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Dating After Divorce: 8 Things You Need to Know Before You Start Dating Again

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Dating After Divorce – 8 Essential Tips Before You Start

Are you ready to start dating after divorce?

Maybe you’ve been divorced for years. Or maybe  it’s only been 9 months since your marriage ended. Either way, you are feeling ready to get back out there. Good for you! Before you get started, there are eight very important things you need to know about how dating works today to avoid the heartbreaking pitfalls so many women experience.

1. Unrealistic expectations. For some divorced women, even though they think they are ready to meet men, set the criteria  for the right men is set so high, they probably won’t want to date anyone. The only way to meet the right man is to meet lots of men and allow yourself to get to know a few. Disqualifying guys is the easiest thing to do. Instead, as your dating coach I want you to say yes to meeting men because that is the only way you can find a good guy.

2. Not enough expectations. OK, you may think I’m flip-flopping but for some women, they never set any criteria and will date any man who asks them out because , well, he’s a man. This extreme isn’t good either and will get you hooked on a guy that will probably won’t be compatible, just available. You deserve a man you enjoy, respect and get along with. If you’re dating after divorce, have some basic idea of what will work for you and qualities you are seeking, so you can disqualify inappropriate dates and save yourself a lot aggravation.

3. Don’t fall for Mr. Charming. There are some men who are amazingly charming. They know exactly what a woman needs and wants to hear to let down her defenses. They do nice things for you right away, plan the future early on, tell you how wonderful you are, and make themselves  the kind of guy you dream of. They do all this with one agenda in mind – getting you into bed fast. Some charmers will sleep with you once and be gone, while others might stick around for a while. Inevitably, they will move on to the next conquest.

I also call these guys “players” and you can read more in this post. Whether you’ve never been married or are dating after divorce, you could meet up with a charming player.

You can enjoy time with a player, just don’t fall for his lines like he means the, You want to watch to see that he is consistent with you over time – like at least 4-6 dates. If you  have 6 dates with Mr. Charming, he might be a decent guy. However, you can only tell by waiting it out to see if he calls and sees you regularly even if you don’t sleep with him and make him wait! Once in a while Mr. Charming can be for real, but it’s extremely rare.

4. Do not call or ask men out. I know it seems like all the rules of dating have changed and become modernized. sorry but that’s a big fat lie. This is one of the biggest pitfalls going for women. I tell my dating coaching clients all the time – do not initiate anything with men. You want to see what a man will do on his own without your prompting to know if he is interested and shows consistency over time. That is the only way to go if you want to date smart.

Think of ballroom dancing – you follow his lead, but he always takes the first step. This changes once you have enough dates that you move into the first phase of relationship – then you can contact him first on a 3:1 ratio. Eventually things will balance out but if you don’t follow this process, you could easily chase him away quickly.

When you wait to see what a man will do, then you can gather important data about his behavior. Does his interest seem genuine and consistent? There’s only one way to find out and that is to do NOTHING. So if he asks you out, then respond and say yes if you want to go. If he texts, you can text back or email or call, but don’t start anything.

5. Be fun and appreciative. Your job as a woman is to be a fun date, easy to be with, and appreciative of what he has done – if you like it. For example, if he picked a great restaurant – tell him that! Praise goes a long way to appeal to a man’s ego. Men choose women who make them feel good so please keep that in mind.

6. Forget having that honest conversation. So many women dating after divorce tell me when a man doesn’t call or something goes awry, they want to pick up the phone and have an honest conversation. This is direct approach, when a woman wants to simply ask a man directly why he did what he did. DON’T DO IT!

If you try the honest conversation, you will make the man squirm, feel pressured and very uncomfortable. He will say anything to get you off the phone and you will not have accomplished a thing. Once in a relationship, you can have the occasional honest conversation and should to see how you can work through situations. Just not when first dating.

 7. If he doesn’t ask you out, he’s not into you. Countless women feel the frustration of a flirtatious man who texts, emails, calls or talks to you in person, but never asks you out. Here’s a very simple rule of thumb, if he doesn’t ask you out, he’s not interested in you no matter what else he says or does. Thanks to Greg Behrendt and  his book

8. Learn about dating today. If it’s been years since you dated, then you must familiarize yourself with what works today. Read my book, MANifesting Mr. Right or read what other dating coaches have written. If you are over 40, then read things from experts who work with the over 40 crowd. Dating in your 20’s is not the same as in your 40’s, 50’s or 60’s. Find out the do’s and don’ts so you don’t fall into common pitfalls like so many women do. Date smart to guard your heart and find  the right man for you.



Understand Men: Why Did He Stop Calling? 5 Mistakes to Avoid

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Understand Men-Why did he stop calling? 5 mistakes to avoid

How to understand men and why they might stop asking you out 

Last week I wrote about five reasons why a man might choose not to call again – these were all about him. However, in this post, the five reasons could be a reaction to something you did. As your dating coach, I want to help you avoid these mistakes so you get more second, third and fourth dates.

1. You’re too busy – Busy-ness is a gigantic problem for women hoping to find love. In your jam-packed life, filled with career, kids, aging parents, exercise, volunteer work or household chores, you might not have much time to date. The worst thing you can do is share how crazy busy your life is on the first date. That can be a huge turnoff for men.

Let me explain so you understand men. This might surprise you, but single men today want to know they have a shot of being a priority in your life. But as you unload about how busy you are, what he really hears is a massive laundry list on which he falls to the very bottom. Or he might think you’ll be hard to schedule dates with – something that is very likely if you don’t make time to date. neither one of these situations is fun for they guy.

Take a moment right now and put that shoe on the other foot. Do you want to feel like a priority with a man? Of course you do! Well he wants the same thing. Do yourself a favor and don’t talk about how busy you are no matter how true this is. Keep that little life detail to yourself for the first few dates if you want to get to know him.

2. You shared too much – Over-sharing is a trap that many single women fall into, especially when you meet a man who is a good listener. I cannot tell you how many men complain about how women unload on them during a first date. Men tell me they feel like women expect them to be a date and a therapist.

No matter what a good listener your date appears to be, don’t take advantage of his good nature if you want a second date. Your job on a date is to be a good listener and conversationalist. Sharing life details, especially what is not working, will not get you more dates. Avoid talking about your issues with dating, your ex, finances, career, children, or health. Keep your conversation on fun subjects like food, vacation spots and how you spend your free time.

3. You’re not fun to be with It happens to everyone. Some days stink! But a first date is a lot like a job interview, so conduct yourself accordingly. Don’t complain about your day – talk about things that put you in a positive light. The point is to be enjoyable and pleasant. to understand men, know that they choose women who make them feel good. So no matter what your day was like – be upbeat and positive to get the job of girlfriend. In the future, you can get support when you have  bad day but not before he even knows you.

Think about it – would you want to see a guy who was a downer the first time you met him? I doubt it.

4. You over communicate – It seems only natural to text, email or call  a man the next day to say thank you. As a dating coach for women, I don’t think it’s necessary. Initiating communication is the man’s job during the first 4-8 dates. However, if the man texts you back, you think, “How fun!” and start a string of communication. Then when you don’t hear from him you contact him again to check in. Please don’t call him.

Your best course of action is to hold back and respond only when he contacts you at the start of dating. Later things will balance out. But men often feel crowded by women who over communicates. You can easily avoid this by not contacting him

5. You pursued him – Please do not ask men out. To understand men, pleas know that if you don’t hear from him, its not a good idea to call or ask him out to keep things moving. Trust me on this – if a man wants to see you, he knows exactly what to do. There is not need for you to take over the pursuit. And if you do, it will most likely turn him off!

When you chase a man, it makes you look desperate. Don’t pursue men. This is his job, please let him do it. You cannot be the man and the woman in your dating relationships. Leave something for him. Besides, its so much better when he pursues you because that is how a man gets invested – by trying to win you over. When you chase him, he doesn’t have to win you over and you become less desirable.

These are five mistakes women make every day. Now that you know what they are, I hope you will curb these urges and improve your dating life.

Understand Men: When a Man Gives Me His Card, Should I Call Him?

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Understand Men: Don’t Call Him When He Gives You His Card!

Dating Advice to Help You Understand Men

How do you respond when a man hands you his card and says, “Give me a call?”

Whatever your response is, I sure hope you don’t call him!

During my dating journey, I had several men offer their card to me. Usually I was smart and just smiled. But one fateful time, I got taken in by a very handsome guy who had moved here from Italy. Seriously hot and sexy with the accent and style you can imagine. Good sense escaped as I bravely decided to call him. The number he gave me was to his social club and I asked if he was there. What a great moment this must have been for him, each time a woman would call him in this public place. The bar tender announced, Joe, another woman for you!

Arggghhh! I felt so incredibly stupid. But I did smarten up and never called another guy.

Understand Men – 3 Reasons Why He’d Hand You His Card:

1) He’s lazy and rather have you do the work. He finds you attractive and if you want to do the initiating, he’ll go for the ride. But he is leaving the ball in your court. Like I said, he’s lazy.

2) He doesn’t understand dating roles today and is confused about what he should do to date women. This is a statement about his masculinity because he is demonstrating a degree of uncertainty and lack of confidence. As my husband says, “Any man worth his salt knows its the man’s job to ask a woman out and pay for the first few dates.”

Yet, we live in confusing times and there are a small percentage of men who feel timid about taking on the role of pursuer. He could still be a nice guy even if you have to be in charge of everything. It’s hard to say.

3) He’s not serious about you or any woman and is not looking for a relationship. He hands out cards like candy just to see who will call. And if not, some other woman will. It doesn’t really matter to him.

As you understand men better, you can see that none of these men are worthy of your time. Forget the popular, but he’s shy mentality. That is nonsense. Even a shy man knows exactly what needs to be done to date you.

So, how should you handle a man who asks you to call? The dating advice I give to my dating coaching clients is a simple script, “Oh thanks, but I’m old fashioned and I don’t call men.” Of course any variation on this will do.

Understand Men and What This Statement Conveys:

1) It sets a boundary and let’s a man know what he has to do to pursue you. If he is truly interested, he will ask for your number and call.

2) It tells him that you know you are the prize and if he wants you, he’ll have to invest his energy into winning you over. A little resistance does wonders for your desirability. This is so important rather than being too eager, available or handing yourself over on a silver platter.

Now some of my dating coaching clients insist they should call. maybe the woman is really into the guy like I was or she’s feeling that she doesn’t want to let a “good one” get away. If you absolutely must, then call him ONE TIME. But do not ask him out or suggest getting together or you are once again you are in the driver’s seat – not the seat you want to be in when just starting to date a new man.

Understand Men and Leave the Ball in His Court

Don’t fall for this card sharing trick! Since dating is a game, leave the ball in his court. Let him decide to pick up the ball and run with it to get your number, call and ask you out. let him pay too for at least the first and second date. That is the only way you will know how much a man is into you  – when you drop the ball and don’t lift a finger. If you do the initiating, you will be pulling your hair out wonder how much he is into you.


 Photo Credit: San Diego Shooter


Don’t Call Him: It’s Been 3 Days – Should I Call Him?

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Don’t Call Him!

Single women – please don’t call him!  I know it’s not easy to wait and wonder, especially when you think it’s so easy to just pick up the phone and reach out to that new guy. Read on to find out why this essential dating advice is completely in your best interest.

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I went on a date 3 days ago with a guy I met online. We texted for several weeks before he finally asked me out. Normally I wouldn’t stick around that long, but I got the impression early on that he is fairly shy.

The date went well. He texted me within 30-minutes of us saying goodbye, making small talk, and went on to say I was beautiful and he had fun. He’s alluded to seeing me again in the future and things we could do, but not actually asked or made plans.

I know its only been 3 days, but I’m not sure what the norm is. One of my friends suggested he may be holding off because he knows I’m in the middle of finals week and I’ve been pretty busy studying. I don’t know. Still seems plans could be made for in the future, after finals right?

I’m hesitant to believe he’s lost interest because he constantly initiates contact off and on all day, every day. I’m new back in the dating market and I’m pretty much learning the rules of the game for the first time.

Please help,
Itching to Dial


Dear Itching,

This is one of the hardest things for women to understand and follow through on. But I urge you  – Don’t call him! If you want to know how much a man is interested in you, there is only one way to do that. Don’t call him and don’t do anything! This is where you want to rely on your feminine charm and understand how the Yin Yang Dating Principle works.

You say he’s still emailing or texting, but not asking for another date? Is that right? Here’s my dating advice and solution:

Stop answering his texts and emails.

When you pull back, you rely on your Yin energy of being receptive. You allow the man to miss you and wonder – “Hey where’d she go?” Then, if he doesn’t want to lose touch, he’ll call you! This is so much better than trying to pursue him and taking over the Yang role of action. Don’t fall into this trap!

The Yin Yang Dating Principle is very much like ballroom dancing. The man leads and the woman follows. Allowing the man to lead and pursue you is by far the best, and in truth the only way to discover how much he wants to be with you. If you try to take the lead, most men don’t like being pursued and don’t want to compete with the male energy you are expending to win him over. They will lose interest and disappear. This happens ALL THE TIME!

That means, if you call him, ask him out, buy tickets to things, email all the time, you are pursuing him. He may go along for the ride because  he feels flattered, curious or hopeful he’ll get lucky. But none of that means he’s deeply interested in you for the long run! Just don’t call him. Seriously.

My proven dating advice is to sit back and respond when he contacts you – this is better for collecting information about what he’ll do to win you over. The vast majority of dating experts agree on this concept and strategy. Taking this a step further, if you want your guy to call and ask you out, totally stop responding to his technology communications. Don’t answer his texts and emails until after he calls you.

Whatever you do, don’t call him.

If this man is truly interested, he’ll call you and ask you out. Get scarce to get his attention! Rely on your feminine charm and Yin energy to draw him to you. And if this doesn’t work and he still doesn’t come around, then  you’ve learned something crucial to dating this guy – he’s just not that into you. That’s when you know it’s time to move on to seek a better man.


Photo Credit: Plenty.r

Don’t Call Him – 4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Pick Up the Phone

Should you call him? If you are struggling with picking up the phone – don’t call him! Find out why you lose when you cave first.

Don’t Call Him – How Women Over 40 Push Men Away

Don't Call Him

Don’t Call Him

Do you feel compelled to call a man you have just started to date to tell him what a great time you had? Or maybe to see why he hasn’t called you? Or maybe to tell him something or say hello because you’re thinking about him? You may have these impulses, but I advise my dating coaching clients not to call.

As a dating coach for women over 40, I’ve noticed a trend emerging in the last 10 years. Women are bolder about communicating with men. With the work place equality we enjoy today and so many women in power jobs, there is a new belief that the communication style that works in business is appropriate for dating as well.

Too bad that’s not true. Let me explain.

You see in business, being direct is often the best policy. Just say what needs to be said to be very clear and get things done. This approach is completely appropriate for business, but sorry to say, not for dating. Not if you want to keep your man  interested.

As you move into the relationship phase, the situation will change again and more direct communication is possible. But, during the initial dating phase, the first four to 10 dates, being direct is a wrong turn that can cause your man to lose interest and worse – withdraw!

Don’t Call Him – To call him is to enter his world uninvited

I’ve spoken to lots of men about calling. When you contact a man by calling, emailing or texting, you are entering his private world. You may think you’re being nice or showing interest and a small percentage of guys might not mind. However, the majority of men say they don’t like it. Most men prefer to call and pursue you.

Here’s why it’s better to leave initiating communication in his hands:

1. Don’t call him because you no longer know when he would have called you. This is crucial information because it lets you know about his interest level. One to two days – very interested; 7 days – not so interested. But when you call him, you now have no idea what he would have done on his own – and that’s the only thing that really matters.

2. Don’t call him because you minimize your mystery. You want a man to wonder about you – what you might be doing. How you spend your time. When you start communicating with him, you let him know you aren’t busy. What’s not readily available is always more attractive – this is the plain and simple truth about attraction.

3. Don’t call him because he might misinterpret this as desperation. Any hint of desperation works against you. A woman worth her salt is busy and occupied. Men like the chase and when you have a rich, full life and leave the calling to him, your appeal goes up.

4. Don’t call him because he might see you as invading his privacy. The man cave is a private space and you shouldn’t approach him there until invited into his world. Even emailing and texting can be problematic. Some women insist on a text the next day to say thank you. I’ll give you this one, although I don’t think it’s necessary. But too much back and forth makes you appear to be an over communicator! Not an attractive trait by any means.

Sometimes there are men who like a texting relationship. This can be a tip off  – he might be controlling, very needy, or seeking a fantasy relationship, Just because he contacts you often doesn’t mean you have to respond right away or with the same frequency. A little resistance helps pique his interest  if he’s a frequent texter.

The best thing you can do is not call him. Early on, leave all the initiating up to the man. The calling, the emailing, the asking out, etc. The most power you have is to not be available – that makes him want you more. Don’t squander this precious source of magnetism.

I hope I have convinced you not to call him, but if not, read Rhonda Findling’s book Don’t Call That Man. It’s excellent and focuses also on not calling a man after a breakup.

Want more insightful dating advice? Download my free book 7 Dire Dating Mistakes Women Make that Keep You Single and get my newsletter too. Or find out if coaching is for you with a free Dating Discovery Session by phone or Skype


Don’t Pursue Him, Or You ‘ll Make Him Run

Don't Pursue Him

Running From Your Aggressive Moves

Here’s a little secret I don’t tell everybody…I have a few male dating coaching clients as well. I love coaching men because I learn so much about how they think to share with all of you!

Don’t Purse Him – It’s a Big Mistake

Recently, my client Ken told me about a woman he just met online. The first date was on a Saturday night, lasted for about six hours and went very well. Ken found her to be a lot of fun to talk to and really enjoyed her company.  (Ken and I have some work to do because first dates should never last this long.)

Let me share background on Ken. He is a good looking guy in his 50’s. He’s practical, down-to-earth and easy to talk to.  This is a man who has done his healing after divorce and wants a long-term, loving, relationship with the right woman.

Since he liked Sandra a lot, he made a second date at the end of the first. He suggested getting together a week later on Sunday night which Sandra was happy to accept.

Now, this is where the story gets bumpy. Apparently Sandra is very hot on Ken. She is not managing her enthusiasm and letting the man lead during the initial courtship. Sandra made a series of what I call “Fatal Errors” that caused her to look over eager and a little bit desperate. Here is my advice as a dating coach for women in midlife (or at any age really)

1. Don’t call him in the beginning
She couldn’t wait the eight days for the second date that Ken set up. So she took matters into her own hands and called him. Some men feel like you are invading their private space when you do this so it’s a risk.

2. Don’t pursue him. Let him ask you out so you know he is interested.
While Sandra had Ken on the phone, she asked him out for Thursday night, creating her own second date. Ken’s a nice guy and frankly felt flattered. So he agreed to meet her Thursday.

3. Don’t buy men gifts!
When Ken arrived at the designated meeting place for date two, Sandra had not one but two gifts for him. They had talked about favorite books and wine, so she bought him one of each.

4. Don’t have marathon dates.
There is some driving distance between where Sandra and Ken live, so the dates have been longer than usual. Date two was also more than six hours.

You may think I am over reacting but I assure you that I AM NOT. This is what Ken said to me after the second date.

“Well now I have my third date in a week coming up. I’m not sure I want to spend that much time with her so quickly. She bought me gifts you know. Why did she do that? I mean it was nice and all but I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t have anything to give her. It was awkward. I was flattered that she called and asked me out and I had a good time, but now it feels like too much to be seeing her again so soon. I just started dating online and want to meet other women, so now what do I do?”

In truth, Ken played a role in some of these mistakes.
– He didn’t keep the first date short.
– He accepted her date request rather than waiting.
– He didn’t go slow at first to avoid letting things get serious too quickly.

Single Gals, Please Hang Back and Let the Man Lead – You Can’t Go Wrong
Regardless of the mistakes Ken made, it’s your job as a woman to manage some of the dating mechanics. Please control your enthusiasm so you don’t appear over anxious or worse – desperate. Don’t call men, try to speed things up or ask them out on dates in the beginning. And don’t buy them gifts for any reason unless it’s a birthday, then get a token gift. This all boils down to the basic rule of thumb – don’t pursue him.

Don’t Lose the Only Advantage Your Have!
Wait to see what a man will do of his own accord to win you over. If you do not do this, you lose the only advantage you have to observe his behavior and collect information about how interested he really is in you.

What Seems Like A Nice Thing Can  Negatively Impact His Masculine Ego
The risk of you initiating is HUGE because you could make the guy uncomfortable and look elsewhere for women who make him feel good about his masculine energy or enhance it. That’s the problem!

If you pursue him, chase him, call him, ask him out and buy him gifts, you are USURPING HIS MASCULINE ENERGY and emasculating him. This will never help him feel good about you so DON’T DO IT!

Learn from Sandra and Don’t Make These Aggressive Fatal Dating Errors
You want a good man to grow more attracted to you. Give him the space and time to pursue you and get invested in you. Men are slower to bond and there is nothing you can do to hurry this process for him. Your efforts to let him lead will usually be rewarded. But at the very least, you won’t send men away suspicious and worried that you like him too much too quickly – like the movie Fatal Attraction.


PS. If you’ve made this dating mistake, listen to my Free Audio Program 12 First Date Mistakes Women Make that Ruin Your Chance for Love.  Or schedule a Free 30-minute session with me to talk about your situation and discover how coaching can help.





Over 40 Dating: 5 Reasons to Put Men on the “Do Not Call” List

Dating Case Study with Analysis and Solution

Date #1
Karen was complaining about the latest guy she met during her dating coaching session. She met Gary on match.com, emailed for  a week or so, talked on the phone and they agreed to meet.  Their first date on Tuesday night went really well.

Date #2
Then on the next day, Karen called Gary to ask him to go to the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in New Haven on Sunday. Gary was delighted to hear from her and said yes. The day of the parade was so easy, comfortable and fun! They both seemed to really enjoy the event and each other.

Date #3…
At the end of the 2nd date, Gary asked Karen to go for a hike on Thursday and said he’d call later in the week to set things up. By Thursday morning at 11am, Karen was starting to wonder, although she was also trying to stay positive and upbeat. She decided to call Gary to see what he had planned and left him a message.

Gary called back at 1:30 to say today wasn’t going to work and he’d have to reschedule. He’ll call her again soon.  Oh oh…

The Monkey Wrench
Karen was so confused by Gary’s behavior. “What’s up with that?” she asked me with a perplexed look on her face.

The Analysis for Over 40 Dating
I explained to Karen that she shouldn’t call men or ask them out. She was very surprised to hear me say this (we just started working together). Karen explained that she was simply being direct, honest, and doing her part to build the relationship.

Ahhh yes, her part…There in lies the problem. This is a very hard concept for so many women over 40 who know how to take charge of situations and get a job done.

Her Job vs. His Job – Dating Roles
It’s not Karen’s job to build the relationship by asking the guy out or calling him. Nope. Not her job – that’s HIS JOB. Her job is to be warm, friendly, fun to be with and appreciative, That’s it.

As a woman, it works so much better to let the man call and ask you out. Why? Because if he does all the work, you will know he’s is interested in you and not just flattered. Plus, when it’s his idea to see you, he’ll get invested in trying to win you over by finding a way to please you. He’ll want to  call to connect, find out what you like, plan a nice date and pay.

The Chase and the Case for DNA
This, in dating terminology, is called “The Chase.” The chase is still alive and well and has not gone away. Pursuit is part of a man’s DNA because men were born to hunt. When you pursue him, you become the hunter.  The vast majority of men,  do not want to be pursued even though they may think it’s hot and feel curious or flattered.

Studies show men who are pursued by aggressive women think it will be easy to “get lucky” if you catch my drift. If you are looking for a serious, long-term relationship, you may be catching on to why calling a man is not a good idea.

Put Him on the Do Not Call List
Here are five reasons why you don’t want to call a new guy you are dating:

1. You won’t know if he’s flattered, curious or really wants to get to know you
2. You won’t know how quickly he would have called you or if he would have called at all
3. You won’t know what he’d do to win you
4. You may give him the wrong impression about your intentions and desires
5.  You short circuit your ability to data gather – which is only possible when you observe what he does without your prompting. And that is the whole point of dating!

How to Find a Man Who Follows Through
If you want to find a man who will follow through, start by letting him pursue you. Allow him to occupy the man’s role and take charge of the initial courtship. If he calls, schedules, plans and keeps the date –  voila – you’ve found a man who knows how to follow through!

Dating Over 40: 8 Powerful Ways to Get His Attention Back

If you’ve been dating a guy for a while, and everything was great, but now, for some reason he seems distracted and may be losing interest. What’s a woman to do? Women often don’t know why this happens, but usually blame themselves. You might be thinking – "What did I do wrong?"

There could be a million reasons why your guy is distracted or not showering you with attention. And it’s a good chance you will never know for sure. But here are eight powerful ways you can regain his attention.

1) First, be clear. do you really want him back? If he lost interest, is he the right man for you? It’s worth asking because this will take some effort. so be clear he is a good match for you and worth the effort you are about to undertake.

2) Think about your interactions. Is it possible you have changed? I had a client one time who had a routine with men she dated. She’d start out all sweet as pie, but after a while, she said she couldn’t keep that up, She had to go back to being herself. Yikes! Being yourself, albeit your best self, is crucial to developing a solid relationship. See if you can return to behaving the way you did at the beginning of the relationship when he was paying lots of attention to you.

3) Have you become clingy or demanding? It can happen to the best of us. But this is unattractive behavior. Men like confident women, same as we like confident men. Get a grip on yourself and give him some space. Rely on your friends more, read self-help books, or get professional help. But don’t cling.

4) Have you put your man into communication overload? Sometimes women are so happy to be dating a great guy, they over-communicate. Hold back on multiple calls, texts, emails and give the guy some space. No one likes to feel crowded.

5) Are you trying to take up all of his time? This is another space issue. men need to keep up there friendships too and have some quality guy time. Smile when he wants to go out with the boys – that gives you a night off too. Visit with your friends or get chores done at home. You can entertain yourself one night, even on the weekend.

6) Do you still look your best? It’s easy to slip back into comfy favorites but keeping up your appearance is important for maximizing attraction while still solidifying your relationship. Dont’t back slide into old habits. Put on lipstick and wear his favorite outfit. Looking good is excellent for your own self-esteem and confidence too.

7) Pull back. I know this is the hardest thing to do. Every instinct in your body is screaming to run after him. But don’t do it. That’s the worst strategy for recapturing his attention. Think of this like ballroom dancing. As you take a step back, he has the chance to take a step forward.  Are you starting to get the picture? Don’t be too available because a bit of absence can make the heart grow fonder. Let him chase you again after he realizes you’re not all over him like you used to be.

8) Remember, you are a fabulous woman and this guy is lucky to have shared time with you. If this doesn’t work out, hold your head high and remain confident. You are still a great catch and there are plenty more fish in the sea. Take time to heal, but don’t wait too long to go fishing again. I guarantee, he really wasn’t the only guy for you. Someone else is out there who might be even better, but you won’t know that if you don’t get out there to look.