What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.
Is He Really Interested?
Is He Really Interested?I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.
Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.
As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.
Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.
What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?
One Date Followed by Texting
Sometimes a guy will text often and then ask you out. You have an amazing date and you can tell he liked you as much as you liked him. Awesome! Trouble is, he continues the texting part but doesn’t ask you out again. or sets up a date and cancels.
Why did he lose interest so quickly?
Texting On and Off
Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.
Is he OK, seeing someone else, or just busy at work?
You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows or stops.
You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.
So when things slow down, you feel like you have to do your best to keep it moving to maintain this connection with him.
The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.
What Is Ghosting?
If you are asking what is ghosting, the definition is when a man stops asking you out and no longer stays in touch, even by texting. He seems to have dropped off the planet, leaving you wondering what the heck happened.
Next, what is ghosting in texting and how is that different? Most often this is when a man has been in touch frequently by text, saying good morning or wishing you a good night’s sleep. Maybe some other little text tidbits during the day too.
Or he may get more in-depth in his conversation, share a laugh or something about his day. The point is, he stops reaching out and basically goes completely silent, leaving you puzzling over your phone as if it might not be working right somehow. At least that’s your hope.
Find out why he stopped calling
Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?
Does he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing; so why do men make dating so difficult?
I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”
So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”
Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.
Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.
You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.
What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?
Stop Texting Him and See What Happens
Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his true intentions are.
A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become more interested when he stops hearing from you.
If you always text first, STOP. Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.
You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.
You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.
Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.
More advice on why guys slow their texting
Many Women Don’t Understand This About Dating
See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.
They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.
There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.
As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.
Follow His Lead
The same thing is true at the start of dating.
Follow a man’s lead:
- If he texts, text him back.
- If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.
This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.
So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.
It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.
Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.
But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.
Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose
When you stop texting to see what he does, you have nothing to lose. In fact, you have everything to gain because you will find out if you matter to him or not. You will understand his true interest level.
Don’t kid yourself or make excuses for the guy. Men know EXACTLY what to do if they want to see you. They ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy guys know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.
The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him. Or before you get to know him and discover if he’s even worthy of your time and interest.
Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
That is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!
What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship. Men who don’t care enough to be consistent in their pursuit or efforts to get to know you.
Now that’s something you can stand to lose, right? Who needs a man that is just filling time with you or playing with your heart?
This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego, fill time, or chase away boredom and fritter away your precious time.
Your Next Step
So if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or just sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Or exposing your heart to romantic disappointment?
Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Unfortunately, no, not really. It’s time to let go and walk away.
Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.
The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.
When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.
If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.
Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.
Learn more about the mixed signals men send when you download my Free book on His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Hi Ronnie, my ex whom I have a child with has recently come back around we have been seeing eachother where and there but the texts are very dry and sometimes I won’t hear from him at all. I mentioned I was going on a date when he asked my plans and he lost the head. Since I haven’t heard much. Am I in the wrong ? I have not messaged either and if he reaches out will I accept or decline.
Hi Sarah, To me, texting is a secondary thing, not the core of a relationship. The way you described seeing him sounds sporadic, but you expected the texting to be more regular? This sounds like you need a CONVERSATION and in person might be best.
Why were you seeing each other? Do you want to get back together or are you just filling time as a remedy for loneliness? This is the discussion that’s needed, unless you know you don’t want to get back together. Once you decide on why you are seeing him (and why he’s seeing you), then you can go from there.
Texting is not for building a relationship. It’s to share something fun, check in, or make plans in between seeing each other. Otherwise you need to TALK to each other. Texting cannot replace conversation and is easily misunderstood. In addition, he is not the only one responsible for communication. This is not like dating some new man – you KNOW him.
If you want to try again with your ex, then text to ask if you can get together to talk about things. Don’t wait for him to make a move. If he says no, then you have your answer. If he agrees to talk, you can say you didn’t know what his intentions were with you, which is why you were dating another. This will give him a chance to explain his intentions. Clearly his feelings were hurt, so that tells you something, right?
Decide what YOU want, then move on to find love with someone new or ask to talk to him to see if you can try again. Take an active role – don’t wait on him as if you have no power. Good luck!
Great advice! However, I’ve stopped texting a few times and he always texts me and politely asks how I am.
Do I ignore these texts until he texts plans for a 2nd date?
Hi Lyndsey, Depends on how many days have gone by. More than 5-7? He’s definitely not seriously interested in you. He’s stringing you along with a text like, “How are you” or “Morning Sweetie”. That’s lazy and lacking in genuine interest, if he reaches out sporadically with texts like those. Ignore him? Yes! Block him is better. If you are serious about finding lasting love, turn your back on guys who contact you once in a while.
Thank you for this! So true! When I was younger I was always too hopeful and had lots of excuses for the weird behavior of men. After getting some dating experience, I now see it all – the minute something feels fishy is the minute when I bail out. I just disappear and move on as soon as I can. A TRULY interested man will NOT let you wonder. Trust me on this! Do not let men waste your time. They know where to find you. We girls need to be smarter with this.
Thanks for sharing your pep talk.
Hi Ronnie,
I don’t have any particulars for advice as your blogs has been fabulous reminders of what I already know to be true. I’m leaving a comment to thank you for what you do to help others. I also want others who might see this to know that you are SPOT ON in your advice and wisdom even if it’s hard to hear at times. I want to find my right person and my right person isn’t going to ever make me question their intentions. The moment I have to be reminded of the truth, they more than likely aren’t my person. Again, thank you!!
Hi Amanda, you are so welcome! And thank you for your kind words and confirming for others that my wisdom encouraging dating with a greater consciousness and keeping your boundaries strong will lead you to finding the lasting love you want. Wishing you love!
great advice here..I stopped texting a guy who told me how beautiful I was etc.etc he put nothing into knowing me except a text. 8 weeks later he text me..ghosted him! it felt great! actions tell the story!
Good for you Rose! You know your value and honor yourself as a desirable woman!
hi I’ve got this guy who went through a past and his gf cheated on him we started talking been out a few times but he just wants bw friends but I txt everyday and he doesn’t what should I do
Julie, Stop chasing that guy. He doesn’t want a relationship and he doesn’t respond to your texts. This is a time to honor yourself, build your self-esteem and self-respect, and move on because this situation is not healthy. Go meet some other men to find one who wants a relationship with you. Unfortunately, this guy doesn’t and has made that clear.
Hi Ronnie, I had a great first date. He’s asked me out for a second date 3 times now and each time I said yes, but he’s not followed through to make plans. He’s always working. We text but it’s getting boring now. It’s been a week since our first date. Before we met he messaged more and was phoning every date but he doesn’t call now and the messages are brief and short, a good morning and how are you. I’m bored with it now. If he messages again a good morning or a how are you, should I just not reply? Your advice would be appreciated as I don’t know what to do. Thanks, Kay
Hi Kay, If he’s not following through and always working that tells you something about his interest level. Let it go and don’t reply. Stop texting him. I’m not sure how much you’ve been texting but your expectations may be on the high side since it’s only been a week. I’m not saying you did this. but sometimes women overcommunicate with a new guy which can be a turn off. I have no idea what happened and he might have just wanted one date which was enough for now. Not everyone is ready for a relationship.
With any guy who stops responding or doesn’t follow through, walking away is your best choice. Things will NOT get better. Go meet some new men to find love.
I also advise dating several guys at the start of dating, so you don’t allow yourself to over focus on any particular guy. When you date a few men and some naturally ghost, there are others to see. It’s a great way to hedge your bets before closing down your options to get serious with someone special.
Hi, I met a man and we had a great time. The problem is that when I left his place he started ignoring me. I texted him and called him severally but he’s been reading and ignoring my texts. Does it mean that he isn’t interested in me anymore
Hi Cindi, Sorry to hear about this but yes, it seems he was just interested in the one night. I would stop texting him and go meet other men, if you want to find lasting love. I also suggest that if a man doesn’t answer the first or second text, not to bother sending more. Let it go with grace and save face.
Hi,
I met a man six weeks ago out and about, we have only met twice since then.
He always seems busy, and only wants to meet me in the week, but does not make much effort with it. He goes out with work a lot. I like him even this week he said to meet, but now work is important, and he has suggested no other day. Should I just stop messaging him?
Hi Amber, Sadly, his behavior shows that dating is not his priority. Not everyone wants the same thing with dating and relationships. Thankfully, you have learned this early in the process. Yes, I would encourage you to stop messaging him and walk away now while it’s still easy. You are seeing his best right now and clearly, that is not suitable for you. Go find someone who has a more serious interest in finding love and spending time with you.
Hi Ronnie I’m 19 and I knew this guy from school but reconnected online , in the beginning it was good we spoke everyday every night but as soon as university started he would get busy less texts and then we were meant to go winter wonderland but he forget and I asked him he said he booked his flight for the 7 so we couldn’t go and he has gone back home to visit his family but it’s been 3 weeks and I haven’t texted because I don’t wanna look desperate but it’s bothering me and I need answers but then I’m getting hints that he Doesn’t like me because of no texts what shall I do even though I like him
Hi Aliya, I hate to say it but you have to let him go. Liking him is not enough, he has to like you too. And you have caught on that his silence means he is distracted or that he doesn’t like you enough to stay in touch or be consistent. When a guy says he’ll do something and doesn’t, that is your clue that he’s not the right guy. You need someone you can trust who follows through. He’s not that guy. Most likely he enjoyed texting and it felt great to reconnect. But he never was serious this time and didn’t have any true intention of getting together. This is why I recommend not texting long-term with guys, or just enjoying it for what it is and not reading more meaning into it. Tehre are plenty more guys out there – go meet a new one!