He ghosted me! After my best guy friend admitted he has feelings for me and we are more than friends. We even talked about the future. What does this mean?
He Shared His Feelings For Me
“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,
I need advice on why he ghosted me. My guy best friend and I recently revealed we have feelings for one another. It’s always been obvious but over the past year it’s become extreme. We’ve known one another for years and people have joked saying we may as well be in a relationship.
Six months ago he visited (he lives 50 miles away), and told me he had to be honest. He said he has an off and on girlfriend and the relationship isn’t always good. I listened and gave advice. Via texts we talked more about it as he struggled the next few months.
One night he sent me a text saying how he doesn’t know if he can be with her because he has always loved me and cares for me. He even mentioned moving in with me if he could find work around here.
I told him we would have to talk about this more in person and so I offered to meet him half way. He told me he would let me know because of his work schedule.
Our texting ramped up, and became R rated. I hadn’t seen this side of him and since we hadn’t gotten together, I wondered if we are more than friends?
Then, I took time off and told him he should visit me if he wanted to see me. We had just been texting during a baseball game and that’s when he ghosted me! He hasn’t texted me since.
I’m utterly confused by this. Are his emotions getting in the way? Does he not want to be friends anymore because he is drawn to me?
I texted him one more time a few days later to ask him what was up and got nothing. Any advice? I’m hurt by this because he’s such a big part of my life.
Ghosted & Hurt”
Can Friendship Turn To Romance?
I can totally see why you are confused by this guy. This kind of thing seems to be an epidemic with so many women writing to me about guy friends who say they want more. Then nothing comes of it! So, you are not alone with this problem. Unfortunately, “He ghosted me” is a common complaint.
Can friendship turn to romance? Sure, once in a blue moon, a romance develops between long-time friends of the opposite sex. However, in these situations, one person often has stronger feelings than the other, which is why things don’t progress.
I’ve found a lot of women hang on to their guy friends, hoping he will come around and fall in love. Or they think of him as a fall back guy.
Classic Seduction Method
One of the most common tricks a cheating man makes is to admit he has a girlfriend. Then he trashes the relationship and her, saying he’s not happy. This is designed to gain your empathy, so you feel bad for him.
Often there’s a reason he can’t leave her too, which keeps him perfectly safe. Men like this think, “I told her I have a girlfriend, so if she goes for it with me, she knows the score. I was honest.” It’s all very calculated from the cheating mind.
However, in your case, he leaped ahead to talking about moving in, even though you haven’t dated or been in a romantic relationship. A BIG FAT RED FLAG!
This is a classic seduction technique men use to help a woman feel secure. “I have feelings for you – maybe we should live together.” He sounded serious about you by saying this. Then he moved on to sexting.
A lot of women feel more secure once a guy says these futuristic, positive things, and will go for it. For you, that’s when the sexting began.
If his desire to move in with you was REAL, he’d make an effort to get together, spend time with you, and discuss it just like you asked him to do. And he’d BREAK UP with his girlfriend to start seeing you.
Of course, you wouldn’t be asking me why he ghosted me. A man with true interest doesn’t leave you hanging or disappear. Ever.
But he didn’t make time to see you, never mind end his relationship. He just attempted to meet his own needs by (sadly) lying and taking advantage of your friendship and feelings. Makes me doubt he has much of a conscience. Totally dastardly.
The Real Reason He Ghosted Me
I’m sorry to say, your best guy friend ruined a long-term friendship to get his yaya’s out via texting. That’s selfish, short-term thinking and that is WHY HE GHOSTED once you asked him to visit.
If he does have any conscience at all, he’s embarrassed and knows when you figure this out, you’ll see who he really IS. Not a nice guy and certainly not the man you thought he was for YEARS. I’m sure it’s a shock to your system.
When a person’s true (and ugly) nature is revealed like this, it rocks your world.
I’m so sorry this happened and my heart goes out to you. Hopefully, you’ve stopped wondering if you are more than friends, because how can you even BE friends now?
Trust Is Gone
Without trust, what kind of friendship will you have? You say he’s a big part of your life, but you may want to rethink that now that you know his true colors.
So, I encourage you to move on, focus on your healing from this betrayal, and take time to grieve the loss of what you thought was a solid and close friendship. There’s no excuse or reason for this behavior.
Look For Love!
Here’s the thing – if you were holding out hope for this guy, thinking some day he might become your boyfriend, now you know he’s not “The One.” Clearly you want love in your life and you can make that happen if you forget this guy and make an effort to meet new men.
When you feel ready, get out there to mingle and meet men. Date a bunch of guys to find a good one and don’t close out your options too quickly. Play the field for a while – that’s the best way to find a compatible match.
There are plenty of good men who do want a lasting, loving relationship. You can find a new guy who will be your lover AND best friend.
What To Do About Him
If you aren’t sure about the best way to handle him, my advice is to do and say nothing. Talking about this with him will get you nowhere. Now you know he’s a selfish man, a liar and a coward disappearing like that.
I have found that life can throw you some pretty intense curve balls and this is one of them for sure. You will get over him. And it’s so much better that you KNOW he has no true romantic or friendship potential for you.
This leaves you free and open to make new friends and find love with a quality man who sees the remarkable woman you are. A man who wants to spend time with you and make you happy. The kind of guy who will cherish you and expand your world with the joy of fulfilling, lasting love. That is your DESTINY and after this, you’ll be stronger and smarter for it.
Wishing you love,
For more about how to find a quality guy, check out my Free audio program