Mixed Signals from Men
Dear Ronnie – The Dating Coach
I’ve been talking to this cute guy for three months. We have gone out a few times and it’s been a blast. But, he keeps giving me different signals so I feel confused about us. Sometimes he acts like he likes me and sometimes he acts like he doesn’t.
Is He Into Me?
Most of the time I contact him first, usually by text. He does respond but doesn’t really initiate. What do you think I should do? What’s your professional opinion on this guy?
Initially, the best thing to do is let the man lead – that’s the only way you can know if he is really interested. What does that mean? Don’t text, email or call him, UNLESS he does so FIRST.
During the beginning of dating, letting the man lead will help you gather important information about your date. How often does he text or email? More importantly, how often does he call and want to see you? Some men are happy to text quickly, but don’t really spend the necessary time connecting to build a solid relationship. This can be a sign of lacking interest, laziness, casualness, etc.
That’s why I recommend that all my dating coaching clients who are dating over 40 or dating after divorce hold off on contacting the guy. Give him a chance to show you what his intentions are. Observing a man’s actions is so much better than his words to find out if a guy is really into you.
However, you’ve already been interacting and sort of dating for a few months. So you can’t really start over which makes things a bit more difficult for you.
I’m going to take a risk and be really honest and direct with you since you did ask for my professional opinion.
Mixed Signals – What His Inconsistency Tells You
A man who is inconsistent can be a symptom of several unwanted dating behaviors. He might be sending mixed signals because he’s:
- Dating lots of women
- Not emotionally available
- Not sure what he wants
- Keeping you “on the line” as a time filler
- Wanting a source for intimacy that doesn’t require much effort
However, one thing I am most certain of and I’m sorry to say this, he’s not seriously interested in you. And when a man isn’t seriously interested, you have very little leverage or power to change things. So, please heed my advice and don’t bother trying.
Make it a point to go out and flirt with some new guys to find a man who will consistently call, text and see you. You deserve so much more from a romantic partner. Don’t put up with this nonsense thinking its going any where. If you find yourself wondering “Is he into me?”, that’s a sign.
I suggest that you move on to find a man who wants a relationship with you. In case you need help recognizing that in a man, here’s what to watch for:
- He’ll call at least once a week or more
- Take you on dates at least once a week
- He’ll text in between and stay in touch
- He wants to get to know you
- He’ll try to please you and win you over
- He’ll introduce you to friends and family
- He’ll ask you to be exclusive (this can take a couple of months)
If you meet enough men, you’ll find a good one and the right one for you!
P.S. Want more savvy dating advice? Get my free book His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing! Find Out What He Really Means and subscribe to my newsletter to get empowering dating insights right in your inbox.
Photo Credit: Andreanna Moya Photography