Dating Over 40: No Pain, No Gain – a Slogan from Fitness that Applies to Dating

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The best point Marie Forleo makes in her book Make Every Man Want You is that there are no guarantees in love. That’s certainly true. Yet, I run into so many women who don’t have time to waste with the wrong guy. They make snap judgments about every man they meet since their free time is so limited. But  if you aren’t willing to take the time to get to know a man, how can you accurately determine his worthiness?

Since there are no guarantees, you must take calculated risks and check things out for yourself. There is no getting around getting to know people. Your Mr. Right might not be obvious in the first minute or two. Perhaps after 90 minutes or a few dates, you’ll both relax and start to learn things that excite you about the other person. There’s only one way to find out

Without a willingness to risk and take chances, you cannot find love. Perhaps that’s why according to a recent AARP study, only 16% of singles are doing anything to change their relationship status.

One of my dating coaching clients once said to me, “What do you want me to do ? Date strangers?” Yes! that’s exactly what I want  you to do. How many single men do you know right now who would be perfect for you? Two? One? None? Mostly likely the answer was “none.” 

You aren’t likely to meet a lot of men for a number of reasons:

  • You aren’t normally that friendly
  • You don’t like to talk to strangers
  • You don’t meet many men on a daily basis
  • You don’t notice men
  • You are very task-oriented when you run errands
  • You work with mostly women
  • You don’t always look your best when you go out so you hope not to run into anyone
  • You don’t leverage your network of friends or colleagues to meet new people or men

My friend Linda Gottlieb is a fitness coach who doesn’t believe in bullying people to get them fit. She has a more fun and customized approach to creating workouts that deliver for her clients. Nonetheless, even Linda would say you have to be willing to stretch to get results.

No pain no gain. It’s hard to get away from this statement when you are trying to start new habits or eliminate old ones.

Stretch yourself to find love. Try new things to meet the right man. Open up from the heart to make a heart connection. Risk wasting a few hours to discover if the man you are with has true potential as a life partner.

There really is no other choice. And once you find him, of course every step along the way got you there. Keep that in mind as you journey forth – every step you take brings you one step closer to the love you deserve.

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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