Coping with Online Dating and Rejection
Is online dating too stressful for you? Do you feel you can’t handle the rejection that comes with meeting new people? Read my advice to this woman who feels the same way and how she can turn things around to lighten up and enjoy the process more.
“Hi Ronnie The Dating Coach,
My question is about online dating. I don’t know how not to get upset, stressed out, and anxious over all the rejection on the Internet dating sites. Can you please help me find a way to feel calmer about the process? It’s just way too worrisome for me the way I’m currently going about it. Thanks so much!”
Worrying in Worcester
Dear Worrying,
Regardless of what kind of dating you do, rejection is a part of it. I know this is really hard for you, but if you are going to look for love, there is no way around the possibility of being turned down, dropped, ignored, or broken up with. So somehow, you’ve got to learn to toughen up a bit.
When you think about it, people online aren’t really rejecting you because they don’t even know you yet. Prospects are making snap judgments and drawing conclusions quickly without having the full story. This is how it is and you do this as well. It’s natural and everybody does it.
Reframing Rejection from People You Haven’t Met Yet
So my biggest piece of online dating advice is to reframe the word “rejection” as it relates to the people you haven’t met yet. Instead, simply think of them as opting out of your dating pool. In truth, these people are doing you a favor because they are not wasting your time or leading you on. And if they were “the one” for you, they wouldn’t disappear so quickly. They were attracted to others and you exhibit the very same behavior, so find a way to let this go and not take it as a “true rejection”.
That said, perhaps I can help you with some additional strategies to lighten up about the process.
1. Take the Pressure Off
Every time you meet someone new, my bet is you think he might be “the one”. That is a heck of a lot of pressure on him and you. Instead, take it down a few notches and think about it this way – you are simply meeting new people. That’s it. Then you can relax and be yourself and not worry about the outcome. Heck, he’s just one more guy on your journey to find love.
2. Get Comfortable Meeting New People
I did this when I was dating and met 30 men in 15 months to meet the man who became my husband. What I discovered is that doing this helped me became very comfortable meeting new guys. And if a guy didn’t work out or never called, I took it in stride because I started to realize that he was just one man. And there were plenty more.
3. Every Man Is an Opportunity to Practice
When you have a first meeting with a new guy from an online dating site, this is your chance to fine tune your conversation skills. The more practice you have, the better you get until you can make conversation with just about anyone. This is another confidence builder that is not only a good for your dating life, but will serve you in life overall. You can’t go wrong learning how to be a great conversationalist!
4. Learn to Flirt and Make Dating Fun
Whether you meet men through online dating, at singles dances or a bar, knowing how to flirt is the key to having fun. Flirting is nothing more than a spontaneous, creative way to interact with people. From a distance, flirting is all about body language and some of that comes into play close up as well. The point is to send non-verbal messages that you are open and friendly and LOOKING for a man.
There is nothing sleazy or inappropriate about flirting. It leverages your feminine energy and charm, both are innate to your very being as a woman. Learn to unleash you inner Goddess and let her shine and be seen! This part of you is playful and alluring and will attract men like bees to flowers bursting with pollen.
5. Date More Than One Guy
I was very busy meeting lots of men on my journey to find love. That was truly a blessing which kept me from over focusing on any one particular guy. You never know which man will ask you out again and stick around and who will disappear and never be heard from a again. This is the reason I encourage dating around and dating more than one guy at a time. This is especially true for online dating because the men are meeting lots of women too.
6. Online Dating Response Rates
This might surprise you, but it’s the reality of digital dating. If you get a 10-20% response to the emails you send – you are doing super fantastic. Everybody has a low response rate and it’s so much worse for the men. Once you reset your expectations about how men will respond to you and start to expect that some men will act all interested and then disappear, you won’t feel so devastated. You’ll know this happens to everyone and it’s par for the course.
Once you realign your thinking about the reality of online dating, you might realize you are actually doing better than you think! 🙂
So many of my clients have found these tips very comforting and helpful. I hope you will as well. Don’t give up! Every man you meet brings you one man closer to the right man for you.
Wishing you love
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
