Tag Archives: don’t call men

Dating Questions: Why Didn’t He Call for a Second Date?

dating questions, why didn't he call, dating coach, find loveCurious why he didn’t call for a second date?

This is dating question plagues women of all ages. Read on to discover the best way to handle this and what you can do about it.

 

Hi Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women,

I recently exchanged emails with this guy I met through an online dating site. Then we talked on the phone and last Wednesday and met for coffee. Things went great and we talked for 2 hours. He walked me to my car, hugged me twice and said he had a good time. He mentioned wanting to see me again and to text him when I got home.

I did text him that I got home and told him I had a great time and look forward to seeing him again. He texted me back, “Glad you are home and I had a great time too!”

Friday night I  called and texted him. I kept it simple, saying, “Hi how are you? I had a great time the other night. Any chance we could get together again sometime this weekend? Give me a call & let me know.”

I bummed because I still haven’t heard from him and now it’s Sunday afternoon.  What should I do? Why didn’t he call for a second date?

Thanks for your help!
Norma in New Hampshire

Dear Norma,

This is a frequent problem for women. You have a first date, things go well, then you never heard from the guy again. Every single woman has experienced this situation, sometimes many times. Trust me, as a dating coach for women, I know how confusing and frustrating this can be. I went through it myself!

I don’t recommend this
However, I don’t recommend women follow up with guys, check in or ask them out. What works best is to wait to see what a guy will do on his own to pursue you, without your prompting. That’s the best way to gauge a man’s interest. The sooner he calls, the more likely he’s genuinely interested. That’s just one clue to add to others you gather while letting the man pursue you.

If you ask, and he says yes…
When you ask a man out, he may be flattered or think he’s going to get lucky. But his “Yes” response doesn’t always mean he’s interested in you or that he’ll ask you out again. The savvy dater knows to let a man call her instead. Let him lead the pursuit for the first 4-6 dates.

In this case, since you already did reach out and he didn’t respond, you now know that he’s not really interested. Why didn’t he call for a second date is a perplexing issue. Keep in mind, it doesn’t mean he didn’t have a good time with you on the first date. Unfortunately, it isn’t always enough to get that second date.

Why didn’t he ask for a second date?
There are literally thousands of reasons why he didn’t call for a second date. He might have met another woman. Maybe he’s just going on first dates to see how many women are interested. He might not know what he wants, isn’t ready to date yet, etc.

The reasons for not getting a second date are endless and could even include that he went away for the weekend. I’m sorry to say you will never know what happened or why. Asking a man directly wont’ result in getting a straight answer either. This is part of dating and there’s simply no way around it.

You can ask one time
I always tell my clients, “You can ask a man out one time if you feel like you have to. But if he does go out with you, don’t ask him again.” You want him to get invested in winning you over. No one, not men or women, want what is too easy. It’s a fact of life.

Mystery builds attraction
You know how women complain about a man who is too nice? We like a little tension too. A bit of mystery which adds to the excitement. That’s why so many women are intrigued by bad boys. Well, the vast majority of men want that mystery too which is why they don’t like women to pursue them. Too easy equals no fun.

I realize this may be hard to understand. After all it, you might be thinking,”What’s the big deal? What do you mean I shouldn’t ask him out? Why aren’t things equal in dating?” Let me explain the disconnect here. Dating is an ancient, archaic mating ritual rooted in biology. Men still have hunter instincts and want to pursue. So you can’t take the DNA out of dating.

Let men pursue you
Regardless of the equality achieved in the workplace, for the first few dates, let the men pursue you and ask you out. It just works best this way.

Not to worry. There are plenty more men out there. Keep connecting online and you’ll be in a relationship sooner than you think.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

Find Love: 1000 Articles About Dating, Love & Understanding Men

find love, meet men online dating profile, dating coachI can’t believe it, this is my one thousandth dating advice blog post!  That’s a whole lot of blogging and it just amazes me. To commemorate the momentous occasion, I thought it would be fun to highlight 11 of my most popular posts for you – one for each year I’ve been a dating coach.

As a dating coach for women, my job is to help women find love, meet men, understand men, write a great  online dating profile and so much more. If you read these articles, you’ll walk away with a far better understanding of men and dating.  Knowledge is power if you want to find love, so read up!

1. He Texts Me But Doesn’t Ask Me Out

This post is by far the most popular and a new chronic problem in the dating world. Men (and women too) who text up a storm, but don’t have time (or desire perhaps) to see you.  Why do people text if they don’t want to see you? And what should you do about it? Is texting a way to find love?

2. Don’t Pursue Men or You’ll Make Them Run!

The second most popular post, women write their questions to me all the time with their reasons for contacting a man. Every answer I provide goes back to the original post on why it’s simply not a good idea to chase men if you want to find love.

3. He Flirts with Me But Doesn’t Ask Me Out

Here’s the 3rd most popular post with a common problem many women face. Understanding that flirting doesn’t always indicate true interest can be hard to swallow, but will make more sense once you read the article. This will save you a lot of potential heartache.

4. What Works Better Than Chasing Men

If you are inclined to contact men and pursue them in any way, this post gives you smarter alternatives that have much more promise.

5. Understand Men: Mixed Signals Are So Confusing

Sometimes men say one thing, but do another and things just don’t add up. What are you supposed to make of this and how can you understand what is really going on? That’s what I make clear in this article about mixed signals if you want to find love.

6. How to Know When to Believe What a Man Says And When to Ignore His Words

If you have been drawn in by the sweet words a man says, or have ignored what a man said and then regretted it, here’s how you can know once and for all – when to believe what a man is saying. This test of his words works every time without fail.

7. Four Big Reasons Not to Call Him

Often, my dating coaching clients just want to call a man and ask him a direct question about what is going on. Since both parties are adults, this would seem like a perfectly good solution right?  But it is not a good idea! You won’t get the results you are looking for and you need to find out why this is true.

8. Why Didn’t He Call? The Best Way to Handle Rejection

It can be so disappointing and hurtful when a man you thought you had a great connection with doesn’t call. Here are my suggestions for handling rejection, how to feel better and move on.

9. Eight Powerful Ways to Get His Attention Back

For some of my dating coaching clients, they feel they must TRY to get him back before they can possibly move on. This post provides eight ways to potentially recapture his attention to find love again.

10. Five Tips to Survive a Breakup

Once you know it’s really over, you could use all the help you can get. Here’s my brief survival guide for breakup recovery. These five tips provide my very best dating advice about the end of a relationship.

11. Dating After Divorce: 8 Things You Need to Know Before You Start

 If you are divorced and thinking about getting back out there, or have started dating and feel confused, please read these 8 essential dating tips. They’ll help you stop wasting time and feeling so confused.

 If you need expert dating advice, ask me during my monthly Inner Circle Calls.  The first Monday night of every month you can get savvy dating answers to your questions to clear up confusion, demystify situations, understand men, get dating tips and so much more. Read more and register now for the next call and the dating advice you need.

Dating After Divorce: When is it OK to Invite a Man on a Date?

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

Feminine energy is about being receptive, I know.   When is it OK to invite a man that you have dated somewhere?  I saw an opportunity to buy theatre tickets cheaply via  my company discount.   Is it OK to ask a man that I’ve been out with two to three times?

What about initiating conversations, emails, texts, phone calls?   I seem to get only in the habit of responding and avoid initiating.  Is this always appropriate?

Thanks for your answers!
Ready to Go

Dear Ready to Go,

Excellent questions!

When you choose to work iwth me as your adting coach,I recommend using your feminine energy and charm during the beginning phase of dating is important for success for several reasons.

First, when you sit back and observe, you can collect valuable data about what your date will do WITHOUT your prompting him. This is how you start to determine his interest level through Yin Yang Dating Strategy:

  • By the frequency of his calls
  • The space between them
  • His follow through on promises to call

There is only one way to collect this information and that is through the high school chemistry analogy I often use. Put the ingredients into the beaker, turn on the bunsen burner and then, as is protocol with all chemistry experiments, you OBSERVE. No stirring or adding ingredients – that changes the variables and you don’t have a clear experiment. Same thing goes for dating. Pay attention to what your date does or doesn’t do to win you over. You can tell what a man is thinking far more by watching his actions then listening to the words coming out of his mouth.

Second, your feminine charm is welcoming and hospitable. Men choose women who make them feel good and are easy to get along with. High maintenance and demanding women, women who are too busy or hard to please are not as attractive for obvious reasons. This part of attraction has nothing to do with your physical appearance.

Third, relying on your feminine energy means that you let the man lead initially, at least the first 4-10 dates. Think of ballroom dancing. There is only one leader and one follower. Two leaders on the dance floor create a power struggle and the same is true for dating. Do not step in to get things moving. Let him take the first step then follow his lead.

So, if you are going to date using feminine energy, you won’t be asking a man to do anything until you know you have an unspoken date on Saturday night – you just know you’ll see him. This is when dating shifts to the first stage of relationship.

Regarding other communication – men often complain about women who over communicate. Women use three times as many words as men do anyway. That means, please use restraint here too. If he calls you – call him back. But I wouldn’t call him more than once a week after maybe the 5th or 6th date.

Hang back and leave space for your date to seek you out. That creates magnetism and attraction – the invitation to call you. It’s a lot different than calling him and invading his space.

You can never go wrong when you put Yin Yang Dating Strategy to work for you and rely on your feminine charm. I highly recommend this dating method which will save you a lot of angst and energy. Let your date do the work and then you will know if he’s into you  or not.

Over 40 Dating: 5 Reasons to Put Men on the “Do Not Call” List

Dating Case Study with Analysis and Solution

Date #1
Karen was complaining about the latest guy she met during her dating coaching session. She met Gary on match.com, emailed for  a week or so, talked on the phone and they agreed to meet.  Their first date on Tuesday night went really well.

Date #2
Then on the next day, Karen called Gary to ask him to go to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in New Haven on Sunday. Gary was delighted to hear from her and said yes. The day of the parade was so easy, comfortable and fun! They both seemed to really enjoy the event and each other.

Date #3…
At the end of the 2nd date, Gary asked Karen to go for a hike on Thursday and said he’d call later in the week to set things up. By Thursday morning at 11am, Karen was starting to wonder, although she was also trying to stay positive and upbeat. She decided to call Gary to see what he had planned and left him a message.

Gary called back at 1:30 to say today wasn’t going to work and he’d have to reschedule. He’ll call her again soon.  Oh oh…

The Monkey Wrench
Karen was so confused by Gary’s behavior. “What’s up with that?” she asked me with a perplexed look on her face.

The Analysis for Over 40 Dating
I explained to Karen that she shouldn’t call men or ask them out. She was very surprised to hear me say this (we just started working together). Karen explained that she was simply being direct, honest, and doing her part to build the relationship.

Ahhh yes, her part…There in lies the problem. This is a very hard concept for so many women over 40 who know how to take charge of situations and get a job done.

Her Job vs. His Job – Dating Roles
It’s not Karen’s job to build the relationship by asking the guy out or calling him. Nope. Not her job – that’s HIS JOB. Her job is to be warm, friendly, fun to be with and appreciative, That’s it.

As a woman, it works so much better to let the man call and ask you out. Why? Because if he does all the work, you will know he’s is interested in you and not just flattered. Plus, when it’s his idea to see you, he’ll get invested in trying to win you over by finding a way to please you. He’ll want to  call to connect, find out what you like, plan a nice date and pay.

The Chase and the Case for DNA
This, in dating terminology, is called “The Chase.” The chase is still alive and well and has not gone away. Pursuit is part of a man’s DNA because men were born to hunt. When you pursue him, you become the hunter.  The vast majority of men,  do not want to be pursued even though they may think it’s hot and feel curious or flattered.

Studies show men who are pursued by aggressive women think it will be easy to “get lucky” if you catch my drift. If you are looking for a serious, long-term relationship, you may be catching on to why calling a man is not a good idea.

Put Him on the Do Not Call List
Here are five reasons why you don’t want to call a new guy you are dating:

1. You won’t know if he’s flattered, curious or really wants to get to know you
2. You won’t know how quickly he would have called you or if he would have called at all
3. You won’t know what he’d do to win you
4. You may give him the wrong impression about your intentions and desires
5.  You short circuit your ability to data gather – which is only possible when you observe what he does without your prompting. And that is the whole point of dating!

How to Find a Man Who Follows Through
If you want to find a man who will follow through, start by letting him pursue you. Allow him to occupy the man’s role and take charge of the initial courtship. If he calls, schedules, plans and keeps the date –  voila – you’ve found a man who knows how to follow through!