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Dating Questions: Why Didn’t He Call for a Second Date?

dating questions, why didn't he call, dating coach, find loveCurious why he didn’t call for a second date?

This is dating question plagues women of all ages. Read on to discover the best way to handle this and what you can do about it.


Hi Ronnie, The Dating Coach for Women,

I recently exchanged emails with this guy I met through an online dating site. Then we talked on the phone and last Wednesday and met for coffee. Things went great and we talked for 2 hours. He walked me to my car, hugged me twice and said he had a good time. He mentioned wanting to see me again and to text him when I got home.

I did text him that I got home and told him I had a great time and look forward to seeing him again. He texted me back, “Glad you are home and I had a great time too!”

Friday night I  called and texted him. I kept it simple, saying, “Hi how are you? I had a great time the other night. Any chance we could get together again sometime this weekend? Give me a call & let me know.”

I bummed because I still haven’t heard from him and now it’s Sunday afternoon.  What should I do? Why didn’t he call for a second date?

Thanks for your help!
Norma in New Hampshire

Dear Norma,

This is a frequent problem for women. You have a first date, things go well, then you never heard from the guy again. Every single woman has experienced this situation, sometimes many times. Trust me, as a dating coach for women, I know how confusing and frustrating this can be. I went through it myself!

I don’t recommend this
However, I don’t recommend women follow up with guys, check in or ask them out. What works best is to wait to see what a guy will do on his own to pursue you, without your prompting. That’s the best way to gauge a man’s interest. The sooner he calls, the more likely he’s genuinely interested. That’s just one clue to add to others you gather while letting the man pursue you.

If you ask, and he says yes…
When you ask a man out, he may be flattered or think he’s going to get lucky. But his “Yes” response doesn’t always mean he’s interested in you or that he’ll ask you out again. The savvy dater knows to let a man call her instead. Let him lead the pursuit for the first 4-6 dates.

In this case, since you already did reach out and he didn’t respond, you now know that he’s not really interested. Why didn’t he call for a second date is a perplexing issue. Keep in mind, it doesn’t mean he didn’t have a good time with you on the first date. Unfortunately, it isn’t always enough to get that second date.

Why didn’t he ask for a second date?
There are literally thousands of reasons why he didn’t call for a second date. He might have met another woman. Maybe he’s just going on first dates to see how many women are interested. He might not know what he wants, isn’t ready to date yet, etc.

The reasons for not getting a second date are endless and could even include that he went away for the weekend. I’m sorry to say you will never know what happened or why. Asking a man directly wont’ result in getting a straight answer either. This is part of dating and there’s simply no way around it.

You can ask one time
I always tell my clients, “You can ask a man out one time if you feel like you have to. But if he does go out with you, don’t ask him again.” You want him to get invested in winning you over. No one, not men or women, want what is too easy. It’s a fact of life.

Mystery builds attraction
You know how women complain about a man who is too nice? We like a little tension too. A bit of mystery which adds to the excitement. That’s why so many women are intrigued by bad boys. Well, the vast majority of men want that mystery too which is why they don’t like women to pursue them. Too easy equals no fun.

I realize this may be hard to understand. After all it, you might be thinking,”What’s the big deal? What do you mean I shouldn’t ask him out? Why aren’t things equal in dating?” Let me explain the disconnect here. Dating is an ancient, archaic mating ritual rooted in biology. Men still have hunter instincts and want to pursue. So you can’t take the DNA out of dating.

Let men pursue you
Regardless of the equality achieved in the workplace, for the first few dates, let the men pursue you and ask you out. It just works best this way.

Not to worry. There are plenty more men out there. Keep connecting online and you’ll be in a relationship sooner than you think.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men


Dating after Divorce: Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Dear Dating Coach,

I’ve been divorced for 4 yrs and now I’ve become interested in a guy I work with. My friends tell me he likes me a lot and he lost his wife about 4 yrs ago. I’m very old fashion and wasn’t brought up to ask a guy out. He comes to visit my office every day, about 2 to 3 times. I think he is just as nervous to ask as I am.

I really like this guy. Sometimes we talk for hours and we have both worked together for a long time. But no one is making a move to ask the other out.  Being old fashioned i don’t want to make the first move, but I don’t want to lose a chance of happiness with this man. How can I break the ice without scaring him away?

Office Romance

Dear Office,

I’m glad to hear you are old fashioned – that is exactly what works best in dating! Things tend to work out better when the man asks the woman out. That said, this situation needs some clarifying.

Your guy got married once, so he does know what to do. All men know what to do no matter how shy they are. Why isn’t he asking you out? here are some possible reasons:

1. He’s not ready to date and still healing from losing his wife. This happens often for widowers – some men just take longer to recover than others. He may be still pining away and that means his heart might not be open fully to you and he’s not emotionally available.

2. He likes you but isn’t sure you are the one for him. He enjoys your companionship, yet doesn’t want to spoil the friendship to risk taking things to the next level.

3. He’s lacking testosterone to make the first move, which is not a good sign in my book. The last thing you want is a man who needs babying or hand holding. That might seem nurturing at first, filling the Florence Nightingale role. But it will get tiresome to have to take the lead all the time and make all the decisions.

4. He enjoys your company and his fulfilling his need for female company with you. But he’s not relationship ready. Lots of single men tend to do this. My friend and colleague, Katherin Scott, insists that her male dating coaching clients stop spending time with their female friends while searching for a romantic partner. Once they get their “fix,” they feel less motivated to do the work of looking for love.

However, all that said, if you really want to push the envelope here, try one of these suggestions:

1. Get your friends to suggest that he ask you out
2. If you start talking about a movie or new restaurant, say “Hey, why don’t we check it out?”
3. If he can help you with some project at home, as for his help. Say, “Do you have any time this weekend to come by and help me with that?”

Just remember, you can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. If he’s not ready, he might take you up on your offer, but still not follow up with his own.

Whatever you do, only make this move ONE TIME! If he really is as interested as your friends say, he will pick up the  ball and ask you out for a second date. And if he doesn’t, then please move on to find a man who is capable of asking you out and being in a relationship. You deserve to find love with a man who is emotionally available and ready.