This is part two of Why Didn’t He Call Back. As a dating coach for women over 40, I was quite surprised to hear what Rachel discovered – “Women weren’t nice enough on the first date.”
Yesterday, we went over the idea of why treating the waitstaff and other service people poorly might be transferred in your date’s mind to how you will treat him badly. Here are the other two reasons why a man might think you aren’t nice enough:
2. Men Don’t Want to Compete with You in Romance
Remember that you compete with men every day on the job. Women have taken over so many managerial positions causing men to compete for promotions, bonuses, and more. When a guy returns home at night, he wants support, comfort, fun, and peace – not more competition. That thought turns him off.
You may be able to match the big boys in the board room, but to succeed in love, you’d best tone it down with your dates. Most men want to be with a woman who is pleasant and easy to get along with. They don’t want to hang with women who are type A, driven, rat racers, 24/7. Not fun. If your intensity never varies, if you can’t kick back and relax, if you simply don’t know how to have a good time, that is a BIG STRIKE against you for sure.
Don’t worry. I’m not suggesting that you act like someone else. What helps my dating coaching clients, especially over 40, is to tap into their feminine energy – that’s the reason a man wants to be with you. Tap into your allure, your warmth, your welcoming ,softer side starting from the first date.
3. Interrogation vs. Conversation
Many women forget that the first date is not a one-sided discussion. He is not the only one trying out for the part of lover. You are too. So put that fact-based list of questions away and stop grilling men on the first date. That’s not fun. In fact, forget the whole interview completely and just try to have a fun, interactive conversation to discover if you like each other!
Here’s what I share with my dating coaching clients about conversation. Find out what he is passionate about in life and then share your passion too. Discuss favorite vacations spots, foods, sports, activities, and best childhood memory. These topics are enjoyable and energizing and bring out the best in both of you.
Bring out your Softer Side
If this is starting to sound familiar, then heed Rachel’s research and my advice. Think about how you can soften your personality to make a better first impression. Truth is, this will help you in life as much as it will help you in love. Sometimes people think they don’t have time for the niceties of life, but being pleasant and appreciative of others is what makes life easier and more enjoyable.
Single for too long, Ronnie wanted to find love. She put her skills from personal development and her spiritual path to work, dating 30 men in 15 months to meet her adorable husband Paul. Discovering the keys to manifesting and midlife dating, she founded It’s Never Too Late to help smart, successful women find love or live an empowered and magical life. Ronnie Ann Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach who has helped 1,000s of midlife women with her Love & Magical Life Coach services. She’s the host of the Breathe Love & Magic podcast and has been featured on NBC, ABC, & Fox News, NPR, BBC, eHarmony, MSN.com, and Connecticut Magazine among others. Also, Ronnie is the author of 6 books which are available on Amazon.
When did dating get so complicated, Ronnie?! There are so many rules!
Hi Cara,
Actually the rules haven’t changed that much – it’s just that so many people think they have. Truth be told, dating is still an archaic, mating ritual. If you think “old school” you’ll be good in almost any dating situation. At any decision point or before you decide to take action, thing what would women in the 50’s or 60’s have done – then you’ll know what to do and you’ll be fine!