Tag Archives: dating after 50

Dating Over 50: Apply the Boston Marathon’s Positive Approach

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Dating over 50 and feeling stressed out or disappointed? Apply the Boston Marathon’s positive approach to your love life!

Are you having a hard time dating to find love?  I understand. As a dating coach for women over 40, I work with women every day who express their frustration, anger, fear and sadness. It’s not easy out there. But that doesn’t mean finding love again isn’t possible. It’s definitely a realistic goal!

Look at what happened this week at the Boston Marathon. They came on very STRONG! Think of the horrifying disaster the city survived. For this year’s race, they didn’t cower, licking their wounds, although they would have been entitled to do so. They shored up their courage and came out of the gate boldly. And this year for the first time, an American runner won the race. That adds to the pride of an event well done.

Now I don’t mean to make light of what happened at the marathon last year. But I want to look at your love life in view of this remarkable turn around.

Let’s think about how dating went for you over the last 12 months. Did you:

  • Have any devastating dates that were just awful?
  • Suffer disappointments from men who didn’t call?
  • Not meet one single man who seemed worthy?
  • Take action on a rare occasion that didn’t produce results?
  • Decide to hide and not bother looking?

Looking for love is a choice you make, followed by specific actions that help you build confidence, take care of yourself, push beyond your comfort zone and meet new people. If you don’t follow these simple steps, you are not likely to find love or date anyone. Finding love is a process that requires internal strength and action.

Now you may say it’s not worth the trouble. Or that you’ve been hurt too many times to bother. But, if love is your true desire, are you going to let yourself off the hook like that? Are you going to make it that easy to quit? Are you going to allow your heart’s desire to languish unattended?

That’s not how they handled the marathon this year in Boston. They took action. Smart steps to come back with a fabulous and exciting event enjoyed by all. I invite you to take a life lesson from Boston and the runners who participated.

When bad things happen, you need to heal. Take time to do that, but not too much time. Just like a runner who takes too much time off from training, you’ll have to build up all over again if you don’t get back in the game.

If you are dating over 50, be willing to look at your part in what happened in your love life. Assess what you might do differently next time so you can date smarter. Rebuild confidence to face the dating scene with strength. Know that you are not only worthy, but a fabulous catch. Some man would be darn lucky to be with a women like you!

Check out this story about the couple who were both injured last year at the Boston Marathon and came back this year to cross the finish line of the handcycle race while holding hands. They faced incredible adversity with each one losing a limb in the blast, as they watched the race from the sidelines last year. On Tuesday, April 21st, they returned to face down the scene and emerge as victors.

Don’t let your hurt feelings and disappointments debilitate you and keep you from finding love. Dating over 50 is hard. But its not like some of the stress this couple had to deal with is it? People tend to achieve what they  commit to. So consider this my invitation to shore up your courage, build confidence, and set an intention that you are unstoppable.

Until you cross the finish line of finding love, get back in there to run the race. Be strong, keep going and hold a clear vision that dating over 50 will deliver the results you want – you can find lasting love with the man of your dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

Best Dating Advice to Find Love After 50

 

dating after 50, dating over 50, online dating best dating adviceHoping to find love after 50? These ideas will help!

Recently NPR did a piece on how online dating sites were helping older singles. Ina Jaffee interviewed Sam Yagan, the CEO of Match Group (Match.com, OurTime.com, OkCupid.com, BlackPeopleMeet.com). The company owns 30% of the $2 billion dollar online dating industry and he points out the fastest growing segment is people over 50. Currently, 40% of people aged 50+  are single which is why the subject of dating after 50 is frequently covered in the media.

Get a First Date
I love what Sam had to say – it makes so much sense to me. Basically, online dating provides a way to set up your first date. Yup, that’s it exactly. Online dating is a tool to meet singles and one of the best ways to connect with prospects.  Just like Meetup.com, singles dances, Parents Without Partners, and other singles groups.

Try the Deep Sea Fishing Approach
As a dating coach for women over 40, I talk a lot about where to find men and refer to it as “Deep Sea Fishing”. When you  fish on the open waters, the captain takes you to where the fish are. He uses sonar, bait in the water, watches where the seagulls circling and talks to other captains so you can have the fun experience of reeling in a boat load of fish all in one afternoon.

If you like to fish, you might also set up a few poles along the shoreline, and then wait, praying the fish will swim by and take the bait on your hook. When it comes to dating, especially after 50, you want to focus your efforts to meet the most people. It’s just more efficient and a lot more fun. Which is why you want to use the deep sea fishing approach which is online dating. No where are there more singles who are 50+, gathered in any one place than on the web.

Single Men Don’t Attend Social Gatherings Like Women Do
Things are different when you are younger and the vast majority of people your age are still single. But in midlife, its not as easy to tell who is single or in a relationship. For some reason, single men over 50 just don’t go to singles-related events in the same numbers as women. So, it looks like there are a heck of a lot more single women then there are men. But not that’s the truth. The men do not attend social outings, and instead prefer to seek partners ONLINE.

Digital Dating Is Efficient
That’s why I talk about online dating so much and why I feel it’s such a smart option. Digital dating is efficient and a good use of your time. You can meet a lot of men for not much money (especially compared to matchmaker fees usually in the thousands of dollars).

When you attend dances, the male/female rations are probably not too bad. But in many MeetUp.com groups, the women outnumber the men significantly. And in matchmaking services, depending on the location and age bracket, my educated guess is a 60/40 or even 70/30 balance of women to men because men prefer the Internet. Those are not great odds when you are hoping to find love after 50.

Kissing Frogs
Will you meet men who aren’t right for you? Of course you will! The same is true for any method of meeting singles. So what? If you don’t take the chance, you won’t meet anyone. Like professional hockey champion, Wayne Gretzky says, “You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” Dating requires meeting a lot of prospects so you can find a good match. Kissing lots of frogs as they say.

The Best Dating Advice Ever
To me, the best dating advice to find love after 50 was offered by the sister-in-law of the woman interviewed by NPR. She wisely suggested that Vicki, “have a thick skin, a sense of humor and try to have fun.” Beautifully said and superb advice. If you can follow those words of wisdom, you’ll do well in your search for love.

8 Big Advantages for Meeting Lots of Men
The more you can simply relax and get used to meeting new people, the better your chances for finding the one.

  1. You’ll look more confident which heightens your appeal
  2. You’ll learn how to get in and out of situations with ease and grace
  3. You’ll feel more at ease which helps your date feel more at ease too (remember, men choose women who make them feel good about themselves )
  4. You’ll build or improve your conversation skills
  5. You’ll  practice your flirting and learn to rely on your feminine charm
  6. You’ll discover the abundance of single men out there
  7. You’ll stop hyper-focusing on each date, fretting over if he is the right one for you
  8. You’ll recover from disappointment and rejection more easily as you realize there’s always another man to meet

Online dating is the biggest boon to singles over 50. You may have decided those sites are a curse, but they are actually a blessing when you learn how to use them more effectively. Keep in mind 20% of all relationships now start online. If you  could use some expert help and dating advice, check out my home study course How to Sizzle vs. Fizzle Online.

Why Dating Over 50 Has Become So Hot!

 

Over 50 and looking for love? The good news is you have lots of company!

dating over 50, date online, find love, meet men, dating coach for womenDid you know that interest in dating after 50 has never been so hot? There’s a good reason for this. According to the Chicago Tribune, in 1990, only 1 in 10 divorces were couples over 50, but today the number has risen to 1 in 4! That’s a 250 percent jump and explains the buzz-ability around dating for the 50+ crowd.

The fact is, so many more people in midlife are dating in 2014 and looking for love. So, if you’ve counted many summers and are single, that’s really good news. The stigma attached to being divorced or dating in midlife is no longer an issue—it’s virtually gone. Freedom from feeling shame has opened the doors to seeking romance, as 50+ singles explore options and enjoy dating with a new sense of adventure. The trend today is everyone’s doing it.

As a dating coach for women over 50, I also know there is a tremendous amount of frustration and sometimes fear of looking for love online. Allow me to diminish your frustrations and calm your fears with these easy and surefire tips. Continue reading to see my 6 online dating tips for singles over 50.

Read more and get the 6 dating tips for women over 50 here

 

Dating After 50: Why Dating is Like Shopping at T.J.Maxx

dating after 50, dating ovre 50, dting after divorce, dating coaching , find love, meet menAre you dating after 50 and struggling to find the right men to date?

In this shopping vs. dating tell-all post, I’m going to share my recent experience at T.J.Maxx and help you notice and consider the men who are available around you. Sounds crazy? Not really, as a dating coach for women, I see similarities to dating in almost everything. Read on to find out more about dating after 50 and dating after divorce.

This weekend, I went shopping with my friend Dawn in search of black pants. I had a pair that I loved, but lost a few pounds over the summer and now they are too big. I can’t live without black pants. Everything goes with black! So off to my favorite store – T. J. Maxx. Yes, I am a Maxxanista!

Normally I love flipping through the wracks at TJ’s. The wracks are long and packed full of options. Most are not right – they are the wrong size, styles, cuts, colors, fabrics, etc. Some are fabulous, but sadly the wrong size. When I’m lucky, there are a couple options in my size, but not always.

Many Styles Won’t Be Right – Many Men Won’t Be Right
So, this is one way that shopping at T.J. Maxx is like dating after 50 (or at any age). Many of the men you meet (like pants you try on), whether you find them through online dating, singles dances or out at the bars, are not right or what you’re looking for. They don’t have the qualities you are seeking in a romantic partner. This is to be expected. It takes a certain type of guy to satisfy your needs and be a compatible partner right?

Then, there are those guys who seem ideal. They hit all the right buttons, but they still aren’t a good fit because you can’t capture their attention, or they’re too aloof, dating other women, commitment phobes, players, etc. This is like finding that great pair of pants in your size area, but they are a size 4 when you wear an 8.

Try on a Different Size Or Date a Different Type
Before going further, I have to admit I don’t wear a popular small size. I wear a 16 which is really hit or miss at TJ’s. Now if I were a size 8, I’d have loads of choices. But, not the case here. This particular shopping trip, the store didn’t have any 16s! What? How could that be? But the stock topped out at size 14 and I don’t wear a 14. Not a chance.

Then I spotted a pair of Calvin Klein black pants. They were exactly what I wanted, but a size 14. Oh no! Looking at them longingly, I started to wonder if they might fit. Was I crazy? I don’t wear a 14! What the heck – I threw them in my basket and headed off to the dressing room.

The outrageous and exciting news is – they fit!

Now, what does this have to do with dating after 50? Sometimes men can surprise you too.  Sometimes a man could be a wonderful fit if you take the chance to stretch your mind about what is possible and give him a try.

Not all size 14 pants are cut the same as I can happily attest to by my new Calvin Kleins. And not all men are the same either. You have to give each one a chance – just like trying on pants at T. J. Maxx. You’ll never know if you don’t try.

Take a Risk to Find the Right Pants or the Right Man to Love
So, the next time you meet a man who doesn’t wow you or you think he might be a stretch, have a glass of wine or cup of coffee with him anyway. That’s just like deciding to try on a pair of pants that normally would never fit. It takes a little time and effort, but the rewards could be great when dating after 50 or after divorce. The result could be that you could find a pair of pants you love and a man you love too.

 

 

Dating after 50: Should I Play Hard to Get?

dating over 50, meet men, find love, playing hard to get, dating coachingAre you dating after 50 and confused about how it all works?

According to a study which appeared in the European Journal of Personality last December, playing hard to get works! Four different experiments were done which revealed if playing hard to get works and when it works best. Turns out women fare better when they play hard to get with men, particularly if they are seeking a long-term, committed relationship. Men on the other hand, don’t do as well and tend to miss out on mating opportunities when they are too inaccessible.

While it’s true, the study focused on college age singles, as a dating coach for women over 50 and under, I think that bodes well for you. If the game is still being played by the younger generation, I guarantee that its going strong in midlife!

Sorry to Say It, But Dating Is a Game

I realize it’s hard to deal with the idea that dating is a game, but that’s the truth. So, if you want to win, learn the rules to play by. But first, let me clear up any misconception that the game is manipulative or evil. Not so at all. It’s part of the mating ritual of human beings and reflects how you simply can’t take the DNA out of dating.

Dating Is Programmed into Our Biology

Yes, how dating works today during modern times still harkens back to ancient mating rituals. It’s not a straightforward process now and most likely never will be.  I recently saw the 1980’s movie Tootsie with Dustin Hoffman. In the film, Dustin plays a hard up actor who dresses like a woman to successfully land a woman’s part in a soap opera.

Hoffman has a memorable conversation with a cast member (love interest), Jessica Lang in which she says to him how refreshing it would be for a man to approach her and be super straightforward with his intentions. She suggested that a man should say something like, “I find you very interesting and attractive and I’d like to sleep with you”. Jessica relayed this story to Hoffman while he was pretending to be a woman.

Then at a party a short time later, he sees Jessica while he’s himself and not in drag. So he takes her for her word, walks up to her and tries the line. The result? She throws her drink in his face! The direct, straightforward approach will never work unless its just about sex and nothing more.

58 Strategies for Playing Hard to Get

While the report named 58 strategies for playing hard to get, the two most popular are:

1) Acting confident. This means acting as if you know you are a great catch and by the way, you are!

2) Talking to others. This means you make yourself more attractive by showing you are desired by multiple potential partners and haven’t yet settled on just one.

Both of these strategies make the prospective partner try harder to win you over which as a woman is what you want. You want to know that a man is serous about you. And this is how a man gets invested in you – by having to win you over!

So, if you decide to “be modern” and take over the male role to pursue, you might ask men out, get their numbers, initiate communication etc. But the data suggest this doesn’t work for long term relationships. Experts agree believe me. But, now there is research that backs up what we’ve been saying along. Stop chasing men!

Stop Chasing Men

When you chase men, you make the game too easy. There is no:

  • Sexual tension is created
  • No curiosity builds to know more
  • No challenge to pique a man’s interest
  • No mystery if you’ll respond positively or not
  • No game = no fun!

It’s like serving yourself up on a silver platter and saying – here I am, take me I’m yours! If you want help understanding men, you can see why this will never work. It’s just too easy and frankly unappealing.

Why Nice Guys Finish Last and Bad Boys Win

Think about this in terms of men. When a man is too nice to you – you don’t want him. His appeal plummets. Why? Because he’s made it too obvious that he likes you and wants you. On the flip side, this is why women love bad boys! They play hard to get. You can’t read them. They are more interesting, more intriguing, more mysterious and more exciting! Why – because you never know what you are going to get!

So, this is why as a single woman dating over 50, you need to play a little hard to get. Don’t pursue him. Follow his lead. If he calls, call him back, but not in two minutes. If he texts, text him back. But don’t make any move first if you want him to pursue you.

I know you can do this. I know you can get out of your head and your own way to emerge as the desirable, charismatic women you already are. If you are dating after 50, try it next time you meet a guy. Let him do all the work of courting you. Once you get into relationship, everything balances out and you can take turns initiating. By then, the game is mostly in the past and you can be more direct and yourself. But, until you’ve had at least 6 dates, hang back to win!

Dating After 50? 6 Ways to Get Your Sexy Back!

dating after 50, dating over 50, feel desirableNeed advice for dating after 50?

Have you heard how 40 is the new 30? That means 50 is the new 40 and by the way, 60 is the new 50! But maybe you don’t feel so young and attractive any more. Have no fear – here are some easy ways to recapture that youthful glow and feel desirable again.

Things you did when you were younger to feel hot still work today.

1. Buy new underwear and make it sexy please
When was the last time you bought a hot pair of undies? I bet it’s been a while. All the more reason so get yourself some new lingerie. Forget proper foundation for a woman your age! Buy leopard print, red lace or sheer black bras and panties. Choose colors you might never have considered. Look for pretty design details.

Then, when you wear these new beauties, even if no one knows, its your own sexy little secret. Think this is silly? It’s not! When you put on sexy undergarments, you’ll feel different all day whenever they come to mind. And when you do think about your new lingerie, allow yourself a sexy, joyful moment to fuel your willingness for dating after 50.

2. Wear your perfume
Do you own perfume but it sits lonely on your dresser top, gathering dust? What a shame! Today’s the day to give yourself a little spritz before going off to work or the store. Take a moment to inhale the luscious aroma and enjoy the sensuousness of your sense of smell. Then a few times during the day, why not sniff your wrist to revel in the fragrance again. Connecting to your senses is a sensual activity!

3. Fantasize like you did when you were younger
Did you spend time day dreaming in your youth? Perhaps imaging you were with a certain guy or maybe even a celebrity? Fantasy is good for your soul! It keeps you feeling young because you allow yourself to dream of unlikely possibilities.

As a child you spent hours pretending and using your creative energies. Bring a little of this creative spirit into your current life for the sake of the pure enjoyment it provides. Choose a female celebrity that you’d like to trade places with for just one day and imagine all the fun you could have and trouble you could get into. Allow this to awaken parts of you that have been asleep far too long.  That will help you get your sexy back so you’ll be willing to try dating after 50.

4. Play your favorite music from college
There have been numerous studies done about how music helps you recapture that youthful feeling and transports you to a time gone by. This will definitely help you feel energized and if you feel so moved, then get up and dance. for me, I remember jumping around to “Turning Japanese” and moving to Madonna’s “Holiday”. Ooooh that was a fun time when I did a lot of dancing, put temporary blue streaks in my dark hair and wore black lace gloves with no fingers.

Music elicits happy memories and lifts your spirit. So find your old favorites on Pandora.com or Spotify or drag out those old LPs if you still  have them and give them a whirl on your old turn table. (It’s embarrassing, but I still have mine.)

5. Feel the simmer
Yes, I am going THERE. Even if it’s been years since you were intimate with someone, don’t tell me you never feel any stirrings. Your human, so of course you do! Maybe you’ll notice the tingling sensations when you are watching a TV show or at the movies. Maybe it happens when you take a bath or apply lotion to your limbs. Let those stirrings rise and connect with the simmering energy in your body. You’ll feel more awake, more alive and a heck of a lot more desirable!

6. Read a romance novel
It’s true. Reading a romance novel can raise the passion within. While your life doesn’t resemble a trashy love story  which is probably a good thing, I am talking about awakening the fire within. Sometimes you have to do a little reading to get into the mindset.

Then put that book down and go out to a singles event! Your energy field will be sensual and you’ll be sending out all the right vibes to capture a man’s attention. If you’re dating over 50 (or at any age) let your natural allure shimmer and shine. Work it baby work it because you are hot!

 

#1 Tip for Women Dating at 50+

Ready to Start Dating at 50+ But Have Been Out of Circulation for a While?

Dating at 50? Take the Pressure Off

When you haven’t been in the dating pool for some time, maybe years even, the idea of getting back out there can feel overwhelming.  You might be divorced, widowed, or single and have simply given up. So many questions plaque your mind when you think about this unknown and scary world after so many years.

Maybe you can relate to these concerns:

  • Where do you go to meet men?
  • What do you write in an online dating profile?
  • Which online dating site should you try?
  • How safe will you be?
  • What if the men aren’t honest?
  • What if you don’t like the men?
  • What if the men don’t like you?

I understand how hard this can be. With so much you don’t know, how do you even get started?

That’s why I want to share the #1 tip for women who are dating at 50 or over. I guarantee that this is not something you have thought of. But I also promise it will make all the difference in the world for when you start dating.

The #1 Tip: Take the pressure off yourself and the dating process!

Does that sound too simple? Maybe you think it doesn’t directly address any of those questions listed above. Let me share why something as simple as taking the pressure off can not only change your experience, but also your success!

1. Get comfortable with dating.
When you take the pressure off, you can focus on getting comfortable with the process. You can start to think of dating as just meeting new people. You probably know how to meet new people right? You might meet people at work, at a friend’s party, on the golf course, at your children’s school, or at church. You actually meet new people all the time even if you don’t look at it this way.

When you think about meeting men like they are just new people, you can relax and be yourself. This is a winning strategy because when you are relaxed, you appear more confident and that naturally makes you more attractive. And when you are comfortable, the men will feel that way too.

2. Handle dating rejection and disappointment more easily.
If you meet a man and he doesn’t call you again for another date, you can let it roll off.  After all, you are just meeting new people. So he wasn’t the right one? So what! It’s just one guy and you are meeting many men. When you take the pressure off, one date with one man becomes nearly meaningless. Talk about taking the pressure off – that is huge!

I get so many calls from dating coaching clients who meet a guy from online dating who doesn’t turn out to be who they thought he was:

  • He talked about his ex constantly
  • He never asked you one question
  • He just wanted to have sex
  • He has problems
  • He’s out of work
  • He is much older than his photo
  • He drank too much
  • He didn’t have good manners
  • He was so boring
  • He had no class
  • He wasn’t educated
  • He had no hair or was shorter than he said

My response is usually this, said with true compassion:

“He is just one man. Don’t let him stop you in your tracks. You just got started. Take the pressure off yourself and the dating process and go meet some new men.”

3. First dates aren’t supposed to be perfect.
When you get hung up on feeling hurt because you were rejected or freaked by how the man you met wasn’t who you thought he’d be, that’s an indication you need to take the pressure off. Your first dates will not be perfect. In fact, nothing and no one is perfect. Stop thinking your first dates should be magical to take the pressure off.

Your job as a woman dating at 50 or any age really is to:

  • Relax
  • Be your best self
  • Present your good side
  • Be positive
  • Be friendly
  • Be easy to talk to
  • Have fun
  • Say, “Thank you” at the end

That’s it. So when you look at it this way and take the pressure off, can you see how much more is possible? And how this can make dating so much easier?

Relax, take the pressure off, learn how to enjoy meeting new people. Your chances of finding love actually skyrocket when  you take this simple step.

 

Photo Credit: Wwarb

Dating Over 40: Have We Become the Men We Want to Marry?

Gloria Steinem’s Quote from the 70’s Might Be Coming True 40 Years Later

This is a totally crazy question isn’t it? Does it even make sense? After all, how could we become the men we want to date and marry?

Let’s take a look at this idea. Back in the 1970’s, Gloria Steinem said, “We’re becoming the men we want to marry”. She was talking about our independence and success. We can bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan. This is true. Looking back, we see see how far we’ve come and what women can accomplish. Truly AMAZING!

  • We are movers and shakers
  • We can climb the corporate ladder and some have made it to the top!
  • We are very successful entrepreneurs
  • We are leaders
  • We are political
  • We make the vast majority of buying decisions in America
  • We are a force to reckon with

We can do almost anything a man can do. And in that heady power, another question emerges…Is there a price to be paid for such greatness?

I say, “Yes there is”.

To rise as we have, we have adopted and perfected many behaviors that were once considered to be traditionally masculine. To be independent, successful, earn a lot of money, become deal makers and leaders many women have lost touch with their feminine nature. That’s not to say women don’t look feminine – of course we do. I’m talking about our innate feminine powers.

What is a feminine power? Ahh see I told you we had lost touch. To be warm and inviting, to be receptive, to be hospitable and friendly to people in general, not just women.

Today women over 40 have great disdain for our male counterparts. Think about it – do you have kind words to say about men or do you find them lacking? I hear women talking all the time about how great women are and what we have achieved. Women also express the expectation that a man should be as close and thoughtful a friend as our girlfriends.

In addition, our expectations include that men should be able to bring home the bacon and fry it up in the man. Trouble is – men, well, most men are not multitaskers. And one thing is for sure, men are not like women.

Let me put this thought on the table – let it sit there for a while so you can mull it over. It’s just one opinion, but I have to tell you , as a woman, you will always be disappointed by men if you expect them to be like your girlfriends. It’s a rare man who can measure up to that standard, and the few that do are probably gay.

Men are wonderful people. They are strong, focused, sweet, protective, driven, sexy, sweaty, but they are not like women and they never will be. They think differently, are brought up differently and aren’t treated the same way as women by either sex. They are different right down to their DNA coding. How did we come to expect them to be like us?

Here’s the worse part. Our success over the last 40 years has greatly impacted men. Today they work for us. They take orders from us in the military. And they have lost some of their masculinity as we have gained it. The balance is shifting.

More girls go to college than boys. Women are becoming more educated. Which means women will have better job opportunities. There is a far reaching social issue that stems from these changes. Traditionally women have married up to a man who is more educated and makes a good living, seeing him as a provider for a future family. We  have become the bread winners. We are becoming the men we want to marry.  Do you see it now – the predictive nature of Gloria’s comment from so long ago?

If we are going to usurp men’s power and take over their jobs and leadership rolls, we will have to start marrying men who might not be as educated, who don’t make as much money, and who aren’t more advanced than us. This is a very elementary lesson in balance.

My feeling is this – if we are becoming the men we want to marry, then we have to revise what we need from men and how to identify a good life partner. This is particularly true for women dating over 40.

Is that really so bad? Can you really  expect to have it both ways? Be the chick in charge and find an alpha male who wants a woman to compete with? That’s not so realistic.

From personal experience, I have see this actually working very well. I have a dear friend who became president of a Fortune 500 company. She makes 4-5 times what her husband makes as a construction manager. Another friend who is a lawyer who married a rich man’s personal assistant. Still another friend who is an award-winning art director married a waiter she met in France. And I have an MBA and married an amazing man who is a mechanic. These are happy, long-term marriages between 12-20 years and still going strong.

If you are having trouble finding a man who is your equal in success or finance, start thinking about other qualities where he can be your equal. It might not be about salary. He can be your equal in love. In values and life goals. Your partner in affection, child rearing and vacationing. Still a partner and equal.

All I want for you is to find the love of a good man. Modifying your expectations might change everything for you and make it possible. This is not settling. This is winning in love.

Do Your Feathers Get Ruffled by the Way Men Talk to You?


The Dating Goddess


I read a great post on the Dating Goddess’s blog about what language choice has to say about who your date is. I think there is a lot of information in how a person expresses him or herself and much that we can learn.

The Dating Goddess (DG) is a very successful business consultant whose work takes her around the world. She’s also an award winning blogger on the topic of dating. As an independent woman she brings up this very interesting topic and shares how she prefers that men make requests rather than issue commands. Overall, I tend to agree.

DG shares an example out of song that plays during a workout from her gym. The line in the song says” Slide on over here baby” which in terms of English structure is a command vs. a request. The lyric doesn’t ask the woman to slide over, but tells her directly what he wants. DG points out that some women might consider this a request because the woman doesn’t have to do as he says –  she is free to choose to comply or not.

In addition, the Dating Goddess admits there is a sliding scale on commands. In other words, a couple of commands can be endured, but there is a tipping point when this type of communication becomes unappealing. Agreed! She also acknowledges that some might think a man asking a question is not as masculine. Depends on the command and how its delivered.

Here’s my response to DG and I’d love to hear what you think as well so please share below.

*****

DG – I agree that you can tell a lot about a person from their use of language. I also think there’s a time and place for everything.

Instead of your “slide on over here baby” example, let’s look at a different one. What if a man asks, “Can I kiss you?” Some women might be fine with that. However, many would feel awkward. They’d prefer he just took a shot to kiss rather than making them say “Yes” first before he plants his lips.

I get it that independent women don’t want to be ordered around. I love the line from an old favorite movie “Working Girl” with Melanie Griffith. She yells at her boyfriend, telling him, “I am not steak. You cannot just order me.” (I know that’s close).

On the other hand, many independent women want a man who is an alpha male; a man who can lead, take charge, and – act like a man. Is it realistic to expect an alpha male to be ultra considerate and rephrase all his thoughts as requests?

To me, if a good man get’s it right most of the time, let’s cut him a little slack and “slide over”.  All relationships require some compromise right?

*****

As a dating coach, here are three things I want you to think about:

  1. How do you communicate your preferences? What’s good for the gander is good for the goose right?
  2. You can more flies with honey – an old adage that holds true today more than ever since everyone is in such a hurry. A little sweetness can go a long way.
  3. Everyone is entitled to a few nitpicks and quirks. However, what might you lighten up on to leave yourself more room for a man to appeal?

Why Can’t Women Open Up to Love? A Widower’s Opinion

Dating a Widower

A few years ago I was teaching a continuing education class at a local school on finding Mr. Right. Much to my surprise, a man registered. No, he wasn’t gay looking for Mr. Right himself.  Fred was hoping to learn how to find Ms. Right after his dear wife of 25 years had passed away.

A sweet man, Fred really missed having a life partner. He and his wife had a wonderful relationship and he was finally feeling ready to seek love again. But he wasn’t sure what to expect or just how to go about it, so he signed up for my class.

As you can imagine, he got an earful from the woman’s perspective, which he found very helpful. Getting a peek into what women are looking for and expecting, made Fred’s dating life easier – at least he knew what to do now.

I haven’t heard from Fred in years until a couple of weeks ago. Turns out he reads my blog and emails, still looking for tips and insights on dating and women. He was so struck by one of my articles,  that he sent me this email expressing his feelings for what he has encountered out there as a single guy in hi early 50’s.

Here’s what Fred had to say:

“Your email on “Why your dating efforts don’t work out”, really hit home.  Too often I meet women that are so jaded by past failed relationships that they never permit themselves to fully open up to the concept of ‘being in love’.  They either feel that it’s too akin to wearing ‘your heart on your sleeve’, or they envision the mere idea as being too sophomoric or juvenile for ‘a responsible adult professional woman.”

He told me that he found so many women feel the need to be cautiously guarded so they don’t get hurt by love again. His experience from talking with and dating lots of women was that even when they find a great relationship, they refuse to give 100% of themselves to it.  He says the rationale these women have shared with him, is that if they hold back a little, it will soften the blow if the relationship doesn’t work out.

Fred doesn’t feel this way at all. His sentiments are “Hey, nothing ventured…nothing gained!”

Now it’s true, the end a relationship caused by the passing of a spouse is a very different experience than going through divorce. Divorce can be a bitter battle involving deception, breaking of trust, unfaithfulness, and many other terrible exchanges that hurt deeply and scar the heart.

Yet, I still find Fred’s perspective and experience surprising and worthy of further consideration.

Fred says he continues to be mystified by the single women out there who won’t permit themselves to enjoy a little bit of happiness in their lives.  He claims many women he’s met have an unrealistic expectation that a relationship must be awe-inspiring to be worthwhile.

Granted, women have plenty of valid complaints about the available midlife single men out there. They can be disappointing and downright mean-spirited at times. But not all men are like this. There are players and guys who just want a roll in the hay. But not all men. There are liars and cheaters. But not all men. There are men who are lazy, unemployed, unappealing and unmotivated to woo you. But not all men.

I wanted to share Fred’s experience with you so that you can see there are good men who are disappointed by the women out there. Because the truth is both genders have their good points and their issues. This time, I thought it was important to share a male point of view with you. Perhaps knowing you don’t the corner the market on dating disappointment might help you see  its not all roses for the other side either.

This year I’ve had more male clients than in any other year. maybe as many as I’ve had in my nine years as a dating coach combined. That’s another reason why I know good men do exist.

My plea to you is this:

Talk to men. Give some regular guys a chance. Sometimes the best guy for you isn’t the highly polished, super successful, buff guy with rock hard abs and all his hair. You could meet a man who has a warm and giving heart, who values loyalty, support, understanding, has a good sense of humor, willingness to try new things, and enough love for you to override your need for the ultimate man who lives only in the movies.

 

Photo Credit: conoriwthonen

Expressing Regrets of Singleness at 68 – A Poignant Story

Find Lasting, Love at Any Age

Some women are quite content being single. They have consciously chosen their single status and have been very happy with that choice. I am all for happiness, in or out of relationship 🙂

However, what is really important is to be honest with yourself about your desires…Because if you choose to remain single and “be done with men” to avoid being hurt, then that may not be your TRUE or ultimate desire. And you may end up with some regrets.

I recently spoke with Claire, a woman of 68 who had been married for over 20 years and had four children that were now grown with families of their own. She got divorced from her husband in her late 40’s and relished her freedom.  Claire had an adventurous spirit, took many lovers and tells fabulous, delicious stories that are book-worthy.

Eight years ago, Claire purposely chose to not bother with men any more. She said she had had enough. She took on other adventures like traveling and redecorating her home and she enjoyed all of that too. Now at 68, she is wondering if she made the best choices. Why?

  • Was it because she didn’t enjoy her life? Absolutely not.
  • Was it because she didn’t have the support of a good man? Nope.
  • Was it because she didn’t have a loving partner today? Not that either.

Claire told me she came to realize she doesn’t have a man in her life who has known her for years. Looking back, she sees that even though she has incredible and fun memories, she doesn’t have a man to share them with and this gave her pause to wonder about her choices. She feels there would have been value and comfort in a second, long-term romantic relationship, more than her gallivanting provided.

This realization came to her when talking to a girlfriend in her 50’s. Sharon, now divorced, has had her own share of flings and fun with men. Now she too is tired of all that excitement and not being able to count on men. (Not that she was chooisng men by their ability to be counted on, stable or monogamous.)

That’s when it came to Claire about her own situation. As she  shared about her own love life, Claire recommended that Sharon not rush into that decision to “be done” with men.

As a dating coach for women who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I encouraged Claire to keep in mind that she could still choose to find love again. While they won’t have all the history between them, they can create a new history and build a new foundation. After all, Claire has the skills to interact with men romantically. The first step is for her to DECIDE she wants a man in her life again.

Claire decided to go for it!

If you who are reading this post and have avoided men to keep yourself safe from the pain of love, ask yourself if you’ve been holding back from a deep, truer desire that lies beneath the safety net you created. If you want a loving relationship, but have fears about it, you are not alone in those fears. Many woman share them and the good news is there are ways to work through them.

As your dating coach, I don’t want you to look back later with regrets that you could have made different choices.  

Take time to assess your true desires and be honest with yourself.

If you are happy as a single woman – that is awesome! But, if you secretly wish things were different, wish you were in a lasting, loving relationship, please be BOLD and DECIDE to do something about it.

 Photo Credit: Lawrence OP



For Career Woman, What Mindset Works Best to Meet More Men

Dr. Pat Allen

Are you a successful career woman?
Do you have a high-paying powerful job?
Are you a chick in charge?
Do you have an independent streak that runs deep?

If you answered “Yes” to any of the above four questions, congratulations on your success in life and business! That is great to have competed with men, gotten a top paying job, and to be in such a powerful position.

Now, have you been trying to meet men by using these same, well-honed skills that work for you in every other aspect of your life? Oh- oh. That’s a problem. These skills don’t translate well to your love life.

You see, the vast majority of men don’t like to be in romantic relationship with the same women they compete with at work. Competition and romance clash and require a different set of behaviors. A lot of women who I meet as a dating coach don’t like to hear this. They rather believe that the way they go about dating and looking for guys is perfectly fine, even if it hasn’t worked well yet.

Powerful men want a feminine woman for several reasons. First of all, a feminine woman makes him feel more masculine. This type of man often wants to take of a woman. Your staunch independence may suit you well, but it will not be a turn on for him. Not that you need to be helpless or a doormat, but you have to be able and willing to give a man opportunities to feel needed.

So if you are a successful career woman, what can you do to shift gears and get your femininity going for you?

Dr. Pat Allen is well known for her male/female communication work called “Androgynous Semantic Realignment”.  She tells her clients to take 30-60 minutes at the end of their day to turn off their business masculine side. Ways to accomplish this include sitting by the beach, feeding the birds, exercise, shopping, pampering and shutting off your cellphone. Once you have decompressed, then you can go out to look for guys or spend time with your man.

She even suggests setting up a system with your man not to call during the day so he doesn’t get exposed to (or turned off by) your masculine brief and directive communication style. Her book, Getting To I Do, she claims is hated by most business women. But once they get serious about finding a husband, they reconsider and pick it up again.

Do you decompress before you go on a date or spend time with your man?
Do you greet your man with a smile?
Or do you dump all your frustration from the day on him?

I highly recommend finding a way to decompress and reconnect with your feminine side. The part of you who is warm, inviting, caring, sweet, friendly, soothing, flirty, positive and fun. Since you were born a girl – leverage that advantage.

You can be as equal as you want all day long at work, but for romance to blossom and stay strong, don’t compete with your man. Don’t use your masculine energy with him. Be a woman. Rely on your feminine side. That’s what men are attracted to – because this brings balance their energy and their world.

Take a lesson from Dr. Pat. Put your alpha side away when you want romance and see how  well that can work for you!


Are You a Relationship Loser? Dating After Divorce

How Many Relationships Have You Had?

  • Have you had more than one long-term relationship? 
  • Have you been married more than once?
  • Do you feel like you pick the wrong men?

A lot of people feel like a loser about their relationships. Maybe they’ve had a few long-term relationships that went south. And if you asked them how many relationships have you been in over the last 20 years, they might grimace.

This way of thinking is understandable. When you can’t keep it going while others seem to manage, you might think there is something wrong with you. You might blame your self, question your worthiness or feel you have a bad picker.

But, as your dating coach, I’d like to suggest another way to look at your track record.

What if you are learning?
Often the very best way to learn is through practice. Being in relationship offers loads of life lessons. According to many spiritual practices, relationships offer rich ground to grow and work out issues. What if you have been doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing?

-Does that feel different to you?
-What does that perspective offer you?
-How does that way of looking at your relationships help you shift your thoughts about yourself?

Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations with God has been married five times. Yup, count ’em. 1-2-3-4-5! This is how he looks at what he’s been through. He’s always learning. Aren’t you learning too? He agrees with the spiritual aspect of relationships and how they offer great opportunities to grow and improve and that is the purpose of life really. At least one of the purposes.

Think about our lives today. How many people…
-Live in the first house they bought?
-Are still in their first job?
-Live in the town where they grew up?

Not many can say “Yes” to any of those three questions. We are moving, changing, evolving at a rapid pace. Sometimes it feels like the speed of light doesn’t it?

To me, its natural that you might have more than one long-term relationship as you continue to evolve. You learn lessons and grow out of a relationship. It was good at one point. Then it wasn’t. So, it stands to reasons that you moved on.

If you think about your situation through this new lens, can you cut yourself some slack? Can you lighten up and consider you are exactly where you are supposed to be? You have learned things, feel clear on what you don’t want to do again – this is a good thing! Clarity is a sought-after condition.

As your dating coach for women dating over 40 or dating after divorce, I invite you to adopt this concept as your own. Start thinking about your relationships in terms of what you learned, how you grew and where you are going next. Then, get out there to meet a new fellow, a guy with qualities to match the woman you are right now.

You deserve love no matter how many times you’ve already been down that road. Or even if you’ve never been there before. The  only way to find it is to start looking. Cross paths with new people and feel good about who you are. After all, some single guy would be darn lucky to be with a fabulous woman like you.

 

Photo Credit: the.leonko

Dating After 40: He Just Doesn’t Have the Spark

He Has No Spark?

He Has No Spark?

I’ve known Janet for at least 10 years. Longer than I’ve been a dating coach. When I embarked on this new venture, she was very supportive, gathering up her girlfriends for my first at home dating workshop party. She had been privy to much of my own journey and was fascinated to hear every drop of wisdom I could share with her and her friends.  And I was thrilled to do so.

Janet has been dating the whole time I’ve known her. Some relationships went better than others. She does manage to meet men and end up in relationships, but I’m taking a risk to say that Janet is a “Relationship Jumper” – that’s one of the six categories I’ve seen for daters in my dating coaching practice.

Talking with a mutual friend over the weekend, Susan shared with me that Janet is seeing a guy who she almost kicked to the curb. Not surprising to me. The reason? “He just didn’t have the spark.” At close to 60, Janet still is insisting on scintillating chemistry that must persist through the test of time. Can any man live up to such scrutiny and expectations? I have to say, I think not.

To me, as a dating coach with heart for the single woman over 40 who just wants to find a loving companion, its a very sad statement. Should a woman settle for less than she wants just becuase she is nearing 60? OF COURSE NOT!  But with some decent life experiece under her belt, you think she’d have figured this out by now.

Luckily, she’s hooked up with a fairly savvy man. When she told him she didn’t want to see him any more, they talked about it for awhile. Throughout the weekend, the discussion continued without any drama. Jim managed to hold the talk at arms length and take a good look at the situation.

So, when the weekend was coming to an end, Jim said, “Why are we ending this? Didn’t we have a nice weekend?” To which Janet replied, “Yes, yes we did.” They are still seeing each other. Good for you Jim! And good for you too Janet. Where are you going? How much spark do you need? What does that really mean?

If you can have a nice weekend with a man who you told to take a hike,  a man who could weather that potential storm with such grace that you can still enjoy a nice weekend, how bad is he? Sounds like a keeper to me.

Stop looking for the perfect spark. It’s not reality. That twinkle in his eye, which I have written about before is a movie trick. It’s written into the script and when it shows up in life, it’s not real and the man is usually an “ungettable” man..  “Twinklicious” is mostly a measure for a man’s lack of emotional availability, rather than something truly desirable.

Janet, as your dating coach and friend, please re-evaluate Jim because I think you’ve found a rare man who sees that special woman you are. He’s a match for you and a master of the game you tried playing. Just this once, don’t push him away. Please let him stay and win. You’ll win too.

Photo credit: bm01

Related Posts:

The biggest lie about love

A word on chemistry

The problem with Mr. Twinkle Eye





Dating Over 50: What Do You Recommend to Find Love?

Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach,

I am a 54 year old single woman from Seattle who is ready to find love. Just bought your book and am so excited to read it!

I am staying positive about meeting the perfect mate for me! I’d like a mate who shares some of my interests like: music (jazz, R & B, classical), movies, plays, and sporting events. I definitely want a man who is family oriented and enjoys travel. I joined eHarmony and was formerly a member of Match.com.  What do you recommend for me?

Sleeping good and feeling hopeful in Seattle

Dear Hopeful,

I am sorry to say that I’m not a fan of eHarmony. I suppose it might matter where you live, but they have very few men in your age bracket and it drops off quickly in the 40’s. I know this from the  2,000+ dating coaching clients I have helped, many of whom have complained bitterly about the site.

The site is also notorious for sending matches of men with expired profiles! They don’t tell you that for obvious reasons. Most men don’t want to fill out eHarmony’s236 questions and don’t care about personality tests. They don’t want to be bothered with cumbersome communication methods either.

On the other hand – you never know and occasionally women over 40 do meet a man on that site. There are exceptions to every rule, so don’t worry that you already signed up. Think of it as just ONE of the avenues you can employ to meet men. You may also want to join another site, go to singles dances, try speed dating, etc. to supplement your eHarmony activity. Match.com actually has a lot more men and 50+ is the fastest growing age group for online dating. That’s the good news!

I believe in making an “Action Plan” planning exactly what you are going to do each month to meet new men. Without such a plan, you may not be in the mood, feel like there is nothing to do, focus on chores or hang with the girls. These other options are perfectly fine as part of your life – but they won’t help you meet men.

I recommend to my over 40 dating coaching clients to decide how often you are willing to do something to meet men every month and then create your plan including signing up for things and putting them on your calendar.

The next area to focus on is what I call your “Inner Plan.”  This is about the steps you will take to make sure you believe in love. And to make sure you are open to and attract the man you have described.

Steps might include affirmations, visualization, positive thinking, chanting, prayer and several other ideas I’ve outline in great detail in my book MANifesting Mr. Right. (Thanks for your recent purchase by the way!)

 My book is actually divided into three segments:
1. Dater’s Mind – The right mind set for the best dating results.
2. Action Plan – How to meet lots of new men
3. Protocol – Understanding how dating works

You’ll find lots of helpful tips and proven strategies in the book that have worked for so many women. And they helped me meet and marry my husband!

Good for you for staying positive about meeting men – some times that is more than half the battle!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie – The Dating Coach
203-877-3777



 



Dating Over 40: Why Can’t We Be Friends First?

FriendsToday, I met with one of the first men I ever coached. It was great to see him, catch up and of course talk about dating. After 8 years, he looked exactly the same which is pretty darn good for late 50’s.

Barry was in  a five year relationship that ended this past fall. He’s feeling like it’s time to get back out there and start dating again. He meets quite a few women in his line of work, but Barry is not what you’d call a smooth operator. He is a very nice guy, smart, creative, lives a holistic lifestyle and enjoys the arts.

Recently, he met a woman, Barb, who he was attracted to at an event with friends and they chatted for a while. But, Barry hesitated. He didn’t ask for her number. Instead, he invited her to the next event – what I’d call a low risk, “soft” invitation. A friendly approach.

Barb showed up at the event and hung around until everyone else left. Barry asked if she’d like to get a cup of coffee and Barb said yes. According to Barry, they had a fun conversation and  emailed frequently over the next two weeks. Finally, Barry asked her for another coffee. Unfortunately, Barb no longer seemed eager to get together, giving him the brush-off.

Barry told me he surprised and felt rejected. As The Over 40  Dating Coach, here’s what I explained to him:

1. His unwillingness to be direct and ask Barb out at the event shows his ambivalence about dating. Waiting two weeks to ask for just another coffee was another example. Maybe he’s not quite ready.
2. Barry doesn’t want to play the game again and is risk averse. We all know that’s not going to work. No way around the dating game.
3. He asked, “Why can’t we be friends first and see what happens?” This may work on rare a occasion, but not as a planned dating strategy! Once a man is “friend material”, it’s hard to get back into the romance spot.

Barry is not ready to date. So he has created a series of obstacles hoping to safeguard his heart. His ambivalence on taking a risk and going after a woman who he’s attracted to, have resulted in more than one woman having a change of heart. He sees this as their own indecisiveness, but I see it as a reflection of his lack of readiness and commitment to the process. 

Dating is about risk taking. You cannot date if you are not capable of risk or vulnerability.

I gave Barry the key to success for him once  he’s ready. In the holistic and artsy community, he could be like gold. A hot commodity in a world where the few men are either skilled players or nice guys women see only as friends.

Barry needs to step up to the plate and use his leadership abilities which he most definitely uses in other areas of his life.

Women want a man who knows what he wants and takes the initiative. If he doesn’t start using more masculine energy, he’d surely find dominant women who want to be in charge. He’s been there, done that and doesn’t want to go there again. The only solution is to become a “hunter” as Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker would say.

As I was leaving Starbucks, I knew Barry had a lot to think about. He is completely capable of making the right moves. He a very loyal, decent looking man, well kept, interesting, talented and smart. He prefers being in a relationship than the single life. Personally, I’m rooting for him. When he’s ready, he will step up to the plate, take the initiative, pursue women and find the right one for him.


Photo Credit: Michaelallroy



Dating Over 40: Just Starting Again at 54 – What’s the Best Way to Start?

Dating Over 40

Dating Over 40

Dear Over 40 Dating Coach,

I need to start getting out there again. I am divorced, 54 and have been unemployed for 18 months. I haven’t spent much time looking to date since I’ve been focusing on the job hunt.  But I’m ready to start doing something.  What would be a good first outing? 

Thanks,
Ready to Start

Hi Ready,
Where to start? Good question! A lot of my over 40 dating coaching clients ask me this same question.

Much depends on your attitude and outlook. And where you live determines what type of events are available.

Another question is do you have a friend to go with? A dating buddy can make things easier at first. But it’s not a requirement and you can go alone – I did!

But, without more info, I’d recommend a singles dances. They are usually low cost and certainly low risk. And if you like to dance –  potentially fun! Singles dances don’t require any commitment – you just show up and dance when asked. Very simple.

But here’s where the attitude comes in…

To make the most of the event, here are some tips that will make all the difference. These tips are all about your attitude at the dance and how you interact with men.

1. Stand at the edge of the dance floor with a smile, tap your foot and look ready to go. Don’t cling to your girlfriends. Walk around or stand near the dance floor by yourself part of the time to make it easy for men to approach you.

2. Say “Yes” to as many men as possible. Other men are watching how you respond and who you reject before they approach you. Men don’t like to be rejected so they look for women who seem low risk and friendly. So be nice!

3. Don’t expect to meet the man of your dreams – just appreciate meeting new people. This is a great opportunity to get used to the singles scene again and get  your feet wet at a low pressure event.

The more experience you have, the more comfortable you’ll be maneuvering at singles events. Being comfortable signals confidence which is a very attractive quality to both men and women.

4. Be as friendly as possible to everyone you meet – you never know who those people might know! I met my husband because I was nice when I met his sister. She liked me enough to suggest a blind date with her brother!

Everyone there might have a son, nephew, brother, colleague, neighbor, uncle, father, etc. who they could introduce you to.

5. If you danced a few times – think of it as a good night and be willing to go again! Someone new will attend each event so give things more than one attempt before you cross it off your “dance card.” 

Personally, I dated three guys who I met at singles dances. And yet, before I got out there on my dating journey with the right attitude – I hated dances! No one ever asked me to dance and I rarely met anyone.

Why is that? Because I stood against the wall with my girlfriends and complained the whole night. Not very attractive . Plus, I didn’t make it easy for the men to approach me since I was rarely alone.  

Attitude and outlook are everything on the singles scene. Smile, be friendly and decide that you are open to meeting new people. Then, let it go and see what happens. Deny your preconceived notions and just be willing to go with the flow. This is the recipe for enjoying singles dances.

Wishing you love,

Ronnie Ann Ryan – The Over 40 Dating Coach

 photo credit mharrsch

Dating Over 40: You Can Find Love Over 60!

I’m just thrilled to report that my client Filamina met someone recently!

Filamina has been a dating coaching client for a short time, having had maybe only four sessions. She’s 62, widowed and has been single for 5 years . She wanted to get back out there to see if she might find love again.

Our sessions have been very interesting. Filamina is open to my suggestions and takes our discussions to heart. We’ve talked about where to meet men, how to enrich and expand her world, what to expect from men in today, and how to be open and approachable to men.

Where did she go to meet men? Filamina went to lectures in NY, dances in PA and went to a local bar/restaurant with a friend even though she’s not a “bar type” person. After each event, we talked about what happened, what to try next time and how to shift her perspective when she may have had  the wrong idea about how things work. Overall, Filamina was enjoying her exploration and experiences out there in the singles world.

Apparently, Filamina was serious about putting her new skills to work. She just emailed me to say she has  met someone unexpectedly! She’s in a whirlwind of  activity and  super busy, but having a ball. As her over 40 dating coach, I couldn’t be happier!

Sometimes you meet someone quickly, sometimes it takes longer. I had a male client, a 64 year old widower who was happ, yet shocked to have met a great woman after dating only two months.

Partly, he wanted to sew some wild oats since he’d been married for 40+ years. But he also knew a good thing when he saw it and recognized the perils of playing the field and trying to hold onto a good woman.  He opted for the relationship and is very happy with his choice.

If you are over 60, you can still find love and romance. And it might not take nearly as much effort as you think. If you are open to meeting new people, trying new things and getting out of the house to mix and mingle, you will expand your world and vastly increase your chances of finding a great partner. Ask Filamina!

Dating Over 40: Gail Found Love with her Dream Man at 50+

Photo credit Babi   two hearts

Dear Ronnie:

I attended your seminar in January of 2008 in Rhode Island.  Soon after, when my son became independent with his driver’s license, I made the decision it was time for ME.

With the help of you and your website directing me to 50+’s dating websites (as monster and eharmony failed me and I wasn’t very Internet savvy to explore other options) I was successful in meeting a wonderful man. 

I was dreading the on-line dating, but with your encouragement and confirmation that it is the way to go I did it.  And I was only on the website for a few hours when I got connected and as they say the rest is history – 1.5 years later with my soul mate!! 

We only live three miles apart! Talk about meeting the man next door. I couldn’t be happier.  Thank You.

Gail in Rhode Island

Dear Gail,

Emails like these that make my work so rewarding. Often I never hear how things are going so thank you for sharing your great news and success. I am beyond thrilled that things worked out for you and you found the man of your dreams.

I’m happy to have been your inspiration. But you did the all the work. You posted your profile. You stuck your neck out. You took the risk and got out of your comfort zone.  And as a result – you are enjoying the benefits – living the life you created with the right man for you.

Thanks for sharing. the workshops, the audio programs, my book MANifesting Mr Right and my dating coaching, anyone can find love. I hope your glowing words and results inspire others who are nervous about getting out there and trying any number of methods to meet new men.

Especially to those over 40, finding love is possible. Just ask Connie!

Wishing you love,
Ronnie




Over 40 Dating: More on Why Didn’t He Call Back – What Rachel Learned from 1000 men

This is part two of Why Didn’t He Call Back. As a dating coach for women over 40, I was quite surprised to hear what Rachel discovered – “Women weren’t nice enough on the first date.”

Yesterday, we went over the idea of why treating the waitstaff and other service people poorly might be transferred in your date’s mind to how you will treat him badly. Here are the other two reasons why a man might think you aren’t nice enough:

2. Men Don’t Want to Compete with You in Romance
Remember that you compete with men every day on the job. Women have taken over so many managerial positions causing men to compete for promotions, bonuses, and more. When a guy returns home at night, he wants support, comfort, fun, and peace – not more competition. That thought turns him off.

You may be able to match the big boys in the board room, but to succeed in love, you’d best tone it down with your dates. Most men want to be with a woman who is pleasant and easy to get along with. They don’t want to hang with women who are type A, driven, rat racers, 24/7. Not fun. If your intensity never varies, if you can’t kick back and relax, if you simply don’t know how to have a good time, that is a BIG STRIKE against you for sure.

Don’t worry. I’m not suggesting that you act like someone else.  What helps my dating coaching clients, especially over 40,  is to tap into their feminine energy – that’s the reason a man wants to be with you. Tap into your allure, your warmth, your welcoming ,softer side starting from the first date.

3. Interrogation vs. Conversation
Many women forget that the first date is not a one-sided discussion. He is not the only one trying out for the part of lover. You are too. So put that fact-based list of questions away and stop grilling men on the first date. That’s not fun. In fact, forget the whole interview completely and just try to have a fun, interactive conversation to discover if you like each other!

Here’s what I share with my dating coaching clients about conversation. Find out what he is passionate about in life and then share your passion too. Discuss favorite vacations spots, foods, sports, activities, and best childhood memory. These topics are enjoyable and energizing and bring out the best in both of you.

Bring out your Softer Side
If this is starting to sound familiar, then heed Rachel’s research and my advice. Think about how you can soften your personality to make a better first impression. Truth is, this will help you in life as much as it will help you in love. Sometimes people think they don’t have time for the niceties of life, but being pleasant and appreciative of others is what makes life easier and more enjoyable.