New Definitions for Chemistry: Feeling Comfortable and Good Conversation

Chemistry Of Love

Chemistry of Love

Big news on the chemistry of love! A new study shows surprising results regarding how people view good chemistry for dating. Most people might think physical attraction would rank highest as the determinant for good chemistry. But It’s Just Lunch, a matchmaking service who sponsored the research, discovered other things were more important to today’s daters.

Could our ideas about the chemistry of love be changing? Maybe it depends on how you ask the question. In their survey, they asked about the components of good chemistry on a first date. Top score went to “Feeling comfortable together” at 44% (49% for men), followed by “Great conversation” at 28%.

Physical attraction did still have a good showing at 20%, followed by flirty banter at 7%.

further questions included how do you judge the success of a first date. Top score went to “I felt comfortable being myself” with 43%, followed by “I walked away with a smile” for 29% of respondents.

How Do You Feel about the Chemistry of Love?

My dating coaching clients talk a lot about chemistry. Some insist there has to be some immediate “spark” or they don’t want a second date. Others say if they dont’ feel steamy attraction right off the bat, forget about the guy.

Yet, I can happily report, that many of my dating coaching clients who are women dating over 40, that attraction can develop. I’ve heard women say that as they give a middle of the road guy a chance and get to know them, they are often surprised as their attraction grows.

It seems to build through conversation and actions their dates take. “If a guy does something sweet for you or says something cute, his stock can sky rocket in my book,” says one of my recent clients’ Dana at 43. Hearing this kind of thing makes me so happy because often the best matches are with men from the middle of the road. As you start to get to know them, they get comfortable, feel less judged ands that’s why they start to shine.

I don’t have to tell you there’s a lot of pressure out there in the dating world. When you are confident enough to relax and be yourself, your date has the chance to feel the same way. And his good qualities will come forward for you to notice, recognize and enjoy.

This is exactly why I established the three date rule for myself when I was dating. If I didn’t follow this simple rule, I would have kicked my now husband to the curb. He was quiet on our second date and took me home within 90-minutes. I was so disappointed after our first date. it would have been easy to say – forget this guy – he is BORING!

But, I gave him a third date which ended up being magical! Months later I learned from his sister (the woman who set us up on the blind date) he had been under the weather, but didn’t want to say that or cancel our date.

My advice as a dating coach for women over 40 is simple – give men a chance. pay attention to what this new research study has to say and try using their definition of good chemistry. The more you stretch to give decent men a chance versus wait for Mr. Perfect, the better your chances of finding that one special guy who will make your romantic dreams come true.

Photo Credit: See Ming Lee

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony,,, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

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