Avoid the temptation of sex by keeping your dates in the public eye.
My dating coaching client, Kendra, met Mike through an online dating site. The first date went great! Kendra found Mike attractive, a good conversationalist, and friendly. She felt comfortable with him and thought Mike had serious potential.
Mike sent Kendra an email the next day saying he had a nice time. Yeah! Then three days later, he emailed Kendra, offering to cook dinner for her. This put Kendra in a quandary. She thought it was sweet that he offered to cook for her, but didn’t feel comfortable going to his house for the second date. Something about this made her feel nervous, so she emailed me for online dating advice.
“What should I tell Mike?” Kendra asked me. “I’m not ready to go to his house for dinner. What do you think?”
I think Kendra is smart. Her instincts told her not to go because its too soon for an intimate dinner. That might be date 6 or 8 depending on who you are. But date 2 is too soon. I responded to Kendra that I didn’t think she should go. If she did go, she’d probably be “dessert”.
What makes me think this? When I was on my dating journey to find love, it happened to me twice! The first time, I was out of practice dating and truly had no idea what his agenda was. Didn’t take long to find out though.
The second time with a different man, I thought, this can’t happen twice?” But it did! I could tell what was coming, so I tried a lot of distraction tactics. For example, he had a big coffee table book and I picked it up and plopped it on my lap looking through it ever so slowly. Finally, he turned to me and said, “OK, come on now!” Really? That’s your best shot at charming the pants off me so to speak?
I left quickly, not knowing what else to do.
Here’s my online dating advice: When a man offers to cook dinner for you, trust me, you are on his menu for dessert. Now, if you don’t mind casual sex, then its no big deal. But if you are a bit more conservative and looking for a long-term relationship, my advice is to wait.
Some men just want to sleep with you. But others want a relationship and still try to sleep with you asap. How can you tell the difference? You can’t! Only time will tell.
The man who is interested will take “No” and ask you out again. But a man who just wants you in bed will likely never be heard from again. Since you can’t know which kind of guy your dinner invitation is coming from, its best to move the date outside the house where sex is not as tempting.
I told Kendra to say something like, “Mike, that’s so sweet, but I’d feel more comfortable going out until I know you better.” That’s all you have to say. Save that dinner invitation at his house or yours until you are ready to have sex. The same rule applies for getting a pizza and watching a video. Don’t fall for that one either. Or, “Let’s continue this conversation in the car.” No way!
Public places offer the best opportunity for safety and avoiding early intimacy. Be smart, be safe and stay out of the house/car. Whether you met him online or a blind date, my online dating advice is to get to know him first and observe his interest in you to see if he is relationship material.
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