?
  • Isn’t this a great song? (at a bar or party)
  • How do you know the hostess? (party)
  • I never tried that beer – is it good? (at a bar, networking or party)
  • Your dog is so adorable. What its name? (park)
  • What are you getting? I’m having trouble deciding today (Starbucks)
  • That tie (or shirt) brings out the color of your eyes
  • Can you help me reach this? (grocery store or Home Depot – I’m short!)
  • Can you tell me which one I should buy? (this works great at Home Depot)

These flirting tips are so easy you could start right now. See, no advanced degree required. Flirty conversation is so easy to get started. Most men will be very receptive and so what about the few who aren’t – that is their loss!

Flirting Challenge

I had a dating coaching client who gave herself this exciting challenge to build confidence about her flirting skills. She dressed up in a feminine way that made her feel very attractive. Don’t go overboard now but give yourself permission to look fabulous. Then she’d be off to Home Depot or any hardware or home improvement type of store. Peggy would walk around different departments asking for advice and flirting with men who were shopping or those who worked there.

What Did Peggy Learn about Flirting?

Peggy happily discovered how easy it was to flirt with these men. They wanted to help her. She quickly learned the damsel in distress routine still has power and great appeal to the masculine ego.

The Reason These Flirting Tips Work

When you flirt with men, and especially when you ask for their help, you bring out the masculine energy in a man. Today, most women approach men with their own masculine energy. So when they encounter a woman who hasn’t gone all wildly independent and is still willing to defer to a man’s knowledge and strength, bingo! You just hit a hot spot for men today in a good way. Because so few women will validate his masculine ego.

Remember, flirting is just the next step after being friendly and uses your feminine charm. No risk, no promise, just great fun and prospecting! Start flirting right now and see how your love life turns around.


Photo Credit: CelebMuscle

Flirting Tips: How to Attract More Men with Flirty Body Language


Flirting Tips Any Woman Can Use with Instant Success

Do You Wonder What Is Flirting?

According to Mama Gena (from the School of Womanly Arts in NYC) flirting is a fun, playful spontaneous way to interact with men and have your way with them. I know its fun and very effective. Even though I am married, I still flirt because its terribly fun, lightens the spirit and doesn’t actually mean anything.

You see flirting does not automatically imply something sexual. Flirting holds no promise of something more or deeper. Its simply a way to capture a man’s attention or create a fun communication exchange.

First let me share a little flirting story from this past weekend and then I’ll share very simple flirting tips that any woman can use right away.

My Flirty Story

Saturday I had a booth at the CT Women’s Expo. I had to bring my own table, chair, table cloth, banner and stand, books audio cds, etc. It was a lot to carry as you can imagine. As I was unloading my stuff in the parking lot I wondered how I was going to manage to carry everything inside to my booth. As I took a breath to think about this, I looked around me. That’s when I noticed the two men three cars over who had a cart with wheels.

I didn’t spend several long minutes trying to come up with the right words to approach these men. I simply blurted out the very first thing that came to mind. “Wow, I wish I was your best friend.” Then I smiled at them. These gentlemen in their mid 50’s didn’t catch on at first and one asked me, “Why?” I was honest, “Because you have a cart with wheels.” They responded with a good laugh. Then they graciously offered to bring my table and chair to my booth for me.

What a relief! Thank you!

We had a few more exchanges as we entered the building and rolled to my spot in the arena. Flirting saved me! I honestly don’t know how I could have done that myself. Too much stuff and too heavy. I thanked my lucky stars my mom taught me how to flirt. She didn’t give me actual lessons, I just watched and remembered what she did. But, the good news is, I can teach you!

Flirting Tips

Non-Verbal Flirting Tips

1) Smile pretty. When you smile, you dramatically increase your attractiveness. And this separates you from most other women who have some how forgotten how to smile, especially at men. This is so simple, but the most important of all my flirting tips.

2) Enjoy 2-3 seconds of eye contact, before gracefully turning your head away. (This lets a man know you are safe to approach. Most men don’t like to be rejected and will avoid it at all costs.)

3) You may want to look up at him after this briefly to show him you are checking in – but be super brief about it!

4) Be friendly. Put on your friendly face and be open and willing to talk to new people. Yes, that means strangers too!

5) Be kind. For every man you notice looking at you, there are many more you didn’t notice. When you are kind to one man, other men will see that and be more willing to approach

If you feel nervous or are worried your actions will be misunderstood, keep in mind that flirting is just the next step beyond being friendly. Use your feminine charm and work it simply because you can. Its your birthright to flirt. this behavior is coded into your DNA. Flirting ensures survival of the species. Start to use this lost art and let me know how you do!

At 65, What Do I Wear on a First Dinner Date?

Dress Your Feminine Best for a First Dinner Date at Any Age

Dress Your Feminine Best for a First Dinner Date at Any Age

Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I have a very important question. I am 65, a widow and just starting to date. I recently met a man through J-date and we played bridge together one afternoon. It was a delightful and I really liked him.

Now, he asked me out for our first dinner date! So, here is the question… What do I wear? My single friends say I need a dress, but I don’t have one. Advice, please. And is there any other important etiquette I should keep in mind?

Waiting your response…Elisabeth


Der Elisabeth,

I agree with your friends. Most men like a feminine woman. So a dress or skirt are good choices for a first dinner date. If you don’t have any and don’t want to buy one right now, then wear a feminine top with pants. Men notice shoes too. Do you have any nice shoes?  Heels (they don’t have to be very high) or strappy sandals?

Then just be yourself and stay on positive topics. No negativity and or sad subjects. And you probably know this but don’t talk about your husband either. That’s like bringing him on your date with you – a big “no no”. If your date asks about him, give him a brief answer, then move on to lighter topics.

 You want to be your most delightful self – showing him your happy, fun side. But don’t worry – you can be yourself – but your BEST SELF.

Dating is like interviewing for a job. You wouldn’t talk about how bad the job market is, how you hate your boss, how interviewers are cruel, how there is age discrimination, etc. You get the idea.

And if your date goes to the dark side conversationally, see what you can do to shift the conversation and lighten him up. Sometimes men need this too.

Men chose women who are fun to be with and make them feel good and masculine. They want to be proud to be with you. That’s it!

Lastly, don’t put too much pressure on one date. Remember your first dinner date is still a get-to-know-you event. Too much pressure can really get in the way of a good time. Remember – it’s just ONE date.

After this date, make it your business to get some dating clothing and no excuses! Buy a few outfits that you feel really
good in – this is so important for your confidence and your femininity. When you look good, you are so much freer to be your best self. That’s the woman who will captivate a man for sure. And if not this man, there are plenty more fish in the sea for you to dazzle.

Enjoy your first dinner date!

Wishing  you love,



Photo Credit: Aroid



How Many Single Men Have You Met This Summer?

Meet More Men This Summer!

Do you know the simplest way to meet more single men?

I’m going to share my #1 strategy that is a proven way to meet guys. Not only that, it’s free, it’s available to you almost any where you live and you can start right now.

I started a new teleclass program on May 21st called “Operation Find Him Now”. The idea behind this course is to help women make the most of the summer months to meet as many men as possible. Obviously, I cover a lot of material in the 6 sessions. But the main point is to encourage these single women who are dating over 40 to get out of their comfort zone and take a social risk. A small one really. To simply notice the men around them and risk smiling and talking to them. All men, not just single men because you can’t always tell right? In other words,

Smile and Be Friendly to Men

Results for these women have been life changing. No kidding.

One widow of 51, told me this has been so life changing that she’s completely amazed. Her awareness of men has drastically shifted so she notices men around her where before she never did. Trish is literally enjoying her new awareness and the men she smiles at every day.

Divorced and 47, Beth is in sales so has no problem talking to new people. But somehow this didn’t translate into dates for her. Since she’s been in the program this summer, Beth has had more dates than she’s had all year. Why? She uses her feminine charm to engage with men, and makes it easy to approach her. Now Beth sees how simple this can be.

At 55, Susie had what I call a “narrowed sense of vision” regarding men. She believed there weren’t any men in her world until this program. At the beach one night, Susie decided to go for a swim. There was a guy near her who had just come out of the water, so they chatted about the ocean temperature and he offered to lend her his goggles so she could go for a real swim. Let me just say this had Susie smiling from ear to ear. She has become very optimistic and is having a ball interacting with men. I guarantee you that this change will get her plenty of dates.

Kelly went on vacation and stopped counting after she met 12 men. She told fun stories about talking to men on the ferry ride, at the seafood hut, on the beach and golf course and out for drinks. Kelly is in her 60’s proving that age does not need to interfere with your results. It’s a mindset! She is certainly one of my stars who is making the most of the warm weather to meet as many men as possible.

What about you?

Are you meeting enough men this summer? Do you give yourself permission to smile at and talk to handsome strangers? There’s a perfect quote about this by the Nobel Prize winning poet William Butler Yeats that can help you:

“There are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet.”

There’s still a full month left to summer. What are you going to do to meet men? Will you:

  • Set an intention to notice that men are literally everywhere?
  • Give yourself permission to smile at them and talk to them?
  • Push yourself out of your comfort zone to find more opportunities to interact with men?
  • Attend some singles’ events so you can be sure to meet single men too?
  • Dress to enhance your desirability?
  • Put on lipstick before you leave the house?
  • Become a friendly woman instead of an isolated woman?

Did I hear you say “Yes”? That’s such good news for me, and most of all for you and your love life.


Photo Credit: Owlpacino

Dating Over 40: Do You Have Invisible Woman Syndrome?

Emerge from your chrysalis state of invisibility like the butterfly and spread your beautiful wings.

Do You Feel Like an Invisible Woman?

Sometimes when I talk to my dating coaching clients I discover how they feel about flirting. “It’s just wrong” Beverly told me with conviction. Really Beverly? Why is that?

Turns out Bev was brought up to never stand out. Under the “Children are better seen than heard” parenting philosophy, she found things worked out better growing up if she wasn’t even seen much. So she learned how to become practically invisible. This way her parents would pick on other kids from her large family.

Trouble is, this strategy that worked so well as a child has held Beverly back as an adult at work and in her romantic life. It’s hard to get noticed by men when you are invisible. Yes Beverly suffers from Invisible Woman Syndrome.

What is it?

Invisible Woman Syndrome is real. I did not make this up. This is a phenomenon that occurs as women age, as they reach 40, and even more at 50. The reasons are too numerous to mention here, but I’ve explained a few below that might contribute to invisibleness:

  • You stop getting “dolled” up
  • You choose a hairstyle based on easy maintenance vs. how it looks on you
  • You haven’t updated your wardrobe in the last few years
  • You tend to throw your hair in a ponytail and fly out the door
  • Lipstick is more optional than ever
  • You might not be in the same shape you were five years ago
  • You may have gained a few pounds
  • You wear baggy clothing that covers up changes in your shape

Here’s where you might encounter feeling invisible:

  • At the grocery store check out when the clerk doesn’t look you in the eye
  • Waiting in line when someone cuts right in front of you
  • When you have your hand up ti hail a cab and get passed by
  • At a singles dance when you don’t get asked to dance
  • With online dating sites where you hardly get contacted

As we age, we all go through changes, but that doesn’t mean you will automatically become invisible.

I’m not here to tell you to diet
Seriously, I’m not going to tell you to diet, go to the gym or spend a lot of money on clothes. Heck I’m overweight. What I do want to talk about is your self-esteem. Because it’s loss is truly what makes you invisible.

Low Self-Esteem = Invisiblilty
When you don’t feel good about yourself, and you don’t do much to combat this sinking feeling, the issue can strengthen and drag you down. You risk becoming numb to the excitement of life and all it has to offer.

So what’s a woman over 40 to do? FIGHT BACK!

Feminine Charm = Confidence
When you are connected to your feminine charm, you are in touch with your life force. When you make the most of who you are, you feel good about yourself. When you present your best self to the world, just as you are right now, you will be noticed for your confidence and have more allure and charisma.

Look Good/Feel Good Strategy
Men are highly attracted to confident women just as women are attracted to confident men. Confident women dress up, wear colors that bring out their features, stand straight and maintain good posture. You might wear last year’s pants and jacket, but dress it up with this year’s accessories. You are in touch with the look good/feel good strategy and follow it.

Put Some Pep in Your Step and Flirt!
Everything you ever were still resides within you. Bring back the qualities and feelings that got you noticed earlier in life and feel young and vibrant again. This is more about your attitude than anything else that happens with age. When you flirt with men, you interact in a playful, fun and engaging way. It will get you noticed!

Fuel the Fire of Your Desire and Get Noticed Again
Reawakening your feminine charm is not only possible, but within your grasp. Fuel your own desire by wearing sexy underwear. This is one of my best secret weapons. Those lacy, pretty underthings are meant to enliven your feelings about yourself. When you wear them, you will automatically feel sexier which means of course, that you will be sexier! This is true, even if no man sees them- its all for you baby and your state of mind.

Dump Your Cloak of Invisibility

As your dating coach, I’m asking you to make a decision right now – are you ready to dump your cloak of invisibility once and for all? I hope you said, “Yes!”. Put these suggestions to work so you can rebuild your self esteem. The better you feel about yourself, the more you will be noticed again. Noticed not just for your sunnier exterior, but for your energy, spirit, sense of self and charm. Confidence will make your light shine bright and that is the real you.

You deserve love and the first step is be noticed by men and interact with confidence. I am certain that with some kindness towards yourself – you can allow the lovely woman inside to blossom forth and share your feminine presence and light with the world.

Photo Credit: 150hp

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? Feminine Charm!

Dating Goddess

Have you ever read The Dating Goddess’s blog? She writes fabulous posts about being over 40 and single.

In a recent post, she had a conversation with a guy friend who’d like to date her,. He explained the attraction she has,

“You have this tough, businesslike, ‘don’t mess with me’ exterior. But inside, you’re soft and gooey.”The Dating Goddess responded, “Like a Tootsie-pop!” And her friend said, “Exactly. Soft and delicious once you get past the hard shell.”

The Dating Goddess (DG) went on to talk about how men get to the gooey center when they take the time to get to know her and stick around. DG also pointed out how many men are intimidated by successful women today who have developed this “don’t mess with me” demeanor and several commenters agreed.

Should a Man Have to Break Through Your Shell to See Who You Really Are?

In her blog’s comment section, I acknowledged that DG had started a great conversation. And the comments were thought provoking – much like the proverbial question, “Which came first? The chicken or the egg?”

Here’s my take from my own dating experiences and from having worked with thousands of  women over 40:

It’s the “promise” of the gooey center, beneath the hard exterior, that captivates a man’s attention and makes him curious. I can see why women want a man to prove himself first before they are willing to show this vulnerable side. Yet, can you realistically expect a heart connection if you aren’t willing to be a little vulnerable?

I understand how you’ve been hurt and disappointed before and I don’t blame you. I have the deepest empathy for your feelings. However, what I know first hand, is this – if you can’t be warm and somewhat open, you have little chance of getting a man to stick around long enough to see that yummy, pleasing side of you.

Now you may wonder – why is that? Here’s the answer in a nutshell. Most men are seeking a counterpart. They want a woman who is comfortable with her feminine nature to balance their masculine nature. A woman who uses her feminine charm actually brings out more of his masculine side – which feels REALLY GOOD for a man. And let’s not forget this crucial fact for your love life success:

Men pick women who make them FEEL GOOD.

How can you do this without getting hurt again? Well, its hard. You might get hurt again. But, you can be smart. I’m not asking you to jump in with both feet and throw all caution to the wind. Of course a man needs to prove himself to you. At the same time, you need to find a way to let him see and entice him with your gooey soft center.  This peak under the tent, builds his desire to find out more about you!

If you don’t do this, you can see why a man might think you just sport a hard shell and there’s nothing beneath that besides…more hard shell. That’s your business demeanor and it isn’t likely help you land a strong man. You might land a man with more feminine energy who seeks the balance through your well-developed masculine side. Chances are though – that you won’t be happy with that.

This is something I know a lot about because I am a “chick in charge”.  When I was in the corporate world, I was a woman to be reckoned with. Tough as nails because I had to be. That’s was required to be good at my job. This will get you promoted, but it will NEVER HELP YOU LAND A GOOD MAN.

My advice? Find ways to let your warmth show.

Your softness and gooey center is your feminine charm. Yes, men want a woman who is confident AND also knows how to show her feminine side. It is your feminine charm that attracts a man to you and wins a man over. Don’t wear that hard exterior like a badge of honor when you are seeking a date. Keep that for business and display your yummy, fudgy center (like the Tootsie Pop) when you interact with men romantically.

I Don’t Want to Chase Him, But He Doesn’t Initiate!

Don’t Chase Men

Dear Ronnie the Dating Coach for Women over 40,

I have an interest for this guy who also works for the same company, but in a different building. He’s tall, dark and handsome just the way I like them. The only thing is, he is really shy. We have gone for coffee and it went well, but I don’t think he is looking for the same thing I am.

I want a relationship and marriage. I don’t know what he thinks of me and I am not sure he likes me or finds me attractive. I am curvy and sometimes men don’t like that. So, my question is, how do I get to know how he feels or what he thinks without scaring him? I don’t want to chase him like I’ve done in the past with other guys. But, it seems that if I don’t initiate an email or phone call, I never hear from him.

Tired of Waiting in WA

Hi Tired of Waiting,

As a dating coach for women, I share my insights and knowledge collected from 9 years doing this work, reading everything in sight and working with thousands of people. It is from this place that I can tell you, if a man is interested, if he likes you , if he wants to date you, he will do what is necessary to make that happen.

In other words, there is really nothing you can do to find out if Mr. AtWork likes you. Truth is, there is nothing going on. If he wanted to date you, he would pursue you. It’s that simple. Yes, there are shy men, but they also know what to do. Like Greg Berhandt says in his best selling book, “He’s just not that into you.”

He is probably a nice guy, so when you text or call, he does respond. But he never takes up the initiative or starts anything on his own. This is your clear signal to move on.

Since you went for coffee with him, and he hasn’t followed up, I recommend moving on. Look to connect with other men who are more motivated to date, more interested in you, or BOTH!

There are so many great single guys out there. Build up your flirting skills, smile and be friendly. Men are everywhere and there is definitely more than one good man who will find you attractive and be a good match. Please don’t waste time on the wrong guy.

Wishing you love,


7 Top Tips to Attract the Love You Want

Back in April, I spoke at a holistic expo in Portland, OR. My friend Lisa, recorded my program so that anyone can listen to these proven yet simple strategies to find the love you want.

Let me give you a sneak peak here so you can get an idea of what some of those powerful tips are. If you are a woman dating after divorce or dating over40, this fun and inspiring audio could turn your love life around quickly!

7 Top Tips to Attract the Love You Want

1. As a dating coach, my first tip is to  find a way to open your heart to love and men. I talk about why vulnerability is the key to connecting at the heart level. What assumptions might be creating the wrong ideas about men and dating. Why listening to your inner thoughts while walking down the street will tell you everything about where your openness is at.

2. The second tip is a discussion on building self confidence and how that impacts your appeal and ability to attract good men. You’ll hear several ways to start improving your confidence right away.

3. The third strategy is about the Yin and Yang of dating and the roles men and women play in this courtship dance. Once you get this simple idea under your belt, you will likely be freed up from hours of wondering what to do next or how to handle a situation. These clear-cut guidelines eliminate a lot of confusion and you’ll feel like finally, you have emerged from the dust cloud of dating to greater clarity about what to do.

4. Not surprisingly, the 4th strategy is flirting which, as a dating coach for women over 40, is one of my favorite subjects. I provide suggestions on how to invite men into your world and remind you that your feminine charm is a divine gift as well as a power and skill men cannot replicate. Anyone can flirt and do it well, including you.

 5. What makes the whole dating process a lot more fun? Taking the pressure off! You’ll learn why doing this can be the key to your dating success as it opens up so many more opportunities.

6. What would talk about meeting Mr. Right be without the MANifestng tips? This talk included my favorite methods to help you attract the love you want in the style of the book and movie the “Secret”.

7. Last but not least is a quick list of where to go to meet men. But before I launch into that, I share my ideas on why dating is like deep sea fishing – its a classic! You know several of these places to meet men already, but with new insights, your chances of meeting quality guys sky rocket.

So that’s it – a fabulous run down of my most fundamental dating strategies all on one MP3 audio download. Even if you’ve heard these ideas before, sometimes a new spin can help set you up for dating success. And you know what that success looks like?

That’s right – being in the fabulous, yummy relationship with an amazing man you’ve been longing for.

Good men are out there! Don’t wait another minute to discover these simple steps that offer practical and savvy ways to find the man of your dreams. The audio is 47 minutes and under $10.

Click here to listen to a clip of the audio and download your copy now. It’s like getting private dating coaching without the appointment!

Special thanks to Lisa, the Founder and Owner of Wetware Media

For Career Woman, What Mindset Works Best to Meet More Men

Dr. Pat Allen

Are you a successful career woman?
Do you have a high-paying powerful job?
Are you a chick in charge?
Do you have an independent streak that runs deep?

If you answered “Yes” to any of the above four questions, congratulations on your success in life and business! That is great to have competed with men, gotten a top paying job, and to be in such a powerful position.

Now, have you been trying to meet men by using these same, well-honed skills that work for you in every other aspect of your life? Oh- oh. That’s a problem. These skills don’t translate well to your love life.

You see, the vast majority of men don’t like to be in romantic relationship with the same women they compete with at work. Competition and romance clash and require a different set of behaviors. A lot of women who I meet as a dating coach don’t like to hear this. They rather believe that the way they go about dating and looking for guys is perfectly fine, even if it hasn’t worked well yet.

Powerful men want a feminine woman for several reasons. First of all, a feminine woman makes him feel more masculine. This type of man often wants to take of a woman. Your staunch independence may suit you well, but it will not be a turn on for him. Not that you need to be helpless or a doormat, but you have to be able and willing to give a man opportunities to feel needed.

So if you are a successful career woman, what can you do to shift gears and get your femininity going for you?

Dr. Pat Allen is well known for her male/female communication work called “Androgynous Semantic Realignment”.  She tells her clients to take 30-60 minutes at the end of their day to turn off their business masculine side. Ways to accomplish this include sitting by the beach, feeding the birds, exercise, shopping, pampering and shutting off your cellphone. Once you have decompressed, then you can go out to look for guys or spend time with your man.

She even suggests setting up a system with your man not to call during the day so he doesn’t get exposed to (or turned off by) your masculine brief and directive communication style. Her book, Getting To I Do, she claims is hated by most business women. But once they get serious about finding a husband, they reconsider and pick it up again.

Do you decompress before you go on a date or spend time with your man?
Do you greet your man with a smile?
Or do you dump all your frustration from the day on him?

I highly recommend finding a way to decompress and reconnect with your feminine side. The part of you who is warm, inviting, caring, sweet, friendly, soothing, flirty, positive and fun. Since you were born a girl – leverage that advantage.

You can be as equal as you want all day long at work, but for romance to blossom and stay strong, don’t compete with your man. Don’t use your masculine energy with him. Be a woman. Rely on your feminine side. That’s what men are attracted to – because this brings balance their energy and their world.

Take a lesson from Dr. Pat. Put your alpha side away when you want romance and see how  well that can work for you!

Dating Over 40: Why the Flirts Have It!

Do you flirt? What do you think of women who flirt? Do you have an attitude about women who use their feminine charm to gain male attention? I hope you said “No”, because flirting is essential to meeting good men today. Oh yes, it’s true.

Flirting is a fun and playful way to interact with men. The truth is, flirting simply acknowledges other people. When you see notice a man looking at you and you smile back at him, you are non-verbally communicating that you see him. You acknowledge his presence. Today, acknowledgement is a very rare commodity. Do you get enough acknowledgement?

When you make eye contact and smile briefly, you are allowing yourself to feel a man’s admiration and appreciation of you. That’s it. There’s no commitment, no promise, no teasing him. If a man reads into your smile, that’s his problem, not yours.

Become aware of the power of your smile. If you do this two to three times with the same man, he will take this as a signal that you would be willing to talk with him, should he approach you. As a woman, you WANT men to approach you. How else will you meet the men you don’t already know?

Now, you have to keep in mind the best flirting has no agenda. If you think you can flirt your way into something or capture a specific man’s attention, it might fail you. Instead, flirt as a way of life to share your delightful nature and don’t worry about your agenda. My dating coaching clients learn this is particularly important when you are somewhere (singles events, dances, the gym, etc.) men can notice you. As you demonstrate your friendly, fun attitude, more men will be willing to risk talking to you.

Men don’t like to be rejected, so flirting makes you approachable! There’s absolutely no way to lose, but the gains can be amazing. If you are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, start honing your flirting skills. Its easy to learn. Start by smiling and making brief eye contact. Dare to say hello. Strike up a conversation in a crowded bar or networking event. And don’t save it up for just the right guy because you won’t be practiced enough or seem natural.

Flirt with almost anyone, any time and you won’t believe the shift in your dating life. You’ll smile more because you’ll be making others feel good. Acknowledging others will lift your spirits and make you feel good about yourself. When you choose me as your dating coach, you’ll discover how this is a win-win situation.

So get busy. Try flirting with someone today and make it your new habit. This is your ticket to attracting more men than you ever dreamed possible.

April 30 – Dating – How to Be an Irresistible Woman – Stamford, CT

What makes a woman irresistible? Discover simple flirting techniques and non-verbal ways to enhance your feminine charm. You’ll learn how to let a man know you’re approachable, connect without saying a word, improve your Desirability Index, strike up a conversation and attract more men than ever!

This fun, interactive workshop will amp up your self-image, wardrobe, body language, flirting and conversation skills. Plus, you’ll get key tips to avoid the biggest dating mistakes women make today. Become an irresistible woman to find the love you want and deserve.

Fairfield County Women's Expo

Fairfield County Women’s Expo
Stamford Plaza Hotel, 2701 Summer St, Stamford, CT (formerly Sheraton)
My workshop is on Saturday, April 30 at noon
Free admission to the workshop

Get Expo admission for half price when you click here