Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

stop texting him to see if he texts youIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.

Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.

Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

One Date Followed by Texting

Sometimes a guy will text often and then ask you out. You have  an amazing date and you can tell he liked you as much as you liked him. Awesome! Trouble is, he continues the texting part but doesn’t ask you out again. or sets up a date and cancels.

Why did he lose interest so quickly?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.

Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows or stops.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.

So when things slow down, you feel like you have to do your best to keep it moving to maintain this connection with him.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

What Is Ghosting?

If you are asking what is ghosting, the definition is when a man stops asking you out and no longer stays in touch, even by texting. He seems to have dropped off the planet, leaving you wondering what the heck happened.

Next, what is ghosting in texting and how is that different? Most often this is when a man has been in touch frequently by text, saying good morning or wishing you a good night’s sleep. Maybe some other little text tidbits during the day too.

Or he may get more in-depth in his conversation, share a laugh or something about his day. The point is, he stops reaching out and basically goes completely silent, leaving you puzzling over your phone as if it might not be working right somehow. At least that’s your hope.

Find out why he stopped calling

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

should I text him man with jacket over shoulderDoes he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing; so why do men make dating so difficult?

I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”

Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.

You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are.

A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.

You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand This About Dating

Many Women Don't Understand Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.

They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.

As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating.

Follow a man’s lead:

  • If he texts, text him back.
  • If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.

This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.

It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.

But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose

what is ghosting in textingWhen you stop texting to see what he does, you have nothing to lose. In fact, you have everything to gain because you will find out if you matter to him or not. You will understand his true interest level.

Don’t kid yourself or make excuses for the guy. Men know EXACTLY what to do if they want to see you. They ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy guys know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him. Or before you get to know him and discover if he’s even worthy of your time and interest.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
T
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  Men who don’t care enough to be consistent in their pursuit or efforts to get to know you.

Now that’s something you can stand to lose, right? Who needs a man that is just filling time with you or playing with your heart?

This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego, fill time, or chase away boredom and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

woman walking away instead of textingSo if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or just sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Or exposing your heart to romantic disappointment?

Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Unfortunately, no, not really. It’s time to let go and walk away.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.

The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.

If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

Learn more about the mixed signals men send when you download my Free book on His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing.

 

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

240 thoughts on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men”

  1. Thanks so much for this great advice which I’m following. It’s hard to admit I wasted months of my life on an unavailable man. We met online last summer and texted for a few months, then met in November in the park for my birthday (lockdown)and it was lovely. After that we hadn’t seen each other for a few months, but he texted me first almost everyday and called me a few times. I got tired of the situation and told him we either meet up or we end texting. After that he invited me out in March and we saw each other twice a week for 6 weeks. Then he started withdrawing saying he was busy at work etc. We saw each other 10 days ago and after that he never asked me out again. So 5 days ago I went quiet and didn’t respond to his last text. He has been quiet too and it breaks my heart. I now think he must have been in a relationship all this time as he never invited me home, always called me from his car and wasn’t available at weekends… I can’t believe I let him play with me like that. But it was a lesson… and I hope it will help me to became stronger and more aware.

    Reply
    • Hi Greta, Don’t too hard on yourself. I learned all of my dating lessons the hard way which is why I offer this advice today. But I acknowledge your strength of character for walking away once you caught on. This is big, so don’t discount it. Now you know better. Lockdown made things more difficult. But my bet is you’ll never text with a man for months again, right?

      Give a man 7-10 days and if he can’t meet you in that time, block him. He might not be a player, but no matter the reason, he will not be available enough for the lasting love you want. Whether they prioritize work, chores, friends, hobbies, family problems, etc., – it doesn’t matter. A man with excuses is not available for the real thing now. And you don’t want to wait because who knows how long it will take for him to be ready, if ever. With that said, it’s time to build your confidence, do some healing and then get back out there to try again. You can find love if you keep at it!

  2. My situation is similar to this article but a little different I met a guy online through a dating app and we have been talking for 3 months with 0 dates .. ( yup ? my thoughts too) I do not initiate any of our conversations at this point but he still texts everyday throughout the day and I do respond, yea it’s frustrating but I do like him hense me responding to him … he calls me once a week and we talk for a few hours .. i also do not call except if I’m busy when he calls I will call him back. I have even asked him why we haven’t met but he just makes up excuses of being busy and says he more than likes me ? he started sending links of places he’d like to take me but that’s as far as it goes with me being proactive when he sends those said links . He reaches out a lot but without dates it’s just not enough .. I’ve been talking to other people and even gone on a few dates but he’s always in the back of my mind .. he’s very respectful when it comes to texting talking on the phone sending pics and video calling all PG …BUT I’m not a robot and deserve more than virtual dating ! I am thinking of slowly backing off I believe I’ve given him plenty of time to meet up .. I don’t know what else to do ???? He does live an hour and 30 minutes away and that is not even an excuse So I’m going to slow my efforts way down or well my responses lol and if he doesn’t lean in with better options then it was Not meant to be , I’m not getting any younger here (37)

    Reply
    • Hi Mandalina, Please don’t take offense but I’m going to be straight with you – STOP BEING SO NICE! Don’t back off slowly – cut him off today because he’s totally wasting your time! This man is getting his needs met by texting and talking with you. You’re allowing this and accepting his CRUMBS, hoping for more. He’s not going to change with more time. He is either married, in a relationship or not capable of one. I agree at 37, move on.

      I tell my private coaching clients not to text longer than 7-10 days (especially with a man 90 minutes away). If a man can’t meet you within a week, he’s not serious about you or maybe about having a real relationship. Perhaps you feel like you have the start of something and don’t really want to let go. Unfortunately, you’ve invested 3 months in a virtual relationship which I completely understand how you got here. Yet, texting and talking are not dating.

      However, if you want a real relationship, one with dates, kisses, marriage and kids, dump him. Don’t worry about his feelings – is he worrying about yours? Nope, he’s making excuses and being dishonest about his true intentions. He will never meet you. It’s more than time to move on to find a man who is available to date you now. Sorry to say this, but in addition, you will have to block him or he will continue to pull on your heart strings for his own selfish needs and not want to let go.

      I know this is hard to hear and hard to do. I hope you find the inner strength and value yourself enough to see the truth in this and go find a man for the TRUE LOVE you dream of.

  3. Enjoyed the article, but does the same apply to someone you’ve already been dating and seeing for several months?

    We’ve been together for 8 months now. We are both extremely busy with work, but it was always me that texted or called him.

    So, I didn’t contact him all week. I got one text from him all week saying “sorry, work has me lit up like a christmas tree”

    I think I’m just going to end it for good as he can’t seem to take 5 minutes out of his day to even text me. I made him a top priority in my life, and it seems that I’m only an option at the bottom of his list.

    Reply
    • Hi Camiele, Yes it still applies to longer relationships. Not texting helped you learned that he can’t take 5 minutes out of his day for you. You are not his priority but you deserve to be! So I agree with you, time to end things and move on. In the future, hold back from doing all the work and keeping things going. That gives you a false sense on how interested a man is. Just responding to you is not enough as you can see. So if a man doesn’t do his part, right from the start, that tells you something important – he’s not the right man. Hope that makes sense.

  4. Hi Ronnie, so i met this guy online and we hit it off from the beginning and exchanged numbers. We spoke over the phone once and that was it. He is not leading me and i have not contacted him either. But i so want to! Due to the pandemic situation we are different cities. i am curious to know why he ghosted when everything was going well!

    Reply
    • Hi Alex, Distance is always a problem. And even if you are having fun texting, there is no emotional investment on his part. Texting is easy and lazy. There is no pursuit in texting, even if a man texts all day long. The bottom line is that texting is NOT a sign of genuine interest. It’s just something to do to fill time. If he had met you – this would be a better indication. And if he saw you at least once a week – that’s really showing an effort to get to know you. That’s what you want to look for so to make this possible, please look local for love. Distance disappoints most daters.

  5. Okay, so she DID “stop texting” me, what do you suggest I do now? How can things move forward without communication? I’m dying to recapture or capture her heart, but we are 300 miles apart in a pandemic! Communication is vital! I didn’t want to risk visiting her until at least one of us got vaccinated. If she’s following your bass -ackward logic I may have LOST the best thing that ever happened to me!

    Reply
    • Hey Cary, First, sorry you might have lost the BEST thing ever. But think about it. If she’s following my logic, that means you were not staying in touch enough to satisfy her. She pulled away as a reaction to YOUR behavior. If this is what happened, try to make it up to her by CALLING her. Texting is tiresome – many women prefer to HEAR a man’s voice. Have an open conversation about your feelings and how you don’t want to lose the best thing ever. My bet is she’ll listen to that.

      On the other hand, if she pulled away for her own reasons, like distance or another man, you can still try calling. If she doesn’t respond, then it might be time to move on. It happens to all of us – men and women. Take time to heal and you will find another woman who is crazy about you.

  6. Thank you I’ve been Single 9 years I’m pretty independent woman. I’ve had dates but when I like them. I do have this nasty habit of texting. Maybe the way I’m doing this is to STOP texting. Like you say he show if it worth going for thank you for the sound advice ! Regards Paula

    Reply
    • Hey Paula, Yes – see how interested a man is by holding back and letting him lead. You’ll learn more about a man and figure out who is not worth your time.

  7. Hello, I enjoyed your article very much and found it useful in my situation. A nice man & myself texted and called furiously for two weeks. He asked me out, date went extremely well, he was interested in a second date. But the day after and now about a week the texting has really slowed down, no calls and I’m getting the one word responses. I know what I need to do: STOP TEXTING thanks to your article. Let’s see if he’s really interested. I hope so but if not, it will be ok.

    Reply
    • Hi Ines, This isn’t easy but sometimes a man is just curious and then once he meets a woman he’s done. Maybe he’s not capable of more. Or h doesn’t know what he wants. or he’s lonely but doesn’t want a relationship or 1000s of other reasons. You have a great attitude. If not him, there will be a better man for you! Keep that confidence strong!

  8. I spoke with a man for 6 weeks online. He worked on the rigs. We stopped communicating as there was no specific time for him to come home. He got in touch again and we quickly fell into “something”. Flowers being sent and lots of plans. He came home it was great. He texted and I never initiated anything as maybe a bit old fashioned of me, but man is the Hunter. Anyway it slowed down. Fair enough. He messaged saying he wasn’t feeling great. I said let me know how you are, he said ok and I haven’t heard from him. I can’t text as I don’t have his number and I’m ok with that as 1/ he wasn’t sticking to lockdown rules and 2/ he was into coke and I’m not. But I feel slightly rejected and annoyed at him not texting me and a bit of me feels bad that I knew he was unwell and didn’t reach out.

    Reply
    • Hi Jo, Some men use not feeling good as the perfect excuse to withdraw. Who can argue with a man being sick? So as a woman you back off to give him space and now he’s free as a bird again. Men can be romantics too. However, he got his needs met with a short romance and now he’s likely moving on. A man working on a rig is not looking for love. That’s my bet – or he would find work where he could be with a woman. So, even though it didn’t last, sounds like you had a nice time. Use that good feeling as your way to go get the real thing now. Perhaps he woke up your desire and that can lead to finding the right man for you if you continue to look and meet men. Wishing you love!

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