New Rules for Dating Over 40 –


Feel Great, Look Great, Have A Great Date

By Nina Malkin

What’s the secret to a truly successful date? The knowledge that you’re an amazing person who knows how to have a great time. And once you’re in your 40’s, you’ve got that down pat, so you will have fun. You know yourself, you like yourself—you’re light years past the nervous creature you were a decade or two ago (phew!). So why not try these moves to pump up your confidence even more so you can really dazzle your date with the attractive, witty, wonderful woman you are. We’ve got the tips—from makeup tricks to mantras—that’ll make it happen.

Flaunt it. Admit it, you are now 100 percent aware of what makes you unique and attractive—“things like your great smile, sexy legs, fabulous hair, etc.,” says dating coach Ronnie Ann Ryan, author of MANifesting Mr. Right: It’s Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want. “Or maybe what makes you a great catch is a quality like your sunny disposition, being a good listener, or your quick wit.” This isn’t you in your 20’s, trying to be who you thought your date wanted you to be. This is you letting your self shine – so wear that mini to show off your legs or go ahead and unleash your rather evil sense of humor. Do we have a deal?

Clinch eye contact. Want your date to gaze into the windows of your soul? Do a little prep work. Dot a light-reflecting eye cream on as a base, plus whatever shadow suits your fancy. Then place a dot of a gold or light-reflecting eye shadow on the center of your eyelid, then blend softly. “Humans beings are naturally attracted to light,” says makeup artist Suzie Galvez, author of The Thrifty Girls Guide To Glamour: Living the Beautiful Life on Little to No Money. “When you blink, your date will notice and be drawn to the light area but won’t know why.”

Gain the home-court advantage. Is there a place where everybody knows your name? Where the lighting, the seating, the menu makes you feel at home? Go there on your next date! “Nothing is nicer than having the support and approval of people who know and acknowledge you,” says Donna Spangler, author of How to Marry a Rich Man: The Princess Formula. A friendly hello from your favorite host, waitperson or barista can boost your confidence, big-time.

Check in with your biggest fan. “Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel really good inside,” says dating coach Liz Kelly, author of Smart Man Hunting. “Call your best ally on the way to a date for a little extra boost of confidence.” You needn’t say you want a pre-date pick-me-up—you’ll get good vibes just hearing this person’s voice.

Treat yourself right. Schedule that spa appointment the night or afternoon before a big date. “If you consciously include extra me-time into your schedule, you’ll feel more powerful and in control of your life,” says Galvez. Consider booking a massage or a mani-pedi –or maybe you want your hair professionally blown out for a little extra oomph.

Break out the sexy underwear. Go for silk or lace, black or red, skimpy or demure—whatever makes you feel special. “It’s not for anyone else to see– just for you!” says Ryan. “You can’t help but feel your allure amplified with nice lingerie on.”
Be comfortable, be confident. “No need to hold your breath in tight jeans; opt for something with a bit of stretch,” says Raya Premji, co-owner of Rodeo Drive Resale in Los Angeles. Same strategy for shoes. “Your dogs will be barking in minutes if you go with too-high heels. Try leg-lengthening wedges instead or a sandal that laces at the ankle.” Finally, unless you’re totally at ease dressing like Lil’ Kim, be sexy while leaving something to the imagination. “Try peek-a-boo styles: sheer tops over a tank, slit skirts,” Premji says. And remember the rule to only wear one revealing item – for instance, if you’re wearing a short skirt, keep your top demure. Want to show off your shoulders in a pretty camisole? Then keep the skirt longer for more leg-coverage. Leaving something to the imagination is always more alluring than full disclosure on date number one.
Get your story straight. “Everyone has at least one great story from her real-life experience,” says relationship expert Wendy Allen, Ph.D., author of How to Survive the Crisis of an Affair. “Telling it—and telling it well—lets you express yourself in a poised, self-assured way.” Figure out what your story is, and practice telling it in the privacy of your own home. Self-deprecating stories can work well; just steer clear of anything too heavy. Lead in by saying, “Want to hear a great story?” and when you have his attention, begin. Make sure your tale has a beginning, middle and end, and don’t ramble. Bonus tip: If you know a funny (not dirty—at least not yet!) joke and can deliver it like Leno, go for it.

Wear a conversation piece. You’ll feel special sporting something you love, says Premji. Plus, even a fashion-challenged man will notice a unique treasure—like a family heirloom or that exotic necklace you found during your travels.

Lip it good. The right lip color is an instant lift. Red is a classic choice for women forty-plus, says Galvez. It makes teeth look whiter, which helps encourage you to smile, which exudes confidence. Another option? “Slightly frosty, non-Eighties pink works for me!” says Jenny Sucov, 38. “It flatters every complexion and makes you look tan.”

Get physical. Try to fit in a pre-date workout—you know how great kicking butt in tae-bo makes you feel! “A bit of physical exercise before a date increases blood flow and hormone levels to psych you up,” says life coach Eric J. Aronson, founder of DASH Systems, LLC.

Revel in your sensuality. “Walk into a date with a big grin because you are a hot commodity in your sexual prime,” says Kelly. “At this age, you know who you are and what you want, which is a huge turn-on.” So work it to your advantage!

Nina Malkin is the author of 6X: Loud, Fast, and Out of Control

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony,, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.