My Best Guy Friend Revealed His Feelings For Me, Then He Ghosted Me

He ghosted me! After my best guy friend admitted he has feelings for me and we are more than friends. We even talked about the future. What does this mean?

He Shared His Feelings For Me

he admitted he had feelings then ghosted“Dear Love Coach Ronnie,

I need advice on why he ghosted me. My guy best friend and I recently revealed we have feelings for one another. It’s always been obvious but over the past year it’s become extreme. We’ve known one another for years and people have joked saying we may as well be in a relationship.

Six months ago he visited (he lives 50 miles away), and told me he had to be honest. He said he has an off and on girlfriend and the relationship isn’t always good. I listened and gave advice. Via texts we talked more about it as he struggled the next few months.

One night he sent me a text saying how he doesn’t know if he can be with her because he has always loved me and cares for me. He even mentioned moving in with me if he could find work around here.

I told him we would have to talk about this more in person and so I offered to meet him half way. He told me he would let me know because of his work schedule.

R-Rated Texting

Our texting ramped up, and became R rated. I hadn’t seen this side of him and since we hadn’t gotten together, I wondered if we are more than friends?

Then, I took time off and told him he should visit me if he wanted to see me. We had just been texting during a baseball game and that’s when he ghosted me! He hasn’t texted me since.

I’m utterly confused by this. Are his emotions getting in the way? Does he not want to be friends anymore because he is drawn to me?

I texted him one more time a few days later to ask him what was up and got nothing. Any advice? I’m hurt by this because he’s such a big part of my life.

Please Help,
Ghosted & Hurt”

how to respond to a guy that ghosted youCan Friendship Turn To Romance?

Dear Ghosted,

I can totally see why you are confused by this guy. This kind of thing seems to be an epidemic with so many women writing to me about guy friends who say they want more. Then nothing comes of it! So, you are not alone with this problem. Unfortunately, “He ghosted me” is a common complaint.

Can friendship turn to romance? Sure, once in a blue moon, a romance develops between long-time friends of the opposite sex. However, in these situations, one person often has stronger feelings than the other, which is why things don’t progress.

I’ve found a lot of women hang on to their guy friends, hoping he will come around and fall in love. Or they think of him as a fall back guy.

Classic Seduction Method

One of the most common tricks a cheating man makes is to admit he has a girlfriend. Then he trashes the relationship and her, saying he’s not happy. This is designed to gain your empathy, so you feel bad for him.

Often there’s a reason he can’t leave her too, which keeps him perfectly safe. Men like this think, “I told her I have a girlfriend, so if she goes for it with me, she knows the score. I was honest.” It’s all very calculated from the cheating mind.

However, in your case, he leaped ahead to talking about moving in, even though you haven’t dated or been in a romantic relationship. A BIG FAT RED FLAG!

This is a classic seduction technique men use to help a woman feel secure. “I have feelings for you – maybe we should live together.” He sounded serious about you by saying this. Then he moved on to sexting.

A lot of women feel more secure once a guy says these futuristic, positive things, and will go for it. For you, that’s when the sexting began.

is he ghosting me or just busyGenuine Interest

If his desire to move in with you was REAL, he’d make an effort to get together, spend time with you, and discuss it just like you asked him to do. And he’d BREAK UP with his girlfriend to start seeing you.

Of course, you wouldn’t be asking me why he ghosted me. A man with true interest doesn’t leave you hanging or disappear. Ever.

But he didn’t make time to see you, never mind end his relationship. He just attempted to meet his own needs by (sadly) lying and taking advantage of your friendship and feelings. Makes me doubt he has much of a conscience. Totally dastardly.

The Real Reason He Ghosted Me

via GIPHY

I’m sorry to say, your best guy friend ruined a long-term friendship to get his yaya’s out via texting. That’s selfish, short-term thinking and that is WHY HE GHOSTED once you asked him to visit.

If he does have any conscience at all, he’s embarrassed and knows when you figure this out, you’ll see who he really IS. Not a nice guy and certainly not the man you thought he was for YEARS. I’m sure it’s a shock to your system.

When a person’s true (and ugly) nature is revealed like this, it rocks your world.

I’m so sorry this happened and my heart goes out to you. Hopefully, you’ve stopped wondering if you are more than friends, because how can you even BE friends now?

Trust Is Gone

Without trust, what kind of friendship will you have? You say he’s a big part of your life, but you may want to rethink that now that you know his true colors.

So, I encourage you to move on, focus on your healing from this betrayal, and take time to grieve the loss of what you thought was a solid and close friendship. There’s no excuse or reason for this behavior.

Look For Love!

why did he disappearHere’s the thing – if you were holding out hope for this guy, thinking some day he might become your boyfriend, now you know he’s not “The One.” Clearly you want love in your life and you can make that happen if you forget this guy and make an effort to meet new men.

When you feel ready, get out there to mingle and meet men. Date a bunch of guys to find a good one and don’t close out your options too quickly. Play the field for a while – that’s the best way to find a compatible match.

There are plenty of good men who do want a lasting, loving relationship. You can find a new guy who will be your lover AND best friend.

What To Do About Him

If you aren’t sure about the best way to handle him, my advice is to do and say nothing. Talking about this with him will get you nowhere. Now you know he’s a selfish man, a liar and a coward disappearing like that.

Here’s how to figure out if he just wants to sleep with you.

I have found that life can throw you some pretty intense curve balls and this is one of them for sure. You will get over him. And it’s so much better that you KNOW he has no true romantic or friendship potential for you.

This leaves you free and open to make new friends and find love with a quality man who sees the remarkable woman you are. A man who wants to spend time with you and make you happy.  The kind of guy who will cherish you and expand your world with the joy of fulfilling, lasting love. That is your DESTINY and after this, you’ll be stronger and smarter for it.

Wishing you love,

are we more than friends

 

 

For more about how to find a quality guy, check out my Free audio program

 

Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. So, she made a few tweaks and then dated 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late for Love to help other smart, successful women find love too! Her mission is to share her proven dating advice  and keen insights about men with women everywhere who are serious about finding love with the right man. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000’s of midlife women with her Love & Dating Coach services. She’s been featured on BBC’s 5 Live Radio, NBC, ABC, and Fox News, NPR, eHarmony, MSN.com, MORE.com, Connecticut Magazine among others around the world. An established author, you can find her 6 books on Amazon.

7 thoughts on “My Best Guy Friend Revealed His Feelings For Me, Then He Ghosted Me”

  1. Ronnie, I fell victim of ghosting. I met this guy online, and thought we vibed very well. We talked and texted all day and everyday for about 2 months. We’ve had conversations of doing this for the future. He made references of liking how well we were connecting and he was going to start giving me the best of him. One night While on the phone He was sleepy and start talking weird. He said it was not fair to me that we weren’t spending more time together, so I replied by saying I hope i am not more into you than you are into me. In return he asked me how can he show me we’re on the same page? I told him time will tell. I didn’t hear from him in two days, so I texted him asking if I way put on layaway. He replied, he’s not sure what i was noticing, but no and hadn’t heard from him in three days. Should I text or call him?

    Reply
    • Dear Pure Rubies, Texting and talking all day for two months? Sounds like you never met. I am going to be straight with you, this is called an “Almost Relationship.” I didn’t make that up – it’s a term created by professionals showing how often this happens. Texting and talking is not a real relationship – you have to spend time together on dates.

      So while he was good at keeping the conversation going, it seems the minute you questioned him, he backed away. While he said he wants to give you more in truth HE DOESN’T WANT THAT AT ALL. I’m sure that seems confusing but I see this so often. In a way, I think he was looking for a reason to stop connecting. Saying something that you would react to so he could ghost and disappear. My dating advice is not to call or text but let him go and move on to find a REAL RELATIONSHIP. I’m sure you’ll miss the attention, but wouldn’t you rather be in a wonderful man’s arms and be kissed? Go for the real thing next time.

  2. Well I’m really in the same boat. I liked what you said about dating a widower my boyfriend is a widower. For a year I guess I have been helping him recover from losing her. But we are not FWB, just friends. He told me he loves me and is very good to me in many ways. But he has broken promises and sometimes hurt my feelings. I finally told him he hurts me and we stopped seeing each other. Now we just text mostly – he text first. I just wonder if I was a stepping stone to move on later with someone else? If so, I wish for his happiness but I gotta admit I’m a little hurt. I also need to move on. Give him what he wants. But I need some help. It’s feels good just to be able to say this.

    Reply
    • Msude – not sure how I can help. One thing I recommend is to NEVER help a man get over another woman. That always means you be left at some point because you will remind a man of his weaker time. That is never worthwhile being an emotional crutch and helping a man feel better. You want a man who is already done grieving and emotionally healthy. Otherwise you will feel used. If you are looking to build confidence and self-esteem, my DIY program Time to Shine is the perfect solution with 31 exercises (one per day) to help you recover and love yourself.

  3. Ronnie your post about Ghosting is wonderful. I have been going through the exact same thing. Male best friend, we admit we have feelings and he tells me he loves me. I loved him since we met. It’s been years. He moved away and in with a steady girlfriend and doesn’t text as much, but when he does he complains how he’s unhappy and wants to move. I always listen to him, helped him through tuff times. We have fooled around. A few days ago, he texted saying he wanted to meet me the next day. He misses me, and wants to make this work. I had someone cover me at work, and he never showed. He ghosted me. I texted and finally went to work. 3 hours after he was supposed to be here, he texted his GF ruined his plans. My close friend says she cannot figure out why I give him the time of day. She thinks he’s a horrible person. I don’t see it like that. I see his ghosting as being caught up in something he shouldn’t be, and I have to accept that. I was frustrated and made that known. I wish my female friend would cut us a little slack. It’s my life right? I don’t see us as a couple. We are just FWB. We text about baseball games or the news or send sultry texts saying how we miss each other. I haven’t seen him in a year and I am on dating apps trying to push him out of my head. Ghosting is vicious and plays mind games, and men need to be called out!

    Reply
    • Hi Scion, While I can see you are hurting and I do have compassion for you, I’m going to be blunt and call YOU out on YOUR stuff. He’s involved with something he shouldn’t be – yup that’s YOU! He’s got a girlfriend. That’s all crap about his unhappiness – he’s a lying cheater. Your friend is right – he’s horrible and worse than that, you accept it. You are not helping him – you are HURTING YOURSELF. Why does he deserve your help or loyalty? So you can talk about baseball and flirt? He’s a total dead end keeping you safe from falling in love. You’ll never find a good man while you let THIS guy take up SPACE IN YOUR HEART and head. My hope for you is that you WAKE UP and build your self-worth. You deserve a man who will focus only on you, spend time with you every week, who keeps his promises and cherishes you like no other. If you truly want love, please let go and move on. I wish you only the best.

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