Tag Archives: Dating after divorce

3 Tips for Dating After Divorce at 40

Dating after divorce at 40 has it’s challenges. If it’s tough to decent meet men, follow these three simple tips to meet more men and find “the one”.

dating after divorceDating After Divorce:How to Find a Good Match

Whether you are dating after divorce or have never been married, by the time you get to be 40, dating is a lot different than when you were 22. What you want and need have probably changed. You need to meet lots of men to find a good match for you. These three tips are sure to help you find love again.

1) Get Real about His Income

Your needs as a woman change based on your age and life stage. When you are young and thinking of starting a family, finding a man with potential to be a solid provider is a strong need. You want a guy who turns you on but, will also make a good father and lifetime partner.

So you look at his job, his level of success or projected success, his education, and his family among other things. As you get older and past the time for starting a family, you may still want a successful man. But does he really need to match or exceed you own success?

More Women Have Advanced Degrees

If you insist on this, you are sure to miss out on some quality men who would make loving partners. Today women have more advanced degrees then men. As long as the guy is financially stable, takes care of his own needs and can share in your lifestyle, why isn’t that good enough? If he’s emotionally supportive, fun, likes to try new things and doesn’t expect you to pay, why isn’t he a good option?

Many successful women eliminate countless men because they don’t make an equivalent salary. That’s a shame because you could be missing out on potentially wonderful partners. Don’t overlook a man who makes $150,000 because you make $250,000. He could be a fabulous, loving partner with a good education, even if his paycheck and investments aren’t as big as yours.

Opposites Attract

You don’t need a man who is exactly like you or better to be happy with each other. One of my favorite married couples includes a woman with a Harvard MBA and a skilled carpenter. He’s a true craftsman and brings in an excellent salary. This second marriage is dramatically happier than her first which was to a man who was her complete equal. Yes he also went to Harvard, was cruel and outrageously selfish.

2) Get Real about Religion

If you don’t practice your religion, why insist on a man of the same faith? Maybe you attend services only on holidays. Some men will attend with you to make you happy. Others don’t mind slight differences if your religions are similarly based (example – Protestant vs. Presbyterian).

When religion isn’t a key piece of your life and you’re not bringing up children together, relax this requirement. Its a powerful way to improve your chances for finding a good partner. For one thing, you’ll meet a lot more men men. And a man from a different faith could make an excellent partner as long as you both respect each other’s beliefs.

3) Get Real about His Looks

Everyone  lucky to live long will age.  Some people look to their life partner to keep them feeling young. That’s why men have dated younger women for eons. Now that women are financially independent and powerful, many want that same privilege. As a result, many women want to date younger men or a man close to their own age.

As your love and dating coach, I won’t tell you you can’t date handsome men. However, it can help to expand your definition of handsome. When you limit the men you meet to only hot, young guys, you increase the competition and limit your success. Yes you do!

Date Average Looking Men

What if you relax your standards when dating after divorce at 40, to include average looking men who might even be a bit older? It will do wonders for your dating life. I’m not suggesting you date unattractive men. That’s ridiculous! However, opening your mind to seeing a man as a total package provides you with far more prospects so you find a great match.

Looks fade (yours and his) and attraction doesn’t indicate a man’s loyalty, kindness, generosity, or chances of being a long-term, loving partner. Sadly, the really handsome guys are most often players, charmers and womanizers who don’t want a monogamous relationship.  All good looking men aren’t bad, but they can have their pick, so many don’t want to even settle down.

Dating After Divorce at 40

As a love and dating coach for women over 40, you will find these three tips make a world of difference in your search for love. When you loosen up on your stringent standards about money, religion and looks, you open yourself to a bigger pool of applicants.

Some of the happiest couples I know come from different backgrounds. To be happy, you don’t need a man who is just like you. Viva la difference and make things a heck of a lot more interesting!

My Love Story

dating after divorceMy husband and I are dramatically different. I like to get from point A to point B as fast as possible. He likes to go the long way to see the beach view.  I’m Jewish and he’s Irish Catholic. I have an MBA and he didn’t finish college.

You might think I settled, but not true. Paul has a heart of gold. He always pays for dinner (we still go on dates.) He’ll wash my car, put gas in it and even run upstairs to get my glasses. He makes me laugh when I need it most. Paul snuggles like no other and loves me for exactly who I am (warts and all.)

Thankfully, when I met him, I was taken with his kindness, humble way and freckles (I’ve always been a sucker for freckles!) We’ve been happily married for nearly 19 years and we have very little in common except for a love that began like a shooting star – nothing short of magical. It works for us.

Give Love a Chance

I could have easily discounted Paul, thinking he wasn’t good enough for me, but I would have missed out on all these happy years, learning about our divergent worlds and growing as a result. I wouldn’t trade him for any other. Give yourself and love a chance. Learn to see value in what creates a long and healthy marriage.

Look for a man who has good values, communicates well, is happy with himself, pays his way, has a good heart and is kind to others. See if he’s a good tipper – that’s always a good start. Love is real and love is out there for you. Don’t make it too hard on yourself. Loosen up a bit and find that love you long for!

Want more advice on finding love and dating after divorce at 40 or 50? Watch my free masterclass here
about 5 Astonishingly Simple Ways to Find The One.

Photo Credit: JanneM

When to Start Dating After Divorce

Dating After Divorce

Start Dating After Divorce

Dating After Divorce Advice

Are you ready to start dating after divorce?  The first thing that can help you decide is to determine how open you are.

  • Is your heart open and free to love another?
  • Are you open to meeting new men and finding one who is right for you?
  • Do you appreciate men and what they have to offer?

If you have answered these questions with a “Yes” congratulations! You are ready to get out there, meet, mingle and have fun. That’s a great place to be. With a positive outlook on your chances of finding love, your magnetic pull is likely strong and vibrant.

Many of my dating coaching clients did not take the time to ask themselves these questions before embarking on the dating journey. Truth is, you can start any time. However, your results are directly correlated with your attitude. They are a reflection of your openness. Dating works best once you get yourself into a positive, open place.

If you still feel resentment and anger about your ex…
If you still love your ex…
If you are unsure about your own lovability…

Then you might need to do a bit more healing in order to connect with quality men.

Please don’t feel bad about this. Where you are is perfect. Taking the time to heal, build confidence, and create a healthy positive self-image to ensure your success is very smart dating strategy. You’ll have far more enjoyable experiences when you are in a good space.

Start Dating After Divorce with an Open Mind and Heart

Once you take care of your own needs, then you are ready to starting dating again! Please don’t look for a man to solve all your problems. That will not likely bring you the healthy, lasting love you seek. How many women do you know who try this method to feel better about themselves? Have you seen it work? Have you tried covering up your pain with a new love?  Not the best idea.

Here are three things you can do to build inner strength, reclaim your power as a woman, and get ready to start dating after divorce:

1. Focus on self care.
This can include pampering, energetic healing work, therapy, read self help books, get back into shape with a trainer or exercise on your own, have a make-over, work with an image consultant. etc. You don’t have to do all of these things – choose the ones that will make the biggest impact for you.

2. Notice your inner chatter about men.
Do you criticize every man you see walking down the road? Or do you notice anything good about the guys you pass by? If you have an active inner critic of men, follow up by working to notice something good about the men too. This might take some practice, but its a very worthwhile effort because it changes you mindset dramatically, opening you to the idea that many men have good qualities.

3. Take the Pressure off.
Right out of the gate, just take the pressure off yourself. Instead of hoping to meet Mr. Wonderful immediately, why not just meet new people? Get used to being friendly and social. Build your mingling skills. Be open to simply enjoying the people you meet and having fun!

This is so important because when you pressure yourself to meet the right man right away, you may be missing out on the good guys. Many prospects who aren’t the players or have the smooth talking charm, can easily get overlooked, but will probably be much better matches.

Give these suggestions a try and watch how your dating life improves. Feel good about yourself, know good men are out there and start connecting with the quality guys you deserve.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

p.s. If you’re not ready to start dating after divorce, don’t worry. The more gentle you are with yourself, the more easily this will turn around.

 

Photo Credit: Lee and Chatelle McArthur

 

Dating Coach Tip: Love Is for the Loving

dating coach, find love, finding love, will I ever find loveAs a dating coach, I am quite certain finding love is possible. But the question is, do you believe in love? Do you consider yourself to be a loving person? How do you share your love with the world?

In my practice as a dating coach I am often both amazed and shocked by some of the people who come to me for help. There are those who really know who they are and what they have to share. They are ready for a relationship but want some guidance to realize their dream.

On the other hand, there are women who call me with their feelings about dating, men and love that really surprise me. They can be angry, feel exceptionally entitled and think the world owes them love. To me, this is a red flag and I can tell they will have trouble attracting love into their lives. The main reason is that they are not expressing love (at least not romantic love) in the world. Instead they spread anger and resentment.

Here’s a big truth about the process:

Love is for the loving.

Trust me, I understand why you might feel angry about men, dating and love. Perhaps you’ve been hurt, gotten divorced, feel betrayed among other unpleasantness to say the least. You are entitled to these feelings and they are valid. However, if you are in the process of seeking love, it’s worth thinking about how you express love in the world.

When you are loving as a way of being, you don’t:

  • Talk trash about men
  • Sit with girlfriends and complain about how men stink
  • Feel disdain towards men in general
  • Say how there are no good men left or they are all taken
  • Feel most men are substandard human beings compared to women

These beliefs or attitudes do not come from a loving place. These ideas exemplify how your heart is not open to men, dating or romantic love.

This may sound harsh or unfair to you, but to find a good man, the most fundamental belief to hold is that men are worthy members of the human race. It may be difficult to think his way if you’ve been cheated on or lied to. As a dating coach for women, I get it. But the truth is:

All Men Are Not The Same

This is a good place to start if you have trouble thinking positively about men, love and dating. You can likely find a way to agree with the idea that all men are not exactly the same right? That makes sense doesn’t it? All women certainly are not the same.

Opening your heart and starting to trust men again can shift slowly, taking one little step at  time. Start with this small step to acknowledge all men are not the same and some good ones do exist who are single.Then every day, stretch your beliefs a little bit to see where you can go.

Can you imagine that there are a few good men left somewhere on earth? Can you imagine some of them are in the United States? Can you imagine there might be a few good men in a fifty mile radius around where you live?

Try these baby steps in building your belief system back up to a healthy, loving level. Work to open your heart again. Start believing love is possible for you. Find ways to express love and become a more loving person. Practice random acts of kindness. Share a smile with a man you don’t know – you’ll make his day and feel good about yourself as well.

Once your mindset gets to a place where good men are out there and you should be able to find one, that’s when you are ready to start dating. That’s when you swill begin to notice decent guys. That’s when the men who respond to your online dating profile will somehow be better or more appropriate.

My dating coach advice is this – The Universe follows your lead. Show it the way to go to get what you want. Be loving and express that love. Believe in yourself, love and men. Know for sure that you can find a good man. Once you do this, you are most certainly on the path to attracting the lasting love you crave.

To learn more about creating a loving mindset, check out the Man Attraction Secret

Dating After 50: Why Dating is Like Shopping at T.J.Maxx

dating after 50, dating ovre 50, dting after divorce, dating coaching , find love, meet menAre you dating after 50 and struggling to find the right men to date?

In this shopping vs. dating tell-all post, I’m going to share my recent experience at T.J.Maxx and help you notice and consider the men who are available around you. Sounds crazy? Not really, as a dating coach for women, I see similarities to dating in almost everything. Read on to find out more about dating after 50 and dating after divorce.

This weekend, I went shopping with my friend Dawn in search of black pants. I had a pair that I loved, but lost a few pounds over the summer and now they are too big. I can’t live without black pants. Everything goes with black! So off to my favorite store – T. J. Maxx. Yes, I am a Maxxanista!

Normally I love flipping through the wracks at TJ’s. The wracks are long and packed full of options. Most are not right – they are the wrong size, styles, cuts, colors, fabrics, etc. Some are fabulous, but sadly the wrong size. When I’m lucky, there are a couple options in my size, but not always.

Many Styles Won’t Be Right – Many Men Won’t Be Right
So, this is one way that shopping at T.J. Maxx is like dating after 50 (or at any age). Many of the men you meet (like pants you try on), whether you find them through online dating, singles dances or out at the bars, are not right or what you’re looking for. They don’t have the qualities you are seeking in a romantic partner. This is to be expected. It takes a certain type of guy to satisfy your needs and be a compatible partner right?

Then, there are those guys who seem ideal. They hit all the right buttons, but they still aren’t a good fit because you can’t capture their attention, or they’re too aloof, dating other women, commitment phobes, players, etc. This is like finding that great pair of pants in your size area, but they are a size 4 when you wear an 8.

Try on a Different Size Or Date a Different Type
Before going further, I have to admit I don’t wear a popular small size. I wear a 16 which is really hit or miss at TJ’s. Now if I were a size 8, I’d have loads of choices. But, not the case here. This particular shopping trip, the store didn’t have any 16s! What? How could that be? But the stock topped out at size 14 and I don’t wear a 14. Not a chance.

Then I spotted a pair of Calvin Klein black pants. They were exactly what I wanted, but a size 14. Oh no! Looking at them longingly, I started to wonder if they might fit. Was I crazy? I don’t wear a 14! What the heck – I threw them in my basket and headed off to the dressing room.

The outrageous and exciting news is – they fit!

Now, what does this have to do with dating after 50? Sometimes men can surprise you too.  Sometimes a man could be a wonderful fit if you take the chance to stretch your mind about what is possible and give him a try.

Not all size 14 pants are cut the same as I can happily attest to by my new Calvin Kleins. And not all men are the same either. You have to give each one a chance – just like trying on pants at T. J. Maxx. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

Take a Risk to Find the Right Pants or the Right Man to Love
So, the next time you meet a man who doesn’t wow you or you think he might be a stretch, have a glass of wine or cup of coffee with him anyway. That’s just like deciding to try on a pair of pants that normally would never fit. It takes a little time and effort, but the rewards could be great when dating after 50 or after divorce. The result could be that you could find a pair of pants you love and a man you love too.

 

 

Dating After Divorce: His Mixed Signals Confuse Me!

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Dating After Divorce – His Mixed Signals Confuse Me

Are you dating after divorce and confused about the mixed signals men send? Read on to unravel the mystery of this woman’s dating experience and what the man’s mixed signals really mean.

“Hi Dating Coach Ronnie,

I feel so confused. The guy I was seeing began pulling away and then “came around” and started pursuing me again. I didn’t ask why he’d been away, but also didn’t change in letting him see me when he wanted. The other evening I got angry because he neglected to respond to a message I sent asking when he could help me with something HE suggested he wanted to help me with. (DIY house stuff.)

Basically I told him I was done. He replied by saying he had opened up to me 100% unfiltered (broke my heart as everything I’m reading says that’s the true way to tell he likes you and yes he had confided some stuff in me).

We were physically closer, kissing, cuddling, but I felt that I was the aggressor so I backed off. After that there wasn’t any close contact, but he continued to want to see me and we had deep conversations. The last time we saw each other (before I “lost it”) he actually began asking me more about me. :/

He Sent Mixed Signals

I realize a slow start to a relationship is more likely to result in a true connection, but I felt we were going backwards. His mixed signals left me feeling used since we’ve never been out and he always comes to my house to hang out. He doesn’t try to get me in bed either. I’m a little older than he is and I feel more like a confidant or big sister type than a romantic interest.

Is there’s any hope that he really does like me and what, if anything, I can do at this point to undue the unpleasant feelings I gave him by saying I was done? I know I shouldn’t chase him, but want to know if there is anything I can or should do to let him know that the door is open. He needs to know it’s okay to contact me and our interactions won’t be unpleasant vs. me just hoping he’ll miss me enough to contact me.

I finally “get it” about what I need to do – after all of these years – and I just hope it’s not too late for us. Until recently I hadn’t dated for 4 years and this is the only guy who has held my interest.

Thanks!
Mixed Signals in Massachusetts”

Dear Mixed,

I think you are right about being his confidant and not a romantic interest. You can’t be “going slow at the start” since you are not at the beginning of dating with this guy. The “going backwards” comment you made is more accurate. He’s treating you like a friend, and not a very good one if he doesn’t follow through on his promises to help you.

Dating After Divorce Can Be Hard

Don’t be too hard on yourself for blowing up at him. Sometimes dating after divorce is hard. When you feel frustrated and confused like this, it happens.

My question is what do you see in him and why do you want him back? Since there isn’t any romance, is it just about the companionship? Nothing wrong with that, but don’t expect things to turn around. He has no intention of being in a relationship with you or falling in love,  if he is even capable of that.

It’s All About Him, Not Love

When a man confides in a woman, that demonstrates a level of trust. But, without reliable communication, regular dates, romance or physical intimacy, I don’t think you should take this as a sign of love interest. It’s all about him and his needs the way you describe it. He doesn’t even take you out! No wonder you feel used.

This man benefits tremendously from your friendship and emotional support. But it’s all on his terms. Sometimes women offer emotional support in the hopes of getting love in return. You might want to read this other dating after divorce post for more details.

Keep That Door Shut

Since you already cut him off, my dating after divorce advice is to leave things be. He’s not the right man for you unless you want a self-centered man who lacks a generous spirit and doesn’t consider you a romantic interest. After four years of being single, can that really be what you are seeking? I sure hope not.

Dating After Divorce? Let Men Pursue You

Please move on, heal, and then get back out there to find a man who shows romantic interest. No hanging out with any new guys either  – that is casual dating at best. Go out on dates. Let men pursue you, call, text and ask you out. When a man initiates, he gets more invested and you are less likely to end up with a man who takes advantage of your good nature.

There are much better men out there who want a loving relationship with a woman like you. Make yourself available so they can find you.

Want more advice about dating after divorce and the mixed signals men send? Get my book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing – Find Out What He Really Means

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Dating After Divorce: With Work and Kids, He Has No Time For Me!

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He has no time for me!

Dating after divorce is not always easy.

Work, kids, elder care – all of these responsibilities can take a toll on your relationship. But how do you know when to let go because it might never be right, and when to hold on to see if things really will get better?

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I hope you can help me. I’ve been dating this wonderful man for 6 months. We get along great and enjoy many of the same things. We are both dating after divorced and are over 50. I’m deeply in love and he seems to feel the same way – that’s what he tells me.

Here’s the problem, John has two young children still in grade school and they are his first priority. He is a dedicated father which is a good thing. But he owns his own business and between work and his kids, my time with him is limited. I haven’t met his kids yet and if I could be included in this time, we’d be able to be together more often.

I’m starting to wonder if I should just give up since it’s been six months or give him more time. I feel so torn I don’t know which way to go. It’s not easy to find a good man, but he’s got no time for me and it’s starting to really get on my nerves. I haven’t met any of his family yet, but have met a few friends. Please give me your advice on what I should do.

Thanks so much,
Carol in Calgary

Dear Carol,

This is a tough question and dating after divorce comes with a lot of complications. But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen because people get married a second or third time so often!

John sounds like he’s got his hands full with lots of things that keep him hopping. To me, the point that sticks out more than anything is that his kids are priority #1. That said, his work is probably #2 and that makes you #3.

Now I understand this order and it’s not unusual. And children should come first – to a degree. But sometimes divorced Dad’s and divorced Mom’s overdo with their kids because of guilt –so love gets short changed. No matter how long you date him, this may never change until they go to college and that’s a long wait for the kids to be out on their own.

I don’t feel like I should be the one to tell you to leave him. That is up to you. But I will tell you to trust your gut. My only concern is if you are the kind of person who tends to want to flee when your encounter a problem. Sometimes people bail out at the least little thing to stay safe. Since I don’t know you, I can’t know this about you. But you know yourself. So if you aren’t normally the type of person who wants to run, then listen to your gut.

However, take your time deciding, there’s no hurry. You can even do this – I’ve done this myself.  Set a date in your mind for when you want things to be different. Don’t tell John. This is your self appointed cutoff date. If you don’t start to see movement towards more time together by this date, then you know it’s time to go.

This method has worked great for me. Sometimes I have had to let go. But other times, its like some kind of magic that things fall into place just at the deadline. In a way, you are creating a contract with the Universe for what you want. Give it a shot.

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

How to Meet Men: 3 Simple Ways to Capture His Attention

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3 Simple Tips to Meet Men!

Women ask me all the time – How can I meet men? Whether single or dating after divorce, they groan and seem anxious and tell me they don’t know how to even get started! I’ve been right there with you, in those shoes of a single woman not knowing where to find a decent man. Then I decided to  figure it all out and I did!

As a dating coach with 11 years experience, I can tell you that my suggestions are proven and well researched – both by me personally, and by reading what countless other experts have to say. I compile this information to share it with you because my deepest wish is that you find love just like I did.

3 Simple Ways to Meet Men

Before I go into the list, did you know that only 10% of the adult single male population actually knows how to approach a woman? That might surprise you, it’s true. Just think of all the millions of dollars the Pick Up Artist community rakes in trying to help men meet women. So if you are waiting for the men to do all the work, you could be waiting a very long time.

Now I’m not talking about being aggressive or asking men out. Not at all. I don’t believe in that because I know it doesn’t work. I get countless letters every week from women who have tried it, had things not work out and want to know what to do next. Sadly, I tell them to move on to find a man who will pursue them.

OK, here they are – the 3 simple tips to meet men – a lot more of them!

1. Smile Pretty. I know I’ve said this hundreds of times, but you can count on me to repeat this again. Why? Because it’s the single strongest option in your attraction tool kit. When you smile, you look pretty, you look friendly and your desirability index soars!

Yet, most women just don’t do this. Yup they do not smile and instead turn away if they notice a man who is looking at them. Sound familiar? I bet it does. Try smiling first before you turn that pretty face around to meet men.

2. Flirt! Flirting can happen on several levels at the same time. I’m not talking about aggressive flirting when you are all over a guy. What I’m suggesting is using your feminine charm and body language to let men know you are open to talking to them. You are available and want to meet men. And you can do that without saying a single word!

Body language includes smiling and 2-3 seconds of eye contact – not much more! Playing with your hair, smoothing your clothes, sipping your drink with a straw, playing with your jewelry, wearing clothing with an open neckline that shows off your collar bones, crossing your legs, then uncrossing them. These unspoken signals tell a man you won’t bite his head off if he gets up the nerve to approach you, even if he’s not smooth like George Clooney. But give the guy credit for taking the chance!

3. Verbal Flirting. Don’t worry – this isn’t some super skill you have to develop. You simply have to practice striking up a conversation. Don’t start with the most handsome guy you ever saw. Start with regular men who don’t intimate you and by the way, you might discover some of those regular guys are pretty wonderful once you get to know them.

What do you say? Try things like:

-What brings you here tonight?
-How do you know the hostess (at a friends’ party)
-I love this song, don’t you?
-What a great band  – do you like them?
-Did you taste that? It looks good.
-Is that beer good? I’ve never tried it

As you can see, this is not rocket science as they say. Ice breakers are the simplest lines. And here’s the biggest secret about starting a conversation with a man, most men will be THRILLED that you did this because now they don’t have to be the one to start.

Just stay for five minutes or less, then move on. If he wants to talk to you again, he’ll come find you.

So that’s it – the top 3 best ever tips to meet men. You might think these things can’t possibly work, BUT THEY DO. They work like a charm – your feminine charm! Turn it up and your attraction power explodes to meet men like you never dreamed possible. Women who do this are happily shocked to find out how unbelievably easy this is and how well it works.

 

Find Love: 1000 Articles About Dating, Love & Understanding Men

find love, meet men online dating profile, dating coachI can’t believe it, this is my one thousandth dating advice blog post!  That’s a whole lot of blogging and it just amazes me. To commemorate the momentous occasion, I thought it would be fun to highlight 11 of my most popular posts for you – one for each year I’ve been a dating coach.

As a dating coach for women, my job is to help women find love, meet men, understand men, write a great  online dating profile and so much more. If you read these articles, you’ll walk away with a far better understanding of men and dating.  Knowledge is power if you want to find love, so read up!

1. He Texts Me But Doesn’t Ask Me Out

This post is by far the most popular and a new chronic problem in the dating world. Men (and women too) who text up a storm, but don’t have time (or desire perhaps) to see you.  Why do people text if they don’t want to see you? And what should you do about it? Is texting a way to find love?

2. Don’t Pursue Men or You’ll Make Them Run!

The second most popular post, women write their questions to me all the time with their reasons for contacting a man. Every answer I provide goes back to the original post on why it’s simply not a good idea to chase men if you want to find love.

3. He Flirts with Me But Doesn’t Ask Me Out

Here’s the 3rd most popular post with a common problem many women face. Understanding that flirting doesn’t always indicate true interest can be hard to swallow, but will make more sense once you read the article. This will save you a lot of potential heartache.

4. What Works Better Than Chasing Men

If you are inclined to contact men and pursue them in any way, this post gives you smarter alternatives that have much more promise.

5. Understand Men: Mixed Signals Are So Confusing

Sometimes men say one thing, but do another and things just don’t add up. What are you supposed to make of this and how can you understand what is really going on? That’s what I make clear in this article about mixed signals if you want to find love.

6. How to Know When to Believe What a Man Says And When to Ignore His Words

If you have been drawn in by the sweet words a man says, or have ignored what a man said and then regretted it, here’s how you can know once and for all – when to believe what a man is saying. This test of his words works every time without fail.

7. Four Big Reasons Not to Call Him

Often, my dating coaching clients just want to call a man and ask him a direct question about what is going on. Since both parties are adults, this would seem like a perfectly good solution right?  But it is not a good idea! You won’t get the results you are looking for and you need to find out why this is true.

8. Why Didn’t He Call? The Best Way to Handle Rejection

It can be so disappointing and hurtful when a man you thought you had a great connection with doesn’t call. Here are my suggestions for handling rejection, how to feel better and move on.

9. Eight Powerful Ways to Get His Attention Back

For some of my dating coaching clients, they feel they must TRY to get him back before they can possibly move on. This post provides eight ways to potentially recapture his attention to find love again.

10. Five Tips to Survive a Breakup

Once you know it’s really over, you could use all the help you can get. Here’s my brief survival guide for breakup recovery. These five tips provide my very best dating advice about the end of a relationship.

11. Dating After Divorce: 8 Things You Need to Know Before You Start

 If you are divorced and thinking about getting back out there, or have started dating and feel confused, please read these 8 essential dating tips. They’ll help you stop wasting time and feeling so confused.

 If you need expert dating advice, ask me during my monthly Inner Circle Calls.  The first Monday night of every month you can get savvy dating answers to your questions to clear up confusion, demystify situations, understand men, get dating tips and so much more. Read more and register now for the next call and the dating advice you need.

Dating After Divorce: 8 Things You Need to Know Before You Start Dating Again

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Dating After Divorce – 8 Essential Tips Before You Start

Are you ready to start dating after divorce?

Maybe you’ve been divorced for years. Or maybe  it’s only been 9 months since your marriage ended. Either way, you are feeling ready to get back out there. Good for you! Before you get started, there are eight very important things you need to know about how dating works today to avoid the heartbreaking pitfalls so many women experience.

1. Unrealistic expectations. For some divorced women, even though they think they are ready to meet men, set the criteria  for the right men is set so high, they probably won’t want to date anyone. The only way to meet the right man is to meet lots of men and allow yourself to get to know a few. Disqualifying guys is the easiest thing to do. Instead, as your dating coach I want you to say yes to meeting men because that is the only way you can find a good guy.

2. Not enough expectations. OK, you may think I’m flip-flopping but for some women, they never set any criteria and will date any man who asks them out because , well, he’s a man. This extreme isn’t good either and will get you hooked on a guy that will probably won’t be compatible, just available. You deserve a man you enjoy, respect and get along with. If you’re dating after divorce, have some basic idea of what will work for you and qualities you are seeking, so you can disqualify inappropriate dates and save yourself a lot aggravation.

3. Don’t fall for Mr. Charming. There are some men who are amazingly charming. They know exactly what a woman needs and wants to hear to let down her defenses. They do nice things for you right away, plan the future early on, tell you how wonderful you are, and make themselves  the kind of guy you dream of. They do all this with one agenda in mind – getting you into bed fast. Some charmers will sleep with you once and be gone, while others might stick around for a while. Inevitably, they will move on to the next conquest.

I also call these guys “players” and you can read more in this post. Whether you’ve never been married or are dating after divorce, you could meet up with a charming player.

You can enjoy time with a player, just don’t fall for his lines like he means the, You want to watch to see that he is consistent with you over time – like at least 4-6 dates. If you  have 6 dates with Mr. Charming, he might be a decent guy. However, you can only tell by waiting it out to see if he calls and sees you regularly even if you don’t sleep with him and make him wait! Once in a while Mr. Charming can be for real, but it’s extremely rare.

4. Do not call or ask men out. I know it seems like all the rules of dating have changed and become modernized. sorry but that’s a big fat lie. This is one of the biggest pitfalls going for women. I tell my dating coaching clients all the time – do not initiate anything with men. You want to see what a man will do on his own without your prompting to know if he is interested and shows consistency over time. That is the only way to go if you want to date smart.

Think of ballroom dancing – you follow his lead, but he always takes the first step. This changes once you have enough dates that you move into the first phase of relationship – then you can contact him first on a 3:1 ratio. Eventually things will balance out but if you don’t follow this process, you could easily chase him away quickly.

When you wait to see what a man will do, then you can gather important data about his behavior. Does his interest seem genuine and consistent? There’s only one way to find out and that is to do NOTHING. So if he asks you out, then respond and say yes if you want to go. If he texts, you can text back or email or call, but don’t start anything.

5. Be fun and appreciative. Your job as a woman is to be a fun date, easy to be with, and appreciative of what he has done – if you like it. For example, if he picked a great restaurant – tell him that! Praise goes a long way to appeal to a man’s ego. Men choose women who make them feel good so please keep that in mind.

6. Forget having that honest conversation. So many women dating after divorce tell me when a man doesn’t call or something goes awry, they want to pick up the phone and have an honest conversation. This is direct approach, when a woman wants to simply ask a man directly why he did what he did. DON’T DO IT!

If you try the honest conversation, you will make the man squirm, feel pressured and very uncomfortable. He will say anything to get you off the phone and you will not have accomplished a thing. Once in a relationship, you can have the occasional honest conversation and should to see how you can work through situations. Just not when first dating.

 7. If he doesn’t ask you out, he’s not into you. Countless women feel the frustration of a flirtatious man who texts, emails, calls or talks to you in person, but never asks you out. Here’s a very simple rule of thumb, if he doesn’t ask you out, he’s not interested in you no matter what else he says or does. Thanks to Greg Behrendt and  his book

8. Learn about dating today. If it’s been years since you dated, then you must familiarize yourself with what works today. Read my book, MANifesting Mr. Right or read what other dating coaches have written. If you are over 40, then read things from experts who work with the over 40 crowd. Dating in your 20’s is not the same as in your 40’s, 50’s or 60’s. Find out the do’s and don’ts so you don’t fall into common pitfalls like so many women do. Date smart to guard your heart and find  the right man for you.

 

 

5 Flirting Tips for the 4th of July!

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Dating After Divorce: 5 Flirting Tips to Meet Men

These flirting tips make it easy to meet men on any holiday!

It’s the fourth of July and the picnics and barbecues abound! This is such a fun holiday and the perfect time of year to meet men! Not sure how to talk to that cute guy at the party? Let me help with some simple flirting tips that will make connecting easy.

1. Wear a conversation piece. You might get a pair of wacky sunglasses or a funky hat. Wear red, white and blue to look patriotic. Paint your nails like the flag or with stars. Put a temporary streak of red, white and blue in your hair. These ideas may be a little out there, but they make it easy for a man to approach you and start a conversation. Bingo! You will meet more men!

2. Hand out sparklers. Don’t know how to strike up a conversation? Here’s an easy suggestion. If you go to a park to see fireworks, hand out sparklers while waiting for them to start. Walk up to any handsome guy and say, “Would you like a sparkler?” This breaks the ice quickly and gives him a shot at continuing the conversation. One of my best flirting tips for the 4th of July!

3. Help the hostess. If you are at a party, offer to help the hostess. If you carry around the tray of hors d’ouevres, you can offer the cute guys a bite to eat and easily start a conversation. Plus, this is a great way to meet a lot of the people at the party. Ask those you meet how they know the hostess to get the conversation rolling.

4. Check out local events. This is a time for lots of outdoor events. Check local calendars to see what is happening in your area, grab a gal pal and go! You’ll find fireworks displays, outdoor concerts, craft fairs, car shows and plenty of options to meet new people. The more social you are, the more men you can meet.

5. Smile, look happy, be friendly. This is one of my tried and true flirting tips that works every time, no matter what. When you smile and appear happy, men find you more attractive and easier to approach. That’s exactly what you want. Plenty of women will be cold, shut off, unaware of men around, not looking up or interacting with people. So when you do this, you stand out! My clietns are often astonished at how incredibly well this works.

Use these five super easy flirting tips and let me know how your Fourth of July holiday goes, from a “meeting men” perspective. who knows, you might get lucky!

 

Photo Credit: chrisirmo

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Understanding Men: Flirting and Attraction Don’t Mean Anything

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Understanding Men

Do you have trouble understanding men?

This question came in and I wanted to share it my blog readers because it’s such a good one. Many women fall victim to these mistakes and need help understanding men. Read on to find on what you can do to avoid these emotional pitfalls.

Hi Ronnie,

I’ve been friends with this guy for more than 30 years.  We both left long-term relationships at the same time at 35. He wanted to go out with me at that time but I wasn’t ready. We separated ways, then ended up in the same city again. We got together as friends but he was again coming out of a relationship.

Over time he became affectionate and wanted to sleep together (we did once).  I asked him about this other woman and he said he hoped she’d take him back. I thought it best we just remain friends.

He moved away for a year and then contacted me saying that he and his 15 year old son needed a place to live. I had a basement suite available in my house, so they moved in downstairs. After a few months, we chatted and flirted but he made no moves on me. One night I told him I was attracted to him. He said he felt the same, but that he liked the way his life was and didn’t want things to change. But the next night he came over and we slept together. He initiated it and it was great!

I went on holidays for 10 days and the night before I left he came up and we had another wonderful evening together. When I got back he picked me up at the airport and from reading your posts I believe I made a big mistake!! I told him not to make plans for Saturday night as I was going to make him dinner and give him a massage. He said OK. But the next morning he called and cancelled, saying that he was not into socializing because he has a work deadline to meet and he felt too stressed.

We have a lot in common, have gone through a lot together and are the same age so I think we could have a great relationship at some point. I hope I can get things back on track, can you give me some advice on what I should do now. Is it best for me to give him distance or should I go talk to him about it?

Thanks,
Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

Midlife dating is not easy and neither is understanding men. Most women think things should be obvious and that you can be direct with men. But the truth is, that doesn’t really work very well.

I’m so sorry to tell you that there is nothing you can do to get things back on track. The main reason is because (and I know this is the hard) there is nothing to get back on track. You are long-time friends with occasional benefits. Let me explain so you can start understanding men:

  • He specifically told you he didn’t want things to change- when a man tells you this, please  listen and believe him
  • You told him how you feel about him first, when it’s best to let the man make his intentions known first so you don’t seem desperate
  • Telling him you felt attracted to him, might have lead him to believe you were open to sex
  • You mistook his flirting, attraction and interest in sex as an interest in having a relationship with you. Flirting and sex are not always meaningful to men –  just fun
  • You asked him out and offered more sex (dinner and massage), assuming he’d want to do this as much as you do
  • You assumed his living under your roof gave you access to him emotionally

In the past you did the right thing, turning him away because he was not emotionally available. I don’t think his emotional availability has improved, since he told you he doesn’t want any change. He does not want a relationship right now. It may have nothing at all to do with you – just how he feels.

As your dating coach I also have to say this man has exhibited poor judgement sleeping with you when you are his landlord. Now you will  have this uncomfortableness and constantly have to see each other. That’s just dumb on his part.

If you want to find love, get out there and meet some new guys. If any man tells you he doesn’t want a  relationship, please take him seriously and walk away. Do your best to be warm and friendly, but let the men pursue you. I have two other posts that really help clear up a lot of the mysteries about midlife dating and understanding men. I hope you’ll read them and catch on so you can date smart, guard your heart, and find the love you deserve.

Dating is Like Ballroom Dancing

Recovering from disappointment

Wishing you love,

dating coach, find love, meet men

 

 

 

 

 

Dating After Divorce: Love Complaints Trending on Twitter

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Dating after divorce? Love complaints are trending on Twitter

Dating after divorce? Are you still bitter or angry?

Singles today seem to be more bitter and angry than ever. And the Internet allows them to say anything and speak their minds. Is this a good thing? I’m not so sure. In my opinion, bitter begets bitter and anger attracts more anger.  It appears to be building on itself rather than working itself out.

You might think voicing your complaints to friends, on twitter, on blog posts, etc. is a way to let it go. Is it working for you? Or do you still have all the same feelings? Getting things off your chest is a good practice. But when it becomes fun to complain, you have surpassed the benefits and moved on to a new hobby. There is a big downside to man bashing (or woman bashing of course)

In this blog on HuffPost Divorce, they created a slide show with 27 different twitter postings using the hashtag #Idontwantyouif . The comments fell into several categories that won’t surprise you too much:

  • You are a cheater
  • You have too much baggage
  • You flirt with others or my friends
  • You don’t plan on staying
  • I won’t be your rebound
  • You don’t put God first
  • You don’t put me first

Get Clear on What Doesn’t Work for You

Hey, I am all for being clear on what you don’t want and what doesn’t work for you. This is especially important if you have a habit of attracting men with similar flaws. The best way to put an end to that pattern is to be fully conscious of the behaviors that don’t work for you. In fact, I have my dating coaching clients make a list of the experiences they never want to relive and the red flags tipping them off to what is coming with their type of guy.

When Complaining and Negativity Become Your New Hobby

My point in this blog is to heighten your awareness that negativity serves a purpose. You do need to know about yourself in relationship. After all, dating is a journey for self discovery. No question about that. However, when you make complaining about men and talking about what you don’t want is your priority – the thing you spend most of your time on, that starts to get in your way.

Complaining about what is and negativity never made anyone happier. So the next time you think about what’s trending and want to jump on the band wagon, please think again.

Dating After Divorce and The Law of Attraction

According to the Law of Attraction “like attracts like”. What that means is over-focus on what you don’t want can actually attract MORE OF WHAT YOU DON’T WANT! Go ahead, say your piece. Then please let it go and move on. Rather than clinging to your past hurt and disappointments, open yourself up to new possibilities.

Dating After Divorce – You Can Find Love Again

When you can let go, you know your healing process has moved on to the next level. And that level is where you can once again find love. Underneath all that anger, you know that’s exactly what you want right? As your dating coach, that is what I want for you too. I dream of you finding a new and better love. A man who is supportive, fun, loyal, healthy, successful, confident, with a great sense of humor and a really cute smile. A man who has time for you, respects you, and accepts you as you accept him.

When you are ready to move on from anger and be the love you want – you become a magnetic force for that love that cannot be denied. And love will be attracted into your life. I’ve seen it over and over with my clients. The love you want and deserve is not only out there for you, but completely possible. Focus on allowing it to come into your life now.

Dating After Divorce: I Had One Great Date – Now What?

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Dating After Divorce – What Happens After One Great Date?

Dating After Divorce Can Be So Confusing

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women

I am 51 years old I haven’t dated in many years. Recently, I met a guy online – David.  We had our first date four weeks ago and since then we talk everyday and text. But I haven’t seen him again and would really like to. I asked him after the first date if there would be a second.  David said yes, but still haven’t seen him. He is going through his divorce and has a lot going on. He has a heavy work schedule  – a 12-hour work day which doesn’t give him much free time.

David told me he can’t be in a relationship with anyone right now. I told that was OK and we could be friends first which is always the best policy. Then we can see where things go. He agreed! Will there be a 2nd date?

David is true a gentlemen and he hid his profile on the site. I asked him why he did this and he told me because I checked his profile online to see if it was still there.

Ronnie, what do you think I should do? David is such a great guy – really ideal for me. Please give me your advice.

Thank you,
On hold in Ontario

Hello On-Hold,

This might be hard for you to hear, but I am going to be straight with you since you have asked me for help.  I will touch on several dating after divorce topics since there is so much to address in your short email. Please know I say all this with your best interest in mind.

1. When a man tells you he cannot be in a relationship, please listen to him and believe him. Going through divorce and healing after takes a lot of time. If this man is in the cards for you, better to wait until at least 6 months to a full year after his divorce. Right now, he is not capable of a relationship which you can see since he hasn’t even managed a second date.

Please don’t wait around for this man – it will break your heart and spirit and keep you from finding a better match with a man who is ready and who’s heart is free to love you.

2. My advice is not to date men who are not divorced or even if they are separated. In fact, I wouldn’t date a man who hasn’t been divorced for a full year. That’s when they seem most ready for relationship again. Men who are dating after divorce who do not take the time to recover are often confused and jump from woman to woman. Or they just want to sample the merchandise which is understandable. Or worse, they date a woman who helps them get over the divorce and once feeling better, they dump her.

3. You don’t want to hide profiles or not date others after a single date. The point of dating is to get to know if someone is a good match. When you narrow your options too quickly, it will feel like you are constantly going through a breakups as things don’t work out. It’s very common to have one, two or three dates with a man and have him disappear.

It’s important to realize that dating is not the same as being in a relationship. After one date, you still know very little about the person – if you are compatible, share similar values, desires for the future, etc. The purpose of dating is to see if there is potential for a long-term relationship. Or, your agenda might be to casually get to know people so you can learn about yourself and what you want in a partner. Dating is a fact finding and learning state of being.

If David took his profile down, it wasn’t because of you. He just can’t handle dating right now as you can see because there hasn’t been a second date

4. Phone, emailing and texting are supplementary forms of communication that do not indicate a true relationship is starting without being accompanied by face-to-face dates. (The only possible  exception to this could be a long-distance situation, but even that is dicey.)

5. When a man doesn’t ask you for a second date and its been four weeks since your first date, you can assume he’s just not that into you. This holds true no matter what his other behaviors are from texting, to calling, to saying nice things. Even if you communicate several times a day. This happened to me too when I was dating. I learned the hard way that talk is cheap, even if it’s fun and romantic. If he was into you, he’d be dating you not just talking/texting. This is true whether you are dating after divorce or any time.

So many women fall into this communication trap especially when dating after divorce, thinking they are building a foundation for a relationship as they share sweet tidbits of communication or even  long, in-depth conversations. However, please understand lots of men need feminine support and kindness, but will not date them. Men like David might lean on you and get their emotional needs met, but that has nothing to do with dating you or moving into relationship.

6. Friends first is great if you both are good with that concept. But your intention here is to hope he comes around. This is not a good idea and wastes your time for finding a real, loving relationship. Don’t bother dating a man who says he’s not ready – see point #1.

7. As a dating coach for women, my advice for dating after divorce is to walk away from this situation which is not looking promising from the word go. Instead, find a man who is emotionally available and ready now for a relationship with a great woman like you. You deserve way more than David can provide at this time and for some unknown amount of time into the future.

I only want the best for you – to see you in a happy, healthy, loving relationship with the right man for you. I’m so sorry t o say, David is not the one. In my 11 years experience, my concern is that he a destination on the road to heart break.

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

Divorce and Dating: Should I Tell Him What I Do?

 

My Job Is Intimidating -Can I Tell My Dates the Full Story Later?

Divorce and Dating: My Job is Intimidating

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I have a question about divorce and dating for you that might address similar issues with your readers.

Without getting into unnecessary details, I am divorced, dating and work for a law enforcement organization that can be quite intimidating to some men.  Whenever I mention it (usually after knowing someone for at least a couple of dates), either they think it’s interesting or they can’t get out of the room fast enough.

I can only assume those who hastily escape my presence do so because they are concerned about getting ‘caught’ in some sort of illegal activity in which they are involved.  Frankly, this is a good way to weed non law-abiding men out, as I will not risk my job to date someone who, let’s say, uses drugs.

Since one of the first questions potential dates ask is where you work, in that past I’ve just said my generic job title and town.  However, I am starting to feel like I’m misleading them and, frankly, I’m quite proud of my work and should not have to mask it from anyone who asks.

What do you think?  Should I tell men when they ask what I do, or wait a few dates until they get to know me enough to realize that I’m not my employer’s stereotypical person then spring it on them?

Thanks for your help,
Detective Diana

Hi there Detective,

This is a great question!

I think what you have been doing IS the smart thing. It’s good to be proud of your job, but you are more than your job. Let him get to know you before what you do. So, its best for a woman not to “lead” with her impressive or intimidating job. I advise women with high power jobs, high paying jobs or intimidating jobs to hedge their bets.

This is not being dishonest.

Divorce and Dating: Initially, You Should Guard Your Privacy

Remember that all your private information should be offered only on a “need to know” basis. Just like where you live and your last name. As you build trust and feel the person has “earned the  right” to know more personal details, then you can share more information.

You could say something as simple as, “I work for the town”. If they want more details, brush it away by saying something like, “Let’s talk about something more fun than work – what’s your favorite kind of pizza?” Or “What do you like to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon?”

I would not tell any men the place you work by name until you are sure they are trustworthy. And most men expect that you will withhold some info to maintain privacy and keep yourself safe. Any man who takes issue with this is not the right man for you.

By the way, when you do tell them, please don’t apologize for not saying this upfront either.

While some people you meet may be shady characters and worry about law enforcement, others might not want to be involved with the kind of stress we see people go through on TV. There are so many crime TV shows and it looks very stressful and sometimes gory and upsetting.

So there may in fact be more than one reason why someone would rather not get involved with you and the law – so to speak. On the other hand – those shows are quite popular, so plenty of others will find it interesting and exciting too!

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

 

Photo Credit: Vectorportal

Divorce and Dating: Why Don’t Men Ask Me Out?

How to Understand Men

Divorce and Dating  – Why don’t men ask me out?

Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I have a question about divorce and dating. I’m divorced for a couple of months at 41 and have two teenage children. I have a good career,  enjoy keeping fit, dancing, eating healthily and having fun with friends and family. Now, I ‘m  happy with me. I worked on myself for the eleven months it took to get divorced to find me again. So I’m confident and optimistic and get lots of male attention.

At work I get a lot of attention from men…but not ONE has asked me out on a date. I am a light-hearted person and enjoy talking and getting to know people. I’m told that I am a great person to be around and get on with most people. I have good body language and am able to decode the body language of men. So, I know they are interested.

I give them the opportunity to pursue, but nothing happens. Being a single mum its difficult to go out to bars etc… however I go to lots of other social events and functions. I don’t understand why I’m not approached. The flirting and spark is evident, but they just don’t ask.

Like you, I would like to date 30 men in 15 months but how can I when they don’t ask me?!! I’ve been told that I am a sexy, attractive woman and that any man would be lucky to have me. So, its the ‘why don’t they ask me out on a date’ bit than I’m stuck on! Any advice on divorce and dating?

With love and thanks Kay from the UK

 

Dear Kay,

Thanks for contacting me about divorce and dating and sharing your story. This is a great question.

Lots of women experience the same frustration as you expressed. I understand how confusing this must be for you. I can’t say for sure why this is your situation because I’m not there watching your interactions. But I’m going to share a few ideas on what might be happening to help you understand single men. Please forgive me if I am off base -these are just my educated guesses.

I wish I could ask you for more information. When you say, “You give men the opportunity to pursue you but they don’t” , what does that mean? How do you give men the opportunity? Are you doing something specific or are you flirting and hoping the men ask you out? This is where the guess work comes in…

Divorce and Dating – Why He Isn’t Asking You Out

  1. Could you be too aggressive with your flirting? If you come on too strong, men might enjoy the banter, but not ask you out or want to take it further.
  2. Do you the men you are flirting with are single? They might not be married, but that doesn’t make them single…or looking for love either
  3. Is it possible that you linger too long with your flirtation? When you have a man’s attention, I recommend not sticking around him until he asks you out. If you are a party or event, Flirt a bit, then circulate and come back to flirt again. This works much better than sticking with him the whole time hoping and waiting for him to ask you out. Your disappearance actually works to pique his interest in you and make him curious to know more.
  4. Could you be talking about taboo dating topics? Subjects like how hard it is to get a date? Or divorce? Or anything like this that might not put you in the best positive light? This could explain why men are not asking you out.
  5. You might need to attend actual singles events. If you are being social, but not going to things specifically for singles, that might also explain why men aren’t asking you out. Men at work often don’t want to “date where they live” so to speak. It can’t be risky and messy.

For me, I met the 30 men I dated to meet my husband using several different methods.

  • I ran singles ads which have now been replaced by online dating.
  • I met them at singles dance
  • I attended singles events
  • I was fixed up by friends, colleagues and family.

All of these methods have one very important thing in common – I knew the men were single and looking for love. Many times women want to meet men in their every day life and this can work. However, I strongly recommend you add in some singles specific activity or you can end up with no results and feel frustrated as you are feeling now.

Here’s how I explain – if you want to fish, you go where the fish are!  Singles activities are where the most single men can be found. hen being friendly every where you go is a great addition to your dating strategy because you never know where you could meet “the one” for you.

Hope this was helpful and gave you some insight!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie

 

Photo Credit: CristinaCosta

Dating Over 40? Catch Olympic Fever to Meet Single Men!

Is there a gold medal for dating over 40?

As you know, right now the Olympics are hot. Everyone is buzzing about the games . It’s not only exciting, it’s a great opportunity for to meet single men!

Don’t like sports? Come on now, this isn’t football. We’re talking about America’s darlings, the athletes that have been training for years for these few special moments to shine for our country. If you even start to watch, its pretty hard to resist the excitement.

So how can catching Olympic fever help you meet single men?

Go where the men are – watching the Olympics! Visit a neighborhood pub or even a sports bar and get in on the action. Grab a girlfriend (dating buddy) or go alone and join the fun. Any place with a big screen TV will do really. Check out the schedule to choose the nights when the events you are most interested in.

Plan on Setting World Records for Friendliness

Stretch yourself. Be brave and get out of your comfort zone to talk to the men watching the events. Think of yourself as a “Dating Olympian” who is going for the gold of conversation and meeting new met. Plan on setting world records for friendliness.

The games will make it easy to talk to new people and enter a conversation already in progress. Simply comment on the athletes and what you just saw.Ask men who they are rooting for.  It will feel natural if you catch Olympic fever and participate enthusiastically.

Men get charged up by the excitement of sports and celebrate the winners like they are there with them. Jumping on this band wagon will make it easy to be a part of the crowd. Camaraderie unfolds from sharing the experience. Get in there and relish the joy of having a winning team.

Dress Your Feminine Best

Of course, I recommend dressing your feminine best. Make sure you are wearing something you feel fabulous in. You want to be dressed appropriately for the venue, but with that extra attention to detail that heightens your appeal. Try high heels or strappy sandals, sexy belts if you’ve got a nice waist line, a sleeveless shirt if you’ve got buff arms. You get the picture.

You’ve only got about a week to leverage his outstanding opportunity to  meet single men. If you are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, its so important to take advantage of every chance you get and this is a good one. So get in there and go for the gold! And congratulations to all our Olympic medal winners!

 

Photo credit: Corinna A. Carlson

 

 

 

Dating After Divorce: The Downside of Man Bashing

Hang up your gloves and stop the man bashing to find love

Do you think all single men are the same?

Being a dating coach for 10 years now, I have noticed a trend which frankly troubles me.  Many women who are dating after divorce don’t respect men. They don’t value, like or appreciate men. You can tell by how they speak about men – both the new men they meet and the ones from the past.

Now its understandable. Divorce is very hard and these women have been hurt, disappointed, cheated on, controlled, and/or lied to, etc. As a result, they expect men to not be good people. I’m going to blame TV, movies and the media too – just think of Lifetime TV.

Yet, and this is very important, these same women dating after divorce want to find a loving man as a romantic partner. Now, I can tell you this is a problem of tremendous proportions for so many reasons.

1. If you don’t like, respect, or appreciate men, why do you want one in your life? This creates an unresolved conflict within your mind.

2. If you generalize that all men stink, you lump the good with the bad and limit your opportunities.

3.If you bash men as a source of entertainment with girlfriends, you reinforce that there are no good men. This belief gets into your subconscious mind and influences your experiences.

4. Your belief that there are no good men becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When Dating After Divorce, Man Bashing Prevents You from Finding Love

You see, its the human condition to want to be right. So, when you believe all men stink, you look for evidence to support this, so you can be right. You point it out to a friend after a first date saying, “The guy was a jerk just like all the other guys.” Does that sound familiar? You have just made your point again – there are no good single men.

So I ask you, do you think this belief is serving your quest to find a decent man to love. Nope! But it sure will perpetuate you experience that all men are unworthy and can’t be trusted.

But, can this really be true of ALL MEN? Do all men deserve this treatment? If you are at all interested in truth, you cannot honestly believe all men are bad. Some, but not ALL.

Man Bashing Is a Bad Habit

If you deeply desire love, this bad habit of man bashing requires transformation. A few men may hurt you. But NOT EVERY MAN.  There are good men out there. Your belief that this is true will help you find the good ones. But without this belief, you are lost.

How can you turn this thinking around?  Consider the men you do like – your brothers, uncles, nephews, fathers’ grandfathers, sons, friends’ husbands, colleagues, neighbors,  There have got to be a few good ones. What do you admire and appreciate about these men as human beings?

When you change this habit to speak well of men, you demonstrate to the Universe that you respect men. This gives you an advantage over other women, because so many women have lost their respect for men.

So please stop the man bashing. Look for the good in men and  you will find it. Notice what they do that is caring, sweet, loving and desirable. This is how you create positive feelings about men. You will be more open and far more attractive energetically to the good men out there. If you are serious about finding love, and are guilty of man bashing, take this giant step towards love today.

 

Photo Credit: snow0810

Dating After Divorce: Why a Few Dates Does Not Equal a Relationship

The difference between dating and being in a relationship

Dear Ronnie The Dating Coach,

I got divorced 2 years ago, but I had not given up on love. However, recently I have. I take care of myself and  have lost over 65 pounds and I exercise regularly now. I am a working professional. But a series of about 8 bad, shallow relationships has left me thinking that there are no good men out there my age without a whole lot of baggage who are capable of anything except a relationship just to get sex…at least I have not found one…Do you have any advice?

Sad in San Antonio

Dear Sad,

Sorry to hear about your experiences and that you have given up. You didn’t tell me your age, but I can tell you there are good men at any age. Of course, as you get into your 70’s and 80’s, there are fewer men for sure. But that still doesn’t mean you can’t find one.

Your comment leaves me wondering if you are being selective enough and if you know the signs of a player. Yes, there are plenty of men who don’t want to get into relationship. But still, some do. To discover the difference takes time and objective observation.

If you decide to try again, my suggestion is not to believe anything a man says, but to watch if his actions match his words. Then you have a better chance of finding what you want. Pretty words are shallow, but follow through means everything with a man. However, I’m not suggesting that you should not trust men. I’m just suggesting that you don’t take a man purely at face value from the moment you meet him.

My last comment is to make a very important distinction. Here it is – dating is not the same as being in a relationship although many women do confuse the two. Just because you are seeing someone, doesn’t mean you are in a relationship. Dating is about getting to know someone to see if you want to be in a relationship. When women are dating after divorce (and some men too), this gets confusing.

“Going on four dates with a man is not the same as being in a relationship.”

Now, I have no idea how your relationships went, but if you have 4-6 dates with a man, and I say this gently with care, that is not being in a relationship. That is the get-to-know you period where you decide if the man is right for you and he decides if you are right for him. Understanding this, especially when dating after divorce can take a lot of pressure off both genders during the dating process.

As a dating coach, I of course hope you try again. Love is real. Love is possible. Love can be your destiny. The journey to find love is a journey of self-discovery in which you learn about your self, what works, what you want and if those two things are the same.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie

10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make that Affect their Children After Divorce

This guest today was created by Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, who is recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce. She is the author of the internationally acclaimed ebook:  How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! We ran a great teleclass last night about Parenting and Dating After Divorce. You can learn more about Rosalind at the end of the post. I added some commentary after each point based on our discussion last night in which I learned a lot of valuable information! 


The 10 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make that Affect their Children After Divorce

 

  1. Fighting in front of the children: studies show this does the most damage. According to Rosalind, it is actually the fighting, not the  divorce that has the greatest impact. Given that, you light want to think about how and when you fight and if you can hold off to handle things in private out of ear shot of your children.
  2. Failing to remind children that none of this is in any way their fault – they are innocent. Sometimes parents experience marital discord forget how what they are going through impacts their children. Do what you can to reassure them so they never have to feel guilty or like its their fault.
  3. Forgetting to emphasize that Mom and Dad will always be their Mom and Dad — even after divorce! Children may get confused about what your split means to them. Make sure they know that you are still their parents no matter what.
  4. Confiding adult details to children in order to attract their allegiance or sympathy which creates guilt and confusion within kids because they’re not prepared to handle it. Rely on friends and family to blow off steam or get advice. Leave your children out of the equation.
  5. Asking children to bear the weight of making decisions or choosing sides. Discuss what is going to happen with your ex spouse before presenting to the kids. Don’t ask them to choose between you because this causes lasting damage when they have to pick a side.
  6. Using your children as spies to provide you information about your ex. Either get your information another way or take this opportunity to let go if you can so that you don’t make your kids do your dirty work.
  7. Using your children as intermediaries: providing messages, answering questions and communicating with your ex in your absence. take responsibility for communicating with your ex so that this doesn’t weigh your children down or cause friction for them with the other parent.
  8. Putting down, disrespecting or in any way alienating the other parent: devastating, confusing – makes them feel guilty for loving their other parent. Be a model of healthy adult behavior for your children. Even if you have lost all respect for your ex, do what you can to keep it to yourself when it comes to your children.
  9. Lying to the children to justify decisions you made that disrespect their other parent. They’ll resent you when they are grown adults. No one likes to be lied to as you know already. Don’t do this when they are young either.
  10. Neglecting to repeatedly remind children that they are safe, innocent and very much loved. This helps them feel more secure and weather the emotional challenges and upheaval caused by divorce.

 

Rosalind is also the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents. She is an Advisor at ParentalWisdom.com and serves on the Board of Directors of  Child-Sharing, Inc. She is a featured blogger for The Huffington Post and Mamapedia, a contributor to Divorce360.com and a writer for dozens of other national blogs and divorce websites.  In addition Rosalind was the 2008 National First Place Winner of the Victorious Woman Award.

If you would like to learn more about Rosalind’s audio coaching program Mastering Child Centered Divorce, please click here

 

He Flirts with Me, So Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Why doesn't he ask me out

Why doesn’t he ask me out

If you are wondering why, “He flirts with me but doesn’t ask me out?” read on to finally learn what that is really about.

Has this happened to you?

There’s a guy at work, church, or in your social circle. When you see him, he seems to light up. He seems very interested in what’s going on with you and catching up. He may flirt with his eyes, or verbally, or even touch you lightly. For some women, the man has actually taken things as far as kissing you once or twice.

Every time you see him, you experience the intense excitement of attraction. You feel prettier after talking with him. Your heart might be going pitter-patter. Its such a great feeling, exhilarating really. He must feel it too! How could you be the only one feeling this? There’s absolutely no way he doesn’t feel this same electricity. The same attraction. The same excitement.

But, and this is a huge but, you still don’t know –

Why Doesn’t He Ask Me Out?

Your relationship is stuck at flirting. And it drives you completely crazy. You simply cannot stop thinking about him.

Every time you run into him (which might be daily, once a week at church, or occasionally in your social circle), afterwards you spend days going over every detail of your interaction. What he said. His smile. The way he looked at you. How he lightly touched you on the arm or shoulder and the sensations that coursed through your body as a result.

Which leads you to wonder, “Why doesn’t ask me out?” This question creates a certain degree of frustration because you do not understand!  He’s ending mixed signals. How can this be? Why doesn’t he take it to the next obvious step?

I have had several dating coaching clients tell me about these interactions at church, the gym and at work. Other people have asked you about the situation, thinking you must be seeing each other. They’ve noticed how things are between you. How can they see it, but he doesn’t do one thing about it?

3 Reasons Why He’s Not Asking You Out:

1. Oh yeah, he’s attracted to you.  However, he is actually involved with someone else. And for whatever reason he doesn’t want to mention that because he enjoys flirting with you. It makes him feel good too. It’s really fun and good for his ego. Attraction isn’t enough when it comes to finding a compatible partner.

2. He isn’t ready or looking for a relationship. But flirting with you gives him his “feminine fix” and then he’s on his merry way. He definitely benefits from flirting with you. It makes him feel alive and wanted. He loves the attention you give him.  Yet, he has no intention of ever taking this one step further and he’s probably not emotionally available.

3. Something is keeping him from being active romantically. It could be financial trouble, health issues, emotional baggage, a horrible divorce, or any number of other concerns. It doesn’t really matter though because he’s not moving forward any time soon. A man who doesn’t have his life together has little room for love.

Why is this so confusing and agitating for you? Here’s the answer in a nutshell –

You mistake his flirtations and interactions as being in some sort of relationship.

A relationship with potential or promise. That’s a huge perception problem for you. The truth is, THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP! And sadly, 99.9% of the time, it never will be. This is a clear cut case of a man sending you mixed signals – he’s attracted and pays attention to you, but he’s unwilling to take things any further.

Does this mean flirting with this man is a waste of time? Not necessarily. There are some benefits as long as you are clear this is going no where. Flirting like this:

  • Builds your flirting and conversation skills
  • Improves your confidence and self-esteem
  • Makes you feel more attractive and desirable
  • Allows other men to see how great you are in action
  • Can be a great love life launching pad, if you allow yourself to not get lost in it

This is the biggest problem with Mr. Flirtypants:

He Is Not Mr. Right. If He Were Mr. Right, He’d Be Asking You Out.

He has some major flaw that keeps him from entering a relationship with you. Please don’t forget that essential piece of the puzzle to remind yourself he’s not the one. The right man would never leave you asking, “Why doesn’t he ask me out?” He’d ask you out and spend time with you!

If you find yourself in this situation, evaluate how long this has been going on and if there is any reason to believe, in reality, if he’ll ever ask you out. Remember, 99.9% of the time, nothing will ever happen and these are dead end situations that disappoint you and take you away from your mission – finding love.

PS – Get help with understanding men in my free book His Mixed Signals Are So ConfusingSave

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