Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men

What if you stop texting him and see what happens? Don’t text him! This is a great strategy to find out if a man is genuinely interested or just likes texting.

stop texting him to see if he texts youIs He Really Interested?

I bet this has happened to you. You meet a guy online and he asks for your number or you’re on Dating Apps and start texting.

Texting is fun! Sometimes it’s fast and furious and other times just morning and night.

As time goes by you feel a connection and wonder when you’ll meet. Anticipation builds. Maybe you suggest getting together for coffee and he agrees.

Yes! Somehow though, things never come together and he doesn’t set a time or place. Texting continues.

What is this about and why won’t he find the time to see you?

One Date Followed by Texting

Sometimes a guy will text often and then ask you out. You have  an amazing date and you can tell he liked you as much as you liked him. Awesome! Trouble is, he continues the texting part but doesn’t ask you out again. or sets up a date and cancels.

Why did he lose interest so quickly?

Texting On and Off

Another scenario is that you text with him sporadically. There are times when you have whole conversations, then next thing you know he goes dark and you wonder where he went.

Is he OK, seeing someone else or just busy at work?

You text him to see what’s up and say something cute the first time. He bounces in and the texts begin again, then slows or stops.

You text again to ask if everything is OK? This behavior is so confusing and you feel frustrated. You still haven’t met this guy and this on and off thing is getting to you.

So when things slow down, you feel like you have to do your best to keep it moving to maintain this connection with him.

The problem is you’ve already invested so much time and now you really like him.

What Is Ghosting?

If you are asking what is ghosting, the definition is when a man stops asking you out and no longer stays in touch, even by texting. He seems to have dropped off the planet, leaving you wondering what the heck happened.

Next, what is ghosting in texting and how is that different? Most often this is when a man has been in touch frequently by text, saying good morning or wishing you a good night’s sleep. Maybe some other little text tidbits during the day too.

Or he may get more in-depth in his conversation, share a laugh or something about his day. The point is, he stops reaching out and basically goes completely silent, leaving you puzzling over your phone as if it might not be working right somehow. At least that’s your hope.

Find out why he stopped calling

Tempted to Text and Find Out What Is Going On?

should I text him man with jacket over shoulderDoes he like you or not? It seems like such a simple thing; so why do men make dating so difficult?

I know that’s what prompts you to contact him and text again. You think, “Hey, I’ll just text him and ask what’s going on? Honesty between adults should be the best way to go.”

So you text and say something like, “Are you still interested? If not, it’s OK. I just want to know.” That should be easy for him to respond to – he can’t just say, “No thanks.” Or, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone else.”

Trouble is men tend NOT to answer direct questions like this at the start of dating.

Most men, don’t want to be the bad guy. So they squirm, feel uncomfortable and tell white lies. At least that’s what they think they are doing.

You get a text back that talks about how busy he is. He might apologize and start texting again. Maybe he surprises you and sets up a date, but cancels at the last minute disappointing you beyond belief.

What are you supposed to do? If being direct and asking doesn’t work, then what will work to get his attention again?

Stop Texting Him and See What Happens

Yes, I’m completely serious. Just stop texting him and see what happens. This is how you learn what his intentions are.

A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you.

If you always text first, STOP.  Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very CURIOUS.

You are interrupting the pattern of your behavior and doing something unexpected. This is what a good man will notice and he just might stop playing this crazy game and want to meet you.

You will stand out from the other women he’s texting.

Now, don’t go getting your hopes up because many times a texting kind of man will never come around. But once in a while, a good man will become curious about you and decide he needs to know more.

Many Women Don’t Understand This About Dating

Many Women Don't Understand Dating

See, most women do the same thing you do. They prompt a guy they haven’t heard from, thinking it’s the right way to go. In fact, many think it’s the only option.

They don’t realize they should stop texting instead.

There is an energy to dating. A rhythm of push and pull or back and forth like ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing, there is one leader and one follower.

As a woman, you follow a man’s lead if you want to look good on the dance floor. It doesn’t make you less important than him; it’s simply how dancing works.

Follow His Lead

The same thing is true at the start of dating.

Follow a man’s lead:

  • If he texts, text him back.
  • If he doesn’t text YOU, DON’T TEXT HIM EITHER.

This is your best strategy to not waste time on men who are not genuinely interested. The truth is there are lots of men who will waste your time and string you along, BUT ONLY IF YOU LET THEM.

So, when you text because he’s gone silent, you are no longer “following.” You have taken up the lead and that does not work at the start of dating for most singles over 40.

It might not work so well under 40 either because dating is still an archaic mating ritual based in biology, not gender equality.

Most men like to think dating you is his idea. To create this situation, you don’t want to be too available and you don’t want to appear PUSHY OR DESPERATE.

But, that’s what happens when you take the lead, keep the texting conversation going, etc.

Don’t Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose

what is ghosting in textingWhen you stop texting to see what he does, you have nothing to lose. In fact, you have everything to gain because you will find out if you matter to him or not. You will understand his true interest level.

Don’t kid yourself or make excuses for the guy. Men know EXACTLY what to do if they want to see you. They ask you out, set a date, pick a place and show up. And they can do all that without your help. Even shy guys know this, so don’t make excuses for any man and feel you must HELP HIM OUT.

The good news is that when you don’t do his job of taking the lead, you won’t get invested and emotionally tied to the wrong man before you even meet him. Or before you get to know him and discover if he’s even worthy of your time and interest.

Let him lead to find out what he’ll do to win you over.
T
hat is the ONLY WAY you’ll ever know how interested he really is!

What you will lose are men who are NOT interested. Men who could care less about you or don’t want a relationship.  Men who don’t care enough to be consistent in their pursuit or efforts to get to know you.

Now that’s something you can stand to lose, right? Who needs a man that is just filling time with you or playing with your heart?

This is how you can shake free from men who just want to string you along to boost their ego, fill time, or chase away boredom and fritter away your precious time.

Your Next Step

woman walking away instead of textingSo if you are “talking” to a man who texts a lot or just sporadically, but doesn’t ask you out, think twice. Are you putting energy into something worthwhile by interacting with him? Or exposing your heart to romantic disappointment?

Are you accomplishing anything by continuing to text this guy who hasn’t met you or hasn’t asked for a second date in more than a week? Unfortunately, no, not really. It’s time to let go and walk away.

Stop texting him and see what happens next. If you don’t hear a peep, you now have valuable information about that guy – he’s not the one.

The right man for you WANTS TO MEET YOU and will do what it takes to get to know you and spend time with you.

When you don’t text him, observe his actions over several weeks (like six or eight) to decide if he might have potential.

If he’s consistent in staying in touch, calls at least once a week and asks you out for a date weekly (if not more), then he might be showing some lasting potential. And worthiness of your love and attention.

Until you know this about a man, play the field girlfriend! Do not narrow down your options and focus on just one man until he is consistent enough that he asks you to be exclusive.

Learn more about the mixed signals men send when you download my Free book on His Mixed Signals Are So Confusing.

 

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

258 thoughts on “Stop Texting Him and See What Happens – Understanding Men”

  1. So I have been on 2 dates with a guy & we got on so well. Absolutely no awkwardness. Felt very comfortable. My issue is I hear from him almost every day although weekends he goes quiet. Should I be worried ? In my head I felt it’s too early to say anything to him about this. However going forward I don’t want a man that goes awol at the weekends

    Reply
    • Hi Steph, The start of dating is not a time to address your concerns, so good for you for knowing this! Instead, it’s a time for observation. You want to pick up clues regarding a man’s behavior. What could going dark on weekends mean? Most likely, he has another woman in his life. This clue let’s you know that whether or not he has another woman, this man is NOT serious about you. If he was, he’d make sure to spend time on the weekend. Your best course of action is to simply move on. He’s not your guy because if this is his best behavior, he’s not going to meet your standards. These things do NOT GET BETTER! Read this post for more insights that I learned the hard way.

  2. Hi Ronnie: I recently started seeing a coworker, which was against my dating policy. A little background: we’ve known each other for over 15 years. He was married for 30 years, and has been divorced for about 4 years. A good man is hard to find, so when I heard he was in the market I reached out to him. He made it clear to me at the very beginning that he is against dating someone he works with, but he contacted me. It has only been a month, but we spent a lot of time together then he got quiet on me. Said he really likes me and sees a future with me but he struggles with us working together. I really like this guy! I have backed away to give him his space but from time to time I will text him to see how he’s doing and to let him know I’m still here and interested. Am I pushing him further away by doing this? I’m not going to quit my job. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

    Reply
    • Hi Marie, Here’s the hard truth as I see it. He can’t disappear AND see a future with you. These two things do not coexist. The truth is he doesn’t want to date you for some reason. Maybe because you work together or he knows you want a deeper relationship than he wants. Whatever the reason, if you ever want to know what a man is thinking, look at his behavior. He has pulled away. Over and done. So, whether or not you text him doesn’t matter. Don’t quit your job – QUIT HIM because you will waste your time, hopes, and dreams waiting around for a man who is not “The One” for you.

  3. Hi Ronnie, I meet a guy on Bumble. we started texting a lot during the days and then kind stop slowly we meet in person and it was really nice. we texted for few days but then he went silence. then he said he is thinking of taking a break for awhile but that means or what should i do.

    Reply
    • Hi Pa, When a man stops texting after meeting, he’s no longer interested. He had already slowed down the texting before meeting you. He might not be serious about dating, but sad to say he’s not into you. Now he wants to take a break – from what? It’s not like you were dating – you just met once. Do you text him all day long? It’s time to move on.

      If you have texted a lot and initiated often, I encourage you when you meet the next guy to text less and let the guy initiate. This way you’ll get a better idea if he’s interested or you’re just keeping something alive by texting. Last piece of advice, don’t text longer than one week without meeting if you are serious about finding love. There are plenty of people who will text forever and not meet you. Don’t fall into this trap.

  4. Hi Ronnie!! I am a 48 year old woman dealing with a 20 year old guy. Back in the beginning of the summer we started out as co workers and clicked immediately. We became close friends. As time went on I felt like we were getting closer. No physical contact just playing around being flirty. I then found out later he was gay. I believe he started developing feelings for me. Then as time went on I fell hard for him. I decided I would tell him how I really felt and he started slowly pushing away from me. He then started giving one answer text. Then eventually ignoring me. I got upset and cut ties with him altogether. I am having a really hard time excepting this. I understand it is a REAL age gap. I’m afraid I have scared him away for good with my actions. What should I do? Thank you

    Reply
    • Hi Julie, I say this with deep compassion. This is not for your highest good because it could never work. He’s 20 and gay. Please look deep into your heart to ask yourself why you want him. You feel attraction and may recognize his soul from a past life. But if you were serious about love, you would have looked elsewhere for romance.

      One possibility – he’s incredibly safe since he’ll never be your man, which could be a reason why you allowed yourself to attach to the wrong guy. It helps avoid being wounded looking for a true partner.

      Today is the ideal day to recognize you are off course and let this go. Lion’s Gate is today – an astrological event that is powerful for manifesting your dreams. Plus it’s a new moon – also good for manifesting. Let him go emotionally, then spend time focusing on your ideal man. Think about how you’d feel with the right man and spend time in that energy today. I’m rooting for your success.

  5. Hello, I met a man I really liked 6 years ago. The more I got to know him the more I saw that he was quite broken over his past relationship and always talked about his ex. He disappeared on me after 4 months with no explanation. He would occasionally reconnect with me and I would always brush him off, but gave him a chance recently. We had major sparks and he said I was the one, asked me to delete my online dating profile, and talked about future plans. Later he said he was drunk when he said it. I feel hot and cold, push and pull. He still talks about his ex even though he promised I would come #1 after reconnecting. Its been 2 or 3 days of silence. What should I do? Is he serious and if not, why does he keep reconnecting?

    Reply
    • Hi Jen, Is this guy acting like he’s serious about you? Not at all. You already know this because that’s what is making you ask the question. Men who are serious don’t shut down, go silent, or play games. He says he was drunk? Really? Sadly, he’s a player and a liar who took advantage of your good heart. I know this might sound harsh but it’s the truth. He reconnects with you because you allow it. Your best bet is to block him and never bother with this man again.

  6. We’ve been talking for 4 months, Im usually the talkative one who innitiates conversations, he replies really sweet and good. I havent texted for 3 days, and he hasnt innitiated. Ive done this previously and he would always say something wihtin a day or 2, this time, nothing. Last time, I decided to text and he straight up called as a reply. This time, should I keep waiting or shoot a text?

    Reply
    • Hi Sarah, You didn’t say if you’ve actually been dating this guy. But if you’re just texting and not going out on dates, stop texting him completely. This is not true love or a real relationship. It’s merely a virtual communication and I don’t mean to disappoint you, but it means nothing. He has no feelings for you, especially if you are the initiator. Even if he likes texting you, what good is that? It’s just a fantasy. If you want a real boyfriend, you have to go on dates. Don’t bother texting any guy longer than 7 days without meeting. It’s a waste of time that will likely end in disappointment or worse, heartbreak.

  7. Hi Ronnie,

    I saw a guy at a friends wedding and i liked him. 2 years later he was available and my friend introduced us. First couple of days we texted a lot then we met on a date, a lot of eye contact and giggles. I like him. He said we would meet again the week after. When he got home he sent me a selfie and we talked a bit but he didnt mention if he enjoyed the date or what not. The next few days texting was boring, he doesnt reply, replies with an emoji or he is not engaging. No deep conversations. Its only been a week. Am i obsessing over this?

    Reply
    • Hi Ramnona, Are you obsessing? Yes. You had one date. If a man is unresponsive, that sends a clear message – he’s not interested. You can have a fun date, and still not want another. He might not want a girlfriend or to be serious with any woman. Or you might not be the woman for him. There’s no way to tell.

      Why are you so focused on this guy you don’t even know? Get online or the apps and starting meeting other men if you want to find love. Dating is a sorting process to find someone you want to be in a relationship with. So, you will date many men that don’t work out until you find a guy who does. However, if you obsess over each one, you’ll experience a lot of unnecessary angst and heartbreak.

      I recommend you read this post about not taking dating so seriously. And this one about how to stay positive. Both will help you on your journey to find love. Don’t get stuck on this one guy who isn’t following through. Keep looking and you will find love.

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