Should I Call Him? The Rule of Thumb about Calling Men

Are you wondering, “Should I call him?” That’s a common dating question a that drives single women crazy. To help with understanding men, let me explain when you can or shouldn’t call a man.

should i call himShould I Call Him? Get Help Understanding Men

“Dear Dating Coach Ronnie,

My question is, should I call him? I’ve read many of your posts and understand the point about not pursuing the guy. But, at what point should I feel like I can communicate and not just wait for him to initiate conversation? How many dates is that?

I’ve been dating a guy I met on online site for a little over 2 months now. We text each other almost every day and have been on 4 really good dates. Should I still wait for him to text me first and initiate dates?

Tired of Waiting”
Dear Tired,

There are two points in your question that I want to address for you. The first and obvious one is when it’s OK to call a man. I tell my dating coaching clients to hold off until you see good evidence of his interest and pursuit. Four dates is usually fairly safe but you can wait a little longer if you want just to be sure you don’t risk pushing him away.

Of course, calling him once in a while is fine, but many experts agree that before you get to exclusivity, you want to avoid over-communicating with a man. So, a ratio of one to three is recommended, which means you call or contact him once for every three times he initiates contact. This way, he still pursues you and won’t feel crowded or like he’s not in charge of the situation which is very important to most men.

Now you don’t have to keep a tight count. Just be conscious not to overdo. Sometimes women love texting and go back and forth a lot more than a man might (I know it’s often the other way around with no phone calls at all but that’s a different subject.) Men have told me specifically that some women over step their bounds and this is a turn off.

So to be safe, don’t call or initiate texting too often and follow his lead.

The second point is four dates in two months (approximately every other week) doesn’t show very strong interest on the guy’s part. He might be interested in keeping this casual and slow. He’s probably dating other women too. Texting between dates is nice, but a man who is genuinely interested wants to see you more often and talk to you on the phone. Texting in between can be an easy way out for a guy seeing several women.

So, given his track record, I wouldn’t start calling him and I would be open to dating other men. You are not in an exclusive relationship, so don’t be tempted to act as if you are. Feel free to see him if you want, but don’t leave yourself open to heartbreak thinking he’s the one. He hasn’t really shown you that yet.

This is why it’s better to follow his lead and not initiate anything at this time. So to answer your question “Should you call him?” I’m going to say no, not at this time.

You want to see what he will do on his own without your prompting so you know how often he wants to see you. If the gap between dates closes and you start seeing him more than once a week, then you know you are heading for a relationship. But if the two week gaps continue, he might not be the right man for you.

Call me at 203-877-3777 if you want to find out more about private or group dating coaching.

Wishing you love,

should I call him


Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

2 thoughts on “Should I Call Him? The Rule of Thumb about Calling Men”

  1. Im 60 happily single. And a friend contacted me on face book i havent seen for 25yrs texting for 2months i visited him.200miles away..hes seperated 2yrs ago and admitted he was lonely. He was a bit of a lad. But settled down..we have been intimate on phone etc. Now ive returned home hes quiet not as full on. It aim not sure if hes still feelings for ex and just using me.

    • Hi Karen, he’s not yet divorced so his emotional state has not been completed regarding his marriage. I recommend staying clear of separated men – they are usually not ready for new love. They have needs and might want company, but often are not looking for anything serious.

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