My friend Terry Hernon MacDonald has a very insightful post on her blog about a relationship situation with a widower. Terry, who wrote the ebook How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams explains to the woman of 47 who requested help that instead of rushing things forward with the widower, it might be wiser to take a deep breath and relax. I agree whole-heartedly.
When confusing behavior crops up in a relationship, many people often do whatever they can to make things right again. Hey that’s human nature. And it demonstrates good problem-solving skills. We want the man (or woman)back and things to return to "normal."
But at times, in our fix-it zeal, we overlook the deeper issue. In this case, the widower asked this woman to marry him just 10 months after his wife passed. Not surprising really that he backed off and decided he wasn’t ready. When did he have time for any healing?
And unfortunately he might be torn between deep feelings for her, and grief for his deceased wife. That’s a tough one. But rushing him, forcing the issue, surprising him with a visit or delivering an ultimatum won’t get her where she wants to be. Most likely it’s a recipe for disaster.
There are definitely times when an ultimatum can be the card you want to play. But before you deliver one, know this: If you tell your partner, "This needs to happen or I walk", you better have on sensible shoes. Because if nothing changes – what’s left? You’ll need to step away to save face. So if you plan to force a point, be sure you really mean it.
To read the entire answer which is worth the trip, visit Terry’s blog.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
I lost my wife 6 years ago We had a great marriage. We were married 37 years. Why all this caution about dating widowers? I’d love to have a woman to adore, share life with and shower with attention and affection. I still love my late wife and always will, but it doesn’t mean I have to have a duplicate of her. When you’ve enjoyed being married you ache for someone else to really love and cherish and share life with. What! Would you rather have a divorced man or one whose never been married? Think about it!
Hi Carl,
This issue isn’t about dating a wdower. A man who has lost his wife could be one of the best prospects as you say – because he would likely be happy to find love again. This post was about a man who wasn’t ready yet for a new love interest. I’m all in favor of dating widows, widowers and those who are divorced, as long as they seem healed and relationship ready.
However, if somone frequently brings up an ex or late spouse – this is an indication that the person is probably not ready. No one wants to compete with an ex or a lost spouse. That’s the point being made here.