Waiting for a Second Date?
This question is from a midlife woman who just starting dating after divorce. She is waiting to hear about getting a second date and we all know how hard that can be!
Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women over 40,
I’ve been divorced for 2 years now and am back on the dating scene, especially online dating. I met a guy online who called me first, set up the date, complimented me on how nice it was to meet with me and asked if I minded that he contact me again. He sent me a follow up text a few hours later telling me it was nice to meet me and would like to see me again soon.
My question is do you think he will call or text again soon to set up a second date? I do not want to text or call him and cause him to think twice about going out with me. We both have children and need to coordinate our time with kid schedules. He is also going to school right now, which I know is very important. I support bettering yourself.
Dating is so hard sometimes and I just don’t want to make a bunch of mistakes.
Thanks Ronnie, I appreciate your advice,
Hoping for Second Date
Dear Hoping for Second Date,
I know it’s hard to wait for that second date! And good for you for trying to avoid mistakes right from the start.
As the woman at the start of dating, holding off from initiating is the best thing you can do. The truth is, you should do nothing, unless he initiates first. Then of course respond!
You are smart to not reach out to him. If a man is truly interested, he knows what needs to be done to date you. It’s his lead and he is the one to call and schedule dates. I refer to this as the Ballroom Dancing Dating Principle. At the start of dating, the first 4-10 dates, its best to let the man lead just like in dancing. And as a woman, it’s your job to follow.
When you follow this dating principle, you won’t wonder if a man likes you because either he is calling and asking you out or not. Texting, IMing, emailing, or talking on the phone do not count. He has to go on dates with you face-to-face to have it count as true pursuit.
Don’t Make Excuses for Him
Midlife dating can be complicated that is true. Often you do need to coordinate schedules with work, school, kids or other responsibilities. Never the less, a man knows what he has to do to win you over. If he is serious about winning your heart, he will make time! Or yo will discover that he is not serious or not ready to take the action that is required to form a lasting relationship.
So while your date is busy, don’t make excuses for him because he knows what he has to do. On the flip side, you need to be available for him too. That doesn’t sound like a problem in this case, but for many women, they can’t seem to carve time out of their busy schedules to date a guy. I recently was speaking to a new client who thought spending 90-minutes looking at her online dating site was too much time to invest per week! Seriously that is not much time at all.
So, yes, you might as well wait to see what he does. In the meantime, keep looking for others online. You don’t know if your current guy will follow through or not so keep your options open until you are more certain.
Once in a while a women feels she absolutely must call the guy to just see what’s going on. Many feel a little nudge can get things moving again. If you insist on this, here is my advice – don’t say anything about a second date when you contact him. Keep it light and short. Say something like – “I thought about you when…”then mention something you did that he had an interest in. Maybe a newspaper article, movie, TV show, sports game, etc. If that doesn’t get you a second date – move on!