Disappointing Online Dates – How to See the Positive Side of the Wrong Men Contacting You
As a dating coach for women, I understand how aggravating online dating can be. Many of my clients complain how men don’t read (by the way, neither do some women) because if they did, the wrong men would not contact them. So, the struggle begins because who wants attention from the wrong men?
Who are the wrong men? They are too old, too young, the wrong ethnic background , not enough college, not divorced yet, not enough hair, not enough height, not enough income, etc. You get the picture and maybe you feel the exact same way. What are you supposed to do about all these guys and how do you stop them from contacting you?
You might think I’m crazy, but before you click away, please consider the basic logic of my recommendation for a moment.
When men contact you for online dates,
it’s a compliment
When a man contacts you, he finds you attractive and he appreciates you as a woman. Now, you might not be interested in him, and that is perfectly OK. But, please don’t deny the compliment because that hurts only one person – YOU! I advise my dating coaching clients to turn this around to recognize the compliment. Then before deleting his email, say “Thank you for appreciating me” in your mind.
Think about it – how will you feel if you start this practice? Doing this will boost your confidence and self esteem. Seeing emails from “the wrong men” from a positive light can make you feel more desirable and attractive. You absolutely cannot lose – there is only upside to following such advice.
One of my dating coaching clients saw a huge uptick in online dates as a result of this shift in attitude. She became more magnetic and that translated to better quality men contacting her.
What’s the downside of trying to keep the wrong men away?
Women try a number of approaches to keep the wrong men from contacting them and it unfortunately backfires. Some put it in their profile with comments like “no couch potatoes, no men from more than 50 miles, no bald guys, etc”
What’s wrong with doing this? Men read this as criticism, even if they are not the men you are trying to ward off. Since most men choose women who make them feel good, you have ruined your chances. Boom, you shut him down and he clicks off to find a woman who isn’t critical in her profile and seems easier to please.
Of course you are entitled to date whoever you want. I’m just suggesting you don’t spell out the men you don’t want in your profile if you want to attract decent guys.
What’s the best way to handle contact from the wrong men?
Like I advised above, simply say “thank you” to yourself before deleting their emails or winks/flirts. That’s it. You don’t need to respond or engage with these men. Just realize they did take the time to contact you and it showed their appreciation for you.
In addition, this technique can help you deal with the fact that many men won’t respond to your email contact either. Not every man will be open to you. When you are easier on the guys you don’t like, you will also take the rejection more in stride. That helps a lot when you are looking for online dates.
Take in the compliment and boost your ego. You will meet plenty of men who aren’t right and you won’t be right for plenty of men. That doesn’t mean you can’t find love online. Please try to relax and let the stuff that doesn’t matter roll off your back. That’s the best way to keep a positive outlook, continue to seek online dates and find the love you dream of.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
Thanks for the positive,
I too get emails and winks from the wrong type of men. But the way that I see it is that they don’t want to spend the time to read our profile rather look at the pretty picture. To us women that means that all they want is sex and not a serious relationship. I think that this is where both men and women would prefer to be on eharmony. Those pyschological questionnaires were designed to weed out the wrong men.
Hi Christina,
eHarmony has its pros and cons and a lot depends on your age and where you live. You may be right about the weeding out process. However, I know quite a few women who the site has stated they cannot help. Or they send matches from three states away. While they do weed out the wrong men, they also weed out tons of men who don’t want to answer 236 questions. The result? Far fewer men to choose from. But the choice of sites is up to you! I hope you have fabulous success and find the right man for you.